Dumped by BF as he suddenly developed feelings fo ex

[Zahara]

Right now though those messages are helping me. Sure he's sending mixed signals all over the place but the way he ended it made me feel like nothing and that he didn't even care and now I feel more in control and get to see it wasn't just me that has struggled. He deserves to after what he's done. I usually hate seeing anyone hurt, and I still stupidly don't like the idea of him getting dumped by her again which I think will happen, but right now it feels good to know he's struggling a bit even though as far as I'm concerned he's made his decision and is highly likely to stick to it.

 

I agree with Veve that it's only going to prolong your pain. The thing with this type of contact is that it acts as an ego booster, it helps mask the pain temporarily. It's a false sense of security in that it temporarily clouds you from facing finality. But when he stops texting you, and it will happen, that pain will be ten fold because it's a second round of rejection and a stark realization that it's truly over. The best thing you can do for yourself is bite the bullet and cut the cord.

 

The only reason he is texting you is to alleviate his guilt. Don't be fooled into thinking he's feeling bad about you. It's only about him.

[hippychick3]

Of course he still cares about you. He'd have to be inhuman to just stop caring after all this time. The reality, though, is that he chose someone else over you. He betrayed you and he knows that. His phone calls to you are his way of easing a guilty conscience as well as holding on to those remaining feelings of comfort and familiarity he had with you. It's selfish of him, and he has lost all rights to continue to pursue them with you.

 

Unless he is telling you directly, "I'm so sorry. I made a horrible mistake in choosing someone else over you. You are the one I want. Please forgive me. I will do anything to get you back." (And I personally would still not take him back with those words... Once they leave, they show you how easily they can let you go. That's not love), do not be swayed by his reaching out to you.

 

Now that you know he is feeling guilty enough to call, take some comfort and satisfaction in that and block him ASAP. You need to move on and heal. It's the only way.

[Trinity7]

While everyone is making great points, I do know where you're coming from in enjoying his attempts to contact. I also wouldn't be able to block my ex's phone number at this stage. I don't have any intentions of reaching out to him, but for now it'd be nice to know he's feeling SOMETHING.

 

Like you, the part I've really been struggling with is how he managed to up and leave overnight like what we had was nothing. Makes me question if any of it was real. So yah, ultimately it'll probably prolong your healing to have him continually reaching out, but for now I say do what feels right. It's still very early days, and it really is a minute to minute struggle to keep afloat at this point, so I don't think a little ego boost at this stage will destroy you.

 

It's a very individual path to healing, and we all have to forge it on our own to some extent. It's awesome to have this forum so we can get advice from everyone farther along the path, but when it comes down to it you have to do what works for you and your situation after considering the experience and wise words of others along with your own individual needs at the moment.

 

Just do be aware that the validation we feel when they reach out is only a temporary fix-- it's not actual healing. Once they stop reaching out we can crash again, so definitely try to keep working on healing in the meantime so you don't get knocked back to square one if he stops reaching out at some point.

 

And the last thing I'll say is that I don't think it's just guilt making him reach out. I think he's questioning if he made the right decision, and/or wants to see if the door would still be open if he decides to come back after he gives things another try with his ex. I DON'T think getting back with him is a good option if it ever becomes available. Like hippychick said, they've shown us how easily they can be swayed, and that's not generally a trait that just goes away But as long as you aren't reading too much into his texts or entertaining the idea of being his second choice, I say go ahead and enjoy ignoring him for now!

 

I think you're doing great, and I hope it continues!

[vsah]

I had a bad night last night which I guess was to be expected when it's still so raw. When he tried to call me yesterday he didn't leave a voicemail so I don't know if he was wondering how I was and trying to ease his conscience or missed me,

 

He has still left the tracker on though and I stupidly looked him up. He drove from his house to near where he works, was there for about 20 minutes, then went out for dinner and then back to the house again. I would have been okay with that, it could have been anyone and I couldn't find anyone with her name living on the road, before you say it, I know this is sad and pathetic and I'm torturing myself. Anyway considering he's usually in bed by half 10 at the latest he was still there at midnight. You can imagine the thoughts in my head. He did then go home and slept in his own bed but I have such a sinking feeling that it must have been her house, why else would you stay so late, he doesn't even have many friends around so it would only be work people.

 

I feel so sick, sick that I trusted him, sick that he would do that to me less than a week after breaking up. I find them both disgusting people with no morals whatsoever. I don't know if he was just easing his guilt by trying to call me and text me with kisses on the end but none of this is fair.

 

It's possible it was someone else's house and I'm totally wrong but right now I think it's unlikely and why would he stay so late! I'm so crushed and I know I deserve so much better and he's an idiot, I hate the fact that I'm still hurting and there he is going out for dinner. I really hope karma comes back to bite them. I don't even understand how she can even go near him so soon after me. Dreadful human beings. I doubt I'll have anymore calls or messages, maybe if the guilt is getting to him, I think it's unlikely.

 

As much as I hoped that if he was seeing her to chat he'd be saying to not go into anything out of respect for me and/or telling her the truth about what he's been doing and saying to me I think the fact they got back to the house at 8.30pm and he left after midnight says a lot.

 

I hate what they've done to me, the pain, the betrayed and making me so paranoid about everything. I'm usually so incredibly happy that no one has really seen me sad or angry. It's like a horrible nightmare I want to wake up from.

[Densel]

I know how you feel. I have been through the same thing.

My ex dumped me too for someone else. My ex even plastered photos of her and the new guy all over facebook the next day we broke up.

 

You have to stop tracking his movements because you will go crazy analysing his every word/action. And besides, will the situation become better if he is home or away???

And if you do find out they are hanging out together now, this moment, is it something new???!!!

 

You need to control yourself. You cannot care about him or them anymore.

 

I know its sick and disgusting. Treat him as dead.

[vsah]

He doesn't have her on Facebook yet but it would be weird if he did when at the moment I'm still all over it.

 

You're right, I am driving myself mad. I think part of me is using it as a lifeline because right now it's the only contact I've got as I'm ignoring everything else. I also know that at any moment he might block me. I'm actually surprised he hasn't stopped it, it's pretty sick to let me see him go round to her house and stay there for hours, unless that's what he wants me to see. I just give up as I'm torturibg myself and then getting upset again.

 

I felt good when he called me and I ignored him, I felt stronger but then seeing him at a house for hours crushed me.

 

I'm finding it so hard switching off, he doesn't deserve me, he's been incredibly cruel and she's not great herself when she knew about me. It's hard to stop caring when that's all I've ever done with him.

 

It actually feels like someone has died, my mum has even been in tears because they all liked him and hate to see how he's treated me and how much pain I'm in.

[Densel]

Checking on our exes will not make them come back.

 

You got to do what you have to do. NC.

 

I am sorry that you have to go through all this. There is no solution.

 

I am not telling you to switch your feelings off, you need to stop caring about him. Means stop anything that gives you information about him.

[PinkPampies]

Please trust all the posters who say NC works to heal you. I have done it, as much as ice not wanted to use the lufeline.

 

Why are you torturing yourself tracking his movements? Don't you see how it's not going to allow you to heal??

 

Block all access to him and TRUST ME YOU WILL BEGIN HEALING. right now you're coming off all the hormones of love. It's like you're in withdrawal. Do yourself a favor and block ALL contact. You will begin healing in stages, otherwise you're only hurting yourself.

[stillafool]

Why is there a tracker on his car and who put it there? These type of moves will assist you in ripping your heart out. Stop spying on them. You can't move on if you constantly want to know his whereabouts. Yes, they are seeing each other and it's best to accept it so you can move on.

[vsah]

It's not on his car, we use an app on our phones so that we can always tell if the other is driving or when they are getting close. It was there for spying, it was there to be helpful.

 

I know I shouldn't look, I don't know why he hasn't turned it off, if the roles were reversed I certainly wouldn't want my ex to know where I was. I find it strange and confusing. I'm trying not to look, I use the app for family members too, we all do so we know if each other are in or what train home etc.

 

I know I'm pathetic and I shouldn't care but I do. It's stupid and completely irrational and so unlike me. I miss him though and yes it is withdrawal because I'm so use to us constantly being in contact and I'm being good not responding to him.

 

I haven't had any messages, maybe because I didn't reply or maybe he's just moved on and stopped caring. I'm not going to contact him, he doesn't deserve to know how I am and I'm not willing to ease any guilt he has.

[Leigh 87]

Damn, this guy is good.

 

He's actually got you willing to stand by and wait for him while he test drives this woman he dated years ago (and he hasn't told you the whole story of what he's really been up to these last few months at ALL - cheaters never DO).

 

Giving you all these syrupy words of love and claiming what a mistake he's probably making but gosh and golly gee, it's fate - he just HAS to do what his heart is telling him! Oh brother. He sounds like a teenage girl with a crush for God's sakes.

 

Right now, you're Option B. That's why he's keeping you in the loop. Experience has told him that this woman has dumped his ass in the past, so he knows she's a flight risk. While he's more than happy to throw his hat in the ring a second time, he's also very aware he might get dumped a 2nd time. That's where YOU come in, Option B.

 

And when she DOES dump him again, he'll tell you all about how he was momentarily dazzled and wasn't thinking straight and in a 'fog' and he looooooves only you and please oh please, give him a second chance?

 

But let's get real here. You don't 'fall in love' with someone you dated a mere 3 months and then got dumped. It's more likely that the sex must have been - and STILL is - phenomenal and enough of a draw for him to act like a fool and run back for more.

 

You really don't believe his nonsense story that they haven't been seeing each other behind your back for a while now and that they haven't been physical yet?

 

This guy is SUCH a liar.

 

I said it before. This guy is good.

 

 

Well. You are prob right:lmao: You usually are spot on..

 

But - OCCASIONALLY, some men lie to THEMSELVES....

 

He was SUPER into girl (a);she rejected him. Girl (b) pops up. He is content. Girl (a) pops up again. Well - in actuality, she glances at him sideways. He realised he is infatuated.

 

That simple.

[VeveCakes]

You are not only torturing yourself but now you are invading his privacy. You have no right to watch his movements. This is unhealthy stalker material.

 

He probably forgot or doesn't think you would do that. Delete it yourself so you can no longer stalk him, because it is stalking.

 

NC only.

[Zahara]

I know I shouldn't look, I don't know why he hasn't turned it off, if the roles were reversed I certainly wouldn't want my ex to know where I was. I find it strange and confusing. I'm trying not to look, I use the app for family members too, we all do so we know if each other are in or what train home etc.

 

It isn't his responsibility to protect you. It's yours. I know you're looking at every little thing as a glimmer of hope. It's your denial. He probably isn't even thinking about it because he's distracted by her. You're the one magnifying it because you're obsessively tracking him. Use it for your family members, but you certainly can delete him off it. And if he knows you are tracking him, what does that say about him that he does not care about you having access to his whereabouts -- because I am sure he knows you will think he's with this other woman?

 

While you know the reality of your situation, denial isn't allowing you to let go and accept. You just can't believe this is happening. Everytime the hammer falls, hopefully you get closer to accepting that he is with another woman, he is pursuing a relationship with another woman and that it is time to let go. Until then you'll keep digging at your wound.

[vsah]

I do feel partly in denial, I just can't get my head around it and you're right perhaps I'm still looking for glimmers of hope. He text me yesterday morning, probably when he just got to work said I hope you have a good time in France. X so he remembered I was going away to get away from it all. I don't know how he thinks I'm going to have a good time when I'm still crushed but I'm trying. I keep having wobbles, one moment I'm strong abs think he doesn't deserve me and I'm angry at him and the next I'm thinking of all our memories and the fact that he would have loved where I am and it would have been wonderful to see together.

 

I just posted a picture on Facebook yesterday afternoon of the cathedral and he liked my post but I know it's probably because it was of the cathedral so easier to like than if it was just one of me for example.

 

I really don't know, my head says it's over but my heart still believes and it's stupid.

[Zahara]

You're actually allowing him to alleviate his guilt by letting him have access to you. In his head -- oh she still has me on FB as a friend, I'm even liking her pics so she must be okay with me, my text messages are going through -- seems likes she's still there and accepting of me. Now I can send her "x" messages and have my new girlfriend too -- what an ego boost. Life is great!

 

The fact that he is so casual about telling you to have a good time when he just broke up with you is insane. He really doesn't care about how you feel. The messages are purely self-serving.

 

He was cheating on you. That's a definite. I'm sure he was connecting with her behind your back because there is no way in hell his feelings for her sprung overnight. So, cheater and a liar. Now you sit there and allow him to have access to your life while he is gallivanting with her.

 

Self-respect, vsah. Find it. Stop falling back on "stupid". It's no more an excuse. You're actually teaching him that you find his behavior acceptable.

Edited July 2, 2016 by Zahara

[Traceycprc]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment, except he claimed they were just friends, wanted some space to work out who he wanted, except I said take all the space you need, don't contact me again. He is now dating his 'friend' and our dream of travelling he is doing with her! You need to cut off all contact, it's the only way to heal. I have told friends I don't want to know what he is up to, I have blocked all SM. Unless he is saying I love you I made a mistake, let's make it work, everything else is crumbs and fluff. You deserve so much better, I'm in the same pain, I can't go anywhere without being reminded. The jealousy of him being with her, I just have to stop the thoughts. I'm building my life back up, day by day, it's only been 3 days NC but oddly I feel better for it! Do the same and just move on, be strong.

[ExpatInItaly]

Vsah, allow me to share something from my experience of infidelity...

 

My ex-boyfriend had been having an affair with a coworker for a few months before we broke up. I didn't really know about it until the end of the relationship, and we lived together. That's how adept he was at hiding it.

 

But a little while before I found out, he bought me a rather expensive smartphone, completely randomly. Wrapped it up and brought it home for me as a surprise. At the time I thought he was just being a thoughtful and generous boyfriend.

 

When we actually split up, I wondered how he could have just been so kind as to give me a gift like this only for me to discover he'd been seeing someone else at the same time.

 

He moved out and I continued to live in our shared apartment for another year until the lease was up. And you know what? He insisted on paying half the rent, even though he no longer lived there.

 

When I moved out a year after the break-up, I moved overseas. He knew I was going, and dropped by unannounced to say goodbye forever, really. He had an envelope of cash for me...as "gift" and to help me get on my feet abroad.

 

I tell you all of this to underline one point - all of these gifts weren't really for me. They were for him, to alleviate his guilt and make him feel better about himself. In the same way your ex liking something on FB isn't about you - it's about him. My ex boyfriend had the balls to do all of this while still pursuing his relationship with the "other woman." And yours will do the same if you continue to allow it. It has nothing to do with you, sadly. It took me a long time to really understand that about this side of cheating partners.

 

A few months after I moved abroad, I got an email from him. He needed a piece of information from me regarding a tax issue (we had previously filed jointly for several years)...and added a nice little "I'm sorry for all my shortcomings" at the end. Pfft.

 

He is married to her now.

 

You need to not drive yourself nuts reading into meaningless gestures, as I did. It is still related to the selfish nature of our exes and not their feelings for us. And it doesn't change the bottom line, which is that he chose a different path. Please don't continue to give him access to you and thus soothe his guilt and feed his own ego.

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm sorry you guys broke up. It's hard losing your best friend. Maybe you can respect that he was honest with you about his feelings for his ex. Not many people are honest about why they break up.

I'm glad you are going out of country! That will give you time to focus on yourself and really distance yourself from him. It's easier moving on when you are in a new location! I hope your heart heals soon and you find someone even more special than your ex!

[vsah]

Further update.

 

I continued with the NC, he continued to like pictures of me on Facebook until the Wednesday I was there. I heard nothing at all and then on the Monday (when we were meant to be flying to Rome) he started liking my posts and had clearly gone to my profile. On the Tuesday he called and given that the last time we spoke I was a wreck I felt like i should answer it even if it was just to show him how much stronger I am. I didn't cry but weirdly he had been and it wasn't a drunken call. He was at home just crying on his own. I said to him that I nearly didn't answer and he said he wasn't sure i would either. He said he was sad and in a bad way and I pointed out he really should be talking to this other girl. He apologised, said it wasn't fair and he shouldn't have called. He sounded so lost and confused and in such a bad way even though this is all completely of his own making. I asked if he missed me and he said on and off, it helped when he was busy and working. He also said he had doubts about the future, and I asked what about it he was unsure of and he said whether or not it would work with this girl. I think he's probably missing the emotional connection he had with me as we literally talked so much about anything and everything, I really was his best friend and I think he's struggling to fill that void. I can't be his comfort blanket though.

 

I just sent him a quick text saying perhaps he should spend some time away with his family and clear his head. I also got his sister to get in contact with him because I didn't want someone crying on their own who is in a bad way doing anything stupid, that would have crushed me and I stupidly still care.

 

I think he was embarrassed that when he was at a low point he called me rather than anyone else. He clearly couldn't call her and say he was missing me.

 

He then text me again on the Thursday as I've been really ill with food poisoning saying he hoped I felt better. I asked him how he was and he said he's felt better if he was honest. He said his whole life is a mess and it had been a bad week. He then said it was hard to move forward when someone's had a big impact on his life and his whole life had been turned upside down and he's lost a lot of stability.

 

It's so confusing as he made the decision, he's trying with her but still thinking and texting me. He should be happy, it was his choice, not mine and it's odd how I'm the one that seems the stronger person and okay i'm not happy but I've accepted it and I know who I am. I don't understand why he's now having these doubts so early on with her.

 

He's stubborn so I don't think he'll come crying back, he's more likely to try and making things work with her even if it's destined to fall apart.

 

I know he's made a mistake, I think he's now beginning to realise that too. I'm back to NC and haven't responded to his messages from Friday or yesterday asking if I'm better and saying he was sorry I was ill.

 

It's just all very odd if I'm honest. He has a lot of friends on Facebook (but not the girl he left me for) and I'm sure a number of them are friends with or know this girl so it's very odd that he keeps going to like pictures of me and everyone is seeing that.

 

She obviously doesn't know he has called me and messaged me etc and I'm not getting involved.

 

I just wish he would go home, be away from both of us and sort himself out as right now he shouldn't be with anyone.

[stillafool]

I just wish he would go home, be away from both of us and sort himself out as right now he shouldn't be with anyone.

 

If you really wish this then block him from contacting you.

 

His sadness and depression could come from his girl not feeling the same level of love in their relationship as he is. If he really was depressed about breaking up with you he knows he can have you back but he choses to stay with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you really wish this then block him from contacting you.

 

His sadness and depression could come from his girl not feeling the same level of love in their relationship as he is. If he really was depressed about breaking up with you he knows he can have you back but he choses to stay with her.

 

That was my first thought too.

 

OP, be careful. You should not be the shoulder he cries on. He made a choice and it wasn't you; don't allow yourself to become Plan B. He is a big boy and can handle crying by himself. You don't need to be contacting his family about it. Did he do the same for you when you were upset by his behaviour? Of course not. Remember that.

 

The bottom line remains the same. He still is with someone else.

[Redhead14]

My boyfriend has just dumped me after 18 months together, we never argued or had any disagreements, we were both happy and in love.

 

We went away on holiday together and it was wonderful! Our sex life has still been great, in fact better than ever and he's been all over me and the instigater.

 

We came back and again had a couple of wonderful days at mine, it was perfect, like we were living together and it was so natural. He went home on the Friday, he lives about 1hr 30 minutes away. We spoke on the phone in the morning on my way to work whilst he drove him, we text at lunch and then spoke again on my walk to the station as we do everyday. On the journey home I got a text saying we needed to talk about the future as we'd previously discussed living together or at least being closer. He then told be he was struggling as he had developed feelings for his ex. The ex he was referring to he was with over 3 years ago and it lasted 2 months before she dumped him owing to workloads. She also works at the school next door and she comes over a couple of times a year to his school. He told me though even though he'd seen her before he didn't have feelings for her at all, it was just now there was a spark. He assured me though that when he was with me particularly when we had sex he was completely with me and she didn't enter his head.

 

I was upset but I knew how happy he was with me and I asked him if he still saw his future with me. He said yes. I hoped they would go away, he'd seen her before when he was with me and just said it was awkward and they were civil but nothing more, he was with me. I thought maybe he was just scared as we were getting really serious. I offered him time to clear his head, he then said he chose me. The feelings didn't go away though and so I said maybe we shouldn't speak for a week hoping that he would miss me. He didn't want that, he said he still wanted messages just maybe less. I agreed and we both struggled and said we missed and loved each other everyday.

 

We went to Coldplay on Saturday, I'd already said to him I couldn't be physical with him whilst he had feelings for her but he'd assured me we were still a couple, he wasn't breaking up with me. We had a lovely lunch together and checked in to our hotel, that's when he started wanting my clothes off. I stopped him and said if we do this I need to know you've picked me, no going back. He looked me in the eye and said yes. We then had the best sex we've ever had, he couldn't get enough. We had a lovely evening, kisses each other goodbye and everything was great.

 

Following that all last week he was still texting me that he loved me and Tuesday said he couldn't wait to see me on Saturday when we were going to the theatre, he said he was horny and picturing me naked. Then Thursday night unusually we missed each other saying goodnight, we both can track each other and we've always trusted each other, I was out for dinner with family and he said he was going out with a few from work which was perfectly normal for him. I didn't get to talk to him much on Friday, just texts but still saying he loved me but he also said it was a sad day and I thought we were talking about something else. I spoke to him on my way home and he seemed tired. He then text me when I was home to say he was upset. I was worried what had happened and called him.

 

He said he couldn't be with me anymore not while he had feelings for her, his gut was telling him to try things with her. He'd seen her Monday night and rol her he had feelings for her and she was shocked. He then saw her Thursday night at her house again and she told him she liked him too and they kissed. Then he broke up with me the next night.

 

It was so sudden as again we were both so happy and he agreed that no one could love him like I did and that he was taking a huge risk.

 

The thing is about him is that he works a full time job and does a lot of freelance work at weekends too, the only reason we worked is that I made sure we had weekends together and fitted things around his work commitments.

 

He hasn't told her he was still sleeping with me, still picturing me naked and telling me he loved me everyday and if it were me I would run a mile. She knew about me when they went for a drink in May and he told her he was with me right at the start and they were reminiscing. I don't know why he thinks things will work this time or why he's throwing his happy relationship with me away for this. I don't know if its commitment issues or the fact that she dumped him last time and he hadn't got closure but they were only together for 2 months so I just can't understand it. I'm completely devastated and been really poorly, I've been signed off work for 3 weeks as I can't keep food and have no appetite. He says he feels awful but he can't be with me and I won't be sloppy seconds. I'm an awesome girlfriend and I'm happy and bubbly and thoughtful. He said attraction isn't the issue, it's never been that and he's always found me very attractive and he said yes he did find her attractive. I've accepted he's picked her but I just wish he'd wake up and come to his senses before it's too late. I still love him but I won't beg and their whole relationship will be based on hurt and lies. I don't even think she cares for him that much, you know whether you love or have feelings for someone instinctively, you don't have to go away and think about them.

 

I think he's emotionally checked out now and focusing on her which I'm struggling with. I've agreed we need space and we are not going to contact each other, I'm actually going out of the country to get away but part of me is desperately hoping he will miss me like I'm missing him and come back begging me. He was my best friend and I was his. I think he's just blocking everything out and yet I can't. I can't wait for him and if he sleeps with her I'm not sure I could ever touch him again. I'm just heartbroken right now and trying to get well again.

 

I just wish he'd wake up and come to his senses before it's too late. -- Perhaps, that's what happening with him, but with her . . .

 

I've accepted he's picked her -- This isn't true or else you wouldn't be posting . . .

 

On one hand, I find it odd that he's carried those feelings for so long for someone he was only with for 2 months, however, on the other hand, it may mean that she was really "the one" for him since he's still having such strong feelings.

 

we never argued or had any disagreements -- That's a little hard to believe, but not impossible, I guess. However, usually when a couple doesn't have any disagreements, ever, it means they aren't really communicating and one or both of them are squashing things to avoid confrontation. That's something to think about anyway.

 

It was so sudden -- It's always sudden. Whether it's a good relationship or a bad one. Relationships end when they end . . . 1 year, 5 years, 30 years. There's never a guarantee, especially, nowadays, because people to do not embrace the concept of "commitment", at least, not the way people did way back when. Immediate gratification and lack of emotional fortitude that allows people to deal with issues when they arise effectively between a partner cause them to run because it's just easier. You two seem to have had a good relationship, so this is simply about him. It's him, not you and he has to do what he has to do to be sure for himself.

 

Keep moving. And, don't look back. Focus on you and your life. Go no contact and delete and block.

Edited July 17, 2016 by Redhead14

[vsah]

You were all right and you'll be pleased to know I've deleted him and once I get my stuff back on Saturday he will be out of my life for good.

 

He text me all over the weekend and said he'd been thinking about me, he then wanted to talk on Monday so we spoke. He told me he still loves me, missed me, his flat felt so empty and that he thought there was still a chance we could fix things. He also cried down the phone. He said he sometimes woke up thinking it was a nightmare.

 

He said he didn't think this girl would be that hurt, disappointed yes but not more than that, he said she wasn't that attached and he wasn't sure there was a future.

 

I told him that if he were to stand any chance with me he had to back off her now.

 

He carried on texting me throughout the day and he was working in the afternoon.

 

I still had the tracker and that night rather than driving home he went to her house. At first I thought maybe he was ending things with her but then I realised he wasn't going home. I felt so disgusted by his actions. He even told me the sex with her wasn't as good and he'd been thinking of us a lot. It's just so messed up.

 

I ended up going home from work sick the next day as it was my first day back after food poisoning. I spoke to him on the way home, he was still at her house, he was cold and detached and completely the opposite to how he was the previous morning. I told him I was done, that I was not a plan b and that his behaviour was disgusting after the way he'd spoken to me and then gone and slept with her. Basically they had a heart to heart and he asked her if there was a future as her actions had suggested otherwise, she of course said there was, knowing all too well that otherwise he was gone so now he's gone from trying again with me to back to her in 12 hours.

 

I've told him what I think of him, that I want him out of my life and that he's clearly damaged. I think I've had a very lucky escape and have seen his true colours before going further down the line.

 

You were right, I should have cut him out at the beginning and saved myself a lot of hurt but at least I know what he's really like. I deserve so much better and I'm better than both of them put together.

[Zahara]

You were right, I should have cut him out at the beginning and saved myself a lot of hurt but at least I know what he's really like. I deserve so much better and I'm better than both of them put together.

 

At least you can put this to rest and move on. The tracker was a blessing because if you had not tracked him, you would have still been hanging onto his words, when it was all lies.

 

Block him and make a clean break. It's going to hurt but you're going to get through this.

Edited July 20, 2016 by Zahara

[vsah]

It was a blessing, if I hadn't been able to see where he went I would still be in limbo. I think he was pretty stupid leaving it on in the first place as now he only has one option so he has to stick with it.

 

I'm seeing him Saturday to get my stuff back, he is bringing it to mine as I insisted. He asked if my family could not be around as it would be upsetting as it was which is ridiculous given that he's with someone else. He shouldn't care but he does. So silly. He also said he wanted to part on amicable terms.