Ocino Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I'm not talking about the initial courtship phase. I'm talking deep into the relationship. I'm talking in the context of a girl who's made a commitment...dips out after a while, shows interested again the minute the person starts to move on, but disengages once more. Push/pull hot/cold...inconsistent as hell. I'm told some girls have low self esteem and want to be pursued. But I feel like the pursuit is what pushes them away. What exactly does the phrase mean?
JustGettingBy Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Do you want to constantly feel like you're in an "on again, off again" relationship? If not, it means "avoid her".
Author Ocino Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 It's definitely an on again off again relationship, if that. It's more like off again hint of on again. But then there's this guy who got married by a woman who dumped him several times. Everyone says "he really pursued her," and then I hear that some girls want to be pursued. Im wondering if it means the girl wants to see that the guy really loves and her and wont take no for an answer or something. It doesn't really seem to fit my situation, but I've been given that advice at one point.
Lorenza Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It's definitely an on again off again relationship, if that. It's more like off again hint of on again. But then there's this guy who got married by a woman who dumped him several times. Everyone says "he really pursued her," and then I hear that some girls want to be pursued. Im wondering if it means the girl wants to see that the guy really loves and her and wont take no for an answer or something. It doesn't really seem to fit my situation, but I've been given that advice at one point. No, it means the girl wants to see how long she can exploit the guy as an ego booster. 6
preraph Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I don't really think any healthy relationship can be distilled down to "She likes to be pursued." I think most women are annoyed if someone they are done with continues to contact or pursue them. If someone likes a lot of drama and attention, maybe they want you coming and going and begging to come back just for attention, but that is not at all healthy. I'd be leery of one other possible interpretation of "like to be pursued" and that would be girls/women who tell you that so you'll buy them stuff and are more interested in the stuff than you.
Buddhist Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 This phrase, like many such phrases are gross generalisations on the behaviour of a group that don't all behave the same way. Lots of dating 'rules' are like this. You will find they work some of the time but not all of time because people are not all the same. If a woman requires constant pursuit, hearts and flowers to retain interest then she isn't interested in you. She's interested in gestures which reassure her sense of emptiness within herself. This is not a trait exclusive to just women, plenty of men have this trait too. It's called having a broken sense of self and seeking validation outside of self in order to fill that hole. In general though no-one likes to be taken for granted in a relationship which is typically where most relationships end up. But that's not what this particular phrase is talking about. Realise that particular phrase or piece of advice is only applicable to people lacking in self respect and are unconscious of it and seek something outside of themselves to fix it. 2
Gloria25 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I think that people misinterpret what "pursuing" means.... Even though this is 2016, and people say times have changed, I have yet to see how human biology has changed. Biology teaches us that men "hunt". Thing is, that women aren't just supposed to sit around and let some guy "guess" if she's interested. Women also have a responsibility to give out clear signals of interest. Lemme use an example. Guy sees woman at place. He looks at her, she catches him glancing at her. So, she smiles back, probably plays with her hair. She may even move closer towards him. Guy does what guys are supposed to do - he walks up, asks her how her evening is going, and starts chatting her up. During the convo, she makes eye contact, smiles, and better yet, put her hand on his shoulder or something. Guy closes the deal with asking her for her number. Now, to add a modern "twist", the gal could probably step up and instead of asking him for his tel, offer hers. Simple dance. The guy doesn't sit back scared waiting for her to make the moves - he does. And gal sends out clear signals of interest and guy acts on it. Now, once people are in a RL, IMO, it's more a bit of back-forth. Anyone can call up anyone and set up stuff. But yes, still women expect men to pursue. BUT, the woman reciprocates by probably cooking him a surprise meal, massaging his feet - "rewards" for him stepping up. She doesn't sit there on her throne waiting for him to do everything. So yes, if a man isn't making moves - still, in this day/age a woman is going to see it as a lack of interest. I'm going through that right now with my current guy. Our schedules suck. So, there's some back/forth on setting up how/when to meet. Part of me doesn't want to be the one doing all the work cuz I'm 40, I've been there and done that where when the woman is doing all the work, the guy gets lazy and loses interest. Biology still exists. Men and even women value something more they have to work for. Now men, while initially flattered when women step up, they eventually lose interest cuz their biology teaches them to "hunt" and when a woman takes that away from them, they lose interest. So, as much as men whine about they want women to step up, they react only when women make them put effort into obtaining her. So, regardless of the status of the RL - if only one person is putting the effort in setting up dates, closing the deal, and the other person is just sitting pretty - someone has low/no interest.
bachdude Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I have heard stories too of men who keep pursuing even after rejection and eventually win the women over and get married. However, this is really the exception rather than the rule. I think there is a place for pursuing, such as if you really blew it, messed up totally, and the woman says she is leaving you. Some persistence there might work. But if a woman just plain loses interest, gets bored and wants to move on, just let her go. Rarely will pursuing make any difference.
BikerAccnt Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 It means run ...run away fast. Especially if you are well past the initial stages of a relationship. I lived with this for 2 years before I wised up. If someone is always making you prove yourself to them, it's they who have issues, not you. Be it insecurity, trust issues, whatever, you can only take it so long. Gloria says men are wired to hunt (I'm iffy on that one, we are wired to survive, hence we hunt) well that may be true, but once we hunt, we'd like to relax and eat. Being on a perpetual hunt is exhausting. 1
mikeylo Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 All relationships begin differently. Some cases where a woman doesn't like a guy at all but he keeps pursuing. She rejects, no interest , but he keeps popping in her life and she ultimately begins to like him ! Then there is a guy who has it easy. Women throw themselves at him , usually the needy ones , and when he finds a woman he really is interested in, he doesn't have the skills to pursue. In 21st century , many women initiate and those who don't , are the ones guys pursue relentlessly as there aren't many of those. These days most women do pursue men. Men like it. But since fewer women who don't chase/ pursue , guys with the biological inherent hormones, begin the hunt and pursue. I guess the prey and hunter find each other , lol. Both hunters or prey , can't work.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 It means run ...run away fast. Especially if you are well past the initial stages of a relationship. I lived with this for 2 years before I wised up. If someone is always making you prove yourself to them, it's they who have issues, not you. Be it insecurity, trust issues, whatever, you can only take it so long. Gloria says men are wired to hunt (I'm iffy on that one, we are wired to survive, hence we hunt) well that may be true, but once we hunt, we'd like to relax and eat. Being on a perpetual hunt is exhausting. Ya I never had a hunter mentality
Miss Peach Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Most people who do the push/pull thing are not emotionally available so it's their way of managing the relationship into what they feel comfortable with. I highly recommend checking out Natalie Lue's blog on this called Baggage Reclaim. Now having said that, I love it when my BF pursues me and makes me feel wanted (consistently). I show him the same. But IMO that is just part of a good relationship.
Redhead14 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 I'm not talking about the initial courtship phase. I'm talking deep into the relationship. I'm talking in the context of a girl who's made a commitment...dips out after a while, shows interested again the minute the person starts to move on, but disengages once more. Push/pull hot/cold...inconsistent as hell. I'm told some girls have low self esteem and want to be pursued. But I feel like the pursuit is what pushes them away. What exactly does the phrase mean? Technically, the "pursuit" should never end. In an established relationship pursuit is simply about maintaining the spontaneity, the romance, spice in the relationship. Instead of becoming so comfortable in a relationship as to stop the sweet nothings, the little things that say you love a person. In the scenario you describe above, however, there is something else going on. That kind of behavior is immature, insecure and unhealthy. The person on the other end of that behavior, needs to look at the reasons why they themselves tolerate it. It's often the sign of a co-dependent relationship. If a person pulls away from a relationship and the other person chases them, it puts pressure on the situation. The reason the person is pulling away is to deal with whatever is causing them distress. Chasing them smothers them and they pull away more to get air/space. If someone does this often, there is something significantly wrong with the relationship and/or that person or both. There is more to all this, but basically, when someone pulls away from a relationship, you should let them go. When someone tells/shows me they want space, I become NASA and they can call Houston when they figure out what their problem is or when they realize they have another problem ... they pushed me away for too long and I won't take them back if they want to come back.
Springsummer Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Just talked to a woman. She did the pursuing and even paid for most of the expenses while dating...look at her now, hubby is a professor and she is a stay at home mom who doesn't have to work. smart woman!
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 Just talked to a woman. She did the pursuing and even paid for most of the expenses while dating...look at her now, hubby is a professor and she is a stay at home mom who doesn't have to work. smart woman! So she approached her husband first that's what it sounds like
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