Feral Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I want to try to summarize this as much as possible without leaving out important details, I apologize for the long post... I need help. I’m drained and weak right now because of what I’m about to write, somewhat aloof and my writing is going to be broken compared to how it normally is. I don’t know if this is the right section to post this in either, so I apologize if there is a more appropriate section. So, I have known this chick for 3 years, met her online and we’ve never been together in person. That’s something very important to me and we’re just a 3 hour drive down 1 interstate from one another, something we’re aiming for. She faces very difficult life circumstances and we’ve grown closer over these past few years, more recently becoming as sexually active as one can be long distance and romantic toward one another. She’s told me I could be her boyfriend; we were on the path to making this something more. Emotionally, she can be prickly at times. She’s blown up on me over her misunderstandings and not talked to me for days on end. Sometimes, it genuinely is my fault. But, she’s also guilty of refusing to see where she was wrong, stonewalling me for days on end and being unreasonable. Which then, I would just go with no contact until she came around. She wasn’t my girlfriend at the time so I’d have a no tolerance principle in being treated with any kind of disrespect or as an emotional tampon and made that clear. I’m currently being stonewalled, and because of how our dynamic has grown and changed, it is hurting me a lot. It’s been 8 days now since we’ve spoken. It was a misunderstanding that caused this, she emotionally reacted strongly to something I’d written to assuage her in manner not relevant to what I’d said that caused her some minor upset, she said hurtful and demeaning things to me in the process, mistaking my assuaging as insecurity and defensiveness, when with what she said that needed assuaging required me to explain myself in such a manner. She would not allow me to explain it or myself, to which I told her that her emotional reaction to, does not dictate the nature of what I’d said. I told her that it caused me pain to think that what I was assuaging her of may have made her feel. Even going to lengths to make it clear that I was not saying so to say “boohoo, poor me” or change the nature of the subject at hand, and was still accused of playing the victim in a demeaning manner. She repeatedly called me an idiot, stupid and incapable of learning. I told her this was not o.k. to speak to me in that manner and swear at me to which she said that I want to pretend to be the better person there, and was using ****ty logic with that telling her that I don’t swear at her and never would. She insisted that I don't care about her, to which I later told her to basically never say again, that, that couldn't be further from the truth. I've been there for her and so patient and caring, I adore this woman. I owned up to and apologized for my part and mistakes in causing this to happen and am always willing and open to talk through and work on things at hand, she knows this. Have heard nothing from her. Just silence. Last night, I decided it important to tell her that her stonewalling was genuinely hurting me and she needed to know that and despite that am here waiting for her, patient and caring. I made the mistake of texting her earlier today. Saying I can't help but want to send her pictures I take on my little adventures like I normally do. I regret it, knowing she won't respond and having intended to implement no contact. The effect this stonewalling has had on me is pretty powerful and negative, I’m weak at the moment and in need of an outside perspective. I’m considering cutting things off and removing her to truly and deeply communicate how not alright any of this is to me... I find it incredibly immature and destructive and am at the end of my rope between how many times she's stonewalled me in the past and her speaking to me the way she did coupled with the threat of never speaking to me again. I also don't want to because of how badly others have hurt her in the past, just abandoning her and other things.... I truly care about her, but this silence makes me feel like there is none for me there at all. I don’t even know what else to say. Edited June 28, 2016 by Feral Typos
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Oh, dear. You've been talking to her for 3 years, she said you could be her boyfriend, you're only 3 hours apart - yet you've never met? Why? That should be a huge red flag in and of itself. Let me guess - you've tried to, and she always has excuses not to? How old are you both? Please tell me you've at least spoken to her live on webcam. Look, I know you won't want to hear this but you're being played in a major way. Something doesn't add up about this woman. She freaks out for seemingly no reason, berates you, gives you the silent treatment, then resurfaces some time later. Something tells me you're not the only guy she's got around, hence her need to disappear so he doesn't get suspicious. Why do you tolerate this? Especially from someone you've never laid eyes on in person. Don't waste your time or heart on what is essentially an online buddy. She sounds like a total jerk.
Buddhist Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 All I can tell you is this. Your potential GF is highly reactive, that does not make for a good relationship. Why not try dating someone else instead.
Author Feral Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Oh, dear. You've been talking to her for 3 years, she said you could be her boyfriend, you're only 3 hours apart - yet you've never met? Why? That should be a huge red flag in and of itself. Let me guess - you've tried to, and she always has excuses not to? How old are you both? Please tell me you've at least spoken to her live on webcam. Look, I know you won't want to hear this but you're being played in a major way. Something doesn't add up about this woman. She freaks out for seemingly no reason, berates you, gives you the silent treatment, then resurfaces some time later. Something tells me you're not the only guy she's got around, hence her need to disappear so he doesn't get suspicious. Why do you tolerate this? Especially from someone you've never laid eyes on in person. Don't waste your time or heart on what is essentially an online buddy. She sounds like a total jerk. I'm open to anything anyone has to say. We've never met because there was no reason for me to then. And the only thing stopping me now is over these past couple months, my financial life has been torn to shreds by people I put trust in and have to start anew, new car, new place, etc. It really blows. She doesn't drive, so. Of course we've spoken on webcam though, I have enough trust issues as it is, I need that, especially with distance. Our age? I'm 28, she's 21... That's for sure a part of my problem here. All I can tell you is this. Your potential GF is highly reactive, that does not make for a good relationship. Why not try dating someone else instead. This is a sentiment I take to heart and am feeling myself. I'm strongly leaning toward cutting her out, not sure if I should wait or how to go about it all, quite yet. Distance, age gap, her behavior are all pretty new to me so feel lost in how to go about this.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I'm open to anything anyone has to say. We've never met because there was no reason for me to then. And the only thing stopping me now is over these past couple months, my financial life has been torn to shreds by people I put trust in and have to start anew, new car, new place, etc. It really blows. She doesn't drive, so. Of course we've spoken on webcam though, I have enough trust issues as it is, I need that, especially with distance. Our age? I'm 28, she's 21... That's for sure a part of my problem here. This is a sentiment I take to heart and am feeling myself. I'm strongly leaning toward cutting her out, not sure if I should wait or how to go about it all, quite yet. Distance, age gap, her behavior are all pretty new to me so feel lost in how to go about this. If she is this bad and you've even met, imagine how much worse it will be in person. I can guarantee - it will be worse. She is very reactionary and immature. Simply tell her this treatment is unacceptable and not conducive to a relationship. Farewell. Full stop. Don't waste another moment of your time on someone who doesn't respect you and is coldly dismissive of of your feelings. This won't lead anywhere good.
Buddhist Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 This is a sentiment I take to heart and am feeling myself. I'm strongly leaning toward cutting her out, not sure if I should wait or how to go about it all, quite yet. Distance, age gap, her behavior are all pretty new to me so feel lost in how to go about this. Since she is stonewalling you, just don't pick up the webcam next time she calls. You are not BF\GF, you haven't even met in person. She is behaving very badly, there is no real requirement to be gentle here. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Let this one go. She is a bomb ready to blow and if she can do that on line she can do that face to face. This is not good. You need to walk away from this for your own sanity. You are getting very emotional over a person you have never met...
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