BF is always broke/borrowing money - at my wits end :(

[Lois_Griffin]

And when it boils down to it, all the dramatics aside, he is good guy and he has a good heart and no one is ever loved or cared about me like this.. He truly is crazy about me.

Of course he does. You're one of the rare ones who will actually waste your time on someone like him.

 

There are precious few other women out there willing to date someone this pathetic. I'm just being honest.

 

Most women at this age have their sh*t together (like YOU do) and don't need to be babysitting some socially and emotionally maladjusted fool who thinks his girlfriend is his 'mommy.' And that's exactly what you are. You're his mommy who continually bails his sorry ass out over and over and over and over and makes everything ok for him once more.

 

I couldn't even respect a guy who was out walking the streets crying about his phone bill and whining that daddy locked him out.

 

I also think you don't have the full story.

 

He's not living with his father to help his father. His father is letting HIM live there because he's too much of a child to successfully live on his own.

 

Ugh. Time to cut those apron strings and let some other woman 'take care' of him.

[Toodaloo]

He texted me last night saying that he needed to talk to me.. Supposedly he quit his job.. I asked him why? And asked if something happened/if he had something lined up. He said he just got fed up with his boss.. He said that this is going to force him to get a better job immediately and make changes..

 

And so it gets worse.

 

Now he can't be bothered to work let alone pay his bills, he is completely irresponsible and expects you to provide sex and cash to support him...

 

Think again about that 60 yr old woman.

 

Growing up a friend of my mothers was always the type to cry that she needed money and she would say these things so people felt bad for her and would give her money.. she was always living paycheck to paycheck and even at 60 years old, she never got ahead..

 

When I think of the future with my boyfriend, I automatically think of this lady and I always tell myself that I don't want to end up like her,

 

This IS YOU if you waste a single more moment with this guy.

 

Cut the cord or face the consequences.

 

You tell us he is nice. Would a nice person keep badgering people for money all the time? Would a nice person sulk and expect others to bail him out all the time?

 

No? So he is not nice at all.

 

In fact vc87 your guy is one of those men who are just the dregs. He will moan, winge, make excuses and never actually do or achieve anything. Mean while you will end up broke, wasting your life and miserable. All I can see here is you making excuses so you do not have to dump his sorry behind.

 

Why do you not want to? The guy is clearly using you in every way possible and I can not for the life of me see any positives for you in all this.

 

You do know that relationships are about partnerships not just bailing one person out all the time don't you?

[katiegrl]

I agree he is using you....100%.

 

If you don't give him money, he punishes you by saying things like "don't expect to hear from me later."

 

Which worked because then you give him money.

 

Then he apologized.

 

Of course he apologized..... you gave him the money! Hello!!!!!!!!!

 

The guy is a bonafide mess.

 

I agree probably on drugs.

 

You say he lost weight because he doesn't eat.

 

Hello, why do you think he doesn't eat? Because he's on drugs!! And drugs cause you to have no appetite!

 

It also causes all the other craziness he puts you through....

 

If this is what you want for yourself, what more can we say?

 

Good luck!!!!

Edited June 29, 2016 by katiegrl

[MissBee]

I just want to thank everyone so much for all the input so far.. Definitely has opened my eyes to a lot of different things that I didn't think of before..

 

A little bit of an update to this whole situation.

 

Since this whole fiasco happened over the weekend me and my boyfriend have not been talking all that much because he knows how angry I was over this whole situation, so he said he'll just give me some space to calm down and figure out what I want to do as far as staying with him or not..

 

He texted me last night saying that he needed to talk to me.. Supposedly he quit his job.. I asked him why? And asked if something happened/if he had something lined up. He said he just got fed up with his boss.. He said that this is going to force him to get a better job immediately and make changes..

 

I always told him that like he needs to make changes if things will be different so he said that this is one step in the scheme of things to try to make them

 

I'm confused.

 

So your already broke bf who was crying for money quit his job with no backup plan except to say that he thinks that will make him get a new and better job.... And you are comfortable with this and feel like it's a great plan? You think this signals the dawn of a bright new day where by magic he will become responsible and have money? So I take it you plan to stay in this relationship then? How is this a sound plan?

 

I'm confused. Pardon me. I really am. You asked him the reasonable questions anyone would and you felt his answer was legit? You're obviously not an idiot, but it seems, like so many of us, when it comes on to this guy you don't let better sense prevail, it's like you know he makes no sense but ignore it and continue to play along just to be with him. I'm concerned for you OP, and I think at this point it's clear that YOU have to make a decision for yourself and while he has his issues you have yours too that allow you to continue on with him...ever tried counseling? It can be a very useful tool to talk through your fears and anxieties and choices and get to the root of why you are so scared of being alone that you would stuff your ears and close your eyes and walk over a cliff with this guy even after knowing full well it's a cliff.

[PegNosePete]

At this point you are creating your own misery.

 

He is taking advantage of you, and you are allowing him to do so, quite knowingly and freely of your own free will.

 

There is only one way to turn this situation around and that is to tell him NO, just like his sister does. She has him figured out and knows to not take his carp. Time to open your eyes.

[MissBee]

It's also clearly not just a money issue, but the other problems around it that a new job will not fix. Let's even forget the logistics of how he'll get this job, let's play along and believe that he quit (what proof is there that he wasn't fired? Because it seems a little convenient he just up and quit) to find new work...how? When? Are better paying jobs just landing in people's laps these days. How long will he be out of work before his new and better job comes around? If he had no money and had a job, how will he have any money now that he's quit, because no one knows how long it will take to find new work especially supposedly higher quality or better paying work. It can take months or even a year sometimes. And how much better will it be, like a few dollars extra? Who quits when they habe nothing lined up? Let's really think about those practicalities. It is clear your guy is not thinking and behaving like a responsible adult and no new job will fix this.

 

In any event, many people don't make a lot, but esp if they live at home with no kids, they can at least pay their own cell phone bill and don't need to be wandering the streets crying about it and "borrowing" (does he even pay you back?). Even if he got more money his irresponsible nature is unlikely to change and his drama dynamics either. Do you realize it's not just a money and job thing? People with other issues, drama, and possible addictions, or who are terribly irresponsible, do not change with more money. With more money they just have more debt and more income to breeze through and they end up right back at square one.

 

You're obviously not an idiot, but it seems, like so many of us, when it comes on to this guy you don't let better sense prevail, it's like you know he makes no sense but ignore it and continue to play along just to be with him. This is not good. You're so willing to lie to yourself and any little nonsense he says about things being different you are willing to throw caution to the wind and instantly believe it and be comforted by it. But from experience, living in delusion and fantasy about someone after you have had ALL the evidence for months (and in your case a year and a half) only feels good temporarily. But eventually you will feel like a fool for wasting your time after the 1 millionth time of the same crap or some thing awful comes to a head that forces you out of denial.

 

You have asked your mom, friends and strangers and it's unanimous that this situation is no good. It seems though, that instead of using that to cut ties, you say "thanks for the advice, but I plan to continue being with him, living in denial and hoping for miracles in spite of reality.." and like I said you have to take responsibility for your self and your choices too and you choosing to continue is now on you and it would serve you to figure out why.

Edited June 29, 2016 by MissBee

[ExpatInItaly]

This guy is a Grade A manipulator.

 

You need a serious wake-up call, OP. He's been fooling you for quite some time.

 

How much longer are you willing to be conned?

[leogirl876]

I'm just gonna be blunt here, dump him, he's a LOSER!!!! Guy's like that will just take, take, take. It's not your job to help him or save him. And I think he's either got a drug or gambling problem. I had a boyfriend like that like 20 years ago, and all he did was take when I gave and then ended up eventually stealing from me. Tell him you are breaking up and then block him from your phone. I don't care what sob sorry, poor me he brings you, a real man need to stand on his own, not have a woman help him all the time. Dump him and find a real man. Stop trying to analyze why he does, that he must have mental problems, or is really trying, no, bottom line, he's doing this because he's a leach and a loser.

[TheParadox7]

I had this problem too, between 2010 and 2012. Once I finally stopped giving him money, we became distant, but I expected this, and was not surprised when he wanted to break up. It was a mutual agreement to end things (though the reason ((supposedly)) wasn't because of money.) He (supposedly) thought "we were more like fwb" and he didn't want to continue that way. Just as well; I wouldn't have wanted that either.

[Nowty V]

I can tell you with 100% certainty that anything you do in an attempt to help him is only going to be enabling his continued drug use.

 

Definitely go NC and make sure you block him. He's toxic [while he's ill & no guarantees for the future] and is only going to waste more of your time if you let him back in to your life.

 

Enabling an ill person to continue poor habits deters healing.

[smackie9]

You are part of the problem. Every time you dish out the cash you enable this behavior of his to depend on you to get him out of his financial scrapes. He is using you, DUMP THIS CHUMP. and go out and buy yourself a nice pair of shoes as you get over the breakup.

[MovingOnIsHard]

Im hoping the next time you post, you tell us in detail how you dump his broke ass on the road.

[vc87]

I'm confused.

 

So your already broke bf who was crying for money quit his job with no backup plan except to say that he thinks that will make him get a new and better job.... And you are comfortable with this and feel like it's a great plan? You think this signals the dawn of a bright new day where by magic he will become responsible and have money? So I take it you plan to stay in this relationship then? How is this a sound plan?

 

I'm confused. Pardon me. I really am. You asked him the reasonable questions anyone would and you felt his answer was legit? You're obviously not an idiot, but it seems, like so many of us, when it comes on to this guy you don't let better sense prevail, it's like you know he makes no sense but ignore it and continue to play along just to be with him. I'm concerned for you OP, and I think at this point it's clear that YOU have to make a decision for yourself and while he has his issues you have yours too that allow you to continue on with him...ever tried counseling? It can be a very useful tool to talk through your fears and anxieties and choices and get to the root of why you are so scared of being alone that you would stuff your ears and close your eyes and walk over a cliff with this guy even after knowing full well it's a cliff.

 

When my boyfriend told me he quit his job last night, at first I didn't believe it, and thought he was just being dramatic again.. He has threatened to quit his job before where he would get fed up and he left early for the day but he always ended up going back - I never thought he would actually just quit with nothing lined up.. I never thought he would actually just quit with nothing lined up He has a lot of phone numbers and he does know a lot of people but nothing is set in stone with anybody offering him a job just yet.. I truthfully think he's foolish for quitting.

 

I was talking to him earlier this afternoon and I was hoping that maybe he went back to work today but he didn't.. So I asked him again what he plans on doing so he said that he has a lot more phone numbers to call and hopefully something will get rolling soon.

 

He did also say that he basically quit for me because he wants to prove that he wants things to be different and to change how everything is going.. I just think it was a little too severe and he should've thought it out better.

 

After this happened over the weekend, I already told him that I refuse to give him any more money, but I have a strong feeling things are going to get worse before they get better until he finds a new job

Edited June 29, 2016 by vc87

[MissBee]

When my boyfriend told me he quit his job last night, at first I didn't believe it, and thought he was just being dramatic again.. He has threatened to quit his job before where he would get fed up and he left early for the day but he always ended up going back - I never thought he would actually just quit with nothing lined up.. I never thought he would actually just quit with nothing lined up He has a lot of phone numbers and he does know a lot of people but nothing is set in stone with anybody offering him a job just yet.. I truthfully think he's foolish for quitting.

 

I was talking to him earlier this afternoon and I was hoping that maybe he went back to work today but he didn't.. So I asked him again what he plans on doing so he said that he has a lot more phone numbers to call and hopefully something will get rolling soon.

 

He did also say that he basically quit for me because he wants to prove that he wants things to be different and to change how everything is going.. I just think it was a little too severe and he should've thought it out better.

 

After this happened over the weekend, I already told him that I refuse to give him any more money, but I have a strong feeling things are going to get worse before they get better until he finds a new job

 

And you plan to still be in this relationship? That's the main question.

 

He's foolish for quitting. Good. We know. What else? What about you staying in spite of ALL of it? Is that foolish too?

[vc87]

And you plan to still be in this relationship? That's the main question.

 

He's foolish for quitting. Good. We know. What else? What about you staying in spite of ALL of it? Is that foolish too?

 

I'm holding onto that small glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, things might be different? I know I'm an idiot for ever putting up with all of this, under no other circumstance would I ever have, but I just feel too bad giving up him.. Have too much pity

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm holding onto that small glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, things might be different? I know I'm an idiot for ever putting up with all of this, under no other circumstance would I ever have, but I just feel too bad giving up him.. Have too much pity

 

This man is incredibly irresponsible. He is showing you time and time again he has very poor judgment and a serious lack of emotional maturity. He is impulsive and apparently is incapable to behaving like an adult.

 

Regardless of whether he asks for more money (and you can bet your bottom dollar, he will) he is not someone I would consider a relationship with. I prefer to date men, not boys.

[smackie9]

So he places part of the blame on YOU for his decision to hastily quit his job??? That's the actions of an abuser. He's doing his best to pound your self worth into the ground to have control over you.....why is this going over your head? Dump him already....you are holding out for nothing but more of his bs.

[katiegrl]

This man is incredibly irresponsible. He is showing you time and time again he has very poor judgment and a serious lack of emotional maturity. He is impulsive and apparently is incapable to behaving like an adult.

 

Regardless of whether he asks for more money (and you can bet your bottom dollar, he will) he is not someone I would consider a relationship with. I prefer to date men, not boys.

 

She doesn't care Expat.... she is not giving him up and that's that.

 

I figured that out around 5 pages back.

 

Everyone is getting all riled up... except the one person who should be... the OP!

[Zahara]

I put myself through this because I worry I won't find someone better.

 

Sums it all up.

[vc87]

She doesn't care Expat.... she is not giving him up and that's that.

 

I figured that out around 5 pages back.

 

Everyone is getting all riled up... except the one person who should be... the OP!

 

It's just hard because despite all of the drama and craziness he brings into my life , I do love him and care.. Like I can't turn my back on him without giving him the benefit even though that goes against my better judgment

 

I truly never felt love like this before for someone.. I know it makes you stupid and blind to a lot of things.. Only reason I put up with it for so long

[vc87]

So he places part of the blame on YOU for his decision to hastily quit his job??? That's the actions of an abuser. He's doing his best to pound your self worth into the ground to have control over you.....why is this going over your head? Dump him already....you are holding out for nothing but more of his bs.

 

He didn't blame me for quitting his job he just said that he is using me for motivation to want to change and better himself

[SwordofFlame]

It's just hard because despite all of the drama and craziness he brings into my life , I do love him and care.. Like I can't turn my back on him without giving him the benefit even though that goes against my better judgment

 

I truly never felt love like this before for someone.. I know it makes you stupid and blind to a lot of things.. Only reason I put up with it for so long

 

What are this guy's redeeming qualities?

[Zahara]

It's just hard because despite all of the drama and craziness he brings into my life , I do love him and care.. Like I can't turn my back on him without giving him the benefit even though that goes against my better judgment

 

I truly never felt love like this before for someone.. I know it makes you stupid and blind to a lot of things.. Only reason I put up with it for so long

 

You said you put up with it because you don't think you can find anyone better.

 

I think you've set the bar so low for yourself that you believe this the best you can do. He may have issues, but you have a unhealthy perception of what a loving and healthy relationship should look like.

 

Read up on co-dependency. You're a huge enabler/fixer and unfortunately, this will always be a vicious cycle.

[katiegrl]

It's just hard because despite all of the drama and craziness he brings into my life , I do love him and care.. Like I can't turn my back on him without giving him the benefit even though that goes against my better judgment

 

I truly never felt love like this before for someone.. I know it makes you stupid and blind to a lot of things.. Only reason I put up with it for so long

 

Why did you start this thread then.... if you knew all along you were not gonna follow any of our VERY WISE advice and stay with him?

 

What were you hoping to accomplish by starting it?

 

What a waste of our time and energy, that we could have been devoting to other posters who truly want help.

 

Best of luck...

[MissBee]

I'm holding onto that small glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, things might be different? I know I'm an idiot for ever putting up with all of this, under no other circumstance would I ever have, but I just feel too bad giving up him.. Have too much pity

 

Okay.

 

Pity is not a reason to be in a relationship. It hasn't turned out well in almost 2 years, but at this point we've all said all we could, so if pity is your motivation, best wishes!

 

If you do get anything out of this thread, it should be getting your own counselor ASAP, and beginning to address your own issues, because this guy isn't the problem, your own self worth and unhealthy ideas about love and relationships is contributing to this problem you're now in. And until you address it and set new standards, even if you leave this guy, you'll continue attracting problematic men that you settle for out of pity or need or other unhealthy reasons.

 

Good luck!

Edited June 29, 2016 by MissBee