leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Went out on a first date with this guy on Friday that I met on eHarmony. We've been messaging and talking over the phone for about 2 weeks and finally met in person on Friday. I had a great time, and he seemed to have a great time. During the date twice he asked me to attend this music thing with him the next day. I told him I didn't know for sure if I could because I had plans with my friend, so I'd have to let him know tomorrow. At the end of the date he said he really wanted to see me again and when could he see me. I said how about next Friday. He said ok and then mentioned the music thing again. I said I can't promise you because I have plans with my friend. I said call me tomorrow and I can let you know for sure. The last thing he said was he'd call me tomorrow around noon to see if I could go and then we'd go from there. No phone call, text or anything. I totally get the saying from a guy "I'll call you.." and that means they're not going to, but seriously why would a guy ask me several times to do something, say they're going to call and say they want to see me again and then not follow through?
Dis Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I'm sorry hun...but thats dating for you Guys/women say all sorts of things in the beginning....who knows whether they mean them or not The trick is to take all the compliments, offers and everything else with a grain of salt until they've shown you through their actions that they mean what they say This guy didnt mean it....that simple No love lost there hun...onto the next! 1
Author leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 Thanks for the advice! Seriously, I'd rather if someone's not interested to not say anything at all. Dating is so hard! Thanks again for the encouragement! 1
TXGuy Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I think the guy meant it, but after 3 no's/iffy responses he thought better of it the next day. He was hoping to get a yes during the date. The next morning, after thinking about it, he decided to retain some dignity and move forward with his plans without you. 8
Shanex Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I'm sorry hun...but thats dating for you Guys/women say all sorts of things in the beginning....who knows whether they mean them or not The trick is to take all the compliments, offers and everything else with a grain of salt until they've shown you through their actions that they mean what they say This guy didnt mean it....that simple No love lost there hun...onto the next! Very true and goes out for both gender. This is so common.. onto the next, I agree but ultimately everyone seem to struggle for a freaking date these days. Even attractive, successful people... Follow these words. 1
Mjm1014 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Sorry to hear you're having to deal with someone like that. Maybe, just maybe, he got the wrong impression and thought you were rejecting him-unlikely though. Same thing just happened to a girl I was seeing..told me she would call me the next day to do something and never did. People are inconsiderate-at least let the person know so they aren't wasting their time all day! I'd reach out to him and see what he says..if he has anything less than a genuine response as to what happened, move on so it doesn't happen again with him. People rarely change.
Author leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 I'm thinking this is the likely answer. If you kept referring to your plans the next day with your "friend" in a vague way like you did on here, it is also likely that your date assumed that the friend you spoke of was another man, and thus another date. Good reasons for a guy to move on. No, I told him I had a massage appointment at the spa with a girlfriend, and I did offer to go out the following Friday. Seriously, if a woman doesn't say the right thing or something, we can't be perfect.
TXGuy Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 No, I told him I had a massage appointment at the spa with a girlfriend, and I did offer to go out the following Friday. Seriously, if a woman doesn't say the right thing or something, we can't be perfect. Sometimes a hard no with a counter is better than a maybe with a counter. 3
DJOkawari Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) All plausible solutions, I'm a bit partial to TXGuy's because I've been there. I'll throw one more into the ring: He invited someone else (or they asked him) to music night and it went well. To me, that's OLD in a nutshell. Edited June 27, 2016 by DJOkawari 2
Hermus Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 No, I told him I had a massage appointment at the spa with a girlfriend, and I did offer to go out the following Friday. Seriously, if a woman doesn't say the right thing or something, we can't be perfect. You turned down his invitation a few times, since you couldn't make it. You had other plans, so that's fine. However, now you rely on him to get in touch again and come with another invitation. Why don't you take initiative into your own hands and call or text him to see what is going on? There is absolutely no reason why a woman can't do that. It's 2016! 1
Erik30 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Why would he have to call you, when you're the one who was going to let him know if you were available that day? Anyway, I don't know why he kept pushing the music thing. I would've been fine with the Friday you offered, and just do that instead. Usually it's a rejection when people don't offer you an alternative. You did, so he should've just "settled" for that Friday.
Toodaloo Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 To me this guy is rushing to take up all your time. I think you should just let him fade or ghost or whatever they call it. A guy that crowds you and goes on like this is rarely good news. They burn hot and fast then they fizzle just as quickly. 1
joseb Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I don't get why you were so unclear about whether you could go or not. Surely either you were busy at that time or you were not. I also think.he probably found someone else to take, so you are not at the top of his list at the moment. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I don't get why you were so unclear about whether you could go or not. Surely either you were busy at that time or you were not. I also think.he probably found someone else to take, so you are not at the top of his list at the moment. Saying she needed to check what time she was going with her friend is not being unclear in my book. She is out on a date that night. The concert is the following day. She needs time to contact friend in the morning to check what time they are going for their massages etc so please call at lunch time. Seems reasonable to me... In any case. I still think he is a "flash in the pan" guy so either way don't worry. If I have tickets to a concert you can bet your life I have someone to go with me a couple of days in advance and it is unlikely to be a date I just met... it will be friends or family. First date/ second date I want an easy exit...
BikerAccnt Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Sometimes a hard no with a counter is better than a maybe with a counter. Yes, but at least she made a counter. That indicated interest he would have picked up on had he been truly interested.
stillafool Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I think OP should have offered to call him the next day to let him know if she could go to the event or not. Why would he have to call her to get another "no". Why didn't you say I'll call you in the morning to let you know if I can go. 1
tinkerbell16 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I think the guy meant it, but after 3 no's/iffy responses he thought better of it the next day. He was hoping to get a yes during the date. The next morning, after thinking about it, he decided to retain some dignity and move forward with his plans without you. Exactly what happened
Author leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 So do you guys think I should send him a text or let him go? I've always heard if a guy was interested, he would pursue. If I did text him, what would be good to say to him? "Hey, thought you were gonna call so we could get together?"
Maggie888 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Oh lord do not say that. You never want to say something whiney and accusatory that puts him on the defensive. He found someone else to go with him. You cant expect him to risk having no date for it. Im not clear why you would have had to ceheck anyway. Did u not know what time your massage was? What exactly were you checking? 1
stillafool Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I would let it go at this point if I were you. Was he that special?
Author leogirl876 Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 I would let it go at this point if I were you. Was he that special? It was one date. I had a great time, and wanted to see him again, but that's all you can tell from one date.
BikerAccnt Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It was one date. I had a great time, and wanted to see him again, but that's all you can tell from one date. Then IMO, what you need to do is call him and ask him out. Don't mention the conversation at the last date, let that pass. Just say something like.... Hey, I really enjoyed our date, I'd like to see you again. Are you free on.... and go from there. Seriously, what's to lose? We guys have to do this ALL the time. What's the worst that can happen, he says no thanks? You get used to that too!
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It was one date. I had a great time, and wanted to see him again, but that's all you can tell from one date. What about the date this coming Friday? If you want, send him a text saying hope you enjoyed the concert, looking forward to seeing you Friday! If he responds great. If not move on. Next time this happens.... no "maybe" ..... if you have other plans which you did, just tell him sorry you have already made plans and suggest an alternative day which you did.
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