griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Last monday, my gf and i had our 6 month aniversary together. We celebrated by giving/recieving gifts. She had just gotten her P's that day, so after school i went with her and her friend to the Motor registry to get her permit. Then afterwards we went to the car and we drove around for a bit, her friend had already shotgunned the front and i was told to sit in the back...then like 20minutes later her two other friends joined us, i was told to then sit in the uncomfortable middle at the back. BOY was that fun...actually it was ok, but i felt like i was invisible. While their chatting away, im sitting there just gazing out the windows...she told me on the phone that we would atleast have a nice dinner alone after she dropped her friends home at like..5-6pm! Instead we spent dinner at KFC sure it was nice, but her other friend was there still. She didnt even consult me about it. so i just kept shut. It was ok i guess but it makes me feel like she'd rather be with her friends then me. The reason im frustrated with this is because i hadnt seen her for a week, so the time i see her for this one day approx. 4 hours i spend with her, and her friend. and when she drove me back to home, she has a small joke to her friend and says "Yeh lets ditch him and then we can have some real fun!" it was funny at first, but hurt my feelings soon after. Arg its so frustrating, when ever i want to tell her something because i want her to talk with me and help me about it, i feel like i cant. Last time i felt she was avoiding me and kept asking her about it, she just told me i was being to clingy n stuff. This time, i want her help because i want to talk to her i havent spoken to her for a week, because she's got lots of assignments and she has an exam to learn for next week. I ask her why isnt she speaking to me, she just says school is getting in the way. Last friday i thought she had an advanced driving thing to goto the next morning, i found out its next week, and she goes out with her friend that friday night. Ofcourse she tells me at the last minute. So i say have a good night, i love you bubye! even tho im still having these thinking problems. I have no self esteem, i feel worthless. She knows this. Then just tonight i call her up, she says she's online ( i had to ring her mobile). So i come online, and she hardly even speaks to me!! So i start asking all these questions because i feel worried, (before our 6month anniversary she would be sms'ing me all the time. Now...absolutely **** all) and i keep asking is everything ok...she says yes! So i ask why arent you speaking to me, are you avoiding me? then she just breaks out and starts telling me how GF -> "your being too.. i dont know. but its definatly something i dont want right now and its really pushing me. im sorry but thats how i feel and i cant help it. sometimes i just need to be by myself, its how i cope." ME -> "but then you should tell me before i get worried " GF -> "why cant you just talk about normal things instead of nagging about something i obvously dont want to talk about " ME -> i try to, you dont understand my feelings? im your bf! you shouldnt just shut me out, you know how that feels. im sorry im so stupidly idiotic! GF -> would you rather me shut you out for a while or never speak to you agian, cause thats kinda the choice atm. She's not being all that aggressive. That last comment of hers hurt the most...I love her to death tho, she knows this. She says she loves me, but does she realise i feel as if she doesnt treat me all that well sometimes? I want to help, its in my nature. A bit later in the conversation she told me how she's not allowed to take her anti depressants, and all she thinks about is dying. I really dont know what to do anymore, she's done this to me twice about being to...clingy or what ever. I dont know if she realises how it feels. I want to just shut my big mouth forever, and show her how it feels so she doesnt accuse me of being as clingy when she knows how i go through it. PLEASE, can someone help me with this situation??? Is my gf treating me badly? i dont want to further nag at my gf, i dont know if i can ever try and talk to her about these things. i'm too scared to now!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Yes, she's treating you badly. But yes, you're being clingy and a wuss. And very unmanly. Here's the solution. Be a little less available - find more things of your own to do. Don't accept crap dates like the one where you were with 19 of her friends in the car. The trick is to be a MAN. Be calm, rational and kind. But take charge and call her on her bad behaviour, with the attitude "I need to tell you this for your own good, girly". Do not EVER apologise for having needs. But don't rely on her for all your emotional needs, especially not right now. You're probably not gonna do this or even understand it. Once a wuss, always a wuss. Or do you think you can rise to the "be a man" challenge?
Marshbear Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 She is taking advantage of you and she seems tired of your neediness and desperation. If you don't change your ways she will leave you. You have to have a life outside of her. Go out with friends and do things that doesn't include her. Don't ask her if things are alright or look for her approval. On a date tell her want you will be doing and have things lined up. Let her know you took the time to plan things and follow through. Don't be a door mat. Let her know you will not tolerate being a third wheel to her friends. Stand up for yourself and be like you were in the post. You have needs in the relationship and if she is not meeting your needs then maybe it is time to look elsewhere. Peace...
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 But i've been told by a few people to stop apologizing, but the words just keep coming up! i guess i am a wuss. :S i try to do things on my own, but im 20years old...i dont have a job, i dont have my car license yet, i have 0 self esteem, 0 confidence, 0 self worth. I'm the guy who in school was picked on for being small, for being weak. Its stuck with me. I can try and tell her she's treating me like ****, but i know i'll feel bad about it. I will definately Try to back off, and yes i'll take the be a man challenge! My problem is, im emotionally dependant, i found that out the other day, im trying to stop it. but **** i have so many problems its easier if i died lol. And the thing about finding less things to do..be less available! I see her like once a week :S how not available can i get!! Should i just disapear, perhaps so. Dude just like to thank you for replying and helping me aswell
Woggle Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Grow some balls and stop acting like a wimp. Tell her you will go enjoy your life and if she wants to spend time with you she can make the move. If she doesn't consider yourself lucky because you are better off without her anyway.
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 its easy for you guys to say, you all have confidence hehe hehe, thanks guys i really apreciate your help! i will definately try better at this, but you see i havent had a real gf ever :S and i started when i was 19!! that cant be good.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff its easy for you guys to say, you all have confidence hehe hehe, thanks guys i really apreciate your help! i will definately try better at this, but you see i havent had a real gf ever :S and i started when i was 19!! that cant be good. You're doing fine. We're all learning confidence. Check out some of the threads by ConfusedinOC, such as: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t63141/
Woggle Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff its easy for you guys to say, you all have confidence hehe Well you need to get some. I used to be just like you until I grew my balls back. Sometimes you need to put a woman in check. I don't mean abuse or anything but just stop letting them push you around and use you. Women do not resect an emasculated man.
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 the one thing i didnt tell you about is, the fact she isnt allowed her anti depressants. She has manic depression. So she wants to be alone, but she never tells me these things so i wonder whats wrong then she just bursts out with this stuff! :S But for sure i will let her know about her doing. Im not sure you can just grow balls but i will be a bit more tougher if she's out of line.
Opium Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Do you honestly think you deserve to be treated like a "back-seat-boy"? I don't think so, you seriously gotta get your balls tucked out of your azz! Sorry for being so rude or to straight forward but just reading this made me angry. I usually don't let this get personal but you seem like a very nice guy who deserves better. It's obvious you're not her #1 priority or #2 at the least. Yes, I understand school is important but when you're in a relationship, you're a team, you help each other through good and bad times, not push them away and tell them "hey see ya later, I'm busy"!? You need to put your foot down and start demanding some respect because sorry to say she has none for you. I wouldn't make a comment like that in front of my bf or even behind his back, I have fun with bf, just as much fun as if I were with my friends. I wouldn't have picked up her phone calls or made an effort anymore after that weekend she had free and didn't call you. You need to draw a line with her because all she's going to do is keep stepping all over you, and frankly I see her leaving you soon.
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 well, i called her thursday, but she was busy. so i just said goodnight. The next day i messaged her saying what are you up to blah blah blah, and went surfing. i actually think i wrote in the message, if your not busy, call me. Thats when she tried my mobile, but hung up when i was driving home with my brother. I had to then call her, she didnt want to speak for long, she was on the bus going to the music gig. She thinks its a waste of money (she feels bad if i spend money on a phone call to a mobile) i say to her every time it doesnt matter, but she always manages to get me off lol. thats my own fault. But yeh thats when she told me she was going out. i still thought she was having the driving thing the next day...it wasnt until the sunday when i rang her and asked how it went i found out it was next week :S... am i going insane, or do i think everythings happening sooner then it is! heh im not going to see her for over 2 weeks. thursday when she's free she's going op shopping with her friend, its her birthday. i asked when can we hang out next. She said i dont know. i might only get to see her once, before she goes to QLD for 8 days, and then she's got like 5 days of holidays left before she goes back to school, she said she'd see me for the rest of the holidays. Somehow i doupt that. Her friends will have some sort of craft night...Her friends are part of the problem, they're very inconsiderate. my gf's friends asked that she came over to their..dinner night or something, and then when my gf answered "im seing paul tomorrow" they bitched to her about it. My gf stated she sees her friends all week, and that she hasnt seen me for a week. So theres one positive part about it btw you dont have to apologize for being rude, because it wasnt really rude :S. its your honest opinion! Thank you all for your help! seriously!
greenhorn Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff GF -> "why cant you just talk about normal things instead of nagging about something i obvously dont want to talk about " ME -> i try to, you dont understand my feelings? im your bf! you shouldnt just shut me out, you know how that feels. im sorry im so stupidly idiotic! GF -> would you rather me shut you out for a while or never speak to you agian, cause thats kinda the choice atm. Well these statements tells the whole story, she is treating you like s*** and that's not the way a bf would like to be treated. She thinks that you have no where to go and will always be available for her like a door-mat. She has no respect for your feelings or else why would she get time to hang around with her friend and not with you. Don't take this as something due to anti-depressant or depression, trust me from my experience that when a girl says this it is percursor of breaking up and finding some one else. Whatever be the case don't allow yourself to be treated like this, decide on what way you want yourself to be treated and then say this to her, if that suits her fine then well and if not then there is no dearth of girls in this world and even if there is no girl , then it is better to be a single than be treated like a scum bag. Ask anyone girl in this world and will they say that this is the right way to treat your bf ??
Jolene Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Another medical term for "manic depressive" is bi-polar mood disorder. Rarely diagnosed without an accompanying personality disorder (such as schizophrenia, sociopath, narcissism, borderline personality etc. etc.), these individuals can only bring chaos and unspeakable misery into your life and the lives of your unborn children and extended family. It's that bad!!!!! run like hell. I apologize to any diagnosed individuals who may read this.....I understand that if medicated, the disorder is manageable to a degree...the problem is getting your afflicted loved ones to take their meds....
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 She's done this before, once it was like a week before my birthday :S...she says its the way she copes, she doesnt talk to anyone for a short while. only her mum. I love her to death, i only try to help. :S thats just my nature. It might sound like im trying to be the nice guy, but well infact i feel like im an a**h*** all the time. I'm just going to shut the **** up and wait till she wants to speak, and then i wont let her just say sorry for disrespecting me. i will make her and i sit down and talk about everything here. Might even spend the couple of days after she gets back from QLD, talking about it with her. If she loves and respects me. she will listen and will learn not to cross these boundries again. she will learn to treat me like a human. And yeah, Bi-polar dissorder, thats the one i always forget its called. She sometimes apologizes for that too :S But im not going to let a thing like that get in the way of the girl i truly love! Btw whats sociopath, narcissism, borderline personality? what are they like exactly...
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff And yeah, Bi-polar dissorder, thats the one i always forget its called. She sometimes apologizes for that too :S But im not going to let a thing like that get in the way of the girl i truly love! Btw whats sociopath, narcissism, borderline personality? what are they like exactly... You're in for a rough ride, that's what
Jolene Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 just read and at least prepare yourself. i.e children's aid societies take children out of homes where there is a bi-polar not taking their meds.....it's one small notch down from full blown schizo.
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 i just want to clear up, that you cant judge it until you hear her story...maybe i did something so ****ing stupid its not funny? But you'd have to tell me before i knew, which is what im getting at. maybe she doesnt realise she treats me badly. I'll have to point it out to her. Its like when i was being clingy, i had an idea i was but. She was being so odd, not talking, not answering. I felt like i was away. until she just blew it and said i was being a nag. Lately when im driving, it seems when im the happiest is when im speeding 40km's above my allowed speed limit. I told her about this the other night when spoke to her for...5minutes. She didnt seem as displeased as before, like she's backed off from telling me what i can and cant do. i know its totally wrong for me to be speeding, because i have to had a fully licensed driver with me and the chances are if i dont survive they wont either, i dont want to kill them so i shouldnt do it. Oh...hmm!
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 i cant stop thinking about this :S i slept on the couch last night. i had to sleep somewhere uncomfortable just to keep my mind at bay! Although knowing she treats me like ****, Im sad because i dont want to hurt her feelings. She was the sweetest girl i've ever known. She's just slightly changed recently. Should i just wait until she wants to talk again? Then inform her of her wrong doings, disrespectful behavior to me, and me being like the lowest priority on her list?
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff she treats me like ****, She was the sweetest girl i've ever known. Take a look at these contrasting statements. Made within 2 seconds of each other. YOU are part of the problem - you're accepting abuse as normal.
Opium Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 You must enjoy being treated this way. How can you say "should I wait till SHE wants to talk AGAIN?" I don't understand or maybe you're not filling us in with other details. All I know is that you deserve what you get if you don't stand up for yourself. You didn't sleep, you were uncomfortable, and probably haven't eaten because you're upset and sad do to the fact YOUR GIRL is treating you like shyt. You seriously need to say something and tell her to ship in or ship out. Get me, you need to be strong. I'm sorry but it seems to me she really doesn't care about your feelings or is very selfish. Do what you like but you're going to continue being treated bad if you don't say something NOW!
Woggle Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 No woman who is worth your time and commitment will make you feel this way.
greenhorn Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 What is the whole point of being in a relationship where neither of you feel good. You are hurting by her behaviour and she does not wants to be with you, so this becomes a painful situation. If you accept someone treating you as s*** then it is going to aggravate the problem more and not lessen it. It might also impact your personality so come out of this un-healthy relationship
Author griftymcgriff Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 well i just thought, maybe i wait till she doesnt feel so..****ed in the head? it would be better for her attention levels so she gets the point well and clear!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff well i just thought, maybe i wait till she doesnt feel so..****ed in the head? Sounds good to me. She is tired of using you as her punchbag right now, so wait until she has got her energy back
greenhorn Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Sounds good to me. She is tired of using you as her punchbag right now, so wait until she has got her energy back
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