Poutrew Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Tink, if you really want to be offended, just wait until someone refers to you as a Stepford Wife. That's like trophy wife on steroids. You have our permission to use your kay- ra - tee moves and mercilessly chop the offender down to size. Just write up a blow by blow and post it here for us all to read. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 It is not stemmed from narcissism or insecurity. It stems from how friggin hard I have worked, despite some pretty challenging obstacles to get where I am in life and how frustrating it can be to have some one, male or female, make assumptions I have or desire to have anything other than what my own blood sweat and tears have and can achieve. Why do you care what false assumptions someone else makes when you know the fact is that you've worked hard and accomplished a lot? Why are you bothered when someone is trying to be kind to you, not even trying to insult you, but doesn't have the same understanding of a term that you do? How does it change the fact that you've worked hard and accomplished a lot for someone to try to compliment you and not phrase the compliment with the exact words that would please you? He simply didn't understand what trophy wife meant to you. I also don't assign the same meaning to the term that you do. He was trying to be kind to you but he isn't perfect, he's a fellow human being who makes mistakes and doesn't know every single thing there is to know. Just as you and I don't know every single thing there is to know. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I was out with friends and a guy started flirting with me. We are having a nice convo. We chat about music, sports, light stuff and he pauses and says to me "wow, you are like the perfect trophy wife!" (Que eye roll). It offended me. I kinda shut down from that point. I didn't feel it was a compliment (he clearly was using it as such given he followed up with some other compliments). Here is the thing, I worked my ass off for the successful place I am at career wise. I just lost any desire to share my story after he made such an assumption based on what can only assume my appearance and breif description of some activities I enjoy (nothing out of the ordinary stuff)?? What does that even mean when a guy says this? AM I too sensitive? Well, Ha haha when I got my hair chopped off recently I specifically asked the hairdresser to give me the " independent feminist woman look!" :! And for the record I didn't ditch him when we parted we gave each other a hug told each other how nice it was to chat and let's get together again. It would be as friends though like I said before he's way too young. I'm not foolish enough to judge somebody by one comment. I started this post to keep myself in check if that's what needed to be done. I'm sure I've made stupid comments before as well. It's only human. These two bolded statements seem contradictory to me. It seems to me this would be a confusing way to begin a friendship. Edited June 28, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease
katiegrl Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't have gotten offended, it was just his bungled attempt at a compliment.. In fact, I would have turned it into a light banter... "Oh yeah? lol....If you knew me, guaranty you wouldn't be saying that, but thanks!" Edited June 28, 2016 by katiegrl 3
Jabron1 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 In fact, I would have turned it into a light banter... "Oh yeah? lol....If you knew me, guaranty you wouldn't be saying that, but thanks!" "I should get to know you then. What's your number?" That's how you go from senseless strop, to two people having fun. 1
BlueIris Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Fellas if having sex was my only goal it would have been a loonnnggg fuunnnn night and I would have to skip yoga the next day to recuperate. But I am not interested in just sex. Not everyone is looking for the same thing out there and that's okay. Post was intended to help me sort if I am being too sensitive with this and similar comments (pertaining to my appearance). I wanted to see what men thought it meant so I can better understand what he was trying to convey. I mean I have never said to a guy "you would make the perfect pool boy!" That's funny. I can't imagine the faces.
Trinity_84 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I can list any number of adjectives women use for men in a similar vane... it cuts both ways and you won't hear many guys get all butt hurt about it or cry about objectification. Just saying... Of course it goes both ways. The fact that some men don't get "butt hurt" about it doesn't make it right and it certainly doesn't give you the right to use derogatory terms on people who do find it offensive. Like I said, it's a matter of common sense and respect. [] Edited June 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Jabron1 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I mean I have never said to a guy "you would make the perfect pool boy!" I'll be your pool boy Like I care. People are way too sensitive. Post was intended to help me sort if I am being too sensitive with this and similar comments (pertaining to my appearance). I get it, you want a guy to compliment you on your business acumen, rather than your looks. Guys aren't attracted to business acumen - especially not on a first meeting. Guys that pretend they are, are bullsh*tting you. That's something that you will have to accept.
BlueIris Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I can understand that he made a mistake or was nervous. But I still wouldn't want to date someone who says oafish things when nervous. The thought exists in his head or it couldn't come out of his mouth. I've met guys who "slipped" and then tried to backtrack with the "mistake" or "nervous" line after saying things that were racist, that they were disappointed that I didn't wear something tighter with more cleavage, and even one that told me about the drink-tracker app he was developing for guys to assess which woman will be drunkest at the bar and therefore more likely to have sex with him (he was gonna be rich!). In each case, the guy backtracked, said it was a mistake, they didn't mean it, blah blah, and I wasn't butt hurt or crying. I was just glad that I knew quickly how they thought and I didn't date those guys. No one was harmed. I'm not saying that people aren't allowed to think and say what they want. In fact, they should. We all should. And no one has to bend over backwards to give people chances just because they want you to. 1
losangelena Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I can understand that he made a mistake or was nervous. But I still wouldn't want to date someone who says oafish things when nervous. The thought exists in his head or it couldn't come out of his mouth. I've met guys who "slipped" and then tried to backtrack with the "mistake" or "nervous" line after saying things that were racist, that they were disappointed that I didn't wear something tighter with more cleavage, and even one that told me about the drink-tracker app he was developing for guys to assess which woman will be drunkest at the bar and therefore more likely to have sex with him (he was gonna be rich!). In each case, the guy backtracked, said it was a mistake, they didn't mean it, blah blah, and I wasn't butt hurt or crying. I was just glad that I knew quickly how they thought and I didn't date those guys. No one was harmed. I'm not saying that people aren't allowed to think and say what they want. In fact, they should. We all should. And no one has to bend over backwards to give people chances just because they want you to. I've had this, too. Had a couple of dates with this one guy a while back, fairly good ones, too. The day after our second date, we're texting, and he starts to go on about how much he hates kids, and how, if he had one, he'd take it to the mall and leave it there, etc. I was sitting there like, well I don't even know if I want kids, but this is kind of a turn off! I think it's one thing to state a preference to not want to have children, it's another thing to trot out child endangerment jokes to someone you barely know. I decided not to keep seeing him. I never shamed him for what he said, but I also knew that I was kind of done at that point. 2
smackie9 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 We still talking about this??? It doesn't matter if he was serious or if he was a bumbling idiot, to most women first impressions count. By the posts here it looks like the majority of women would get offended and turned off. If that's the way this guy gives a compliment...ew.....just ew. 1
katiegrl Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) Maybe it's me being an anomaly again, but more than him trying to give a compliment, and failing miserably according to some women, he was trying to be funny, and used that line because he enjoyed chatting, found you attractive... and thought he would introduce some light humor. If you or other women are offended or whatevs, fine walk away. But lambasting him, like many are doing here, all because he found you attractive and was having fun talking to you, is really unfair. Can't we all just lighten up and give each other a break? I honestly don't think he meant any harm or to offend, he was just trying to be funny because he found you attractive and enjoyed to talk to you..... and getting to know you. Either laugh and hit him back in a playful way, or walk away.... Everyone has a different sense of humor and if his wasn't to your liking then just walk away.... Frankly, had I been enjoying chatting with him up to that point, I would have found it hilarious and had some fun with it. Hitting him back, bantering a bit. JMO Edited June 28, 2016 by katiegrl
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 It's ok. I get laws of attraction and recognize slips like this are a small window into the thought process/mentality of the individual. I am a believer in gaining information then making informed decisions. They say people tell you very early on who they are... if you just listen. Ugh... Deadlines at work and now all I can think about is pool boys lol
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Maybe it's me being an anomaly again, but more than him trying to give a compliment, and failing miserably according to some women, he was trying to be funny, and used that line because he enjoyed chatting, found you attractive... and thought he would introduce some light humor. If you or other women are offended or whatevs, fine walk away. But lambasting him, like many are doing here, all because he found you attractive and was having fun talking to you, is really unfair. Can't we all just lighten up and give each other a break? I honestly don't think he meant any harm or to offend, he was just trying to be funny because he found you attractive and enjoyed to talk to you..... and getting to know you. Either laugh and hit him back in a playful way, or walk away.... Everyone has a different sense of humor and if his wasn't to your liking then just walk away.... Frankly, had I been enjoying chatting with him up to that point, I would have found it hilarious and had some fun with it. Hitting him back, bantering a bit. JMO That's exactly what I did. Seriously I'm not going to let something like that ruin an evening out. It was food for thought for me which is why I posted. 1
Cablebandit Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Maybe it's me being an anomaly again, but more than him trying to give a compliment, and failing miserably according to some women, he was trying to be funny, and used that line because he enjoyed chatting, found you attractive... and thought he would introduce some light humor. If you or other women are offended or whatevs, fine walk away. But lambasting him, like many are doing here, all because he found you attractive and was having fun talking to you, is really unfair. Can't we all just lighten up and give each other a break? I honestly don't think he meant any harm or to offend, he was just trying to be funny because he found you attractive and enjoyed to talk to you..... and getting to know you. Either laugh and hit him back in a playful way, or walk away.... Everyone has a different sense of humor and if his wasn't to your liking then just walk away.... Frankly, had I been enjoying chatting with him up to that point, I would have found it hilarious and had some fun with it. Hitting him back, bantering a bit. JMO Your attitude seems to be kind of rare on this forum. I appreciate your ability to see us (men) for the bumbling idiots that we are. We have to do the approaching and risk the rejection but holy crap if we screw up the delivery our our "lines"....here come the torches and pitchforks. I find it funny that so many are so critical when marriage and relationships bring about much more serious things to deal with. 2
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Your attitude seems to be kind of rare on this forum. I appreciate your ability to see us (men) for the bumbling idiots that we are. We have to do the approaching and risk the rejection but holy crap if we screw up the delivery our our "lines"....here come the torches and pitchforks. I find it funny that so many are so critical when marriage and relationships bring about much more serious things to deal with. To be clear, I hugged him goodbye. My pitchfork never made it out of my pocketbook.
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