burnt Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I am now finally living alone for the first time in my life at age 35. I left my marriage and my home state and now am living on my own. The newly-acquired, long-awaited independence is liberating, but also frightening and foreign. I am also feeling a sense of loss and detachment that I can neither understand nor describe. By nature, I am extremely introverted and social interactions aren't my forte. I am usually comfortable being alone, but this *absolute* isolation from all human interactions at this point isn't healthy. I am absolutely sure that I don't want a relationship (now or future), but would really like to have a few friends. I searched through MeetUp website hoping to find something, anything even remotely interesting to meet people. That was hopeless in this part of the country. So, I created a OK-cupid account and I didn't really put together much of a profile since I'm not looking to date. I messaged a few people who came across as decent and intelligent; my message was brief saying that I'm not single and not looking for a relationship, but would like to make some new friends since I'm new to this part of the country. I usually feel more comfortable interacting with men than women. I only messaged the men who had in their profile "looking for dating or new FRIENDS". No result. So my question is: Why am I not getting any response? 1. because I wrote explicitly that I'm not interested in relationship, and just a friendship or 2. because I didn't put together a profile. Finally, is it foolish of me to look for "friends" in a site that is designed for 'dating'? If so, where should I be looking?
kendahke Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I am now finally living alone for the first time in my life at age 35. I left my marriage and my home state and now am living on my own. The newly-acquired, long-awaited independence is liberating, but also frightening and foreign. I am also feeling a sense of loss and detachment that I can neither understand nor describe. By nature, I am extremely introverted and social interactions aren't my forte. I am usually comfortable being alone, but this *absolute* isolation from all human interactions at this point isn't healthy. I am absolutely sure that I don't want a relationship (now or future), but would really like to have a few friends. I searched through MeetUp website hoping to find something, anything even remotely interesting to meet people. That was hopeless in this part of the country. So, I created a OK-cupid account and I didn't really put together much of a profile since I'm not looking to date. I messaged a few people who came across as decent and intelligent; my message was brief saying that I'm not single and not looking for a relationship, but would like to make some new friends since I'm new to this part of the country. I usually feel more comfortable interacting with men than women. I only messaged the men who had in their profile "looking for dating or new FRIENDS". No result. So my question is: Why am I not getting any response? 1. because I wrote explicitly that I'm not interested in relationship, and just a friendship or 2. because I didn't put together a profile. Finally, is it foolish of me to look for "friends" in a site that is designed for 'dating'? If so, where should I be looking? Good question, as I don't know where one would look other than activities and interests one already has or is developing. But I would say the reason why you may not be getting a response is because you said in your profile that you were not single or looking for a relationship and the men around you are, so perhaps the single men aren't going to bother someone who seems to be otherwise engaged. 3
Larryville Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 because I didn't put together a profile. I wrote explicitly that I'm not interested in relationship, and just a friendship Yes this is the main issue with OLD, sites that claim to have MILLIONS of users are frankly clogged with individuals like yourself. You are not interested in dating and frankly you are not ready to even engage anyone. And no, a guys won’t bother because those of us who participate on OLD fairly regularly already find it difficult to navigate frustrating and time wasting sometimes. If these site were legit they would put (all similar types like you, wants and who is looking for what) in a separate database and not lump them all together. Why the sites are set-up to keep people perpetually failing, but tease them enough to sucker them into participating. Anywho… You need to concentrate on things that zero in and focus on YOU. 1
Author burnt Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 But I would say the reason why you may not be getting a response is because you said in your profile that you were not single or looking for a relationship and the men around you are, so perhaps the single men aren't going to bother someone who seems to be otherwise engaged. Thank you. I noticed in OKCupid some men have "looking or short/long term dating" only, but some have "looking for short/long term dating or new friends". Guess I took the "new friends" to mean literally 'friends' without the dating part.
Author burnt Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Yes this is the main issue with OLD, sites that claim to have MILLIONS of users are frankly clogged with individuals like yourself. Oh great, so I have gone from the certified hermit to a universal "clogger". Anywho… You need to concentrate on things that zero in and focus on YOU. What you wrote makes sense. Thank you for your response. So now… HOW do I zero in and focus on myself? Sorry, I'm a little lost on what you mean by that.
Shining One Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Thank you. I noticed in OKCupid some men have "looking or short/long term dating" only, but some have "looking for short/long term dating or new friends". Guess I took the "new friends" to mean literally 'friends' without the dating part.They mean "new friends with benefits". 2
Larryville Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Get off of dating sites until you are 100% ready to actually date. These sites will depress you in the long run. 2
LunaticFringeLady Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Try joining groups on social media sites of people who share similar interests as you. 1
Author burnt Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Try joining groups on social media sites of people who share similar interests as you. Thanks. A few months ago I finally created a dummy Facebook account just to see what the entire world has been fussing about; I thought FB was just for posting photos and listing daily chores; other than that I never got into any of these social media things. Guess, it's about time. I didn't realize social media sites had groups. Thank you for your suggestion. I'll look into that.
kendahke Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Thanks. A few months ago I finally created a dummy Facebook account just to see what the entire world has been fussing about; I thought FB was just for posting photos and listing daily chores; other than that I never got into any of these social media things. Guess, it's about time. I didn't realize social media sites had groups. Thank you for your suggestion. I'll look into that. Facebook can be anything you wish for it to be. Some people use it for navel gazing; others use it for activism; others use it as their art portfolios and still others use it as their social outreach through groups. 1
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