Ex has contacted me numerous times, what is going on here?

[Bunjyboy]

Will keep this short.

 

Was with me ex for 6 months, was very intense. Declarations of love and things moved quickly. It was her first relationship after a messy divorce that left her with a ton of baggage and emotional issues (insecurities, trust issues etc). Anyway, we had our first fight and it ended up with her dumping me after a messy 3 weeks of ignoring, arguing and things generally spiralling out of control. In my opinion it was completely unneccesary for us to break up and I fought hard to try and salvage it. Our fight was over something relatively small and I apologised for my part in it. She generally couldnt handle the problems we had and basically ran away from it all and dumped me in a half hearted and seemingly confused way.

 

Anyway I went NC as I was hurting bad. During this period she was checking up on me on social media all the time, viewing my instgram/snapchat posts all the time, shortly after I had posted them. She bascially was stalking me to some extent on social media. I carried on maintaining NC and after 4 weeks decided It was worth a shot of trying to patch things up. I sent her a text telling her I miss her and want to try and sort things out. She ignored completely yet continued to view all my posts on social media. A week later I sent another text, this time just saying Hi etc, she ignored. Then two weeks after that I get a drunken message off her on social media, nothing serious just her generally trying to chat. I responded but wasnt keen on engaging whilst she was drunk so kept it brief but chatty. Had a few short exchanges and that was it. Two days later I messaged her again, she ignored. By this point I figured I was wasting my time and her drunken message was just her being silly so I went back to NC and started to move on.

 

Then a week later she messages me again, just general chit chat I responded and we exchanged a few short messages. Then the following evening she messages me again, we had some more general chit chat but nothing significant.

 

What the hell is going on here??? She completely ignored my attempts to reach out yet has now made attempts herself. All her messages have been relatively brief and just general chit chat, nothing about our relationship and nothing particularly engaging but friendly enough.

 

Im finding this really difficult as Im still hurting and truth be told would like her back. What can I do?

 

On the one hand she has contacted me twice over the past few days but doesnt seem particularly interested in engaging much beyond a few brief texts. On the other she has ignored my previous attempts to talk about things.

 

Im totally confused and feel awful as its stopping me from moving on. If there is even a slight chance of us getting back together I want to try but I dont want to be hanging off false hope. This is consistent with her problems with communicating as she was sometimes cagey and scared of opening up during our relationship, a hangup from her previous marriage. But surely she must realise she needs to do more in order to get anything going again between us. I have made myself clear I want her back but she hasnt done the same and seems to not want more than small bits of contact and when I try and get any sort of conversation going she stops replying. This is really taking its toll on me now as its been 10 weeks since we broke up. Thoughts??

Edited June 26, 2016 by Bunjyboy

[Giggles666]

//Was with me ex for 6 months, was very intense. Declarations of love and things moved quickly. It was her first relationship after a messy divorce that left her with a ton of baggage and emotional issues (insecurities, trust issues etc). Anyway, we had our first fight and it ended up with her dumping me after a messy 3 weeks of ignoring, arguing and things generally spiralling out of control. In my opinion it was completely unneccesary for us to break up and I fought hard to try and salvage it. Our fight was over something relatively small and I apologised for my part in it. She generally couldnt handle the problems we had and basically ran away from it all and dumped me in a half hearted and seemingly confused way.//

 

I am in the same situation minus any contact, she moved on. I also had a very intense but short relationship with a woman who was also a friend of about 20 years, she was divorced for about 2 years and looking for someone as she was lonely. Also got dumped with a half hearted explanation. We only fought after that, then we just ruined a friendship.

 

Not that your situation is mine, but the best I could gather was she was lonely and I was the exciting rebound until she decided it was too much too soon and had feelings and panicked....aka "I want attention and you did for a bit but I want to see someone else because the magic wore off".

 

From the sounds of it, you are going to analyze what happened and never get an answer, so first step is to realize you will never get an answer. 2nd step, complete and utter NC. Block her from cell, social media, and start moving on...I also wanted to work things out, worst thing you could do. Start the healing realize it's over, and she is playing the push pull game and sounds really confused. You do not need it and IMO people don;t just "normalize", meaning she will do it again and again even if you could patch things up. Basically her unwillingness to work things out is a sign, she doesn't want the relationship anymore. Hard to see when you are emotionally attached and hurting. It's a lost cause, at least for now.

 

The honeymoon phase ended, you were a rebound and exciting for a bit and now it sucks. I wish you luck, but NC and stick with it.

 

//Im totally confused and feel awful as its stopping me from moving on. If there is even a slight chance of us getting back together I want to try but I dont want to be hanging off false hope. This is consistent with her problems with communicating as she was sometimes cagey and scared of opening up during our relationship, a hangup from her previous marriage. But surely she must realise she needs to do more in order to get anything going again between us. I have made myself clear I want her back but she hasnt done the same and seems to not want more than small bits of contact and when I try and get any sort of conversation going she stops replying. This is really taking its toll on me now as its been 10 weeks since we broke up. Thoughts??//

 

NC she's playing games, and as bad as you hurt this is the only remedy, it helps you move on and or makes her work on things. You have no choice IME.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Giggles666

[carhill]

What the hell is going on here??? She completely ignored my attempts to reach out yet has now made attempts herself. All her messages have been relatively brief and just general chit chat, nothing about our relationship and nothing particularly engaging but friendly enough.

 

Sounds like normal emotional vacillation after a breakup

 

Im finding this really difficult as Im still hurting and truth be told would like her back. What can I do?

 

You were dumped and apparently tried twice to restore relations, failing both times.

 

I'd suggest any meaningful attempt would come from her since she was the one who chose, for her own reasons or feelings, to break up.

 

In the meantime, absent clear and proactive contact from her, preferably sober, that seeks a personal meeting to discuss your relationship, enjoy life, your friends, socialize with the ladies and, in general, put this six month relationship behind you. It may find you again; it may not. For now it's finished and she's one of billions.

[hakuna matata]

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. I actually have just gone through a break up myself 2 weeks ago where my ex broke things up with me because he said he didn't know what he wanted anymore, its not you its me verbiage, you name it. We were together for 3.5 years.

 

Anyways, I feel as though, in better terms, you are her emotional blanket/kleenex/safety net. She seems to only want to contact you when it benefits her emotional state but at the same time, for you, it is basically her consistently ripping off the band-aid you just put on.

 

My advice is to go with the outcome that benefits you the most. Everyone has their own personal experiences on how they deal with break ups but ALWAYS choose the option that will bring you the most positive outcomes. Most of the time this may be to take that person off of the pedestal and work on yourself, find things that make you happy and in a content state that was prior to having met this individual. If this on and off contact does not bother you too much do LC but if its really prohibiting your own healing, you have every right to ask in a mature manner that you need space.

 

Stay strong!