Author Woggle Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Are you saying that you would have no respect for a divorced woman who had over ten years of a good marriage that turned sour but produced two wonderful children who still have a good relationship with their father and spend time with both parents regularly. Are you saying that you would have no respect for a divorced woman who ONLY goes out on dates when the children are with their father and never introduces them to the children until they are talking....marriage? Are you saying that you would have no respect for a divorced woman who would NEVER have a "sleepover" while the kids are at home, or not at all unless she was remarried? I kind of understand where you're coming from though. You just don't want someone with alot of baggage, and that was one example you used that got blown out of proportion. You just don't want to waste your time weeding thru all the single mom's to find the one that really is a decent person capable of having a stable loving relationship with you AND her children. And that's just you. I don't repsct a woman who chooses to break up a family unless she has a good reason. It is not a woman I would date because if she did it to her ex husband she will do it to me. I never think that I am the men to change a woman. I am not one of those men that tries to rescue a woman and save her. If she doesn't ahve all her stuff together already she gets passed up.
DacaInaru Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 We try so hard to twist and bend ourselves into what women say they want when what women want seems to change everyday. Wouldn't you rather have someone love you for who you are?? as opposed to changing, bending and becoming someone your not.. one of my rules.. is this is who I am.. weight loss surgery, child, baggage, past history of marital abuse, sexual abuse and rape.. who ever can't deal with it.. well thats there problem and they don't need to be in my life.. I think way to many of us.. both men and women always feel the need to change who we are to fit in eventually we will look back and it will become an issue thus ending the relationship.. I rather be alone for the rest of my life then have to be something I am not for the rest of my life.
Author Woggle Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru Wouldn't you rather have someone love you for who you are?? as opposed to changing, bending and becoming someone your not.. one of my rules.. is this is who I am.. weight loss surgery, child, baggage, past history of marital abuse, sexual abuse and rape.. who ever can't deal with it.. well thats there problem and they don't need to be in my life.. I think way to many of us.. both men and women always feel the need to change who we are to fit in eventually we will look back and it will become an issue thus ending the relationship.. I rather be alone for the rest of my life then have to be something I am not for the rest of my life. That is pretty much the way i am but men don't think that way or at least I should say most men. We want so hard to impress women that change who we are. Pussy and love are not so important that a man should change who he is.
DacaInaru Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 That is pretty much the way i am but men don't think that way or at least I should say most men. We want so hard to impress women that change who we are. Pussy and love are not so important that a man should change who he is. if a Man/Woman need to be impressed by you so that they will like you.. you know what.. its not worth it.. its better to be who you are.. more likely you'll find someone whose compatible that way.. heck.. when I was married I had to become who he wanted me to.. to the extent that i'd get my a$$ kicked if I tried to be myself.. trust me.. nothing more appealing to a woman.. at least in my opinion then a man who is himself..
RecordProducer Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle I respct a single mom who stays single until the kids are grown more than a woman who ahs abunch of different men coming in and out. Also people should be more careful who they have kids with. Before I thought you were just bitter at women due to your broken marriage, but now I see that you're simply nature's mistake!
Author Woggle Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Before I thought you were just bitter at women due to your broken marriage, but now I see that you're simply nature's mistake! Nah I am just nature's miracle.
alphamale Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle Nah I am just nature's miracle.
Outcast Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I don't repsct a woman who chooses to break up a family Again, pitifully deficient thinking. A LARGE percentage of those women don't 'choose to break up a family' but rather are abandoned or ditched by irresponsible @$$es who can't handle having to be a dad and a faithful husband. Every woman I know who's a single mom was ditched by the man - usually because a kid or kids were born which they thought they wanted and then couldn't handle.
alphamale Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Again, pitifully deficient thinking. A LARGE percentage of those women don't 'choose to break up a family' but rather are abandoned or ditched by irresponsible @$$es who can't handle having to be a dad and a faithful husband. Maybe OUTCAST but it does not change the fact that 75% to 80% of divorces are filed for by the woman. The rate is about the same for non-marriage relationships. About 4 out of 5 times it is the female that decides to break it off. good day alpha
Outcast Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I don't believe a thing you say. I'm about facts, not conjecture, speculation, and uninformed opinion.
alphamale Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast I don't believe a thing you say. I'm about facts, not conjecture, speculation, and uninformed opinion. that is a fact, look it up yourself on the internet.
DacaInaru Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Maybe OUTCAST but it does not change the fact that 75% to 80% of divorces are filed for by the woman. True Alpha.. I filed for divorce not my ex.. he wanted to work it out.. according to him I was just being dramatic by leaving him.. after all a little a$$ kicking every once in a while is something I should just learn how to take like a woman.. He was more then happy in the marriage.. he was getting everything he wanted out of it... so why oh why did I have to file.. hmmmm.. I wonder. many divorces are initiated by women.. but.. lets get to scoop as to why women initiate divorced.. seriously ... my husband fought the divorce.. tooth and nail.. he wanted to work things out.. didn't want to break the family.. in the end when he saw I was going through with it anyway.. he did the most fatherly thing he could think of.. he offered to give up custody if I took on the $24,000 in debt he got us.. I was like fine.. whatever.. the court took his custody away.. but made him pay childsupport.. fortunately.. he has grown up since and does make an effort to pay it and occasionally see his daughter..
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I filed for my divorce.. And pushed hard to make sure it went thru. A lot of men consider the Money aspect of divorce and don't want to part with the money ..IMO In my divorce I spent whatever it took to be free for her I Think Alpha filed for his divorce also..
alphamale Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru many divorces are initiated by women.. Agreed DACAINARU....the vast majority of any type of relationships are ended by females. When I tell people I am divorced they automatically assume that she divorced me when in actuality it was the other way around. So now, I always tell them that I divorced her just to clarify and make sure they don't pity me or think I am a sap.
Moose Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Oh now, I doubt that anyone would, "think", you were a sap Alpha.
Merin Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle I respct a single mom who stays single until the kids are grown more than a woman who ahs abunch of different men coming in and out. Also people should be more careful who they have kids with. Sweeeettt! I respect a Single Mom/DAD who are doing the right things for thier Kids REGARDLESS of the status of singledom or marriage. I respect a Guy who appreciates his Girl when she is a Single Mom and understands that it doesn't make her a damaged person. I respect a Single Dad who is doing the right thing for his Little People regardless of attitudes like YOURS. People should be more careful who they have children with uh? While you're right to some degree about some folks out there Woggle, you are living on another planet in other ways... IF the people involved in MOST relationships KNEW THEN what they KNOW NOW decisions might have been different... AND while My EXH is an assclown that I CHOOSE not to be married to any longer, I am NOT regretful that I have 2 Little Kids... it's the only thing good I got out of the marriage. Unless or Until YOU become a parent Woggle, single Dad or otherwise, you have ZERO idea what you're talking about regarding children OR being a parent SINGLE or OTHERWISE. Originally posted by alphamale The reality, MERIN, is that single parents cannot be more selective with whom they date cause they have more baggage and all the BS associated with children. How can some woman who;s already got three kids under 10 yrs of age be "more selective". She cannot be cause some men won't date her cause she already has kids. She will no longer have access to the best looking men with the best jobs and future. Why in the hell would a guy with a Harvard MBA earning $200,000 per year want to date some woman who has three kids already and her boobs are sagging and she's stressed out from her kids? Women (and men to lesser extent) who already have children are at a major disadvantage in the dating and mating game and have fewer choices. That is the reality. ALPHA I've said it before and I'll say it again... what is YOUR reality ISN'T MINE. Interesting as well that you continue to talk about a SINGLE MOM as a damaged person... but nothing of the SINGLE DAD... Wow... double set of standards uh? Why the hell would that suprise me....
loony Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Funny, today on the ride home I had a talk with the busdriver about this topic. He talked a bit about his wife and their marriage and their separation a while ago. They had been separated for 9 months because his wife felt she was missing out on something (I think he's 32 and they have been together since they were 16; they have two daughters together, the oldest one being 11). Well, during the separation she met several men but obviously realized that being a woman with children wasn't really the wonder woman men were looking for. She did meet guys, just not decent ones. Her husband on the other hand enjoyed his single life, he had less opportunities to hook up with women but nonetheless the women he met had less trouble with the fact that he was a dad. He seemed to enjoy the double standard quite.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 A couple months ago I dated a guy a few times who was getting real serious real fast. He had an 11yr old son living with him and I got the impression he was looking for a mother for his son, since his ex wife was a horrible person/mother. I had no problem with his baggage (just his hygiene). His son was adorable. My exH is a wonderful father and this fact actually makes ME look/feel like a better person than I really am.
Merin Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by loony Funny, today on the ride home I had a talk with the busdriver about this topic. He talked a bit about his wife and their marriage and their separation a while ago. They had been separated for 9 months because his wife felt she was missing out on something (I think he's 32 and they have been together since they were 16; they have two daughters together, the oldest one being 11). Well, during the separation she met several men but obviously realized that being a woman with children wasn't really the wonder woman men were looking for. She did meet guys, just not decent ones. Her husband on the other hand enjoyed his single life, he had less opportunities to hook up with women but nonetheless the women he met had less trouble with the fact that he was a dad. He seemed to enjoy the double standard quite. Wierd how that works isn't it... My EXH as I said before had a girlfriend who had 2 little kids and that bothered him EVEN THOUGH he ALSO has 2 Little People... NOW he has a girlfriend who ISN'T all about HIM having Kid's that don't belong to Her, BUT she had another kid with him... and guess what HE is also all good to go that she doesn't want to be around the KID'S he ALREADY had BEFORE he met HER. Whatever... My BF is 29 and has 2 kiddo's with his EXW... I am good to go with him having his Wee Peeps, and he's set with me having mine... thank God there are still some people in the world who get that having Kids doesn't make you damaged or dead.
clandestinidad Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I couldnt even finish reading this mean thread...I'll do it after I write this Why in the hell would a guy with a Harvard MBA earning $200,000 per year want to date some woman who has three kids already and her boobs are sagging and she's stressed out from her kids? My uncle graduated from MIT, is extremely intelligent, makes a very good living, and married a woman older than him who had a troubled son. (and he's not the desperate, wimpy-type either!) So just b/c YOU people (alpha woggle and whoever else) wouldnt date someone w/ a child certainly DOES NOT mean that a guy better than you wouldnt!!!!!!!!! Many men who are more loving, patient, understanding, compassionate, wealthy, intelligent, etc etc than YOU have no problem w/ women who have kids. So yes, definately, women w/ kids CAN be more selective and get better men!! We understand that you'd never date anyone w/ kids....why keep going on about it....if your intention is to hurt those of us who DO have children, then youre definately succeeding. You can stop now I'd still like to know if ya'll would prefer dating a woman who's had abortions....b/c then she doesnt have the horrible child-baggage edit to add: Also, how would you KNOW if she ever got pregnant and killed the child/fetus!!? You'd probably be dating someone who DID make bad choices (getting pregnant, abortions (if you consider that a bad choice or not), etc etc) but you wouldnt know, b/c "well, she doesnt have kids, so I'll date her".....duuuuuhh.....get a clue
loony Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I don't think having kids makes you damaged or dead, but I'm also aware that a guy who has kids has different priorities in his life, way different than a guy without kids. I would never be the number one in his life, he would always put his kids in the first place. I don't complain about this, that's how it should be otherwise I would wonder who this idiot is that I'm seeing, but that doesn't mean that I could deal with it well, rationally it's understandable, but I probably would have trouble accepting this emotionally. I'm also not ready for kids right now, and even less ready for other people's kids. Kids have a huge impact on people's life and they are your children, I therefore absolutely understand it when some people hesitate when it comes to dating a single parent.
Merin Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by loony I don't think having kids makes you damaged or dead, but I'm also aware that a guy who has kids has different priorities in his life, way different than a guy without kids. I would never be the number one in his life, he would always put his kids in the first place. I don't complain about this, that's how it should be otherwise I would wonder who this idiot is that I'm seeing, but that doesn't mean that I could deal with it well, rationally it's understandable, but I probably would have trouble accepting this emotionally. I'm also not ready for kids right now, and even less ready for other people's kids. Kids have a huge impact on people's life and they are your children, I therefore absolutely understand it when some people hesitate when it comes to dating a single parent. My point isn't that EVERYONE needs to or should date single Moms/Dads, if you're not about it, thats fine and a personal choice to make. My point IS that it's disturbing to me how often a single MOM is looked at as less than a person because she has Little People... well guess what... somewhere the parent (the Single Dad) is out there as well, and while the WOMAN is now a single parent SO IS THE DAD... Most of the time Men are not looked at as having a handicap because they are a single parent (and I'm saying MOST TIME) however a single Mom is often viewed as having a handicap because she is a single parent and I'm not okay with that. I WOULDN'T date someone who couldn't or wouldn't understand that I have Little Peeps regardless of how much I liked them... and I'm sure there are Guys out there who wouldn't be all about dating me because of my Kid's... again, I'm all good to go with that and understand that is thier choice to make... i'm only pointing out that it is a good thing that NOT EVERYONE shares the view that single parents are not dateable.
DacaInaru Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 how this one for double standards.. Went on a date with this guy who has 3 children of his own.. after a few dates he decided he didn't want to date me anymore.. guess why.. He didn't want to date a woman with kids.. lolol. I laughed in his face.. and moved on..
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 We all have our own preferences. While I wouldn't rule out dating a guy who has kids, because I have imagined both scenarios, three of the last four guys I went out with (on dates) never had kids - all in their 40's. Two divorced, one never married. It's definitely easier to get together when you don't have two sets of kids to schedule around.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru how this one for double standards.. Went on a date with this guy who has 3 children of his own.. after a few dates he decided he didn't want to date me anymore.. guess why.. He didn't want to date a woman with kids.. lolol. I laughed in his face.. and moved on.. I don't know if that fits the true definition of a double standard. Having children and being single has a different ramification for women that it does for a man.. Unless he has custody. Women bear the brunt of child rearing after a divorce and that causes all kinds of issues for dating and relationships. The divorced men don't have the child rearing to deal with therefore when they date they might prefer a woman with no kids. Makes perfect sense to me..
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