Broken Hearted

[kpbishop]

Its been a Month. The hardest Month to date I think. For almost a week I cried, lost about 15 pounds, threw up every day, had to see a therapist and I am just so depressed! Let me give you some history. i was dating someone for 9 months. High School Sweethearts ( I know i am young but doesn't help me get over him any faster) I was the new girl at school. I started being friends with this guy, who was quite complicated. No family really. Two best friends and that was it. Never had a serious relationship. Mom abandoned him when he was young bc she was a drug addict, his dad is an alcoholic. Basically raised himself. I fell in love with him despite him being poor, and honestly just enjoyed his company. It was a great relationship, no cheating, no lies, no big fights. After I peeled off all the layers of him being angry and cold, deep down was the sweetest most sensitive guy I knew. A side of him that no one ever has done. I made sure he always had food, and tried to make it as much as family as possible. Christmas, Birthdays, all of that we (my family) gave him bc his didn't. Until about a month before graduation time came and he had no real "plan" for after graduation. A big argument later, and we just broke up. After about a week, of us both being miserable we got back together. I told him I would support him going into the Military and knew that is what he needed to get away, bc that is what he wanted and he agreed to give us the summer together. A month later, and we broke up. Just two days after he and I had talked about our future, how I promised that i would be there for him, since he had no family really, and My family supported him as well he broke things off. Said it was for the best and was going to happen eventually. That we were two different people. We both cried, and it was very emotional. Something in the back of my mind told me he didn't want too. I dont think his dad liked him dating someone under 18. But he never really told me that. We have had 2 conversations in a month. And I keep holding on to one thing he told me "i blame this on myself for not changing (bc he didn't get a job when my parents felt he should have) I just want you to know everything I've told you was the truth and I meant it"..... that was basically the last thing he's really said. No contact. We spent every day together for 9 months. And this is killing me. I dont see how he can do this. I dont think he is even considering the Military I am worried he is going to stay here and turn out just like his dad. I just dont understand how someone who wanted so much better in life can cut me off like this. I am trying to move on. I am doing a lot with my friends and even went on dates and I am talking to someone but nothing serious. But i dont understand it. How things changed so fast. HELP!

Edited June 26, 2016 by kpbishop

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're so sad, OP. I know this hurts.

 

The truth is we can't save people from themselves. We can love and nurture someone and provide a soft place to fall, but we cannot make life choices for them.

 

You mentioned you'd had an argument around graduation time. What was the argument about? I think it must have been something significant because it led to a break-up.

 

Also, something else you mentioned stood out: he agreed to give you the summer together. This sounds like he wasn't planning on staying together after summer and that you asked if he would. Is that correct?

 

I know you are your family tried to help him. You say your parents wanted him to get a job at a specific place, and he didn't. I don't know the context, but he might not have been happy having your parents involved in that way.

[kpbishop]

The break up was over something so trivial and stupid IMO, and I over reacted. BUT he had bought me a pet rabbit, and I was going out of town for an athletic even and I simply asked him to come by and check on it, and he thought the animal would be fine and he basically would rather just stay with his friends. And as far as "give me the summer" He and I had planned on spending as much time as we could before he went off to boot camp in September. It wasn't "were going to break up after the summer" We had made plans just 2 days before and talked extensively about how we would make this work while he was in the Marine corps. As far as my parents being involved, yes they were, maybe too much. He liked them, called my mom "mom" and it did get rough and awkward after the first break up. I think they wanted a boy/guy to properly date me. Dinner, Movies, stuff like that. Because we never did. Unless my parents gave us the money to do so. And they did that some. My parents felt sorry for him, because he really didn't have any parents to help push and guide him. I know they can be pushy but they were trying to help. My mom bought him things and tried to almost treat him like a member of the family. Maybe they did too much. They even offered to back off if they were the reason he is staying away, but he wouldn't call or text them back to hear their apology. He won't contact anyone. Its like he wants me erased totally. Erased all our pictures off social media, everything. Its like i never even existed in his mind. We were each others first loves. And its so hard to think he is just "ok" never ever talking to me again. And he can just let it all go. Its like he doesn't know how to work things out. His dad has never even had a relationship where he was married and work things out. Its like he's never been shown if you really love someone you can make it work. I am trying to let go, I really am. And possibly date other people. And i have not contacted him. I refuse. But no one compares to him. I dont see how things can go from 100% and 48hrs later....nothing.

[whatnot]

Its like he doesn't know how to work things out. His dad has never even had a relationship where he was married and work things out. Its like he's never been shown if you really love someone you can make it work. I am trying to let go, I really am. And possibly date other people. And i have not contacted him. I refuse. But no one compares to him. I dont see how things can go from 100% and 48hrs later....nothing.

 

Yeah...I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain.

 

You are doing everything right. You will become yourself again. You will become whole again.

 

You have a good intuitive feel for things. He doesn't know how.

 

It's like getting hit by a truck and so many unanswered questions.

 

The fight about the rabbit. Over reacting or not...he knew...or sensed...he wasn't going to be with you much longer. (You had know way of knowing this. And this is not the reason he left). When someone doesn't know how to do something the right way (break up, say good bye, fly a kite) and they don't know how to ask for help...they do it anyway....but...maybe the wrong way.

 

You're pain tells on you. You're going to be alright. And you will fly again.

 

Peace

[kpbishop]

It's hard seeing him become a different person. He was my best friend. And I was his. There were things he opened up and told me that he didn't tell others. Things about his mom abandoning him, and how he never really had anyone love him unconditionally. Everyone always judged him, and I didn't. How can he just be so cold? He jaunt going to be that cold forever. How can he fall out of love with me and I didn't do anything? And he just never ever ever gonna talk to me again? It's like he wants every piece of me to go away. Every memory, every special moment we shared. He was so good about burying his feelings before me, I guess he's doing that with us. he wanted better, a better life, and to not be like his parents and siblings. It's hard knowing you gave someone happiness they never had before. Not even love from a parent really. He's just happy being alone I guess. It's like I was a piece of dust in his life. Will he miss me, ever regret letting us go?

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting so much! Breaking up is hard especially when it is to sudden. I'm sorry it happened to you.

I hope you find some peace soon and can move on

Did you end up making plans for after graduation?

[kpbishop]

He hasn't made any plans that I know of. All he is doing is working...

 

I guess my question is --- will he ever miss me, or try and make things better? I don't know how he turned his back on me.

Edited June 30, 2016 by kpbishop