Dasani Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Good morning, (I tried to edit it down.. to me the length is necessary- I tried to include the important details as I see them- coming from a mid-20's male lol - as *I* remember doing them... so please bear with me) I have a bit of ADD/dislexia.. not sure which, I've gotten thru life fine but I notice my mind wanders at really bad points sometimes. JUST IN CASE- read past the "******ALL THE ABOVE IN A NUTSHELL********" for the REAL quick little detail version LOL With that said.... In a summer class I'm taking... I sat next to an attractive blonde (um... theresa) in my class the first day of school and have been there ever since (now going on 4th week). Week one- friends... we all talk about going to have coffee while studying (with a 2nd girl (lets say... Tina) - our little class "clique"). Nothing happens- but I dont expect it too.. I dont show a LOT of interest in her- on purpose- I'm needing to ge tback into swing of things with going to summer classes... really- not playing games. Week two (w2)- during our Wed class I ask if she'd like to go get some ice cream (instead of a drink or coffee) and she responded with an enthusiastic yes! So we go get ice cream and we have the first outside of class "whats going on in your life.. what do you like etc etc..." more or less the common (but I love it) stuff. I end the icecream chat early. I ask and receive her number. Thurs night (W2) Her, "Tina", and I go get coffee and study for our Friday exam. All 3 of us get thru some studying and then proceed with chatting (once the caffeine go goin heh). We sit out talking well past closing- at one point, I ask her if she'd like to put her feet up on my leg... she does.. after a while I test waters by rubbing ankle and shin... her legs stay on mine for the rest of coffee lol. Long story short... when we're done, I walk her back to her car and I ask her out for Sunday and she says ok! Friday (w2) - I let "Theresa" and "Tina" know I'd be at school EARLY to go back over stuff we DIDN't the night before. Neither girl took me up- thinking they knew enough.... I didnt so I know they didnt. (we then take test and I let Theresa know I'll be calling her Sat for our Sunday date- I then have to go to work for late shift) I call her on Saturday and let her know whats up for Sunday and asked her how her day went etc... nice lil convo... then we hung up =) Sunday (w2)... I meet her at a bar near her work, we chat for a little while, I buy her a drink she has never had before, and she loved it. We then go and see a movie. Right before the movie starts, I test the waters a bit more and hold her hand while going from light hallway into dark theater. Her hand stays in mine till we walk up stairs...we chat and laugh then previews begin.. more excitement, laughter, and excited/laughter (at both movies and between us) (hands held all thru movie)... movie ends - we chat more on our walk back to our respective cars. Still a hug good bye... Monday (w3) (Text message received) "I dont know if u use texts but I just wanted to say I had fun last night." (woot!) Monday night- we get to class- we get our tests back- I make a high A and she didnt do as well as we thought. So her and I go out for coffee to read back over what she missed and to reinforce some of the subject (for real lol). We meet up with a friend of hers- all 3 of us chat for like 3 hours... There is more ankle rubbing lol. ***We make plans with her to go out on Saturday night*** We dont leave coffee place until like 2:30 am (when a rent-a-cop drives by to tell us we have to leave now lol). I am wished "happy birthday" by both girls (Tuesday was my b-day). We get up... I hug her from behind while her friend packs up her stuff, we all say good bye, and they go home and do I. Tuesday (w3)(birthday) I work all afternoon- but call her up mid way thru and ask if she wants to skip class today (letting her know full well I'd understand if she felt she needed to goto class). She calls me back after work saying she had decided "earlier" today not to goto class because she was going to hang out with her friend (the girlfriend from last night)- but she'd think about swinging by the bar I was goign to be at later (mind you the bar I was at was a good 45 min from where she was working at). My friend and I go to this bar after I get off work and proceed to have a drink or 2 and a cigar. She calls me and tells me she is on her way! (how great!) She shows up an hour later... alone... and talks with my friend, has a god time, I buy her a drink- she likes it too (I'm hoping haha- she said she did so I choose to believe her). After about 2 hours later (like 8:45pm) As I walk her to her car- thinkign she was going to hang out with her girlfriends- she makes it very clear that I am invited to whereever she was going. Some how (I was a bit drunk of course) we end up going to my place (sigh I live at home w/ parents lol). She and I sit on my patio (kind of a mexican cantina feel to it with colored lights, covered, wind chimes, and random motherly details to make an unserene backyard... serene =) and talk some more - again this is my parents house, not like we can go anywhere to do anything- and both of us had been drinking so no reason to go driving anywhere else. We chat for about an hour or so, my father comes home.. wishes me a happy birthday and I introduce my father to "theresa" and he goes back in the house. We continue to have good convo- AT ONE POINT she lets me know that she is seeing other people... including a person in College Station (which she has mentioned a few times of her being there - which I was fine with lol.. I went to College Station lol) I just played it cool - letting her know (or so I hope) "I heard you and understand." And left the topic alone. But thinking to myself... I'm not taking your comment with a grain of salt, but i'm not gonna let it mess up the fact YOU (theresa) took off from class, YOU drove 45 min out of your way, YOU are over at my house spending time with me not with anyone else.. you.. are ignoring incoming phone calls from the friends you said you were supposed to be taking off class for lol. My mother then comes home.. she comes outside to say hi, and in my drunk state (again I'm not really drunk had stopped drinking like now 3 hours ago) - but I'm nervous about her meeting my parents -- esp so early... I introduce "theresa" as "THERESA" (to clarify... I introduced a girl whose name IRL is similar to Melissa to my mother, Patricia)! I was dumbfounded at my own mistake... sigh I tried to explain.. "theresa" seemingly brushed it off land laughed at me... My mom sits and chats for a little while with both of us- like 30 min and then goes back in house. I'm still quite embarrased by calling her Theresa instead of her real name (again I actually called her theresa and thats not her real name- I use "theresa" for some irony in this story). We talk a little bit more- its now like 1am and we both agree to call it a night. I walk her hout to her car... As we go to give each other a hug, I take my shot lol.. and I kiss her.. simple lip on lip kiss. Its returned. We kiss for like 2 minutes (which when you count off 120 seconds.. is a long time). These arent deep passionate kisses... but they arent pecks lol. We say good bye and she drives off. Wednesday! (w3) I'm all sorts of thrilled to see her again.. of course! I get into class- someone else is in her seat- and she is up a chair - so we cannot talk like we normally do... shes there.. and barely a word!!! She says Hi, I say hi and I'm about to start talking with her before class when I see her pouring over her HW.. like in an obvious "I'm studying" way- shes reading over the class material from the day we missed). So I keep quiet. During class I let her and "tina" know I can go study with them to catch up on class notes from Tuesday and to reinforce Wednesday's material. After class she rushes out to her car well ahead of "Tina" and I and waves and says a "bye all" to Tina and I. she gets in her car and leaves. So.. I leave it alone for the day.. I dont call her- I give her space in case shes confused as to whaat happend with kiss.. I have no clue.. but I leave it alone. Thursday(w3). I work but I leave early enough to get to class like 3 hours early again (we have a test) and I textmessage Theresa to know I'll be available to study with before test... as I have done multiple times. No response.. I then decide, "thats fine I'll study with others" both in a well i'm not gonna play your game and I needed to study in a group! lol So i find the 2 of the cutest other girls in the class and study with them for like an hour and a half. She shows up and has to walk right by us. She looks at me smiles a "hi" and walks right past into class. I go in a few min later- she stays glued to her study sheet- I say hi, she says hi... Test begins... I finish way early and go outside to wait for the rest of class (we continue class after test). She comes out like 30 min later- her TIna and I talk about test... and Tina and her talk abotu work... I guess i was staying quiet.. she was being more responsive than wednesday. AFTER class.. I walk with her out to her car and ask if Saturday night was still on... given how "busy" she has been (I didnt ask why she hadn't called I just let her know I assumed she was busy). Which she responded "yeah I have been busy! Hectic week" and "yeah! sure!" to the date. So I said "I'll give you a call on friday then" "Ok!" "have a good night, Theresa" You too! and we both leave. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ******ALL THE ABOVE IN A NUTSHELL******** Guy meets girl in class; guy asks girl for ice cream (1 1/2 hrs & hit it off); guy asks girl out for movie date (4 hours & holding hands); guy meets girl and her girl friend (5+ hours & make date with girl ... not girl's friend lol, for Saturday); girl meets guy on Tuesday (before Saturday) for drinks on my B-day 6+hours & she comes over to house, meets parents, we kiss goodnight); next day she barely acknowledges me; day after that- more of same but I still step up and ask if Saturday is still on - yes it is; Friday.... Friday (w3) afternoon.. call but dont leave a message. (no return phone call) Friday night - call at like 9:50pm and leave a message...something like this "Hi 'theresa' its 'Desani', gimme a call at earliest convenience to confirm what time you're off work Saturday and if I could get directions to your house to pick you up- as we have plans for approx 8:15-8:30) (no return phone call) I refused to call her again- due to I saw in the past 2 weeks how her cell phone is always with her- and how she does not answer her phone when she was with me. I knwo she checks her call log and messages religiously... like almost any person does lol Saturday (w3). I go ahead and make all the necessary plans- as if she called.. in hopes that she would call. no call. No call on Sunday either.... I proceeed with my plans... with someone else So it is now Monday(week4)... I have class tonight. I have not spoken to her (where she has spoken back lol since Thursday) I really LIKED this girl. I do like her of course but I was ignored, calls unreturned, and basically stood up! What should I do? [edit] changed title from "1st time post- need some advice for tonight" after reading the title suggestions of "we know you 'need advice' and would like us 'to please read' dont put thos ein your title!" ROFLAO [/edit]
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 So.. I leave it alone for the day.. I dont call her- I give her space in case shes confused as to whaat happend with kiss.. I have no clue.. but I leave it alone. She could be mad because you didn't call her the day after the kiss. But then why would she not be too thrilled to see you or call you back? Hmm, something isn't right. A game is being played or she's not into you. Just come right out and ask her what is going on. Do this face to face. I think that's the only way you'll find out for sure. Maybe tina told her she liked you too? Maybe she's jealous? I don't know where the friend fits into the picture, but either way you need to find out what's up. Hang in there, try not to let this consume you.
Author Dasani Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 ah.. my bad... the day after we kissed.. I text'd her - "Hola! Como Estas Seniorita "theresa"?" I knew she was working til 5 so i figured she couldnt answer her phone... no response. then I saw her in class and got the cold shoulder =/ and I wont let it consume me.. I give myself some time to think about it though.. thats what this is... after tonight i'll either be done with it or we'll see each other again. I'm very tempted to do 1 of 2 things lol... 1) Just act like nothing happened and act like nothing but class mates toward her (run game) 2) or come out and say you missed one hell of a play (The Producers) this weekend... how come you didnt return my call? (this is putting it nicely)
Opium Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 From the sounds of it, if she wasn't picking up phone calls with you it was probably a guy calling, maybe even a bf. Do you think she has bf, did you ask? I have a feeling from what I read she has a man and never told you. After the kiss she maybe realized she made a mistake and your intentions weren't just 'friends'. I wouldn't call anymore, it's kinda ashame she wasn't woman enough to at least call you and tell you what's going on. It's all about the game, I hate these stupid games. When you see her don't approach her right away. Maybe on a break or after class, it will make her think, why isn't talking to me or paying attention? After asking her nicely 'hey what have you been up to, I've called you a couple of times and you didn't return my calls?? Whatever she answers, just be like "ok cool just making sure everything was ok" and walk away. That WILL kill her because for one simply reason, YOU'RE NOT GIVING HER ATTENTION ANYMORE! I don't really know what kind of guy you are but if you're up to it, you can just be honest. This girl for some reason I feel has something up her sleeve. I don't trust her. Good luck
Author Dasani Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 I love the theory of honesty... but thats just it lol. Honesty doesnt get people where they want to be so early in a relationship.. its not all game .. I dont mean that lying is the answer... I just dont know the "game" as well as an attractive blonde such as herself- who probably gets hit on mult times a week. In the detailed part of the story (which i fault none of you for not reading haha) she told me she was seeing other people. In class- the day I asked her out the first time- the teacher asked us in spanish "who has a girlfriend" like 3 guys raised their hands- not me.. "who has a boyfriend" she did NOT raise her hand... so to me -shes available (maybe dating others if she so chooses but .. still available). I do very much like your idea of "'making sure you were ok' and walking off."
Opium Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 You dont' want to sweat her, just make her realize she was just another girl you wanted to get to know better. Pure intentions, nothing more nothing less. I'm not saying all but MOST girls need to be put in their place, they take nice guys for granted. Sometimes giving that bad boy approach like you're better than her works. I'm not saying to do this to get her back but to make her realize she's not all that, get me? Some girls, I tell ya just don't get it.
greenhorn Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 My theory says that If a girl does not returns your phone call then screw it, forget her. Don't run after those who are not into you and it is a bad manner not to call when a plan has been made. God I don't know what girls think of themselves ?? Don't run after them, preserve your dignity that is more important thing to have than a girl!!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 She changed her mind for whatever reason. Maybe it got out of control, she went further than intended. Maybe she has a guy. Move on. You don't want someone who is unstable and inconsistent - this will kill a long term relationship.
Author Dasani Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 i need to have a laptop with me while in class haha.
Fritz Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 I'd second Opium's recommendation just to hear her explantion and then move on. Dating a flake who can't deal with a grown up relationship is not worth your time. Look for another novia. Hasta lasagna, don't get any on ya.
greenhorn Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Dasani i need to have a laptop with me while in class haha. Dude are you ok ? ( just kidding)
Author Dasani Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 ah! heres a good question for the ladies to answer and for the guys to offer what they've been told! What answers should I expect? If I go with opium's idea? She might say her mother was in the hospital... or SHE was... hospitals and funerals are all i'm about willing to take as an explaination lol. Then what ? and again this is just a way of getting prepared, I am confident in many roles in life, but we all have dating histories and girls are one of the "confident as long as everything goes smoothly" types of confident haha. while i'm in class i'll be fine.. so the rest of the semester wil be fine. I can focus my attention on the teacher or move seats. I know how to act as if she werent my friend just an aquaintance.. that isnt hard... what if she asks to study with me again this week or the upcoming week since we have our final after the 4th?
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Dasani I know how to act as if she werent my friend just an aquaintance.. that isnt hard... what if she asks to study with me again this week or the upcoming week since we have our final after the 4th? Don't dance to her tune. Don't be completely contrary either, but start by marking your space.
Opium Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 What answers should I expect? If I go with opium's idea? She might say her mother was in the hospital... or SHE was... hospitals and funerals are all i'm about willing to take as an explaination lol. Then what ? I doubt it very much that is what she's going to say, and if she does, she's bluffing. Well, so she answers you with: "I was busy all weekend, I had some relatives in so I'm sorry I didn't return your call" Your answer: Ok that's cool hope you had fun. Move on, lame excuse!! Another excuse: "I have a bf, sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just thought you were a really nice guy" Your answer: Ok that's cool but next time dont' lead a guy on, See Ya! (move chairs immediately) Another: "I'm sorry I lead you on, I just want to be friends" Your anwser: What do you mean, one kiss and you think I want to get into your pants, friends was all I wanted, I just thought we could be mature about this. But it's cool! <---her reactions! Now, this could fail and she could come with something better, but coming from a woman, I think these are her options. I'm sorry you have to play these games, but unfortanetly some girls just don't get it. You have to treat them a little harsh to make them open their eyes and realize that their not the best thing since sliced bread, lol.
Author Dasani Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 I love it opium- thank you. how many people have gone thru something like this? where its going quite well and then just bottoms out. what did you do? give the person another chance? how did that go? did you just move on? do/did you regret jus tmoving on w/o giving chance or confronting? or were you happy you did that?
Author Dasani Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 sigh.. I seriously need to get -anti-AADD medications.. I'm trying to type all that happend and it flows out so fast i cant keep it in order or comprehendable w/o writing a highly detailed statement lol... I asked her why she didnt call... she said she only received one call and gave up a lame excuse as to why the other one wasnt received (just in case... note to self.... most voice mails you have options after you leave a message... to always press the * button after messages to see if the voice mail asks you if you'd like to review your message) and she said she didnt call me back because she was on the phone already and she doesnt click over - more lame excuses.... she MIGHT like me only as a friend- but when she heard I was going to have taken her to The Producers, but instead I took someoen else and had a lot of fun ... she was a bit more "I'm so sorry - now I feel so bad (repeat a few times through out conversation). Then somethign I had heard before- that she wasnt used to dating someone from her class- and its a bit "weird" so maybe after class "maybe we could go out" (thats her talking). Then I began to fool myself into thinking this would work.... sigh.. live and learn... learn better for next time anyway... I started out well lol.. "thats fine- if you're all uncomfortable then you have my number you can call me. I want to be honest with you and let you know that I have had fun on our few dates, I like you (I'm sure I lost it here haha), I dont knwo much about you but we I have had good tiems on the nights we were out. I kissed you the other night because I wanted too- not looking for any more... but I was so happy that night I couldn't resist. I'm not playing any guilt trips here.. I just thought you shoudl know how I felt- since I wanted to take YOU to the producers... in any case we still had a great time." and then I pretty much said.. "I have no problem letting you know I like you... rest is up to you- if you'd liek to go out- gimme a call. Have a good night" so yes... Dasani = all over the map on this one.. and most likely came out worse for the wear in her eyes. In my opinion I did what I THOUGHT I needed to do... but then hindsight is 20/20. I dont interact on that level with females much ... now I know I should have said "I called you on Friday twice and I recieved no return phone calls.. whats up with that? I would have gotten the answer, and no matter what it was, I should have said, "well not calling me back was uncool and disrespectful. I wanted you to know how I felt so you'll know why I dont sit next to you in class anymore." and left.. but nooooooo I was all weireded out. Well nice thing I learned what I do when with girls of treating them nicely- and being courteous and "mature", stoic, fun but in a I'm an adult-way doesnt work. Courtesy and manners like a good suit... never go out of style.. but even suits you dont wer EVERYday... just wish it would sink in... thanks for the advice all- this is why I needed the laptop in class... When crunch time comes and I'm not accustomed to somethign I fall back on previous habits. sigh... ce la vie... until I learn to know better haha.
Marshbear Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 I like your style Dasani. I think you did exactly the right thing with this girl. The fact that she is weird and dishonest is not your problem. I think she likes you but for some reason has decided not to pursue the relationship. It is her loss. Do not feel that you did anything wrong. She just doesn't know what she wants and that is her problem. I would just say Hi when you see her and leave it at that. I wouldn't try to avoid her or other weird things that will give her the upper hand. Just act like you are cool with the way things turned out and go on about your business. This will bother her more than anything else you could do. Peace...
Author Dasani Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 this is something i've never really asked before... if a guy you know has been in my situation (or maybe you've been the guy)... where you like a girl, and basically want to win her over- since she has had interest prior....she says shes unsure blah blah blah... i'm not interested in laying it on thick pursuit..... I basically want to do in-class-pursuing haha. I dont want to call this girl.. I want to talk to her outside of class but i'll leave phone convos out- since w ehave to be in the same class for these last 2 weeks. I want to be in summer class and sort of still engage her... like would it be too much to slip her a note.. humorous or whatever.. and just say "wanna go get coffee?" or "you know you want coffee... hot yummy coffee.. in those fancy schmancy cups with the i'm-drinking-important-liquid 14% recycled cardboard ring... RIGHT after class... with me... and starbuck!" but not ever pursue outside of class. would that just make me annoying lol or is there some aspect to it that girls like- the being chased? I alreayd pretty much have the class aced.. and I dont want this girl to go away... what is a good way to chase a girl.. only when you see her? =)
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear The fact that she is weird and dishonest is not your problem. Word. I wouldn't pursue this girl. Originally posted by Dasani what is a good way to chase a girl.. only when you see her? =) But, if you must... the following should give you all the clues you need: she MIGHT like me only as a friend- but when she heard I was going to have taken her to The Producers, but instead I took someoen else and had a lot of fun ... she was a bit more "I'm so sorry - now I feel so bad (repeat a few times through out conversation). Since you don't seem to have grasped what's going on, here we go. Don't chase her. Be cool, confident, friendly and fun. Flirt with her, but flirt with other classmates in front of her. Be sometimes available and kind, sometimes unavailable. This sounds like the kind of girl who likes a challenge. She wants to chase you, not vice-versa. But don't give her your heart - she's trouble. And don't be unkind when flirting with your classmates - keep it light and don't play with their hearts.
greenhorn Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Don't chase her. Be cool, confident, friendly and fun. Flirt with her, but flirt with other classmates in front of her. Be sometimes available and kind, sometimes unavailable. This sounds like the kind of girl who likes a challenge. She wants to chase you, not vice-versa. But don't give her your heart - she's trouble. And don't be unkind when flirting with your classmates - keep it light and don't play with their hearts. This seems to be the perfect assessment of the situation.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn This seems to be the perfect assessment of the situation. Thanks!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Dasani thank you =) Our pleasure! Tell us how it goes...
Opium Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 All the advice we gave you was just to boost your confidence and for what YOU wanted to say to come out without sounding pushy or overly interested. I think you did excellent, I give you a thumbs up. You were honest and straight forward, and the whole I took someone else was AWESOME! You definitely left her thinking of you, ah satisfaction of giving advice on LS finally worked.
bdarlin Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 So, I just want to start off by stating the obvious...girl's suck". I am one and I have to admit I am horribly ashamed of our sex at times. Anyway, don't waste your time trying to understand or to get an explanation. Bottom line, she knows that she blew you off. If she cared, she would offer an explanation and hopefully an apology. The best thing you can do is don't play the game. The best relationship I ever had started with me trying to pull some stupid crap and him telling me straight up that he wasn't going to play games. Given the opportunity the sweetest girl will run with what you give her. There is a book called "He's just not that into you" that addresses these issues and is just as true for women as it is for men. Basically, people in relationships have to stop making excuses to soften the blow when the other person does something crappy. Take is at face value...she did a really crappy thing and it's not ok. You wouldn't do that to someone else (I'm assuming) so why should you be ok with someone doing it to you? You're right, it sounds like she is confused about the situation but communication is the most important part of any relationship including a friendship and if she can't talk to you about it then how is she going to handle things in the possible future? This is a decision that you have to make but make it for yourself...not because you think one route verses the other will win her heart. Personally, if it was me I would approach her and tell her how it made you feel and take it from there. The most important thing to remember is that her actions are NOT YOUR FAULT.
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