tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I was out with friends and a guy started flirting with me. We are having a nice convo. We chat about music, sports, light stuff and he pauses and says to me "wow, you are like the perfect trophy wife!" (Que eye roll). It offended me. I kinda shut down from that point. I didn't feel it was a compliment (he clearly was using it as such given he followed up with some other compliments). Here is the thing, I worked my ass off for the successful place I am at career wise. I just lost any desire to share my story after he made such an assumption based on what can only assume my appearance and breif description of some activities I enjoy (nothing out of the ordinary stuff)?? What does that even mean when a guy says this? AM I too sensitive? 1
CarrieT Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You are not too sensitive. When he said it, that would have been your opportunity to slowly and quietly explain how derogatory a comment that is to a woman. You could have told him what a superficial, ignorant dumb-ass he was in assuming that your whole aspiration in life was to be someone's eye candy and plaything and lament how small of a dick he must have and how lonely he will be in life if he believes that women are going to accept his misogynistic sentiments. 7
scooby-philly Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Well It's not exactly something a person should say when they first meet someone. Maybe a 3rd or 4th date kind of thing when the real personality and sense of humor come out in full bloom. But, if he seemed like a genuine guy maybe he was really joking and it was, in his mind, a compliment. thing is - you can only learn from it. Keep in mind how you react to things going forward. You can't change him (unless you happen to see him again and let him know) so you have to learn what triggers you have. 2
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I think it was a clumsy way of giving you a compliment. Just like when I was dating and I'd hear things like you're hot for a woman your age. It's a compliment and a slap at the same time but they don't realize it. 1
ChocolateRain Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It means your pretty. Take it as a compliment Trophy wife is an informal term for a wife, usually young and attractive, who is regarded as a status symbol for the husband, who is often an older and wealthy "sugar daddy". The term trophy husband is the male equivalent. Referring to a spouse as a trophy wife usually reflects negatively on the character or personality of both parties. For the husband, it has a connotation of narcissism and desire to impress others, and that the husband would not be able to attract the sexual interest of the attractive woman but for his wealth or position. It can also be used to imply that the trophy wife in question has little personal merit besides her physical attractiveness, does very little of substance beyond remaining attractive, requires substantial expense for maintaining her appearance and is in some ways synonymous with the term "gold digger". 10
CarrieT Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It means your pretty. Take it as a compliment From an insensitive guy's standpoint, this makes sense. They aren't thinking beyond their own needs and desires, without taking into consideration that the women want to be more than a reflect of their partner - which is what a trophy wife is. From a woman's standpoint, it is derogative, subjugating, and demeaning. Guys need to understand that. 11
BlueIris Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I was out with friends and a guy started flirting with me. We are having a nice convo. We chat about music, sports, light stuff and he pauses and says to me "wow, you are like the perfect trophy wife!" (Que eye roll). It offended me. I kinda shut down from that point. I didn't feel it was a compliment (he clearly was using it as such given he followed up with some other compliments). Here is the thing, I worked my ass off for the successful place I am at career wise. I just lost any desire to share my story after he made such an assumption based on what can only assume my appearance and breif description of some activities I enjoy (nothing out of the ordinary stuff)?? What does that even mean when a guy says this? AM I too sensitive? No, you're not too sensitive. It's obnoxious. The silver lining is that it's great to know early on how someone views women, marriage, wives and rewards (trophies). 6
bummer Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Yes trophy wife as a phrase has a specific negative connotation. He is probably either a pig or an idiot, or an idiot pig. In your discussion, did work come up? What were his follow up compliments if you heard them? Just as devils advocate (I'm grasping here), maybe he saw you as a prize with many similarities he would see as a compatible person to himself? Nah. It was a backhand.compliment... I can't even pretend to defend him especially in a first conversation. 3
Rockdad Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I know my wife doesn't care for that phrase the times I've heard it directed at her. So I would never say that to another female. I do tend to see it as a compliment or with some guys it's laying ground work. Either way it does not bother me when someone tells her that (if not for the fact she rather not hear it.) It's no secret I married way over my head and there is no way some guy laying ground work is going to have any chance landing her anyway. 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Your gut reaction is spot on. I would have felt the same way. A trophy wife is regarded as beautiful yet has nothing else to offer like intelligence. He may as well called you a dumb blond. There is nothing in there that's a compliment at all. The dumb blond here was the guy. What a tool. 2
pteromom Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It's offensive. It implies that the woman's only value is being arm candy for a man. Would have turned me right off too. 3
MissCongeniality Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It means your pretty. Take it as a compliment Yeah he was just saying you were the perfect woman for him.
Satu Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 He didn't intend to insult you, but he gave away the fact that he considers women to be commodities, like cars or cameras. Stupid man. 2
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 No, you're not too sensitive. It's obnoxious. The silver lining is that it's great to know early on how someone views women, marriage, wives and rewards (trophies). Yes, I agree. It did get a bit confusing when later in the evening after he left I heard multiple people comment how he is a really great guy from those who knew him well to those who were meeting him for the first time. He may have been nervous and fumbled when that comment came out. Who knows. I would never date him regardless. He thought I was his age and about hit the floor when I told him my age (12 years OLDER than him). That spurred a few minutes of him calling me a liar (jokingly). I am fairly new to dating world and sadly I realize my appearance definitely attracts a shallow time mentality and another challenge... Guys wayyy too young me. Which sucks because I am grounded and dynamic and not looking for a boy toy. I realize what's best for me would be to meet somebody through work or friends so that they get to know me as a person first. 2
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 Your gut reaction is spot on. I would have felt the same way. A trophy wife is regarded as beautiful yet has nothing else to offer like intelligence. He may as well called you a dumb blond. There is nothing in there that's a compliment at all. The dumb blond here was the../ Silly him I am far from a dumb blonde. Despite how many misspelled words I usually see I have written on this website lol I blame my small phone keyboard haha 1
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 Trophy wife is an informal term for a wife, usually young and attractive, who is regarded as a status symbol for the husband, who is often an older and wealthy "sugar daddy". The term trophy husband is the male equivalent. Referring to a spouse as a trophy wife usually reflects negatively on the character or personality of both parties. For the husband, it has a connotation of narcissism and desire to impress others, and that the husband would not be able to attract the sexual interest of the attractive woman but for his wealth or position. It can also be used to imply that the trophy wife in question has little personal merit besides her physical attractiveness, does very little of substance beyond remaining attractive, requires substantial expense for maintaining her appearance and is in some ways synonymous with the term "gold digger". That's exactly what I thought it meant which is why I took offence 1
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 I think it was a clumsy way of giving you a compliment. Just like when I was dating and I'd hear things like you're hot for a woman your age. It's a compliment and a slap at the same time but they don't realize it. Yeah I've gotten that you're a hot blonde on more occasions than I care to it always makes me cringe but at least it tells me a lot about the individual it's coming from
JoeSmith357-1 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 He didn't intend to insult you, but he gave away the fact that he considers women to be commodities, like cars or cameras. Stupid man. It's not always like that, jesus, some women just can't take a compliment, I think this is one of those situations where legitimately the guy was trying to compliment her and she got all self righteous There's a certain percentage of women you just can't "win" with, you can never say the right thing. So you might as well keep your mouth shut
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) Yes trophy wife as a phrase has a specific negative connotation. He is probably either a pig or an idiot, or an idiot pig. In your discussion, did work come up? What were his follow up compliments if you heard them? Just as devils advocate (I'm grasping here), maybe he saw you as a prize with many similarities he would see as a compatible person to himself? Nah. It was a backhand.compliment... I can't even pretend to defend him especially in./ Yes he eventually learned what I do for a living. I honestly think he genuinely thought he was giving me a compliment. I see with the responses thus far that there is definitely a clear difference in how men view this phrase and how women view this phrase. Add it to the list of conflicts between Mars and Venus. Edited June 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) It's not always like that, jesus, some women just can't take a compliment, I think this is one of those situations where legitimately the guy was trying to compliment her and she got all self righteous There's a certain percentage of women you just can't "win" with, you can never say the right thing. So you might as well keep your mouth shut I did not get all self-righteous. I continued to have friendly genuine conversation with him. It was something that didn't sit with me well but I didn't show what I was thinking. Go into much detail about my job after that. He actually asked his friend if we could see each other again. But again he's way too young for me so that's not going to happen. Edited June 27, 2016 by tinkerbell16
BlueIris Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It's not always like that, jesus, some women just can't take a compliment, I think this is one of those situations where legitimately the guy was trying to compliment her and she got all self righteous There's a certain percentage of women you just can't "win" with, you can never say the right thing. So you might as well keep your mouth shut Don't worry about all women or women who don't share your sensibilities. Date the ones who would see it as a compliment.
mizunomead Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 As a guy i would never say it....or at the least not until we had a established relationship and it was part of some kind of sarcastic teasing. It sounds like he wasn't being malicious in his intent. But at the least he is completely clueless.
Trinity_84 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) It's not always like that, jesus, some women just can't take a compliment, I think this is one of those situations where legitimately the guy was trying to compliment her and she got all self righteous There's a certain percentage of women you just can't "win" with, you can never say the right thing. So you might as well keep your mouth shut Do you honestly think that comparing a woman to a useless shiny object people use to raise their own self-worth is a compliment? Edited June 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator name calling ~T 3
Timshel Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I was out with friends and a guy started flirting with me. We are having a nice convo. We chat about music, sports, light stuff and he pauses and says to me "wow, you are like the perfect trophy wife!" (Que eye roll). It offended me. I kinda shut down from that point. I didn't feel it was a compliment (he clearly was using it as such given he followed up with some other compliments). Here is the thing, I worked my ass off for the successful place I am at career wise. I just lost any desire to share my story after he made such an assumption based on what can only assume my appearance and breif description of some activities I enjoy (nothing out of the ordinary stuff)?? What does that even mean when a guy says this? AM I too sensitive? The first thing that came to my mind tinkerbell took me back to my teens. My second mom, the one that took care of us when my mom* was working, would suffer no fools. She was there when we wore diapers and we were there when her oldest son passed. Seventeen and I was walking down the stairs like Garbo, off for a date. This strong, beautiful woman stood square at the bottom of those stairs and said to me.... "You look just like a barbie doll." I said, thank you. To this day I will never forget the look on her face and the day I knew exactly what she meant.
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