leogirl876 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 So I'm curious, how many exchanged messages back & forth is appropriate for asking a girl out? Seriously, it seems like some of these guys I meet online are either looking for a pen pal or are trying to get to know my life story through an email. Seriously, if we've exchanged like a couple rounds back & forth and you're still asking me questions about me instead of asking me if I want to go out, I'm loosing interest. Anyone else care to chime in? What do you men think about this?
normal person Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 So I'm curious, how many exchanged messages back & forth is appropriate for asking a girl out? Seriously, it seems like some of these guys I meet online are either looking for a pen pal or are trying to get to know my life story through an email. Seriously, if we've exchanged like a couple rounds back & forth and you're still asking me questions about me instead of asking me if I want to go out, I'm loosing interest. Anyone else care to chime in? What do you men think about this? Totally agree. I've found you can always get the number of the first message if you have a well edited message including some humor and bit of personality: "Hey, thank you so much for your message, I actually (joke about something she referenced from your profile). Anyways, you seem nice enough, although (joke about something in her profile you're faux-skeptical about) and this messaging stuff can get a bit tedious, why don't you give me your number, I'll text you a bit and we can go out later in the week, cool? If not, best of luck with (another joke about the thing in her profile you're faux-skeptical about)." I don't think that has ever not worked for me. If she doesn't give you much to feed off of in her first message(ex: "hi"), you need to try and extract at least a little personal info or personality from her in the second message and then you can play the "messaging is tedious" card. 1
Ami1uwant Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Depends on what site. If you are having a back and forth IM conversation then maybe in about 15-20 minutes if you are having good conversation. If it's sending messages back and forth but it's not a continuous flow, ask for a number and talk 15-20 min and then ask.
Author leogirl876 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Depends on what site. If you are having a back and forth IM conversation then maybe in about 15-20 minutes if you are having good conversation. If it's sending messages back and forth but it's not a continuous flow, ask for a number and talk 15-20 min and then ask. This has been email messaging through the dating site of eHarmony. As a woman, should I try hint at it like "hey, would love to talk about this person" or something, or just ignore the guy because he's dropping the ball?
smackie9 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 By all means yes encourage them to meet up/ask you out. Some of them don't have enough b$%#& to ask someone out. As for the penpals, they probably have a GF or are married, lookin for an emotional affair. Most on here say 2 seshes of exchanging conversation then ask out. 1
BikerAccnt Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I generally ask by the third or fourth message for a meet. I send, they reply, i write a more thoughtful reply and I ask. Generally that's how I roll. I am not looking for pen pals. I find it's better to find out about someone in person than via text or typing. Of course, if the woman is uncomfortable with meeting that soon, and says so, I am willing to continue to correspond for a time, but I wont do it for weeks. Either meet me or don't. I prefer decisive people anyway. I've done too much chasing in my life already, I'm not going to chase someone I don't even know for a date. 1
PogoStick Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 With the caveat that each situation should be taken at its own appropriate pace; the sooner a guy asks a girl to meet in person the better. Sometimes a conversation flows quickly and results in a bunch of exchanged messages. I've asked a girl out on the opening message. Usually it's 3ish and then I say "I'm curious to get to know you better. Want to meet for a drink?" Considering an uninterested girl won't even respond to your first message, if you make it to 3 she will most likely agree to meeting. 2
SwordofFlame Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I'll usually ask the woman out after 3-5 messages. If they have a very informative profile, it takes less messages. 1
Larryville Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 With the caveat that each situation should be taken at its own appropriate pace; the sooner a guy asks a girl to meet in person the better. Sometimes a conversation flows quickly and results in a bunch of exchanged messages. I've asked a girl out on the opening message. Usually it's 3ish and then I say "I'm curious to get to know you better. Want to meet for a drink?" Considering an uninterested girl won't even respond to your first message, if you make it to 3 she will most likely agree to meeting. I agree but will add a caveat. Some women, a good chunk of them use OLD sites as a “socialization” platform, basically they have no intention of meeting a guy unless he is super off the charts amazing in her estimation. You can tell the socialization types because they will engage you but the emails are brief and spaced considerable (time wise) apart. Kinda like OLD site “text messaging” enough to keep you maybe on the hook. Why in one current thread the dude who exchanged (30 site messages) perfect example.
carhill Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Seriously, if we've exchanged like a couple rounds back & forth and you're still asking me questions about me instead of asking me if I want to go out, I'm loosing interest. Yeah, I'm with you. Back in the day, when online dating was new, we had a phrase for this, being a 'keyboard romeo'. Women hated it and it was especially prevalent with international dating due to the costs. Comparatively, wooing online was cheap. Getting on a plane, not so much, which is probably why I had such good success. Women liked a man who got on the ground and into their space. The same applies locally and, yep for both genders. I dated a bit after getting divorced and used OLD in that process and generally asked the lady for a first meet on second contact. I didn't really consider a first meet a date because prior to the meet everything was electrons. True attraction can only be established in person, IMO. Better to get that out of the way ASAP rather than investing time, money and emotions in electrons. 1
mizunomead Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 if it was a online site. i asked in some capacity in the initial message i would send to them. the majority of women that responded agreed to meeting in their reply. a few said they wanted to chat more first. which is fine, but i wont go more then a couple days without looking in a meet. im looking to meet people and date, not online chat. if it doesnt work for the other person that is fine by me. probably would not be a match. the woman i am dating now was met online. i asked if she would be interested in meeting in my initial message. when she replied she said yes how about coffee tomorrow after work.
kendahke Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 So I'm curious, how many exchanged messages back & forth is appropriate for asking a girl out? Seriously, it seems like some of these guys I meet online are either looking for a pen pal or are trying to get to know my life story through an email. Seriously, if we've exchanged like a couple rounds back & forth and you're still asking me questions about me instead of asking me if I want to go out, I'm loosing interest. Anyone else care to chime in? What's wrong with you asking them to meet for coffee? You're just as capable as they are of asking them. Also, the first meeting should never be a date.
joseb Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 This thread has been enlightening! I am guilty of too much messaging too aparently. For some reason I got the impression that most women are uncomfortable being asked out so quickly by "strangers". Im going to go all in quickly for a while and see how it goes 1
joseb Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 This thread has been enlightening! I am guilty of too much messaging too apparently. For some reason I got the impression that most women are uncomfortable being asked out so quickly by "strangers". Im going to go all in quickly for a while and see how it goes OK so far, not so good. Got the old "i need to spend time first to see if we have anything in common" and "I'm not just looking for a hookup" Jesus I just asked to meet for a cofffee! This was after about 10 messages over 2 days. 1
Dis Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 OK so far, not so good. Got the old "i need to spend time first to see if we have anything in common" and "I'm not just looking for a hookup" Jesus I just asked to meet for a cofffee! This was after about 10 messages over 2 days. Ohhh poor joseb! Honestly dont bother with the girls that need to message back and forth for a long time until they agree to meet you...they probably just want an OLD penpal or they're not that into you If she likes what she sees.... the convo is going well and she actually wants to meet someone...she'll say yes I'm going to get back into OLD pretty soon and I can tell you that I have no problem saying yes when a guy asks me out on a date right away. I actually prefer it that way. Messaging and texting means nothing if theres no chemistry in person...I would prefer to get the initial meeting out of the way so I know I'm not wasting my time Dont ask the girl out in the first message of course but after you two have exchanged a few messages and she seems like she wants to keep things going....theres no reason why you shouldnt ask her out...that is the point of OLD...to go out on a date 1
joseb Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Thanks dis, Ill cut her a little slack as she is new to tinder and probably a bit scared by all the horror stories! But yeah, I'm not going to be anyone's penpal, nor am I going to go through a Spanish inquisition of questions to prove I'm worthy of a coffee 1
phineas Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Thanks dis, Ill cut her a little slack as she is new to tinder and probably a bit scared by all the horror stories! But yeah, I'm not going to be anyone's penpal, nor am I going to go through a Spanish inquisition of questions to prove I'm worthy of a coffee This. Tinder girl is being weird. wants to text but is clearly avoiding a meet but initiating texts still. women like this have issues with meeting guys from online in my experience. however, the woman i talked to today GAVE me her number one message before I asked and while talking on the phone said "we can meet if you want" just before I asked. LOL. one extreme to the other. 1
Dis Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Thanks dis, Ill cut her a little slack as she is new to tinder and probably a bit scared by all the horror stories! But yeah, I'm not going to be anyone's penpal, nor am I going to go through a Spanish inquisition of questions to prove I'm worthy of a coffee Oh ok that makes more sense then...understandable. I tend to asssume everyone has been OLD forever because of how tired I get from it. Be yourself and she'll say yes to a meet up soon! 1
joseb Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 It's one if those two things, genuinely unsure as she is a newbie or just a meeting avoider...she looks cute though so will keep her in mind and update. The other woman I asked out ignored the question and answered a different one I'd asked earlier! she is no newbie, so i'm going to drop!
Dis Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 It's one if those two things, genuinely unsure as she is a newbie or just a meeting avoider...she looks cute though so will keep her in mind and update. The other woman I asked out ignored the question and answered a different one I'd asked earlier! she is no newbie, so i'm going to drop! Yes def drop the second one! But I think you're right in giving the new girl more of a chance...I forgot about this but when I was new to OLD a guy asked me out pretty quickly and I asked him if we could talk alittle bit first....I was alittle intimidated by OLD but did want to meet someone So I think she'll come around once you two chat alittle more...just be yourself!
Erik30 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 I always thought that if you asked a girl out too soon, (after just a coupe of messages) she would assume the guy is only after sex instead of getting to know her. So I'm probably also guilty of talking too much before I ask a girl to meet. I once asked after a week of talking, and was actually worried that was too quick. But I should mention that I'm not really experienced in online dating.
phineas Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 It's one if those two things, genuinely unsure as she is a newbie or just a meeting avoider...she looks cute though so will keep her in mind and update. The other woman I asked out ignored the question and answered a different one I'd asked earlier! she is no newbie, so i'm going to drop! Hard to tell if someone is iffy about meeting or just wants attention. So I tend to pull back and see if they follow. For obvious attention seekers.... Haha. Is that not the best? -would you like to meet wed? -I had an aweful day at work, please ask me what happened so I can unload my problems on you. I do wonder how many guys keep texting a woman like that? It must be a fair amount since women like this are quite common online.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Usually within' a reasonable time frame. Depends on how fast they are on the turn around. I don't ask for a phone # in the first or 2nd email, but within a reasonable amount of time if done organically. I usually ask to talk on the phone in a few exchanges online, then schedule going out while on the first phone call with her. Yeah, I get those strange ones that believe in not giving out their # to talk first, I move on from them...they are shady. I can't see myself scheduling a face-to-face meet with someone I haven't talked to on the phone. Sometimes I get those weirdos that "aren't ready yet", and throw the "patience is a virtue" line at me. I've actually seen a woman say this in their profile, "I MEET when I am READY to meet! If you give it time, it means we're keeping it special" Or something like that. Sounds like a cat-fisher.
Recommended Posts