He's not that into you

[ironcouch]

Has anyone ever heard of Matthew Coast? I been reading some of his advice and there are a few things sites below which are fascinating to me in what men are looking for. What are your thoughts:

 

"Three things that you need to do in order for him to want to commit to you.

 

 

Here’s what most women don’t understand about how things work for men:

 

A man can be in a relationship for weeks, months, or even years and feel no need or desire to move the relationship forward in any way.

 

This may be shocking for you if you’ve been seeing a guy for any length of time and are expecting that being with him meant that he wants something deeper with you.

 

He may be enjoying where you are in the relationship and feel like moving things forward would ruin what you currently have.

 

Here are those things:

 

1. He needs to see you as someone he could be with forever - Basically, a guy needs to feel like you are relationship or marriage material. In order for him to think about you in this way, he needs to experience to things: First, he needs to feel like you are someone he could be with in the far distant future. This really has a lot to do with shared or similar values. Are you someone who can support his mission and purpose in life? Is he someone who can support the direction you’re going as well? If he doesn’t feel like you’re both on the same page when it comes to the direction you’re going in your lives, he will feel like you’re someone he enjoys dating and being with but only for the short term.If he feels like you won’t really support him, respect him, or believe in what he’s doing in his life, you’re going to have a hard time getting him to imagine himself walking down the aisle with you.

 

2. Second thing he needs in order to feel like you’re marriage material is this…

- He needs to feel like it’s better to be with you than it is to be single and date other women.

 

That means he has to feel really, really good around you or he’ll eventually think that the relationship simply isn’t worth being in.

But feeling good emotions and seeing you as someone he could be with forever isn’t always enough.

 

3. He needs to know that you aren’t going to wait for him forever.

 

Here’s the reality: You REALLY shouldn’t wait forever for a guy to commit to you.

 

 

If you want a man to commit to you, he needs to feel like you’re someone he can’t live without…

But that you’re also someone who is willing to walk away."

Edited June 26, 2016 by ironcouch
had to remove a few paragraphs to shorten the wording

[ExpatInItaly]

I think this advice also applies for us ladies considering a man's long-term potential. We also don't want to be around a guy who is not supportive, moody, and so on.

 

The ideas are relevant and important (especially about not waiting around, which both men and women are guilty of sometimes) but nothing new, really.

[juniorrocha]

The ideas are relevant and important (especially about not waiting around, which both men and women are guilty of sometimes) but nothing new, really.

 

This. That text should be applied to both women and men. That text makes it seem like women should be doing their best to please their men, and make any effort possible for him to see she's "marriage-material" (was this written a century ago?).

 

In reality when you meet someone who feels the same way about you, things grow naturally. Just be yourself, if it's not working, then move on to find someone who will feel the same way you do.

[preraph]

I agree with everyone. Would only add that not everyone is looking for their life partner when dating, far from it. And some people never really do. But if you are both looking for a life partner, it's good to have values in common and set standards and know when to walk away because it's wasting time.

[scooby-philly]

Interesting post, thanks OP. Never heard of him but may be worth looking up.

 

My two cents:

 

1. Agreed - for any guy that's over a certain age (and that age varies with life experience, values, etc). Basically - for a guy (maybe this applies to women too but I'm not one so I can't speak) we need to know you agree with or are flexible to support our own values, beliefs, etc. For example - I love living in the city, but I could stand living in the burbs or the country - my main concern is not being "house poor". So I could deal with where she wants to live if she's not financially committed to keeping up with the Joneses. Similar, communication is important to me. If she can't do the little things - then how can I trust her to do the big? 1 year ago today I literally decided to break up with my last ex. And we were in Paris on the way home from vacation in SE Asia. Why? You can read my posts - but basically - I pay for the trip and today was my b-day - not a card, not even a bj. (Sorry for crudeness)

 

2. I think that that's true also once a guy hits a certain maturity level. Unless there's some co-dependency or other emotional issues - if you're not better than being single than forget it. And that doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It means we can feel you will be better 10 days, 10 years, etc from who you are now. I'm about to put a stop to seeing someone after 8 dates b/c I don't feel the physical connection and I don't want to hurt her. She's funny and smart and makes me laugh - which I love - but the physical stuff never took off.

 

3. I don't know about this one as I am usually good with progressing stuff. However, I would add my own #3 - he (I) has to feel like you want him. It's not just the little communication or the physical stuff - it's the way you do things and what you do. It's like how some people - like me - don't care about the value or type of presents for b-day or christmas - I just want something that shows you've been paying attention..... That's the biggest lesson too that I've had to learn - people prove their intentions and desire through actions..... so for me, I need to see that you want me.....

[Gaeta]

It's not just Matthew Coast. If you go on youtube or look for any E-book written by men addressing how to have a man commit to you, you'll get the same type of advice.