Lilly227 Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Hello. Firstly, I'd like to thank you for clicking on this thread & reading this as I really do appreciate your advice. So, I'll try to keep this short. My ex and I were together for 3 years on and off. We got together quite young (16), we are each others first serious relationship.At first he was the one chasing me, and he always liked me a little more than I liked him, that was our relationship dynamic. Anyway, three years later and it's polar opposites, he began to show less interest and I was madly In love with him. At the beginning of the year I decided to break up because he wasn't showing much interest. I thought 30 days of NC would make him miss me and improve our relationship. So after that we got back together, but things were different. After a month he said he didn't want a relationship right now, although he seemed very confused and wasn't sure what he wanted. I foolishly spilled my heart out, and he said that he'd go out with me if it made me happy, even though he was only 70% into it. (My fault guys ) I stupidly said yes. So a week later, he says he's not happy so I say to him maybe it's better if we are just friends. He said he still wanted to hang out and talk, but that was the last time we spoke. It's been 43 days and I miss him like crazy. He's on my mind all of the time, and I really really want to get back together. He said he wanted to "focus on other things" and gave me the whole "it's not you its me" bs. So I went NC and thought it was best as he gets the space and distance he wanted so badly. But, he hasn't contacted me at all, and I'm starting to worry. I'm scared he's found someone new, that he's over me. I love him so much and it kills me everyday that he doesn't care about me like we use to. I really don't know what to do. I'm desperate to call him but I know it will make me look desperate and pathetic. I want him to come back to me and initiate contact first but HOW can I do that? Post pictures with new friends to make him jealous? Pretend I have a new boyfriend? Just keep on ignoring him and hope that he'll change his mind? Or should I just text him and try to be friends and build on that? Please help, everyone says I should move on but I feel like I haven't tried hard enough to get him back. Thank You for any advice.
Zahara Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 I thought 30 days of NC would make him miss me and improve our relationship. Didn't work then, won't work 43 days later. II want him to come back to me and initiate contact first but HOW can I do that? Post pictures with new friends to make him jealous? Pretend I have a new boyfriend? Just keep on ignoring him and hope that he'll change his mind? Or should I just text him and try to be friends and build on that? Please help, everyone says I should move on but I feel like I haven't tried hard enough to get him back. Thank You for any advice. There is nothing you can do to make someone love you. Everything else that you chose to do to make him come your way is just manipulation, and that doesn't get you anywhere in terms of creating genuine feelings. Yes, you keep NC and accept the relationship is over. You can't be friends with someone you love -- imagine finding out he's out with other women -- so, that is a no. You need to move on. Unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same way you do. Trying harder = fear of letting go. 3
MissBee Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) Hello. Firstly, I'd like to thank you for clicking on this thread & reading this as I really do appreciate your advice. So, I'll try to keep this short. My ex and I were together for 3 years on and off. We got together quite young (16), we are each others first serious relationship.At first he was the one chasing me, and he always liked me a little more than I liked him, that was our relationship dynamic. Anyway, three years later and it's polar opposites, he began to show less interest and I was madly In love with him. At the beginning of the year I decided to break up because he wasn't showing much interest. I thought 30 days of NC would make him miss me and improve our relationship. So after that we got back together, but things were different. After a month he said he didn't want a relationship right now, although he seemed very confused and wasn't sure what he wanted. I foolishly spilled my heart out, and he said that he'd go out with me if it made me happy, even though he was only 70% into it. (My fault guys ) I stupidly said yes. So a week later, he says he's not happy so I say to him maybe it's better if we are just friends. He said he still wanted to hang out and talk, but that was the last time we spoke. It's been 43 days and I miss him like crazy. He's on my mind all of the time, and I really really want to get back together. He said he wanted to "focus on other things" and gave me the whole "it's not you its me" bs. So I went NC and thought it was best as he gets the space and distance he wanted so badly. But, he hasn't contacted me at all, and I'm starting to worry. I'm scared he's found someone new, that he's over me. I love him so much and it kills me everyday that he doesn't care about me like we use to. I really don't know what to do. I'm desperate to call him but I know it will make me look desperate and pathetic. I want him to come back to me and initiate contact first but HOW can I do that? Post pictures with new friends to make him jealous? Pretend I have a new boyfriend? Just keep on ignoring him and hope that he'll change his mind? Or should I just text him and try to be friends and build on that? Please help, everyone says I should move on but I feel like I haven't tried hard enough to get him back. Thank You for any advice. NC isn't to get your ex back. It's for YOU to get space to process the end and move on. If you have to manipulate someone into wanting you, that is NOT a genuine relationship. So no, pretending to have a bf etc is not the way to go. Like you should have learned, even if the person does get jealous or interested and come back because you played games, it DOESN'T stick. He has told you the truth that he doesn't want a relationship and wasn't happy. I know it's tough to accept but that's what a breakup is. Grieving the END of things. It seems you're still in the denial stage about it, and your 43 days of NC, instead of focusing on you and moving on, have been a ploy to get him back. It won't work. Let yourself cry and be sad that it's over and then refocus your NC goals on moving forward. People break up everyday and it sucks and is scary and we feel like we NEED this person to be happy sometimes or can't see how we'd find someone else, and rejection sucks, and losing a friend sucks, and thinking of them with someone else sucks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and we do move forward. It's up to you though how soon you move on. You have NO CONTROL over him and his feelings and choices whatsoever, but you have control over yours and how long you're willing to drag this out. You already gave it a go. Grieve the end and focus on moving forward. Edited June 26, 2016 by MissBee 1
Rainah Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 He doesn't feel the same as you,it hurts, carry on with NC focus on yourself and heal
DevotedBaker54 Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 I'm so sorry to hear you are missing him so much. Breaking up is hard, especially when it seems the other person is moving on. From my experience I can say that most people drastically change in their early 20s. Many relationships and friendships end during this time because we are figuring out who we are outside of high school and sadly, people grow apart from each other. If your ex says he wants to move on, then maybe you should respect that? Maybe giving him some space will give you time to figure out what you want to do in life and who you want to dedicate your time to. Just because he's not in your life anymore, doesn't mean you have to be sad! What have you always wanted to do? or a place you have always wanted to go? Maybe you want to learn how to paint or start a new craft. Enjoy this time in your life! You are young, and can spend your time doing so many things! I hope you stop missing him so much, and can start enjoying this period in your life
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