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Guy Im dating bookmarked this relationship article- good or bad?

BrownEyedGurl1

By BrownEyedGurl1
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BrownEyedGurl1 Member

BrownEyedGurl1

Posted
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For the record, I wasn't snooping. He asked me to bookmark a YouTube video on his computer when I played it for him and his last "bookmark" popped up when I did it. It was an article about "How To Make a Relationship Last"

 

Usually I would think this is good. I really really liked this guy (3 dates) up til this point. However, at the end of this date he made a comment about getting together again and then said, more to himself, "it is good to express interest." This makes me think he has no idea how to be in a relationship and he read that statement from this article.

 

I have a history of attracting socially inept, emotionally distant guys who have no idea of how to be in a relationship and I have to "teach" them and essentially be the bigger person. While I think it is good to try to improve yourself, I'm tired of selling myself short and always being the more socially intelligent nicer person in a relationship who has to endure more. I'd like to be with someone on the same level as me. I am now afraid this guy is like that. Am I overreacting?

mizunomead Established Member

mizunomead

Posted
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I would not worry about it yet. Not a whole lot different then posting questions about it on a dating forum :cool:

  • Like 5
tinkerbell16 Established Member

tinkerbell16

Posted
Posted
For the record, I wasn't snooping. He asked me to bookmark a YouTube video on his computer when I played it for him and his last "bookmark" popped up when I did it. It was an article about "How To Make a Relationship Last"

 

Usually I would think this is good. I really really liked this guy (3 dates) up til this point. However, at the end of this date he made a comment about getting together again and then said, more to himself, "it is good to express interest." This makes me think he has no idea how to be in a relationship and he read that statement from this article.

 

I have a history of attracting socially inept, emotionally distant guys who have no idea of how to be in a relationship and I have to "teach" them and essentially be the bigger person. While I think it is good to try to improve yourself, I'm tired of selling myself short and always being the more socially intelligent nicer person in a relationship who has to endure more. I'd like to be with someone on the same level as me. I am now afraid this guy is like that. Am I overreacting?

There is nothing to worry about. He is open to self improvement and it looks as though he has the ability to learn and implement. Nothing but good here.

  • Like 2
Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

Posted
Posted
For the record,

 

I have a history of attracting socially inept, emotionally distant guys who have no idea of how to be in a relationship and I have to "teach" them and essentially be the bigger person. While I think it is good to try to improve yourself, I'm tired of selling myself short and always being the more socially intelligent nicer person in a relationship who has to endure more. I'd like to be with someone on the same level as me. I am now afraid this guy is like that. Am I overreacting?

 

FYI, reading your OP makes me feel that you are anything except the socially intelligent and the nicer person you claim to be. You are judging some guy who so far as not put a foot wrong with you on the basis of him reading an article and making a little mental note to himself. And are now in fear that you are....sellling yourself short? Just wow.

 

For the record, we tend to attract people who are on our level. You might not like what the universe is telling you with this. But it's true. I'd say given this guy is someone you like and prior to these little slips you did not suspect of being a social retard, maybe, just maybe you own social ineptitude had lowered a few percentage points since last time.

  • Like 5
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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lol i think its cute..but i guess im weird...i also feel its good stuff to be had that he would look up ways to make a relationship last and not pretend he knows everything ...but actively seek to learn to better himself.....this guys a keeper in my opinion...he sounds nervous...make it easy for him to relax...maybe you might learn some things from him....from fresh eyes and a new perspective.....for after all.....none of us know everything and we can always learn new ways to make a relationship rock.....best wishes...deb

  • Like 2
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted

It seems for whatever reason he has had trouble with relationships do he made an effort to figure out if he was doing something wrong and try to correct it. Is anything wrong there?

  • Like 1
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BrownEyedGurl1 Member

BrownEyedGurl1

Posted
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Posted
FYI, reading your OP makes me feel that you are anything except the socially intelligent and the nicer person you claim to be. You are judging some guy who so far as not put a foot wrong with you on the basis of him reading an article and making a little mental note to himself. And are now in fear that you are....sellling yourself short? Just wow.

 

For the record, we tend to attract people who are on our level. You might not like what the universe is telling you with this. But it's true. I'd say given this guy is someone you like and prior to these little slips you did not suspect of being a social retard, maybe, just maybe you own social ineptitude had lowered a few percentage points since last time.

 

Wow, you are incredibly harsh. I have never done to any guy I have liked the things my ex boyfriends did to me.

 

I am not necessarily judging, just worried he will turn out to be the same and if I should see this as a red flag. Thank you others for your responses.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

What if the bookmark is not for himself but for a friend or someone he knows that likes these articles.

 

You know all those 20 gallon compressor bookmarks in my pc aren't for me.

Cablebandit Established Member

Cablebandit

Posted
Posted
Wow, you are incredibly harsh. I have never done to any guy I have liked the things my ex boyfriends did to me.

 

I am not necessarily judging, just worried he will turn out to be the same and if I should see this as a red flag. Thank you others for your responses.

 

Harsh but honest...I'll accept the harsh truth over a smooth lie any day.

  • Like 3
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
For the record, I wasn't snooping. He asked me to bookmark a YouTube video on his computer when I played it for him and his last "bookmark" popped up when I did it. It was an article about "How To Make a Relationship Last"

 

Usually I would think this is good. I really really liked this guy (3 dates) up til this point. However, at the end of this date he made a comment about getting together again and then said, more to himself, "it is good to express interest." This makes me think he has no idea how to be in a relationship and he read that statement from this article.

 

I have a history of attracting socially inept, emotionally distant guys who have no idea of how to be in a relationship and I have to "teach" them and essentially be the bigger person. While I think it is good to try to improve yourself, I'm tired of selling myself short and always being the more socially intelligent nicer person in a relationship who has to endure more. I'd like to be with someone on the same level as me. I am now afraid this guy is like that. Am I overreacting?

 

The whole him mumbling some line from the video under his breath like a weird robot is bizarre.

 

It is NOT the same as asking for relationship advice on LS. The problem isn't about whether you ask for advice or read or watch relationship videos, the problem is if this person is genuinely socially inept to where they have to whisper the mantras to themselves out loud on a date in order to know how to act. How weird would that be for me to ask for dating advice on LS or from friends or read it and then on the date I'm whispering to myself "Smile...ask questions...compliment him..."

 

Look, OP, you know your pattern. You may need to examine why you attract men like this, as the common denominator is you and until you unlock why it will continue. But trust yourself. You are an expert now at the signs of socially inept guys that you need to teach, so while you may not need to use the video as the deal breaker, you should very much have your eyes and ears peeled for signs of the same ol' same ol' and follow through if you see them.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

 

I have a history of attracting socially inept, emotionally distant guys who have no idea of how to be in a relationship

 

The common denominator in all of these experiences is you. Might be helpful to spend some time examining this before trying to get into another relationship if this same experience keeps recurring over and over again.

  • Like 2
DJOkawari Established Member

DJOkawari

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The under his breath thing is weird to me. I agree with you on that.

 

Nothing you can do but keep it in mind. It's not like you have to be in a relationship with him at a certain time. Just wait until you're 100% sure.

  • Like 1
Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

Posted
Posted (edited)
Wow, you are incredibly harsh. I have never done to any guy I have liked the things my ex boyfriends did to me.

 

I am not necessarily judging, just worried he will turn out to be the same and if I should see this as a red flag. Thank you others for your responses.

 

Actually I did the same thing to you, that you did to him. Offensive isn't it? ;) Taking one little thing that doesn't seem right (you talking about how socially intelligent you are while simultaneously demonstrating your lack of it) when I don't know you and using that to put a slur on your character. It's really unfair.

Edited by Buddhist
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
The under his breath thing is weird to me. I agree with you on that.

 

Nothing you can do but keep it in mind. It's not like you have to be in a relationship with him at a certain time. Just wait until you're 100% sure.

 

I think the under the breath thing is a little odd. Especially I'm imagining if he said it aloud, he may have intended it for you! Like sarcastic, that you need to show more interest. Which would point to insecurity issues on his end and social ineptness that you spoke about. I guess he could have just been "telling himself"--but then that is also a bit odd. At 3 dates in, you don't know him well enough for that not to be taken the wrong way--so if he's trying to make a good impression or present his best self, it's not a great move--again, points to social ineptness. Now, if the tone was funny, quirky and you guys are playful like that, it could be cute. You need to analyze what the tone and context was.

 

I agree with DJ though that it's not enough to stop dating him. Just gather more info on your subsequent dates. I think the bookmark thing was pretty cute, points to someone who cares and seemingly wants to develop a good, healthy relationship. I would take that one as a good sign. It all means nothing though without context and what his actions are on a day to day basis. good luck

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
The whole him mumbling some line from the video under his breath like a weird robot is bizarre.

 

It is NOT the same as asking for relationship advice on LS. The problem isn't about whether you ask for advice or read or watch relationship videos, the problem is if this person is genuinely socially inept to where they have to whisper the mantras to themselves out loud on a date in order to know how to act. How weird would that be for me to ask for dating advice on LS or from friends or read it and then on the date I'm whispering to myself "Smile...ask questions...compliment him..."

 

.

 

There is truth to this^^.

 

Most people are guided by their feelings, emotions. They know what to do based on their emotions, it's instinctive.

 

It's possible he lacks depth of emotion, he's just going through the motions and following some "how to" advice written in some article.... because in reality he doesn't feel much of anything.... so obviously is at a loss as to how to act based on those feelings.

 

I know I am only speculating but that is the first thing that popped into my head after reading the original post.

 

That he doesn't feel much, is emotionally blocked or closed... and is just going through the motions because he wants a RL. Any woman will do.

 

Or, he could be socially inept, or be autistic (Asperger's).... in any event, I don't think it is wrong for the OP to at least question it (in her own mind) and with us here.

 

Frankly I think it's a bit weird too...

Edited by katiegrl
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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