Author Lorenza Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I personally see nothing wrong with the feelings you're having OP. Life is simply better with a good partner and the unconditional support network of family. Many things like sex and holidays really suck for people who go it alone. Thanks, good to know that its ok to feel down. It doesn't help going against my nature and trying to convince myself I can enjoy life just as much on my own. I simply don't. Yeah, I don't even want to go on hollidays right now (even though i could). Seeing how happy my friend is travelling around France with her bf, I think my experience wouldn't be as rich.
Author Lorenza Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I havent read the whole thread, but I can relate to the feelings of loneliness and homesickness. People tend to pick relationships that mirror the dynamics they are familiar with from their childhoods, so of course it makes sense that you are craving a relationship to bring you those feelings of home and of warmth. In your case, I think the cultural differences between scandanavia vs. Eastern europe present some real challenges, as well. I am eastern european as well (but grew up in the states) and based on my limited experience, it seems like relationships in that culture have less personal boundaries, a broader range for what is considered normal and healthy, and "co-deoendence" is the expectation, not something to be overcome in therapy. So, it makes sense that finding someone you are compatible with is more of a challenge. Besides continuing to put yourself out there to meet men, i dont think theres much you can do to find your right guy, but i do think you have some control about the feeling of belonging. Have you tried networking with other people from your country, or finding some other community that you have some commonalities with and can be part of? Relationships are great, but theyre not the only path to belonging, and i think feeling more whole while youre single will actually put you in a better position to have a good relationship when you finally meet someone worthy. Yeah, I grew up in Eastern Europe, seeing tight family units and couples who are basically inseparable. Not that I want to be as codependant, but at least something on that side - instead of trying to readjust myself to independant, bachelor-type of men who are just as happy on their own (or happier). The Western way is portrayed as the only "right" way how to date, but what about all the people who simply can't reprogramme themselves according to this new trend of complete independance? It should be ok to want what you want and feel how you feel, right? :/ Yes, I tried networking and it didn't end well. As i wrote in the other post, it was a big web of gossip and I became a target of it after standing up for myself. I've a lot of great people during these years, but there is a thing with expats - they leave. Even now I have two great famale friends and both are gonna leave by autumn. Sucks.
carnelian Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 As an older man, I think that I can understand even though I live in the American culture I was born into. I disagree strongly with Toodaloo and others who say that you must make yourself happy and that no man can do that for you. People have told me that and it is untrue. Sometimes having a family with parents, children, etc is not enough and will never be enough--for many women and men like myself. But you learn to live with the aloneness and realize that a so so or bad relationship is worse than none. You feel a certain alienation from the Scandinavian culture and from the "happy" couples you see around. Eventually this discontent will pass I am pretty sure.
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