Kocfe Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Its a bit of a long read, but i would be really grateful if y'all would read and help give some advice about my situation. Thanks y'all! I'm in a bit of a confusing situation now. So I've known this girl for about a year now through school. It started off pretty rocky because we were in a triangle but eventually the other guy fell out with the girl. After the drama I asked if she wanted to be in a relationship but she rejected saying she was unsure of her feelings, but we both agreed to continue hanging out until she's sure of her feelings. So fast forward 2 months, we're closer than before, and exclusive to each other. We text everyday, go out all the time, and care for each other. She does care for me and surprised me at work a couple of times. Her closest friends tell me she's definitely into me, and our mutual friends all think we're dating. The thing is, when I asked her she said she's still unsure. I'm feeling rather confused especially when she shows signs of liking me. And she isn't the type to play games so I'm sure she isn't playing around. And each time the topic about dating comes up, she would constantly ask me why I would like her so much when she had flaws etc, and she said she would want to remain single until she finds a guy that is really good that would change her mind about being single. Yet she tells me i'm a damn good guy couple of times. Confusing eh? And each time she doubts me honestly it hurts quite a lot because i've been putting in loads of effort and am serious about her. Another thing which I suspect to be the reason she's unsure is that I've had 2 exes and used to like girls quickly. For her, she never had a bf and never got into anything serious with a guy. So the fact that I've been with another girl and spent time with them before bothers her; and she feels that I might like someone else easily. I've assured on numerous occasions, but she still doubts me. Admittedly, it is true that I've liked girls quickly prior to meeting her, but after meeting her my perspective on relationships changed and I am serious about her. I feel differently about her and I know she's the one. And I care and look out for her, with her being happy my sole intention. Help me interpret this situation? 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You are friend zoned plain and simple. She is very emotionally attached but not sexually attracted. That is what she is implying when she said she want to meet someone that will change her mind about being single....she wants someone that makes her motor run/tingly in the nether region. You need to stop being so available to her because it's damaging any chance you may have with her. You are her BF without benefits. To be desirable is to be less available. Time to cut her off before you get tossed into the abyss. 1
leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You are friend zoned plain and simple. She is very emotionally attached but not sexually attracted. That is what she is implying when she said she want to meet someone that will change her mind about being single....she wants someone that makes her motor run/tingly in the nether region. You need to stop being so available to her because it's damaging any chance you may have with her. You are her BF without benefits. To be desirable is to be less available. Time to cut her off before you get tossed into the abyss. Agreed with what she said. She likes you as a friend and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you she's not interested in seeing you as a boyfriend.
4x4storm Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 "And she said she would want to remain single until she finds a guy that is really good that would change her mind about being single." Far out dude if I had a girl say that to me I would be out of there so fast. Like others have said above she likes you emotionally but not physically sure you can play her into having sex with you but have a long term relationship with this person is not possible.
Author Kocfe Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 She is very emotionally attached but not sexually attracted. . Here comes the confusing part. She says i'm attractive too, and can easily date another girl. She just keeps asking why i dont like someone else who would reciprocate easily. But i feel that if we truly love someone we don't do it for their reaction or for them to reciprocate, but really because you want them to be happy.
leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You can read into anyway you want, you're only gonna see what you wanna see. But take it from a girl, who's put other guy friends in the friend zone. You really likes you as a friend and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I can remember back in undergrad there was this guy who had a major crush on me, but I only liked him as friends, and I had a hard time letting him know I didn't feel the same way because he was such a nice guy. Trust me, if there's a guy I like, I'm not gonna tell him he could date other people and I'm definitely not gonna say to him I'm looking for someone to convince me not to be single. If I like a guy and I already know him very well, I'm already convinced I don't need to be single and that neither of us need to see other people. Try not talking to her or hanging around her for a while and see what happens. She'll either fade away or she'll be more interested and there you'll have your answer.
ChatroomHero Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Here comes the confusing part. She says i'm attractive too, and can easily date another girl. She just keeps asking why i dont like someone else who would reciprocate easily. But i feel that if we truly love someone we don't do it for their reaction or for them to reciprocate, but really because you want them to be happy. She knows you are interested and does not want to say, "you're not attractive to me". She wants you to find someone else so she can feel good about being friends with you without the headache of knowing you want sex with her. I'm guessing you're not that far off from her trying to set you up with a friend. Don't be fooled if you start dating someone else and she starts acting a little jealous, she still does not want a relationship with you. If she did, you would have one. She'll tell you she doesn't want to date anyone but if she meets someone she likes, all that will be out the window right away. It might seem like a mixed message but it is actually extremely clear...she knows you like her, she likes you as a friend, she has told you 6 ways from Sunday she is not going to date you, she just did it in a nice way so as not to hurt a friend's feelings.
Toodaloo Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Here comes the confusing part. She says i'm attractive too, and can easily date another girl. She just keeps asking why i dont like someone else who would reciprocate easily. But i feel that if we truly love someone we don't do it for their reaction or for them to reciprocate, but really because you want them to be happy. Just because a guy is attractive doesn't mean that every girl on the planet is going to want to rip their boxers off. I have some very good looking/ attractive friends. The likelihood of me pulling off their pants is less than zero... actually just thinking about it is making me feel a bit... You are in friendzone... way way way into friendzone. Your so deep in those friendzone trenches its going to take years to dig you out and you will probably get lost on the way anyway! If you want out the only way is to get out of this weird quazzi relationship you have with her and see as little of her as humanely possible... Complete no contact if you can. 1
Jacob_Duluoz Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You need to tell her that it's now or never and if not she can go kick rocks, you're not her play boyfriend. Put some serious space between you two, you don't need to go no contact, but you do need to make clear that you won't be treated disrespectfully.
Grapesofwrath Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You mentioned that you are "exclusive" with her. Can you say more about that? Are you physically intimate with each other to the exclusion of all others? If you are sexual with her, and she is saying these things I think it may be that she doesn't share the depth of feeling that you have. She likes you, but not as much as you like her. It's a common situation. It may help if you allow her to miss you a little by being somewhat less available. An important thing to remember is that actions > words. Always.
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Here comes the confusing part. She says i'm attractive too, and can easily date another girl. She just keeps asking why i dont like someone else who would reciprocate easily. But i feel that if we truly love someone we don't do it for their reaction or for them to reciprocate, but really because you want them to be happy. That still falls under friends zone category just like when they say "you would make a great BF, I'm surprised you are still single, you are too good for me, you are such a catch" etc. Basically she's pushing you away from the idea of dating her with those encouraging words.
phineas Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 That still falls under friends zone category just like when they say "you would make a great BF, I'm surprised you are still single, you are too good for me, you are such a catch" etc. Basically she's pushing you away from the idea of dating her with those encouraging words. Yepper. the only time a woman tells me things like this is when they want to discourage me or they don't think they have a chance of keeping me.
Recommended Posts