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My husband spent $11,200 on cell phone games in less than 2 years!!!!

colouroflove

By colouroflove
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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colouroflove Member

colouroflove

Posted
Posted

My husband has lied to me continually since I've known him. I've forgiven over and over. Tonight I went to check his tablet to see if he's been spending money on his games (recently I discovered he spent a few hundred dollars and didn't see the entirety of his 2 year account history). He gave me permission to check to confirm he would keep his promise...which I found out tonight, he hasn't. He agreed in april to stop spending and has spent twice every month since then.

 

He never keeps his promises to me. He's lied to me about other things and I keep forgiving him because we have a child together and I am expecting any day now.

 

I scrolled down through the history tonight and it goes back to April of 2014. I added up everything tonight and it came out to $11,200! I am in shock.

 

I've been a stay at home mother since our daughter was born 4 years ago and I never spend money on myself. I went 4 years with the same pair of tennis shoes. Before I stopped working, I took public transportation and walked to work. I would wear clothes that were hand me downs, or I shopped at thrift.

 

He spends money on himself all the time.

 

He was ****ty to me during my first pregnancy, at my birth complained about his inconvenience and now I think I'm so far in to this...I have no way out.

 

I have no career, no money and no trust in anything he says. He also has huge anger issues and continually screams at people on the road, he curses and flips them off. He says horrible things in front of our child. I've tried asking politely for him to stop riding people's car's in front of us too close, out of fear of accident, he doesn't respect my feelings and I have no family or friends who can take me and my daughter in.

 

Every time we have a disagreement, he calls me a bitch, fat ass, lazy and I honestly am so exasperated I can't take it anymore. I feel powerless and I just try to keep quiet because I don't want my daughter or unborn child to be screamed at anymore.

 

He has this mentality that "he's the most compassionate and considerate person" but apparently the rest of the world is just "idiots, dumb illegals, moronic women, stupid, pieces of ****"...just a few phrases I hear every few minutes we are in the car. Everyone drives like idiots, people park like idiots...everything everywhere is just not good enough for him because he's just so considerate and perfect. When he's home, he's finding excuses to be on his tablet and is always rude in tone "condescending and disrespectful" whenever I ask him anything.

 

Everything is about his time, because he works and because I don't (even though I have been the one rearing, feeding, cooking, cleaning, caring while sick, errand running) working mother I am...apparently I'm lazy.

 

I'm starting to believe he's got serious mental issues and I don't know what to do. If he doesn't get his way, or if I don't agree to speak with him when he wants it, he started to get intimidating with slamming things or threatening to not pay for our child's birth, or he's taken my phone or car keys or glasses.

 

I can't take it anymore.

anika99 Established Member

anika99

Posted
Posted

Sounds like his game purchases is just one of many bad behaviours. It's never going to change so what plans are you making to leave? I'd recommend going to work so that you won't be dirt poor after the divorce.

  • Like 1
ChocolateRain Established Member

ChocolateRain

Posted
Posted
My husband has lied to me continually since I've known him. I've forgiven over and over. Tonight I went to check his tablet to see if he's been spending money on his games (recently I discovered he spent a few hundred dollars and didn't see the entirety of his 2 year account history). He gave me permission to check to confirm he would keep his promise...which I found out tonight, he hasn't. He agreed in april to stop spending and has spent twice every month since then.

 

He never keeps his promises to me. He's lied to me about other things and I keep forgiving him because we have a child together and I am expecting any day now.

 

I scrolled down through the history tonight and it goes back to April of 2014. I added up everything tonight and it came out to $11,200! I am in shock.

 

I've been a stay at home mother since our daughter was born 4 years ago and I never spend money on myself. I went 4 years with the same pair of tennis shoes. Before I stopped working, I took public transportation and walked to work. I would wear clothes that were hand me downs, or I shopped at thrift.

 

He spends money on himself all the time.

 

He was ****ty to me during my first pregnancy, at my birth complained about his inconvenience and now I think I'm so far in to this...I have no way out.

 

I have no career, no money and no trust in anything he says. He also has huge anger issues and continually screams at people on the road, he curses and flips them off. He says horrible things in front of our child. I've tried asking politely for him to stop riding people's car's in front of us too close, out of fear of accident, he doesn't respect my feelings and I have no family or friends who can take me and my daughter in.

 

Every time we have a disagreement, he calls me a bitch, fat ass, lazy and I honestly am so exasperated I can't take it anymore. I feel powerless and I just try to keep quiet because I don't want my daughter or unborn child to be screamed at anymore.

 

He has this mentality that "he's the most compassionate and considerate person" but apparently the rest of the world is just "idiots, dumb illegals, moronic women, stupid, pieces of ****"...just a few phrases I hear every few minutes we are in the car. Everyone drives like idiots, people park like idiots...everything everywhere is just not good enough for him because he's just so considerate and perfect. When he's home, he's finding excuses to be on his tablet and is always rude in tone "condescending and disrespectful" whenever I ask him anything.

 

Everything is about his time, because he works and because I don't (even though I have been the one rearing, feeding, cooking, cleaning, caring while sick, errand running) working mother I am...apparently I'm lazy.

 

I'm starting to believe he's got serious mental issues and I don't know what to do. If he doesn't get his way, or if I don't agree to speak with him when he wants it, he started to get intimidating with slamming things or threatening to not pay for our child's birth, or he's taken my phone or car keys or glasses.

 

I can't take it anymore.

 

this has abuse written all over it ... he has multiple issues ... i would suggest you do the best for yourself and Children . This is by far not a healthy marriage

SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you married a little boy in a man's body.

 

What are you going to do about it?

BettyDraper Established Member

BettyDraper

Posted
Posted

I don't understand what made you want to have a child with this person.

 

Look into social assistance and leave. See if you can stay with family or friends.

 

He's selfish and cruel.

 

Sometimes staying for the children is not the best choice.

  • Like 3
Phoenician Established Member

Phoenician

Posted
Posted

wow !

 

my wife calls me cruel and ********* because I slammed a door twice and shouted at her face 5 times in 18 years!

 

Sweet lady , looking at all factors now , you are married to a narcassist, a person who would suck happiness from your heart with no mercy ...

 

 

I advise you to do the following , don't react now , you need to plan things properly now , don't leave and loose benefits ...

 

1)- call a lawyer and understand the steps that needs to be done to get a divorce ...

2)-understand what you will get financially from the divorce .

 

3) start searching for a job , think about all possible options , including those options that helps you more with a child on board.

 

4)- start saving money .

 

5)- put pressure on him to give you more money .

 

May God bless your soul and help you in this ;

 

don't loose focus , you need to plan the exit even if it is years from now...

  • Like 1
Secondrodeo Member

Secondrodeo

Posted
Posted

He is abusive, plain and simple. You deserve to be cared for, respected, and loved. This man has proven repeatedly that he isn't capable of being a good partner to you. And that likely means he's not winning any gather of the year awards, either.

 

Your giving birth to HIS child was an inconvenience? And he calls you names and curses in front of your child? You are the mother of his children - you deserve nothing but respect from him simply for that reason alone.

 

You are NOT stuck. There are resources to help you and your children. I'd strongly advise getting a plan in place to move out and keep you and your children safe. Do you have family or a friend you could stay with for a while until you get on your feet? There are also government programs that can help you find a place to live & help pay for day care.

 

If you're due to deliver soon, you can start looking for jobs within a few weeks after birth. Or possibly return to college to gain some skills or a degree that will allow you to provide for your children on your own?

 

I hope you are taking care of yourself. You can also talk to your OB doc or nurse for help.

  • Like 1
SisterGoldenHair New Member

SisterGoldenHair

Posted
Posted

This is abuse plain and simple. Call up social services in your area, they can get you into housing one way or another or into a shelter, which is not ideal, but it'd get you away from him. Talk to a lawyer, get yourself on welfare if you have to.

 

Where is your own family? Surely there is someone who can take you in for a while.

 

Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one. The abuse in your home is affecting your child, dont think she doesnt see what's going on, even if she doesnt understand it.

MrCongeniality Member

MrCongeniality

Posted
Posted
My husband has lied to me continually since I've known him. I've forgiven over and over. Tonight I went to check his tablet to see if he's been spending money on his games (recently I discovered he spent a few hundred dollars and didn't see the entirety of his 2 year account history). He gave me permission to check to confirm he would keep his promise...which I found out tonight, he hasn't. He agreed in april to stop spending and has spent twice every month since then.

 

He never keeps his promises to me. He's lied to me about other things and I keep forgiving him because we have a child together and I am expecting any day now.

 

I scrolled down through the history tonight and it goes back to April of 2014. I added up everything tonight and it came out to $11,200! I am in shock.

 

I've been a stay at home mother since our daughter was born 4 years ago and I never spend money on myself. I went 4 years with the same pair of tennis shoes. Before I stopped working, I took public transportation and walked to work. I would wear clothes that were hand me downs, or I shopped at thrift.

 

He spends money on himself all the time.

 

He was ****ty to me during my first pregnancy, at my birth complained about his inconvenience and now I think I'm so far in to this...I have no way out.

 

I have no career, no money and no trust in anything he says. He also has huge anger issues and continually screams at people on the road, he curses and flips them off. He says horrible things in front of our child. I've tried asking politely for him to stop riding people's car's in front of us too close, out of fear of accident, he doesn't respect my feelings and I have no family or friends who can take me and my daughter in.

 

Every time we have a disagreement, he calls me a bitch, fat ass, lazy and I honestly am so exasperated I can't take it anymore. I feel powerless and I just try to keep quiet because I don't want my daughter or unborn child to be screamed at anymore.

 

He has this mentality that "he's the most compassionate and considerate person" but apparently the rest of the world is just "idiots, dumb illegals, moronic women, stupid, pieces of ****"...just a few phrases I hear every few minutes we are in the car. Everyone drives like idiots, people park like idiots...everything everywhere is just not good enough for him because he's just so considerate and perfect. When he's home, he's finding excuses to be on his tablet and is always rude in tone "condescending and disrespectful" whenever I ask him anything.

 

Everything is about his time, because he works and because I don't (even though I have been the one rearing, feeding, cooking, cleaning, caring while sick, errand running) working mother I am...apparently I'm lazy.

 

I'm starting to believe he's got serious mental issues and I don't know what to do. If he doesn't get his way, or if I don't agree to speak with him when he wants it, he started to get intimidating with slamming things or threatening to not pay for our child's birth, or he's taken my phone or car keys or glasses.

 

I can't take it anymore.

I have a similar problem with my wife one lie after the other and if I confront her she'll try turning things on me. I didn't read everything but if you don't have kids I suggest you make a clean break. Stay at a friends house and what ever you do make sure you aren't cosigned with anything. My neighbor had his wife as his cosigner and he had a gambling problem long story short he left and she's stuck paying off his debts.

JS84 Established Member

JS84

Posted
Posted

Doesn't really sound like a healthy environment for children to be in anyway.

DrReplyInRhymes Established Member

DrReplyInRhymes

Posted
Posted

$12k in gambling debt is quite high, I'd definitely have a word,

If he refuses to admit he has a problem, then leave with your little bird,

But put it into perspective....does he make enough money to cover the debt?

For $12k to a millionaire is something he could pay without breaking a sweat...

 

Now, there's always 2 sides to every story, and the main point of your post,

Was his gambling problem, and some of the name-calling to boast,

If you feel you're in an unsafe environment, or the name-calling is too much,

Then leave and take your kid with you, and keep out of touch.

 

Maybe he'll come to his senses that you'll need to him to stop gambling and man up,

Or maybe he won't miss you and you can find someone else tough enough,

The verbal name calling, I agree, sucks, but it's happening, so the next step,

Is to either unearth what's causing him to lash out, or move to a safer bet.

  • Like 1
healingsoul Established Member

healingsoul

Posted
Posted

Colouroflove, The fact that your husband spent $11K on cell phone games is shocking, but not your worse problem. Your situation is clearly abusive. I want to know why you don't have access to the family money. If you don't work it does not mean that you don't or shouldn't have access to money. Husbands use this as manipulation and it is abusive-- financial abuse. I want to give you advice on what you need to do but I want to understand the dynamics of the situation.

 

Do you have any family or friends that live close to you?

  • Like 1
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colouroflove Member

colouroflove

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He has this sweet, loving, generous side to him. I think this is why I keep believing things can get better...we don't fight as much as we used to, however he's done things that have seriously endangered us because he would get upset with me standing up for myself. I know I should have left him a long time ago, however I think a lot of it stems from growing up without a father.

 

I have already started looking for opportunities to work and save money after the baby arrives. I don't have family that can help me. I've tried asking some of his extended family to help me and they basically took the ignore/don't call back method.

 

I read my post and I look at myself with pity...what is wrong with me that I would want this kind of love? Why didn't I demand better? Where is my own sense of self worth? What will my daughter end up choosing?

healingsoul Established Member

healingsoul

Posted
Posted

I am happy to see that you are already thinking ahead and looking into possible ways that you can learn from this experience. I definitly think you need to go to couples counseling but even if he does not want to go I would find a very good female counselor for myself if I was in your situation.

 

 

You are exactly right to be thinking about your children and what they will learn from what happens in your marriage. Even at young ages children learn by example and also from the environment they grow up in.

 

Both you and your children deserve to be treated with love and respect and to be honored.

 

 

Your husband's financial choices effect the family and a husband and wife should make major financial decision together. I know this does not always happen in every marriage but it is the best way.

 

Do you have access to the finances?

 

He has this sweet, loving, generous side to him. I think this is why I keep believing things can get better...we don't fight as much as we used to, however he's done things that have seriously endangered us because he would get upset with me standing up for myself. I know I should have left him a long time ago, however I think a lot of it stems from growing up without a father.

 

I have already started looking for opportunities to work and save money after the baby arrives. I don't have family that can help me. I've tried asking some of his extended family to help me and they basically took the ignore/don't call back method.

 

I read my post and I look at myself with pity...what is wrong with me that I would want this kind of love? Why didn't I demand better? Where is my own sense of self worth? What will my daughter end up choosing?

  • Like 1
  • Author
colouroflove Member

colouroflove

Posted
  • Author
Posted

We've been talking and he's agreed to give over half of our finances to me in my own bank account. Which is one step in the right direction.

 

I agree about the counseling, however my problems lie in how easily forgiving I have been and how I go back to acting like things are normal for the sake of peace. This has backfired because he doesn't make long term change. He also continues to tell me "he doesn't need counseling". This is part of why I think he's got some narcissistic issues and I don't want them to get worse.

 

I also want to make sure I find a counselor who understand's what I am dealing with. In the past he's gone to the point of crying when I was leaving and desperation/begging/false promises of change and I agree to stay only to experience these outbursts weeks later. When I confided in a friend about his actions she assumed there was something I was "doing" that was making him do these horrible things.

 

I ended that friendship and have been worried about finding a female counselor who has this same time of mentality...always placing blame on the woman. This worries me.

 

I am not perfect. I will yell and say mean things or I finally disconnect and shut down but only after his continual disregard of my feelings. He wants to control the entire conversation and explain things over and over and over. It's like he's intentionally trying to drive me insane. The worse part is my feelings of being in danger or that of my child, calling me stupid/ignorant/dumb if I don't appreciate him saying racist/hateful things in front of my child, him telling me I take other peoples sides about road rage incidents, his inability to let me get space when we have disagreements by entering the room/constant yelling/slamming/intimidation and fear tactics in order to get me to talk "on his time", his control mechanisms at threatening my home/food/car/phone/glasses to see if I don't agree or say what he wants to hear.

 

I can't even think straight because I am always worried about hurting his feelings/ego or making him feel like we have to agree on everything. It's like I can't be my own person. As I said before, things have gotten better. We argue maybe once every couple of months, when it used to be several times a week. It's been quite great over the last year.

 

I just can't deal with finding out in another 2 years some devastating secret, whether it's financial or what. I don't have these types of issues. I am not responsible for his actions. I don't want to be counseled by a self hating female/blame the victim type.

 

I've contacted a friend out of state and she's consented to us coming to stay with her if I decide to leave. I've also made it clear to my husband that we cannot be close. I will be cordial and respectful, in order to cease all fighting, however things are not the same as before and he cannot try to make up for it with a simple "I'm sorry" or by spending money on me.

 

I was also reading about how I need to stop covering for his behavior and share it, so I've made sure to tell those who are closest to me about what is going on.

 

I know we deserve to be respected and treated with love. I also know that nobody is perfect but these behaviors are overstepping serious boundaries and will have serious consequences if they aren't fixed. I can't fix him...he has to want to do this and I have to focus on having a healthy safe and supportive birth in the next few weeks.

 

I will say I've placed everything with God and continue to pray. Please pray for this family and for him to be heavily convicted to make change.

healingsoul Established Member

healingsoul

Posted
Posted
We've been talking and he's agreed to give over half of our finances to me in my own bank account. Which is one step in the right direction.

...

 

I know we deserve to be respected and treated with love. I also know that nobody is perfect but these behaviors are overstepping serious boundaries and will have serious consequences if they aren't fixed. I can't fix him...he has to want to do this and I have to focus on having a healthy safe and supportive birth in the next few weeks.

 

I will say I've placed everything with God and continue to pray. Please pray for this family and for him to be heavily convicted to make change.

 

I am so glad that you have been able to talk some and work out some of the finances. Have you ever heard of the book Boundaries? This is the first one that domes to mind but I have recently bought a few on Borderline Personality Disorder also because my son was dating someone who struggled with this issue. I find that it helps a lot to read resources about the problems that I find myself in.

 

I will definitely pray for you. You am doing the right thing by putting everything in God's hands. He alone can solve a situation that is as big as yours.

 

Dear Lord, I pray that you will help this precious wife and mom, that you will convict her husband of his gambling problem and that he will realize how much his young family needs him and how much more wisely the money could be used to bless his family and others. I pray for physical protection against any harm, and that she has a healthy delivery of this little one. It is a privilege to talk with you about this family. Amen

  • Like 1
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
Posted

Yeah no, if there is a God, he's got better things to do than to magically cure your husbands' pathological lying. Only your husband, and a good therapist, can do that.

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