BelleSkye Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 It's so quiet...I miss making him happy. Work is keeping me busy...family is around me...adventures are around the corner....but...I just miss making him happy. I feel there is a lack of purpose or meaning in my life. Very alone...I'm trying to help people in need as it seems I can't help myself anymore....though, this doesn't make me happy...it doesn't make me feel alive. It hurts...wish I was good enough...worthy enough to fight for. When in love - it adds something special to everyday / mundane activities. It was energizing to do grocery shopping or getting the car serviced or fixing the washing machine or sending in equipment for repairs...everything seems pointless now. Why work so hard when....you have no one to share everything with? My life seems pointless. 4
juniorrocha Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 You once lived without him, you can do the same now. Go slowly, grieve for a while, but know when it's time to get up and move on with your life. Try to see it as something bad is gone so something great can come. There's room for something nice in your life now. Just be patient and that will be filled when you least expect. 4
Satu Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Practice loving kindness in every interaction you have with others, regardless of the context in which you meet. Give more of yourself to more people. This will make you happy. Take care.
Author BelleSkye Posted June 26, 2016 Author Posted June 26, 2016 Practice loving kindness in every interaction you have with others, regardless of the context in which you meet. Give more of yourself to more people. This will make you happy. Take care. Always feels like I'm improving everyone else's life and no one is doing the same for me...I sound bitter but that is because there are too many experiences one after the other that make me go...'what the....'.... Trying Satu, really trying. If I don't feel pain - I feel dead. 2
carhill Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 It's so quiet...I miss making him happy. Work is keeping me busy...family is around me...adventures are around the corner....but...I just miss making him happy. I feel there is a lack of purpose or meaning in my life. One way to look at this is now is your time to live, well, for you. Sometimes it's hard to take a respite from making others, or another, happy, but it's a deserved vacation. Be a little selfish. It's OK Very alone...I'm trying to help people in need as it seems I can't help myself anymore....though, this doesn't make me happy...it doesn't make me feel alive. Yup, caretaker personality would be my suspicion. I know it well What I learned is letting others do a little caretaking is a choice we can make. We don't have to define ourselves by taking care of others. Sure, do it once in awhile as the mood strikes but choose to make that once in awhile. Hard? Sure! It hurts...wish I was good enough...worthy enough to fight for. We're all valuable and lovable and good enough for the most discerning of judges - ourselves. When in love - it adds something special to everyday / mundane activities. It was energizing to do grocery shopping or getting the car serviced or fixing the washing machine or sending in equipment for repairs...everything seems pointless now. Why work so hard when....you have no one to share everything with? My life seems pointless.Yep, some of that's more caretaker personality stuff, my bet. The rest is normal social animal stuff that we all draw energy off of as humans. That's why we generally pair bond and form groups, because it feels good, at least beyond the basic survival and safety aspects. Your life may indeed seem pointless. I might look around and laugh (at myself) and opine exactly the same thing. OK, what is the point of life? Decide. Good luck! 3
SixxChick Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Yep, some of that's more caretaker personality stuff, my bet. The rest is normal social animal stuff that we all draw energy off of as humans. That's why we generally pair bond and form groups, because it feels good, at least beyond the basic survival and safety aspects. Take it from a caretaker. From my parents, through their divorce, and getting custody of my two minor sisters. Fast forward to now? All of my relationships have mirrored what I only knew. I took care of most of the men I have dated. No wonder none of my relationships lasted. "Alone" is what you define it. Be more introspective. You know what you need to do, because there is a lot of advice on this forum that I don't have to reiterate. Finally, I have never been more into me than now. Please don't wait like I did. This might not make any sense to you right now, but making someone else happy at the expense of your own is not the meaning of your existence. It's more lonely to be alone while in a relationship, than to just be alone. 1
Phoenician Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 first , sorry to hear you are in pain ... are getting a divorce ? or trying to maintain a marriage . sorry didn't get your situation ,
peonyrose Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Hi.. I am sorry to hear you are hurting, you sound like a kind person, as I am. A lot of women are caretakers, and it becomes a massive role with a spouse, I like you found joy in the simple things when I was with my parnerr but now they are just tasks. Its only been 4 weeks since he left, so very raw but I am slowly doing those things again for me and my daughter. And even finding joy in them. Today we fixed up the garden, which I neglected since he left, all my lovely flowers died, but I planted a few new ones today. Caretakers often meet men or women who need fixing, in my case my ex is a runner, a guy who constantly abandons those who love him, he had the history to prove it but of course I thought I would be the one he'd stay with. I looked after him like a fool, cooked our healthy meals, done his laundry, done his lunch for work and of course was always on his side supporting him through all his stuff! Alas he left me high and dry. 2
Author BelleSkye Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Take it from a caretaker. From my parents, through their divorce, and getting custody of my two minor sisters. Fast forward to now? All of my relationships have mirrored what I only knew. I took care of most of the men I have dated. No wonder none of my relationships lasted. "Alone" is what you define it. Be more introspective. You know what you need to do, because there is a lot of advice on this forum that I don't have to reiterate. Finally, I have never been more into me than now. Please don't wait like I did. This might not make any sense to you right now, but making someone else happy at the expense of your own is not the meaning of your existence. It's more lonely to be alone while in a relationship, than to just be alone. Thank you for the reply SixxChick - my 'lack of spirit' basically comes from the 'been there done that' scenario...had my heart broken by the same guy years ago...reinvented myself - had an awesome apartment, lifestyle, was in excellent health and looked great...and just by chance, just by chance the stars back then realigned themselves and put him back into my life...with him wanting me....and now 5 years later...its all gone again... It's hard to start again (lost that amazing apartment to live with him - put on weight since I was with him - lost my independence in a way etc)...just hurts that I can probably do all that gain with no 'reward' at the end of the day. No other guy for the past 10 years has gotten my attention like how he did. Feel in limbo...feel bitter....hard work does not pay off
SixxChick Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Feel in limbo...feel bitter....hard work does not pay off This is where an attitude adjustment is in order. From now on, I am only going to do what I do for people to make ME feel better. Because, you know what, Belle? There is no payoff unless you give that payoff to yourself. An expectation is a reservation for a resentment. Be yourself, but proceed with caution in the future. Know your boundaries (geez, I wish I would have known mine), and take the lessons that you have learned with you into any new relationships that you develop. Your wisdom will save you from a lot of heartbreak. That's the only good news I have for today. Take care, my dear.
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