thebleeding Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 This probably sounds really silly and petty, and it's my first post on this forum, so while I want honest, maybe don't be too mean to me? :-/ I've (23/f) been with my boyfriend (26) for three years now, and maybe once in the past 3 years has he taken pictures with me. This bothers me a lot. Whenever I try to take pictures with him, he always has a stupid look on his face (purposely, I believe, so I just give up on having pictures with him). Why doesn't he care about this? It seems so simple, it's not at all like I ask for pictures every day. I had a lot of deaths this past year and 2015, I love pictures (I have HUNDREDS of my dogs, who have since passed away), and I'm seriously afraid that something is going to happen and we won't even have decent and recent pictures. The ONLY time I've been able to get good pictures with him is when I've had a professional do them- which I haven't made him go through in two years. What can I possibly do to make him want to take pictures with me? Is it because I'm ugly? He lets me tag him in pictures on Facebook but never posts any himself. Yet, the one time I braved looking through his past pictures, he posted quite a few with his ex... is it really just because of me? We've also had quite a few other problems scattered throughout the years, but that would be for another thread. Thanks, and I'm sorry if this seems completely unimportant xoxo
Rainah Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 My boyfriend isn't really into series or into posting on Facebook anymore, when I take a pic of us together he acts silly and tense. I think you could just ask him that you want to take some recent pictures serious and silly ones, just have fun with the camera once in a while. As far as him not sharing pics on Facebook how often does he upload and make a status anyway? 1
Author thebleeding Posted June 26, 2016 Author Posted June 26, 2016 Rainah, thanks for the quick response. You've made a point, he rarely posts on facebook and when he does it's sharing a stupid meme. It still bothers me, though. I wish I could just get over it. I've always had problems feeling insecure, and it sucks that the only two boyfriends I've had had never wanted pictures with me. Maybe I'm a little vain? My last boyfriend was much worse. He was constantly on Facebook posting things, and he hid the fact that I was even a part of his life. THAT hurt.
Rainah Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 You should communicate with him, don't make it sound like your nagging, he won't realise how you feel about it until you have a heart to heart with him about it. Most guys are oblivious to things which may seem silly and pointless to them but means something to you. 1
preraph Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Jeez, it almost sounds like he doesn't want his ex to know he's taken. Is she on his FB? Or maybe he just hates photos of himself.
Tayla Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 I heard vampires aren't seen when pics are taken of them! I feel for the guy, it's awkward to have photos taken. People do better when it's not so imposed and staged. I am not photogenic , and folks who do meet me often say how complimentary my features are in person vs a photo they might have seen. Perhaps try some event where he is less aware, have a friend just snap shots as natural parts of the evening. Some of us really aren't "posers" so the less pressure , the better the subjects. good luck, I do understand your sentimental value in photos. 1
Gloria25 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I'm a guy. I hate having my picture taken. I especially hate having my picture taken and posted on Facebook and the like. A lot of guys feel the same way. Maybe it's cuz of your age... A lot of these younger guys are on Facebook like little girls. Even my fav podcaster finds it odd when she runs across a guy who actually has an active Facebook page. Me, I'm a woman and could care less about endless pics and stuff on Facebook. I had gotten it in order to keep in touch with family and was on it for a while, now I barely go on there. It's a superficial waste of time. Most people aren't even living the lives they "portray" on there. It's all a gaudy show/tell. 2
mikeylo Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Something you don't want to hear : he is not serious about you. Guys love to flaunt when they have a catch even the most shy/ reserved ones. It maybe subtle , like a small gesture , but the message is clear to everyone. 1
Gloria25 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Something you don't want to hear : he is not serious about you. Guys love to flaunt when they have a catch even the most shy/ reserved ones. It maybe subtle , like a small gesture , but the message is clear to everyone. Why would you want a guy who wants to "flaunt" you? As if you're a "trophy"? If he's not introducing you to friends, family and/or you're not involved in his world - then yea, I see you got a problem. But, him not looking forward to posting stupid pics on Fakebook? IMO, any guy who "flaunts" on Fakebook is just another attention seeker - and that's sad - especially for a guy. Guys usually aren't like women when it comes to flaunting whether or not they got a guy, are married, have kids, endless selfies, etc.
Els Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 If he just 'wasn't a pictures person' I could maybe understand, but if HE posted several pics with his ex but is completely against taking pictures with you, that would be a huge red flag for me. My guy and I aren't big on pictures, but when we go on trips together or celebrate special occasions we do take 1 or 2 with ourselves inside, for memories' sake. Sometimes they go on FB, sometimes they don't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it isn't true that all guys are 100% against pictures. Even the guys who aren't, tend to be open to it more often than once in 3 years. 2
Gloria25 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 If he just 'wasn't a pictures person' I could maybe understand, but if HE posted several pics with his ex but is completely against taking pictures with you, that would be a huge red flag for me. My guy and I aren't big on pictures, but when we go on trips together or celebrate special occasions we do take 1 or 2 with ourselves inside, for memories' sake. Sometimes they go on FB, sometimes they don't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it isn't true that all guys are 100% against pictures. Even the guys who aren't, tend to be open to it more often than once in 3 years. Well, even if he did them with an ex, maybe he finally matured and realized that it's a waste of time to put pics on Fakebook of every chick he's dating. Me, personally? I'd probably wait until me and that person are serious (married) before I start putting pics on Fakebook.
Buddhist Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) Could be a couple of things going on.... - First of all not everyone is into happy snaps. Take me for example, aside from my drivers license, passport photo and anything official I actually have no pictures of myself at all. I just hate having my picture taken. Neither do I generally have pictures of my pets or friends or relatives. It's that unimportant to me. You mentioned he doesn't have photos of himself on Facebook? Could be your answer. - Maybe he just likes antagonising you in a mini-relationship rebellion. If this is the worst thing he ever does count yourself lucky and give him his little win. A lot of guys go out and do some truly ****ty things when they're having a relationship rebellion. It's just a fact that everyone, not just guys, get bored and tired of a longterm relationship from time to time. They start to feel restricted by their partner, lifestyle or whatever and need something just so they can say they've still got their freedom. It's a bit immature and petty but hey, as I said something of this nature will likely occur, if not having his picture taken is it. Leave him to it. A guy's biggest fear with a relationship is losing freedom. - If he used to have photo's with his ex taken he might not want to do it now because subconsciously he doesn't want this relationship turning into the one he had with his ex. People often do things like this for reasons they don't clearly understand and if you question them they'll get uptight abut it without knowing or admitting to why. Maybe his ex-gf nagged him for photo's all the time and he hated that about her, so he refuses to do the photo thing now because he likes you and doesn't want to end up resenting you. Edited June 27, 2016 by Buddhist
Ensam Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It could just be that he dislikes photos of himself. Perhaps his ex was more pushy than you are and he felt compelled to post some photos of them online? I don't know. Personally being a guy I don't enjoy appearing in photos. I will occasionally agree to it if asked and allow people to post them on social medias as well but I usually don't look much at them and I hardly post any myself.
Els Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Well, even if he did them with an ex, maybe he finally matured and realized that it's a waste of time to put pics on Fakebook of every chick he's dating. Me, personally? I'd probably wait until me and that person are serious (married) before I start putting pics on Fakebook. My impression was that she just wants to take pictures with him, not necessarily needing him to put them on FB. I think she mentioned him putting up pics with his ex on FB because it's a clear demonstration that he isn't exactly 100% against pics... when he was with someone else. I don't think desiring pictures is a sign of immaturity or vice versa. My parents got together in an era well before FB or the internet ever existed, and they have an entire photo album full of pictures of them, from dating as young adults, to married adults, to married with a kid (me). I thought it's sweet that they kept all those photos, and I don't see why the advent of the internet invalidates that.
SisterGoldenHair Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 My husband's parents were both photographers and as a result he doesnt like having his photo taken. He honestly has a few thousand pix of himself from the time he was born...so maybe your bf had something similar happen in his life. Also many guys dont seem to like to have their pic taken. I think it's more to do with him and not you.
Author thebleeding Posted July 2, 2016 Author Posted July 2, 2016 Thanks for all of the replies! I talked to him about it and yeah, most of you are right. He just doesn't think about taking pictures...and doesn't even have Facebook on his phone. And uh, somehow I don't think the man I've lived with for three years is married...thanks though.
blackcat777 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 My boyfriend is NOT a pics guy either. He never takes selfies! He took a few and sent them to me when we first started dating. I loved them. Awwww. Recently, I took a picture of him while he was sleeping. It's on my desktop. It's so cute. I let him know all the time how much I love it. What I really need to do is open up Paintshop, airbrush on some ridiculous graffiti, and then slap that sucker on HIS desktop. >8) If he's been like that the entire relationship, don't take it personally. Take your own pics if you want them.
Els Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Thanks for all of the replies! I talked to him about it and yeah, most of you are right. He just doesn't think about taking pictures...and doesn't even have Facebook on his phone. I'm confused, I thought you said he doesn't even let you take pictures of the two of you most of the time? But this sounds like he just doesn't initiate the picture-taking. Which of the above is it?
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