I think I scared her away. Should I tell her why I acted how I did or just leave it?

[Rupp]

I was dating a girl for about 3 months. This was almost immediately after I ended a 3 year long relationship.

 

I say dating because we were not officially boyfriend/girlfriend. Just hanging out, messing around (no sex), and sleeping over. Enjoying each other's company.

 

She ended things recently (last couple of days), claiming that she had too much going on in her head and it wasn't fair to me, etc. etc. She had to figure out things before she was ready for a relationship. I had previously told her that I was ready to put the bf/gf label on it. I put a lot of effort into this because she really is a catch, and way out of my league in my opinion.

 

After she's ended things, I have been able to get some clarity. The speed in which I was trying to take things was way too fast, and I realize that now. I told her I was ready, but I don't think I really was. I tried to push it too fast and lock her down. I still think about my ex every now and then, so I'm obviously not ready. I don't know why I tried to move things faster than what was needed, but either way I feel like that was really what messed things up.

 

I should've just enjoyed her company and seen where things led. I just got impatient and really tried to get every last ounce of affection and validation out of her...and that pushed her away. Came on too strong I think.

 

Part of me is thinking: Go NC, if she really wanted to be with me she wouldn't have ended things. I showed her every part of me, put in the effort, and she chose not to stick around after all that. Move on.

But another part of me is thinking: Explain all the above to her and tell her that I just had irrational expectations of her and the speed of our relationship. Tell her I had gained clarity and want to just take things slow and figure it out from there.

 

As of now I've initiated NC, but it's been a small amount of time. Like 24 hours. My pride has a large voice in my head, but another voice says you just blew it with a great girl. What do I do?

[bummer]

She ended things recently (last couple of days), claiming that she had too much going on in her head and it wasn't fair to me, etc. etc. She had to figure out things before she was ready for a relationship. I had previously told her that I was ready to put the bf/gf label on it. I put a lot of effort into this because she really is a catch, and way out of my league in my opinion.

 

Part of me is thinking: Go NC, if she really wanted to be with me she wouldn't have ended things. I showed her every part of me, put in the effort, and she chose not to stick around after all that. Move on.

 

The not ready and figuring stuff out statements? Means she isn't interested 99% of the time. You admit she was "way out" of your league. Congrats on three months.

 

You didn't move too fast. Or too slow. You weren't too pushy or whatever you want to rationalize. The truth and concrete fact here is that she is not with you anymore. Listen to the first part of you.

[Satu]

She thought about it and decided that she doesn't want to be with you.

 

That doesn't mean that you did something wrong, though you *might* have.

 

She just doesn't want what you want.

 

Go full NC, and do your healing.

 

You'll meet someone else when the time is right.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[Rupp]

Thanks for the replies. Is the whole social media blocking/defriending thing necessary in this case? I'm not devastated or anything, and I didn't really have too much invested in her anyway. I understand the whole purpose of it, but it's always sort of come off as weak to me and I don't want to give her the satisfaction.

 

We have a few mutual friends so everything on your list may not be possible, Satu.

[bummer]

Yeah 3 months makes it easier. If you aren't hung up on her and really aren't devastated, you can just slip back into friend mode.

 

If it hurts, at least unfollow social media so you don't get bombarded with images of the new guy.