Trophy Wife!

[JoeSmith357-1]

Do you honestly think that comparing a woman to a useless shiny object people use to raise their own self-worth is a compliment?

 

 

I can list any number of adjectives women use for men in a similar vane... it cuts both ways and you won't hear many guys get all butt hurt about it or cry about objectification. Just saying...

Edited June 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Dis]

I've been told I could be a trophy wife too...what a back handed compliment

 

Yes it means your pretty but it also means your viewed as a commodity without a brain

 

I would be turned off too....if I had to be with a guy who truly viewed me in such a way I'd be miserable

 

Forget the guy that said this too you....he's obviously not what your looking for anyway

 

I know what its like to look a certain way that attracts really attractive douche bags....I had that problem for a long time. What you need is an average looking, good guy with some balls. My bf told me a week ago that he thought I was so stunning on our first date he thought I'd never contact him afterwards but he decided to take a chance. I still dont know how things are going with him...but I know hes a good guy....and for that (and some other reasons) I want to give him more of a chance

 

Anyway, what you can take away from the trophy wife comment is, you're hot! Thats good thing! Pls believe some day you'll meet a guy that values your looks and your brain

[phineas]

I don't know the guy so i don't know if there was malice on his part.

I know there was stoopid on his part.

 

Sometimes, guys say really really really stupid stuff when a beautiful woman acknowledges their existence.

 

For some guys it rarely happens and they don't know what they are saying.

So don't hold it against him too much.

 

he's probably a decent guy who said something stupid because he was nervous.

 

The stupid things i've said to beautiful women because I was nervous has hell.......

[joseb]

To me it's sounds like a neg. Is he a bit of a player?

 

OP, you say you are attracting guys too young and into looks. How are you dressing? You might be unwittingly attracting the superficial guys.

[frus69]

It's not always like that, jesus, some women just can't take a compliment, I think this is one of those situations where legitimately the guy was trying to compliment her and she got all self righteous

 

There's a certain percentage of women you just can't "win" with, you can never say the right thing. So you might as well keep your mouth shut

 

Why would any man think "trophy wife" is a compliment? This term is not used to describe beautiful women, its used to describe beautiful AND dumb or gold digging women. Does this man also think OP is dumb then?

[Jabron1]

I completely know where you're coming from, OP.

 

This one time, a woman told me that I was 'perfect'. How dare she? That is an idealization of my masculinity. She was objectifying me, and dismissing my real worth as a human being. Did she even care to get to know the real Jabron?

 

I was so offended that I... went out with her for about 4 months and had a great time - oops.

 

YOLO

[phineas]

I completely know where you're coming from, OP.

 

This one time, a woman told me that I was 'perfect'. How dare she? That is an idealization of my masculinity. She was objectifying me, and dismissing my real worth as a human being. Did she even care to get to know the real Jabron?

 

I was so offended that I... went out with her for about 4 months and had a great time - oops.

 

YOLO

 

OMG!

So this has happened to other men?

 

should we start a support group?

[Jabron1]

OMG!

So this has happened to other men?

 

should we start a support group?

 

I need some sort of help, mate. I'm a victim.

 

Next time it happens, I'm just going to say "you're a damn misandrist, and you need to learn some respect!"

[Blanco]

"Perfect" and "trophy wife" do not carry the same connotations, and to pretend that they are really in any way connected in the way they are generally used by people is to ignore reality in favor of trying to make a point.

 

Whether or not you take trophy wife as a compliment, it is rarely used in a positive context.

[Jabron1]

"Perfect" and "trophy wife" do not carry the same connotations, and to pretend that they are really in any way connected in the way they are generally used by people is to ignore reality in favor of trying to make a point.

 

Whether or not you take trophy wife as a compliment, it is rarely used in a positive context.

 

you think he was intentionally calling her stupid?

 

Or is this all in her head?

[Blanco]

I'm a guy, and I have always associated "trophy wife" with a beautiful, usually younger woman linked up with a guy who is of well means, usually older, and quite honestly, not in the same league as the woman from a superficial perspective.

 

At best, telling someone you barely know she would be an ideal trophy wife is a clumsy compliment.

[Blanco]

you think he was intentionally calling her stupid?

 

Or is this all in her head?

 

I think he's at best clumsy, and at worst, someone who sees a beautiful woman as a commodity rather than a living, breathing entity.

 

If it was his intent to say she's beautiful, there are plenty of better descriptions available that don't generally carry a stigma.

[Jabron1]

I'm a guy, and I have always associated "trophy wife" with a beautiful, usually younger woman linked up with a guy who is of well means, usually older, and quite honestly, not in the same league as the woman from a superficial perspective.

 

At best, telling someone you barely know she would be an ideal trophy wife is a clumsy compliment.

 

Red flag!

 

In my opinion, a lot of people are strung up way too tight.

[frus69]

Red flag!

 

In my opinion, a lot of people are strung up way too tight.

 

Maybe you say this because you are a man, not a woman. You probably don't think it's a big problem being viewed as dumb, because being viewed as hot is way more important? Well, some/many women don't like it.

 

 

"Trophy wife" is not positive term, it's barely even neutral, it's pretty much negative. It is just not used as a compliment. Why do you keep defending him?

 

 

It's not us being up tight, it's the guy being stupid. And if a man said that to me, I'd think he indeed sees me as pretty but also dumb, or gold digging. Because that's what trophy wife means!

 

 

Besides, who compliments women as "trophy wife" anyway? Would you??? I've never met guys like that. They just say "you are beautiful"

Edited June 28, 2016 by frus69

[LivingWaterPlease]

OP, I read only the first page but I believe the man was trying to compliment you. Too bad you missed out on it by having a negative reaction, if only in your own mind.

 

I once heard a man talking about an attorney who wanted to date a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman who was a few years older than he and suggesting that he wanted her because she would be a trophy wife.

 

The term as he meant it didn't mean an airhead type woman at all. It meant, beautiful, brilliant and successful woman.

 

I've grown weary of people being offended over trivia as I consider being offended over this to be.

 

Please understand that I'm not weary of the folks who posted they were offended over, what seems to be to me, such a trivial issue. I'm weary of the attitude not the particular people!

 

I have been referred to as someone who would be a trophy wife and I can't even recall my response because being labeled that way meant nothing to me. Labels don't affect who I am or what I stand for.

 

I believe a confident woman or man need not be offended by labels. And I also believe that the more you focus on the negative the unhealthier you become both physically and emotionally.

 

If you can learn to take a positive viewpoint when people are trying to be nice to you, especially, you will be a healthier and more likeable person!

 

If someone insults you if you can give them a pass and not feel negatively about it, you're going to protect both your physical and emotional health.

 

Also, if someone were to gush over you with flattery and words that are highly complimentary, I'd suggest to accept their kind intentions graciously but to take them with a grain of salt.

 

If you're well grounded, know who you are and are comfortable with yourself, neither insult nor applause need affect you. Be who you are, don't focus on self, focus on others and the world around you.

 

Getting offended over so many things seems narcissistic and/or indicative of being an insecure person to me.

Edited June 28, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[BlueIris]

Yes, I agree. It did get a bit confusing when later in the evening after he left I heard multiple people comment how he is a really great guy from those who knew him well to those who were meeting him for the first time. He may have been nervous and fumbled when that comment came out. Who knows. I would never date him regardless. He thought I was his age and about hit the floor when I told him my age (12 years OLDER than him). That spurred a few minutes of him calling me a liar (jokingly).

 

I am fairly new to dating world and sadly I realize my appearance definitely attracts a shallow time mentality and another challenge... Guys wayyy too young me. Which sucks because I am grounded and dynamic and not looking for a boy toy.

 

I realize what's best for me would be to meet somebody through work or friends so that they get to know me as a person first.

 

“Great guy” is a throw-away statement. People say someone is a “great guy” based upon their context. I say people I work with are “great guys” but I don’t know then that well, how they treat their wives, kids, parents, neighbors, dog. It's just a nice thing to say. A guy helped me move things into the office and I said to the receptionist, "what a great guy!"

[Jabron1]

Getting offended over so many things seems narcissistic and/or indicative of being an insecure person to me.

 

That's exactly what it is. And why I don't indulge others in it.

 

If she's this upset over one stupid phrase, he would have to walk on eggshells to keep her happy. No one should live like that.

[tinkerbell16]

To me it's sounds like a neg. Is he a bit of a player?

 

OP, you say you are attracting guys too young and into looks. How are you dressing? You might be unwittingly attracting the superficial guys.

 

Funny you should mention this... I actually pay a bit more attention to how I dress for this very reason. I purposely cover my cleavage, and I have cut my once long blonde hair to a very short style. At work I wear good quality clothing lines that are not revealing. Lots of skirts with heals but professional. So far my new short hair seems to not have stopped the guys and actually feels like it attract even younger guys so I give up lol.

[tinkerbell16]

you think he was intentionally calling her stupid?

 

Or is this all in her head?

 

I apologize... What does connotation mean?

[tinkerbell16]

OP, I read only the first page but I believe the man was trying to compliment you. Too bad you missed out on it by having a negative reaction, if only in your own mind.

 

I once heard a man talking about an attorney who wanted to date a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman who was a few years older than he and suggesting that he wanted her because she would be a trophy wife.

 

The term as he meant it didn't mean an airhead type woman at all. It meant, beautiful, brilliant and successful woman.

 

I've grown weary of people being offended over trivia as I consider being offended over this to be.

 

Please understand that I'm not weary of the folks who posted they were offended over, what seems to be to me, such a trivial issue. I'm weary of the attitude not the particular people!

 

I have been referred to as someone who would be a trophy wife and I can't even recall my response because being labeled that way meant nothing to me. Labels don't affect who I am or what I stand for.

 

I believe a confident woman or man need not be offended by labels. And I also believe that the more you focus on the negative the unhealthier you become both physically and emotionally.

 

If you can learn to take a positive viewpoint when people are trying to be nice to you, especially, you will be a healthier and more likeable person!

 

If someone insults you if you can give them a pass and not feel negatively about it, you're going to protect both your physical and emotional health.

 

Also, if someone were to gush over you with flattery and words that are highly complimentary, I'd suggest to accept their kind intentions graciously but to take them with a grain of salt.

 

If you're well grounded, know who you are and are comfortable with yourself, neither insult nor applause need affect you. Be who you are, don't focus on self, focus on others and the world around you.

 

Getting offended over so many things seems narcissistic and/or indicative of being an insecure person to me.

 

It is not stemmed from narcissism or insecurity. It stems from how friggin hard I have worked, despite some pretty challenging obstacles to get where I am in life and how frustrating it can be to have some one, male or female, make assumptions I have or desire to have anything other than what my own blood sweat and tears have and can achieve.

[Jabron1]

I apologize... What does connotation mean?

 

Don't worry about it. You've just filtered each other out.

 

You need someone that will monitor their language, and validate your accomplishments.

 

He needs someone that is more laid-back.

 

Next.

[tinkerbell16]

Don't worry about it. You've just filtered each other out.

 

You need someone that will monitor their language, and validate your accomplishments.

 

He needs someone that is more laid-back.

 

Next.

 

It was a joke. I am not as uptight as you imagine me to be

[tinkerbell16]

OMG!

So this has happened to other men?

 

should we start a support group?

 

I support your support group!

[Jabron1]

 

It was a joke. I am not as uptight as you imagine me to be

 

Well, I'll tell you something about this guy.

 

He isn't a player. I probably wouldn't have said that. I keep my compliments fairly small and inoffensive when I first try to get a woman's number. What he said was clumsy, and bound to trigger your feminist 'independent woman' reflex.

 

He also isn't a kiss-arse 'niceguy'. He doesn't seem to be monitoring himself heavily for your comfort.

 

I think you just ditched someone who was being a bit clumsy, yet genuine with you. You probably should have given him a shot. I think you're probably missing out on some decent guys, because these guys don't know how to play off of your insecurities the way a 'player', or a 'nice-guy' will.

[tinkerbell16]

Well, I'll tell you something about this guy.

 

He isn't a player. I probably wouldn't have said that. I keep my compliments fairly small and inoffensive when I first try to get a woman's number. What he said was clumsy, and bound to trigger your feminist 'independent woman' reflex.

 

He also isn't a kiss-arse 'niceguy'. He doesn't seem to be monitoring himself heavily for your comfort.

 

I think you just ditched someone who was being a bit clumsy, yet genuine with you. You probably should have given him a shot. I think you're probably missing out on some decent guys, because these guys don't know how to play off of your insecurities the way a 'player', or a 'nice-guy' will.[/

 

 

 

Ha haha when I got my hair chopped off recently I specifically asked the hairdresser to give me the " independent feminist woman look!" :!

 

And for the record I didn't ditch him when we parted we gave each other a hug told each other how nice it was to chat and let's get together again. It would be as friends though like I said before he's way too young. I'm not foolish enough to judge somebody by one comment. I started this post to keep myself in check if that's what needed to be done. I'm sure I've made stupid comments before as well. It's only human.