Teknoe Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I'm seriously considering cooking dinner for her instead of the typical let's go out and eat. Number one: It's something different and new. Number two: It's a lot more sweet and memorable. So to the ladies and gentlemen here, if you've ever had a date where you (the guy) cooked dinner or you (the woman) have had dinner cooked for you, what was the date like and how did it go? Ladies, did you remember those dates where the guy cooked for you more than dates where you went to a restaurant? Also, what was cooked for you (if you were the woman) or what did you cook (if you were the guy)? Looking for feedback on "dinner dates" at home.
BaileyB Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 It is very sweet and kind. However, it depends on how long you have known her. I would never feel safe to go to a guys home during the first few dates - just be aware that she may be uncomfortable with the invitation (at least until she knows you better). 3
RecentChange Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Hum, while I have really enjoyed some "cooked dinner" type dates, the fact that the date will be happening at his house might give some women pause. We were already sleeping together when said "dinner dates" happened. He w cooked a variety of things, mostly Asian food. I remember the clay pot curry chicken, the Thai salad with papaya and grilled octopus (both were impressive!). Other times we would have various small bites grilled on a hibachi grill. I prefer food that isn't too heavy or filling for a date. Don't want to feel "bellied" and bloated! 1
Author Teknoe Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 It is very sweet and kind. However, it depends on how long you have known her. I would never feel safe to go to a guys home during the first few dates - just be aware that she may be uncomfortable with the invitation (at least until she knows you better). Glad you brought this up. So, a disclaimer is in order now. This is a family friend. I met her two weeks ago when I drove my mom over to the house. That's where I met her and her parents. Her parents and my parents are very good friends going back to the '80s. Her dad already told my dad that he wants us to marry. It's kind of crazy. So our first meeting was with our parents, lol. I took her out on a lunch date 1 on 1 last Friday. Our 2nd 1 on 1 date will be in early July. Normally I agree that taking a date home so early is a reason for a woman to have pause for some concern. But this situation is slightly different I suppose simply due to the fact that our parents have known each other for decades now, and they all seem in favor of us marrying one day. It's crazy but it's definitely an unusual situation. I would never ask a girl I met online to have dinner at my place on the 2nd date. It's just too much. However, with this girl, I think she *MAY* see it as sweet, innocent, harmless and romantic (which is exactly the route I'm taking... I'm definitely not doing this to get to 2nd base or 3rd base -- if you will). Hopefully that disclaimer clears things up a bit. PS- As for why we finally met, she just moved to the area two months ago. Her family has always lived six hours away from mine, so our paths never crossed until now. When my dad told me before us meeting that her dad already approved of me (even before seeing/meeting me!), I thought he was crazy and that there may be something "off" with his daughter. I was pleasantly surprised to see: 1. She's got a high paying job 2. She seems mentally stable, in fact, VERY stable 3. She's cute! Especially when she smiles. This was a pleasant shocker 4. She's 30 and looks ready to settle down if she meets the right guy
todreaminblue Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 the dinner dates i have had where my guys cooked for me were special.....one guy worked at a deli so he made me mezze plates and anti pasti plates so i could pick what i wanted to eat....he even made his own flat bread......with herb and garlic another bf i had was italian he lived with his mum...and he made me pasta home made of course with a delicate meat sauce with fresh tomatoes and basil grown in their garden ..he even made dessert.....I had to giggle because his mum could not help herself could not stay out of the kitchen and was instructing him while eagle eyeing his cooking skills......he was so patient....she was pretty much our chaperone....making sure he was a gentleman...smilin..... another guy i dated was macedonian....again another mum was present...he was supposed to cook dinner...but his mum ended up doing it he was making too much mess........and shuffled us out of the kitchen ......but his intentions were sweet and thoughtful.....and he shopped for all the ingredients as well.... from dating guys from different cultural backgrounds it is quite common for a guy to have a chaperone and for parents to be present during dates...i dotn really mind .....its been a pleasure in the past to meet the family of guys i have dated............ i cook a lot.....for many people and the guys i dated knew that...they wanted to cook for me.....and i think it is the nicest thing a guy can do for a woman is to cook and serve them dinner ......i always felt really special...... i think its wonderful that you want to cook for your date......if its early in the dating game you might consider an early dinner and not too late.....good luck ...and happy cookin..:bunny:..deb
clia Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I don't care how long you've known her or how long your parents have been friends -- IMO date 2 is way too soon to invite her to your place to cook for her. Take her out to a restaurant for dinner. Also, don't you live with your parents? Another reason not to invite her over yet. That just seems really awkward. 8
BaileyB Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I agree. I think date 2 is too early. And my advice when you do cook for her is simple - cook something she likes or something you make well/have confidence in cooking. 4
Yookie Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) In the current dating climate a "home cooked meal date" is considered lazy... and on par with "Netflix n chill"... in other words: you just want to get laid with the least amount of effort. Now, now, hold up! I understand that YOU personally don't have that motive but most women will see you as not even trying.... So, if you want to avoid that perception, then plan a proper date to a nice venue that shows her you would like to be seen with her out on the town at someplace public. She can sit at home and watch movies any day of the week. Want something different? Do something that gets her heart pumping. Are you two active? How about a local co-ed softball game where you can participate or a dance class... couples Salsa class (very sexy and you get to put your arm around her while learning) or rock climbing or self defense class (touch opportunities here) or skating at a rink (catch her when she falls) or whatever your favorite thing is that gets you off the couch! Also, be aware that women are often strongly advise to NOT go on a home date with a guy early in the dating stages because statistically this the the most optimal time for a date-rape to happen. It doesn't matter if you are a "friend of the family" in fact that makes it worse because statistically most rapist are known to the victim (friend, family member, friend of family). To be clear, I am not accusing YOU personally to be a rapist but I am just saying that you need to realize why a women would NOT think a home date is a good idea early on... even from (especially from) a "friend of the family." Edited June 29, 2016 by Yookie 4
TXGuy Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I agree with the above that date #2 is a bit early for cooking at your place. Particularly, if you are taking things slow and this is a family friend ready for marriage. I generally cook dinner at my place on date 3. What I cook depends entirely on how I read her. The common theme is that it should be something good, but small to moderate portions. You don't want to gorge yourselves on a great meal and then feel overstuffed and uncomfortable later. Another theme is that you need to know what you are cooking and how prep will go. It is important that you give her little things to do to help with prep. You don't want to do everything on your own without her having anything to do. That will make her feel awkward. If you don't know what you are doing as far as logistics, you can just put her in charge of making the salad and then you concentrate on the main dish. A home cooked meal at my place on date three has always gone well for me.
TXGuy Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 In the current dating climate a "home cooked meal date" is considered lazy... and on par with "Netflix n chill"... in other words: you just want to get laid with the least amount of effort. Also, be aware that women are often strongly advise to NOT go on a home date with a guy early in the dating stages because statistically this the the most optimal time for a date-rape to happen. I disagree. Many modern women are incompetent in the kitchen. They also don't expect men to know how to cook well. Showing her you know how to cook a good meal is a big plus. To the second point, you probably want to screen out paranoid snowflakes that are 'afraid of being date raped.' If she isn't comfortable enough to come to your place for dinner by date three, there is either something wrong with her, you, or both. If she declines, good. Drop her. You just saved yourself a lot of future grief.
Yookie Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I disagree. Many modern women are incompetent in the kitchen. They also don't expect men to know how to cook well. Showing her you know how to cook a good meal is a big plus. To the second point, you probably want to screen out paranoid snowflakes that are 'afraid of being date raped.' If she isn't comfortable enough to come to your place for dinner by date three, there is either something wrong with her, you, or both. If she declines, good. Drop her. You just saved yourself a lot of future grief. LMAO at the bolded! You sound like the same kind of guy that will blame a woman for getting raped in the first place..."Well what did you expect when you went to his house alone in the first place!?!" I agree with the dropping. Yessss! Girls drop ANY man that insists on having a house date to prove he can cook better than you. Not worth it. There are plenty of men out there who know how to respect women and boundaries. 4
SammySammy Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Years ago, I met a girl in a mall. Actually, she asked me out. I was a little taken aback, but I accepted. The first date was movie, dinner ... her place. Afterwards, we're talking and I find out she loved to cook. I told her that I would cook for her the next time we saw each other. She didn't think I could cook. Didn't tell her I'd spent my time in a restaurant kitchen. A few days later, I showed up to her place with all the ingredients. Didn't let her do anything. Made her watch. Prepared a simple, but complete Italian meal. Wine. Set table. Served us. Cleaned up. Left her place as I found it. To say she was impressed was an understatement. I think she was surprised throughout. Led to a torrid 6 - 8 month fling. I don't do it often. It can become an obvious, try-hard dating gimmick. Don't do that. I only do it for women who are foodies or who like to cook themselves. I've found it's a great way to get to know someone also - cooking together. I cooked for a woman a few nights ago. Had a taste for steak. Pics of my meal ended up being sent to her friends and put on social media. As far as timing goes, I don't believe in artificial timelines. After a certain number of dates and stuff like that. I always do what feels right to me. What feels natural for us. Seems to always work out. 3
Els Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 It's way too early to be having a 'home date' at this stage - usually people only do that when they're ready for some degree of physical intimacy (not necessarily sex right off the bat, but at least making out). And if you live with your parents, how is that going to work? Will they be leaving the house for the whole evening or something? 1
leogirl876 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Cooked dinner dates and intimate and romantic, AFTER you've been dating for a little while, like at least a couple to 3 months. It would creep me out if a guy wanted to cook for me on our first or second date. I'd think he had other intentions, like the "let's rent a movie" as our date.
todreaminblue Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 (edited) Years ago, I met a girl in a mall. Actually, she asked me out. I was a little taken aback, but I accepted. The first date was movie, dinner ... her place. Afterwards, we're talking and I find out she loved to cook. I told her that I would cook for her the next time we saw each other. She didn't think I could cook. Didn't tell her I'd spent my time in a restaurant kitchen. A few days later, I showed up to her place with all the ingredients. Didn't let her do anything. Made her watch. Prepared a simple, but complete Italian meal. Wine. Set table. Served us. Cleaned up. Left her place as I found it. To say she was impressed was an understatement. I think she was surprised throughout. Led to a torrid 6 - 8 month fling. I don't do it often. It can become an obvious, try-hard dating gimmick. Don't do that. I only do it for women who are foodies or who like to cook themselves. I've found it's a great way to get to know someone also - cooking together. I cooked for a woman a few nights ago. Had a taste for steak. Pics of my meal ended up being sent to her friends and put on social media. As far as timing goes, I don't believe in artificial timelines. After a certain number of dates and stuff like that. I always do what feels right to me. What feels natural for us. Seems to always work out. thats exactly it....what you do on dates shouldnt follow anyones timeline but the the timeline of the people involved what feels right...and natural....and cooking for a woman isnt lazy in my opinion too...if anything is lazy IMO its going on a generic restaurant date(which is more than common...its practically implied..and a run of the mill churned out date to follow..) that also probably other people have recommended...shows no personal insight...or effort... cooking for someone shows care...love...thought..even a picnic organised....where fod from home is bought along to a beautiful beach is much better than a restaurant date.....but thats my view.......deb Edited June 29, 2016 by todreaminblue 1
Dis Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Years ago, I met a girl in a mall. Actually, she asked me out. I was a little taken aback, but I accepted. The first date was movie, dinner ... her place. Afterwards, we're talking and I find out she loved to cook. I told her that I would cook for her the next time we saw each other. She didn't think I could cook. Didn't tell her I'd spent my time in a restaurant kitchen. A few days later, I showed up to her place with all the ingredients. Didn't let her do anything. Made her watch. Prepared a simple, but complete Italian meal. Wine. Set table. Served us. Cleaned up. Left her place as I found it. To say she was impressed was an understatement. I think she was surprised throughout. Led to a torrid 6 - 8 month fling. I don't do it often. It can become an obvious, try-hard dating gimmick. Don't do that. I only do it for women who are foodies or who like to cook themselves. I've found it's a great way to get to know someone also - cooking together. I cooked for a woman a few nights ago. Had a taste for steak. Pics of my meal ended up being sent to her friends and put on social media. As far as timing goes, I don't believe in artificial timelines. After a certain number of dates and stuff like that. I always do what feels right to me. What feels natural for us. Seems to always work out. I agree with this. A guy cooking for a woman is such a thoughtful gesture. I'm used to doing all the cooking in relationships so when my ex cooked for me I was really impressed by that. Cooking for a woman is kind of like speaking her language...its reciprocating a specific type of thoughtfulness and care. Any guy that cooks for me will def win lots of points in my book. OP, dont worry about a timeline as to when you should invite her over but dont push things too much either. You know her best so when you feel she'll be comfortable go ahead and ask her....give her a back up option like going out to a restaurant if you feel she might not want to meet up at your place yet...just so she doesnt feel pressured. Dont cook anything too heavy or anything with too much garlic though And stick with what you know...cook a dish you know how to cook well Best of luck to you hun ! 1
Yookie Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 As far as timing goes, I don't believe in artificial timelines. After a certain number of dates and stuff like that. I always do what feels right to me. What feels natural for us. Seems to always work out. This is important. Both parties need to feel comfortable with whatever you two decide to do on the date. I am not trying to promote a dating gmimick but the OP seems to think his bright idea of cooking for her will somehow be magically "different"... I mean really?... if I had a nickel for every guy that wanted to cook for me... doh... You guys seriously don't know how many men use that cooking thing to get laid??? lol!?! It's WAAAYYY over played. Nothing new... rather ordinary really. 2
amaysngrace Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I like dressing up and going out and ordering anything I want on a date. I guess having a home cooked meal is nice enough but I would rather we shop for it and cook it together. 2
Grapesofwrath Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I had a college boyfriend cook for me on our 4th or 5th date, I think. We slept together for the first time that night, and I imagine that was part of his plan though I didn't mind. We were head over heels for each other, and I remember loving this date because he was very confident in the kitchen and was teaching me things. I trusted him, though, and knew that I was safe at his house and that he would never force me to do anything I didn't want to do. That was a long time ago. In the current climate, I do think it's a bit early to have her over for dinner. Save that one for after a few more dates. If you enjoy making a meal for her, maybe you could prepare a picnic lunch or dinner, then take her to a scenic spot and share that with her. (I had a date do that for me once on our first date and I thought it was awesome. He was a man that I knew well already, and we went to a public beach near my home, so it seemed like just the thing for us.)
Author Teknoe Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 Interesting feedback. I told my female friend (28 years old, getting married soon) about my plan and she said it's sweet and thoughtful. She didn't accuse me of foul or shady play (not saying anyone here did) but that's because she knows me. However I do see from my date's shoes how she might feel uncomfortable so maybe what I will do is offer her a choice. 1
NVO Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I met this girl who said she prefers a date at home with drinks and snacks but also dislikes sex in early dating stages. I think you should do what feels comfortable and do not worry about a time limit. If you like to do it, suggest the plans.
BaileyB Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Choice is good. Tell her you love to cook, and you'd like to prepare a meal for her someday... Let her decide when she is comfortable. 3
Els Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Interesting feedback. I told my female friend (28 years old, getting married soon) about my plan and she said it's sweet and thoughtful. She didn't accuse me of foul or shady play (not saying anyone here did) but that's because she knows me. However I do see from my date's shoes how she might feel uncomfortable so maybe what I will do is offer her a choice. Sorry if I missed it but how do you intend to get around your parents being there for the 'date'? Have they agreed to go out while she's there or something? 1
JoeSmith357-1 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 LMAO at the bolded! You sound like the same kind of guy that will blame a woman for getting raped in the first place..."Well what did you expect when you went to his house alone in the first place!?!" Sorry, I do not get the connection between the FACT that many young people today (including women) DO NOT know how to cook. This is a fact. Equating or somehow comparing that to the guy blaming a woman for rape is pretty presumptive, sexist and flat out accusatory. To the OP, I would agree with the other posters who said that date #2 is probably a little soon to be asking a woman over to cook dinner for her. Because, lets be honest, you are going to try to bang her afterwards. You know that, she knows that. And usually date 2 is a little early for "netflix and chill" I usually wait till after 4-5 dates, and by that time we are banging, so there is some expectation of that anyway 1
Els Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Sorry, I do not get the connection between the FACT that many young people today (including women) DO NOT know how to cook. This is a fact. Equating or somehow comparing that to the guy blaming a woman for rape is pretty presumptive, sexist and flat out accusatory. My guess is that she bolded the wrong sentence. If you look at just the next paragraph, you see this: To the second point, you probably want to screen out paranoid snowflakes that are 'afraid of being date raped.' If she isn't comfortable enough to come to your place for dinner by date three, there is either something wrong with her, you, or both. If she declines, good. Drop her. You just saved yourself a lot of future grief.It's not really presumptive, sexist, or accusatory to say what she did about that quote.
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