KaiLEE Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I'm 23 and he's 21. He has moments of immaturity. He likes comic books and video games, and that is pretty much all he talks about. We share very little in common in regards to common interests, but we do have pretty strong values and principles that we both share strongly. That's what brought us together and that is what I love about him. At the same time, I feel like I'm almost too mature for him. He hasn't even finish college yet, and I'm going for my MBA. His visions for the future is not fully developed. But, at the same time he wants to build a future that would be the best for us, which is sweet, but he just doesn't know how to get there. All that aside, there's a little bit of a love/lust triangle. There's this guy at my job who I'm kind of crushing on. We've known each other for a little over 4 years. I never felt like he was more than anything other than a nice older guy until we started to actually talk to each other within the last year. He's 46, single, attractive,and extremely fit. We have a lot of common interests. We both like to work out, share the same music, similar humor...we just mesh well together. He knows I'm in a relationship, but most recently has hinted that he liked me. He would call me beautiful, treat me to lunch, suggest we work out together, hugs me all the time, etc. We have never done anything intimate together. To be honest, I'm a virgin, so that never crossed my mind, but as of recent he told me that he wanted to be intimate with me. I immediately told him no and he respected my decision. I know its completely wrong to even think about wanting to sleep with him, but I did think about it even though I rejected him. I wanted to be intimate with him more so than my boyfriend. I never felt sexually attracted to my boyfriend in the way I felt with my coworker. I do not know if its because of the common interest my coworker and I share or because I'm not feeling solid about my relationship right now. It's not a great feeling because I truly love my boyfriend, and I honestly believe we will spend the rest of our lives together. But, in the back of my mind I feel like I need someone more mature. Is it wrong to feel this way? What should I do? 1
sc0316 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Is this older guy your supervisor? If yes, then what he's been doing to you is very inappropriate. 1
Author KaiLEE Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 Is this older guy your supervisor? If yes, then what he's been doing to you is very inappropriate. He's a manager, but not for my department. He doesn't supervise me in any way. 1
frus69 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 46 and single? Never married? My guess is he's a commitment phoebe. Even if its not true, he is not relationship material 2
joseb Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You are with your boyfriend and you have never been intimate? Sounds like a friendship. It it was for cultural reasons or something I might understand, but as you are thinking about cheating on him and sleeping with another guy im guessing it's not that. 3
DKT3 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Be very careful with this older guy....i see alot of red flags and I'm guessing he is looking to sweet talk you into bed likely outcome is he will dump you soon after. 3
Satu Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Is it wrong to feel this way? What should I do? You're feeling how he wants you to feel. He's 'grooming' you. Be very careful. Take care. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I'm 23 and he's 21. He has moments of immaturity. He likes comic books and video games, and that is pretty much all he talks about. We share very little in common in regards to common interests, but we do have pretty strong values and principles that we both share strongly. That's what brought us together and that is what I love about him. At the same time, I feel like I'm almost too mature for him. He hasn't even finish college yet, and I'm going for my MBA. His visions for the future is not fully developed. But, at the same time he wants to build a future that would be the best for us, which is sweet, but he just doesn't know how to get there. All that aside, there's a little bit of a love/lust triangle. There's this guy at my job who I'm kind of crushing on. We've known each other for a little over 4 years. I never felt like he was more than anything other than a nice older guy until we started to actually talk to each other within the last year. He's 46, single, attractive,and extremely fit. We have a lot of common interests. We both like to work out, share the same music, similar humor...we just mesh well together. He knows I'm in a relationship, but most recently has hinted that he liked me. He would call me beautiful, treat me to lunch, suggest we work out together, hugs me all the time, etc. We have never done anything intimate together. To be honest, I'm a virgin, so that never crossed my mind, but as of recent he told me that he wanted to be intimate with me. I immediately told him no and he respected my decision. I know its completely wrong to even think about wanting to sleep with him, but I did think about it even though I rejected him. I wanted to be intimate with him more so than my boyfriend. I never felt sexually attracted to my boyfriend in the way I felt with my coworker. I do not know if its because of the common interest my coworker and I share or because I'm not feeling solid about my relationship right now. It's not a great feeling because I truly love my boyfriend, and I honestly believe we will spend the rest of our lives together. But, in the back of my mind I feel like I need someone more mature. Is it wrong to feel this way? What should I do? You did a good job of covering details in that first post. And I think the answer you seek is connected to how comfortable you let yourself be, around the coworker. When first meeting and dating your boyfriend, you were surely a nervous wreck at some moments, and you have many times looked in the mirror and fussed over your appearance with your boyfriend in mind. When going to work, like all of us, you feel some sort of a right to be there, and a right to your workspace, in a way, and you go there with the expectations of having those rights... so you are just a bit more comfortable with the work routine, than perhaps with the dating routine... and thus it makes some sense that you would be more at-ease around someone from that work environment, even if you didn't intend for that to be the case. And I suggest that it is from that seeming/relative comfort which you project at work, that the older guy's attraction to you materialized. Furthermore, on some level, it is nice to have clear indication that somebody wants you, romantically or sexually, so although you are generally in-control that way, you at least have the comfort of knowing that this interested suitor has shown you the vulnerability that lets you be aware of this (appropriate, or not). 2
Author KaiLEE Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 You are with your boyfriend and you have never been intimate? Sounds like a friendship. It it was for cultural reasons or something I might understand, but as you are thinking about cheating on him and sleeping with another guy im guessing it's not that. It's not like a friendship at all. I want to save myself for marriage. I think it only makes me human to think about what its like to experience sex. The problem is I'm not thinking about that experience with my boyfriend. 1
Author KaiLEE Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 You're feeling how he wants you to feel. He's 'grooming' you. Be very careful. Take care. You and DKT3 feel the same way. I hope its not like that, but I can understand how it can be viewed that way. It would be easier if I wasnt attracted to my coworker, but my inner being is conflicted because I love my bf but this older guy is nothing like I've every experience. It is enticing. I can't ignore my feelings. 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 OK this is my advice. Breakup with your BF because it's pretty clear you are not compatible. There is nothing wrong with realizing you are not with the right person. You just need to go through more dating to really know what you need to have a marriage that will last for the long haul. Not only passionate attraction, but emotional connection through compatibility. You need to keep looking. As for your co-worker older dude, all he wants is to bang you. He has no interest in what your favorite color is or how many kids you want. Time to set a boundary with him and make it clear that sex is not on the table for you are going to wait for marriage. Right now all you are doing is c&*^% teasing the guy by being close to him for your own emotional needs. 11
frus69 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 You and DKT3 feel the same way. I hope its not like that, but I can understand how it can be viewed that way. . He definitely just want to bang you. If you cant see that, oh well..you are too inexperienced. But I feel you need to experience all these so you can find out what you want. it's going to end bad with this co worker and your heart will probably be broken but it's probably what it takes to understand what you want. 3
DKT3 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 There is a reason that this great 46 year guy is single, and trolling for 20 year olds...it's for this very reason you don't see him coming, your falling for his line of bull. Open your eyes before it's too late.. no longer a virgin having given the gift to a 50 year old playboy, left behind and heart broken
bubbaganoosh Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Your 23. He's 46. What could you have in common with him? I honestly think it's going to be a dead end but if your thinking about going out with him, then at least do the right thing and break up with your boy friend. Nothing worse then cheating on the guy. He deserves to be told at least. 1
Blanco Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 What planet are you residing on where you think a smooth-talking man 23 years your senior is going to have any interest in you once he knows that sex is off the table? 7
Omei Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Your boyfriend is 21! It's the time to make mistakes, party, play games get laid and wonder for the next 5 years what you want out of life. Don't expect so much 3
Shanex Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I don't think that the older guy is genuine, and feel kinda sorry for your boyfriend that you're gullible enough to swallow the geezer bait. There's few reasons for someone twice your age to want a relationship with you except for the fact he prolly fantasize about banging someone so young. If you're going to dump your bf only to hookup with this older guy who will dispose of you, I can only advice to keep your boyfriend instead.
DKT3 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I don't think that the older guy is genuine, and feel kinda sorry for your boyfriend that you're gullible enough to swallow the geezer bait. There's few reasons for someone twice your age to want a relationship with you except for the fact he prolly fantasize about banging someone so young. If you're going to dump your bf only to hookup with this older guy who will dispose of you, I can only advice to keep your boyfriend instead. Too late, she now views bf as beta, no coming back from that....bf is toast 2
KathL Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) Break up with your boyfriend. Trust me, you don't wanna stay old and spend the rest of your life with someone you are not attracted to, no matter how hard you try to reason. If you can't resist that older man, go ahead and hook up with him. Find out the hard way that chances are he is not serious about you. The heartbreak is prolly worth it, if the sex is seriously good. Speaking from experience.. you might also learn to find out what you want in the process.. Lastly, start dating again once you have figured out more about what you're looking for.. Edited June 27, 2016 by KathL
stillafool Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It's not like a friendship at all. I want to save myself for marriage. I think it only makes me human to think about what its like to experience sex. The problem is I'm not thinking about that experience with my boyfriend. Then your bf isn't the guy for you. You are supposed to want the person you're going to marry sexually. Break up with your bf and date the old man.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Forget the older man. I know it seems exciting but chances are very slim he'd want anything with you after finding out sex isn't going to happen. I also feel you should end your relationship with your boyfriend. You love him in the sense that you care for him, but he's not The One. I think you need to date around more before settling down. 1
JoeSmith357-1 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 The concept of being 21, dating someone for 2 years and during that entire time not having sex with me seems so crazy And yet you are lusting after some dude 23 years older than you... old enough to be your dad? Whoa... red flags aboud 1
Poutrew Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 OP, I am *way* older than twice your age. But, if you're into fantasizing banging older blokes, I'll do you the favor... Only difference between me and the guy at work is that I'd tell you how foolish you are to be giving up your current BF for me while I am doing you. But sure thing, I'd keep you around because in ten or so years I am going to need a strong, young, nurse to take care of me and put my false teeth in me in the morning, make sure my Depends are nice and tight and not leaking during the day, and sponge bathe me and clip my toenails at night. Do you want the job? 1
stillafool Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 OP, what is your relationship like with your Dad?
Author KaiLEE Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 Whoa. A lot of feedback here, mostly telling me how gullible I am. But, it's a fantasy, not yet a reality. I'm trying to sort my feelings. I did speak to my bf this morning and told hom how I feel like he's immature. The immaturity is what turns me off about him, and he said he will try his best. I feel so bad because he's trying. He's now doubling up his classes so he can graduate this September to make me happy and And working on finding a better paying job, so we can move to the next phase in our relationship. I feel like a total sl*t for thinking about another man. Just to give another update I made sure my coworker understood I wasn't interested in sex. It didn't go to well. It was actually really awkward. I was walking by his office and he told me to come in and close the door. I did and I just mouth vomit that I didn't want to have sex with him, I love my bf, and I'm a Virgin didn't plan on losing it. He looked at me like I was crazy and asked me if I was lying about being a Virgin. I told him absolutely not and he literally got up from his office chair and sat at the chair next to me and rubbed my leg. It wasn't an assuring leg rub like he respected my choice to be a virgin but it is was very creepy. His touch lingered and went to my inner thigh. I felt very uncomfortable even though I'm attracted to him, it's not attractive to be touched like that. I'm not saying he molested me but he made me feel very uncomfortable. And what made it worst is he didn't say anything while he was doing it he just stared at me like he was in a trance. I told him to stop and then he snapped and told me I shouldn't have flirted with him and that I could get myself in trouble. I didn't feel like arguing so I just left his office. So that's where I am. The first couple of months working with him is going to be awkward but eventually he'll get over it or find someone else. Oh and for that one person that asked me about my relationship with my father, it's fantastic sometimes almost better than my mother.
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