Xidion Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I never really thought about this until today. I was at work, thinking about things me and my recent ex talked about pertaining to her life, and it didn't really hit me until today. All 3 of my most recent ex's have had some sort of traumatic childhood experience pertaining to their family. The first, parents divorced when she was 8, and she took it hard, and she was raped by her uncle as a child. The next, her dad was never around, was an alcoholic, and called her to ask her for money all the time and would call her very foul names when she would decline. The most recent, never knew her biological mom until an adult and her first step mom was an alcoholic and was violent toward them. I even remember her telling me the story of her trying to kill herself when she was only 12. This is in no way meant to say that people who come from a broken home are broken... but in my personal experience, it seems to have led to relationships with emotionally unstable people who have the ability to change their feelings on a whim.
bummer Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 This is in no way meant to say that people who come from a broken home are broken... but in my personal experience, it seems to have led to relationships with emotionally unstable people who have the ability to change their feelings on a whim. Well, where there is smoke, theres a fire. fact is EVERYONE has some baggage and didn't need to be molested to make it. You like emotionally unavailable women. me too. Don't know if I can smell them, but at a wedding I started dancing with the quiet girl I liked who immediately started answering small talk with evasive warning signs and fortunately walked away. i started to see the red flags in just a few minutes and thought it strange I went right for her.
266696687 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I don't really think this is anything unusual. If you can make it to adult life without some sort of trauma, hardship or family dysfunction you are in the minority. Most people have problems in their childhood or family life. I think it's part of life in general. Parents divorce, families argue and fall out, people have alcoholic parents or drug addict family members some suffer violence and other abuse. There is probably a higher incidence of families with some sort dysfunction than not. If you grew up and had a happy childhood and relatively stress free family life you should consider yourself very lucky. Most people would probably fall somewhere in the middle mostly happy (hopefully) but with a few problems. Every one has a story or two to share I'm sure! I think the point is to try and do better for yourself and your own family than what you had yourself. Striving for a happy, comfortable life.
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Things have the meaning we give them. "Why, then, 'tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare One of my exes comes from a stable two-parent home, was the youngest of her family, coddled and protected, she's a medical doctor, ... crazy as a loon. Has never been able to keep a man. Before or since me. Another woman I know had a very hard life. She's one of the most stable, loving, kind, generous, and fun people I know. I wouldn't assume a woman's background determines her success or failure, but how she deals with it. The same is true with us men. Some of us had great upbringings. Can't get right. Others, like my father, had a rough upbringing and is one of the best husbands and fathers around. Life is what you make it. 4
Alamo657 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 The same is true with us men. Some of us had great upbringings. Can't get right. Others, like my father, had a rough upbringing and is one of the best husbands and fathers around. Life is what you make it. I partly agree on the degree of control we have on our destiny. IMHO, a person who experienced problems in his/her upbringing can develop two ways : reproduce her parents dysfunctional behavior, or go the completely opposite way. Then i believe its genetics and social relationships that will push you either way. I think we have very little control in how our personallity develops during childhood/teenagehood, it's just random dumb luck, wether its positive or negative. 1
Trinity_84 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 One of my exes comes from a stable two-parent home, was the youngest of her family, coddled and protected, she's a medical doctor, ... crazy as a loon. Has never been able to keep a man. Before or since me. This is true. I had an ex who had seriously the ideal upbringing. Amazing family, great education, good friends and financial/emotional/physical stability. But for some reason they ended up being pretty addicted to all kinds of drugs and dangerous situations, catching STD's left and right and just making horrible decisions for themselves (including suicide attempts). You never know what kind of baggage people might have and why they carry it! 2
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I partly agree on the degree of control we have on our destiny. IMHO, a person who experienced problems in his/her upbringing can develop two ways : reproduce her parents dysfunctional behavior, or go the completely opposite way. Then i believe its genetics and social relationships that will push you either way. I think we have very little control in how our personallity develops during childhood/teenagehood, it's just random dumb luck, wether its positive or negative. In terms of relationships, we can choose to treat our partners well. We can choose to treat our children well. No matter what happened to me yesterday, I can be kind to someone I claim to love today. That's a choice. And it's a choice WE make. Not our parents. Now it is true there were situations in my past that I didn't have the knowledge, experience or skill to deal with properly. However, despite my ignorance and incompetence, the choices I made were still my choices. The choices that destroyed more than one relationship - still my choices. Rather than being arrogant and feeling justified, maybe I could have been humble and had a sense of urgency about repairing in any damage I caused. But, no. Choices. 4
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