This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Yeah, MGW's latest version is perfect! It's not too melancholic, which is the way you should be if you want to look back at this with some pride. And it says the essential without bringing back the memories of so many things that do not matter to her now. I know, in your "last" letter to her you'll want to pour out every single thing that goes on in your mind for a couple of hours - but trust me, next day you'll find more lines to write... I'm telling you this from personal experience. I'm still feeling blue quite often....and I can comprehend what you might be thinking right now. Actually, it's the same with me - I might be leaving this country in a couple of months, there's a 25% chance - and I don't know if I'll say "bye" to him - or if I should, even. But if I do, I'll make it very, very short and to the point. I think he will pay attention to only 2 words anyway - "I'm leaving. Goodbye". Maybe you can even edit the "I'll miss you" part - because it says that you're still thinking of her. Try ending with something like "Good luck with everything. Bye." Just keep your chin up - and we are all here for you buddy!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by broken guy I mustn’t ramble on here. It’s pointless. I could go into a big rant about the chances I gave to you over this past year but, again, I won’t. Err, for me you did ramble on. And it sounded to me like a big rant. I agree with miss-gonewest: Originally posted by miss-gonewest unnecessary and frankly, quite wussy.... I think you are giving her far too much and you are making excuses for her. You want to look strong, masculine and you want to her to feel something for you - that letter would just make me feel sorry for you, and pleased that I'd moved on (apologies again, I know that's hard to hear). I think miss-gw's final draft is a good Parthian shot. With the modification suggested by TTSP. And with this tweak at the end to make the whole thing more positive and optimistic: Just wanted to let you know that I saw the messages on your phone and I feel really betrayed. I also saw the messages from Michelle as I went into your email one night. You will never know the hurt and pain that knowledge alone caused me. After everything she did, not only to break us up and to put me down, but to argue with you about stupid stuff, you confounded that. In the past 3 months, I have been doing a lot of thinking, but I only have one question: “Why?” I just know that I never deserved what you did to me. All relationships have their bad patches; it’s working through them that makes you stronger. I know you are in a relationship now, although I warn you, I never trusted Michelle and I don’t trust Matt, however I still hope things work out for you. I have one FINAL opportunity to make it here with a job that isn’t teaching. If not, I will be leaving Japan on the 19th July. Stay or leave, I am starting a new chapter and moving on from the time we spent together. I would like to say though, that the thought of you and me gave me the energy to get this far. For this I thank you. I wish you all the best for the future, Mike
miss-gonewest Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Oh hear, hear Romeo! You've done it again... pure genius... I may get you to draft an email up to my ex...although it won't be as nice as Brokenguy's!!! In fact, I am sure you can make a killing writing them from loveshackers' alone... Broken guy, the more you dwell on this, the more you will want to add to it. Just either send it - or don't.... but do let us know what you finally do send; we will be waiting!
Author broken guy Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Interesting final draft. I think I put in the few extras in mine just to remind her of what I am offering her (the necklace was a specially made one for us to get married, it was to be a surprize. Also, she had been VERY snappy this past year and I never lost my temper even when she accussed me of having an affair) and I don't think I wanted to make it so FINAL, so to speak. If she called me now and asked for me back, I would meet her, talk and take her back. She really made me feel complete and now I feel like I'm living in someone else's nightmare. You all seem to be pretty expert like here so I think I will send her the final draft. It will go straight to her phone so she will get it INSTANTLY! I will sleep on it 1st though just in case any more nuggests of information appear here. I do want her back and just wanted a small jolt in the message to let her know that, and also I wanted to end on a light note hence the Dr Katz comment, we loved that show!
Author broken guy Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Just a quick note: I would like to include to moving back in with her part as she blames that for the end of the relationship. She really DID get the wrong end of the stick as she only heard my half of a phone conversation. Also, maybe about she should have known what I was going through with work as she had suffered a similar problem 6 months before whoich caused a lot of tension between us and our friends (I toid you I still stuck with her and defended her). They are the 2 things that I may want to stick back in somehow...as I said..a door for her.
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Is there any money involved in drafing these letters? If so, I'm in.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest Oh hear, hear Romeo! You've done it again... pure genius... Thanks! I may get you to draft an email up to my ex...although it won't be as nice as Brokenguy's!!! Broken guy, the more you dwell on this, the more you will want to add to it. Just either send it - or don't.... Exactly. And if you want her back, don't wussify it and don't rant - the combination of impotent and whiny is the most powerful turn-off a girl can experience. In fact, if you want her back (which I didn't understand - your letter gave completely the opposite impression, that you wanted to rant at her and lose her definitively), you want to be way more casual. Like: "here's my new contact details. I know we've had our bad times. But we did have good ones too and this is what I want to remember. So good luck in the future" Reminding her of necklaces etc is a pressure. So is "you hurt me so you owe me". Not attractive.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Is there any money involved in drafing these letters? If so, I'm in. Only the satisfaction of a job well done. And a person helped.
Author broken guy Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 That little re-edit seems a bit TOO casual. Dont think that will have any effect at all. Thanks though, I am still thinking about sending the final draft one....
Author broken guy Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 I am in a REAL mess today! Over 3 months and I'm utterly devistated. I haven't cried like this since she dumped me in the email. I want her back so much, I'm not a complete person anymore. I was so lucky to have met her and I made a complete mess of things simply because I was depressed and confused. Begging wont work and waiting wont work. I have built this prison for myself by thinking about her ex and how he must be kicking himself as I was with her.....I have tried all I can to escape her but I cant. I know thats it for me, she was my one and only chance. Now, I am facing a future of going home to witness the mess of a divorce, lose of house and me looking for a boring office job/graduate training job which I never seem to get. All this without her...I'm scared of what is going to become of me..
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Brokenguy, what you are going through is relatively normal - its usual for people to mourn the loss of a relationship and a partner. However, its not healthy if you become obsessed by it... if you feel that this may be happening to you, then you may need to seek some outside help - whether you visit your doctor or a counsellor. In the meantime I suggest reading some books to understand what you are going through, and how you can stop it. And that's the trick... you need to allow yourself to grieve, but you can't let it take over your life. You have to stop the thoughts and the depression eventually. Only you have the power to change your thoughts and your feelings - your ex can't do that, and no matter how many letters you write, and no matter what you say, it doesn't change circumstances. Your ex has left you; she is with someone else. Its a hard reality to face, but face it you must. If you don't then you risk becoming obsessive. I am sorry that you are going through so much at the moment - but unfortunately life has a habit of doing that. But you can choose to take it head on - and become a stronger and better person. What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. It will also develop you into a wiser, more mature, better rounded person. Life would be pretty boring if it were all sunshine and rainbows - you need to experience the bad to appreciate the good. And you do have things to be happy for - you have a great education, you have a family, you have the potential to develop your career, you are healthy, fit and young. You have your whole life ahead of you - and you have the choice to make it great.. From you letter things weren't all that peachy with the ex; you had a few challenges to overcome. Right now you are simply seeing the good because its easier too. Look at the bad parts and realise that while you loved her, maybe it wasn't meant to be. You will be fine - may I suggest reading through some other threads here, you will soon realise that you aren't alone and that there is light at the end of the tunnel; others have come through OK, and you will too. But only if you make that choice.
Author broken guy Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 I know all this and I HAVE tried. I have shaken her away whenever she comes into my head (all the time) but I wake up and there she is, and I CANT get rid of her. I am a strong and lively person, people love hanging around with me and I get comments all the time on how good looking I am and not JUST from girls! I have the perfect natural attitude to attract girls, so Im told. But all of this is meangless to me. I only want the one girl I lost just because I didnt sharpen my mind up in time. I was LITERALLY 12 hours late!! Its a nasty feeling that refuses to go away. I never stopped loving her even through the bad stages and just the thought of her walking down the street drives me wild.
Author broken guy Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 Well, I reckon that I will send her a meassage tonight. I will add one extra piece about how she had built up a lot of problems about the relationship in her head which were not true and she should have talked to me about them rather than just writing them down on scraps of paper and hiding them, I was always willing to talk if she had a problem. Anyways, I WAS going to ask her to come round and watch a film, ust to see what her answer would be. If no, then send the bye letter, if yes...then I would be interested in why she would say yes. Actually, now I've written it, what do you think about that?
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 That was an amazing post, Miss-gonewest!! Truly one written with your heart and mind open - good job!! Broken guy....I really don't know what to say now. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter what all of us on LS are gonna say anyway....you never take us seriously!! Why ask her if she wants to watch a movie? You're putting yourself between the devil and the deep blue sea - if she says yes, then you'll start wondering why she said yes (and put yourself back to all the mind games) - and if she says no, you'll feel terribly hurt to think that you'll have to send the the goodbye letter - and you don't want to accept the "goodbye" anyway. And that's when an otherwise sane and logical person would start being compulsive and obsess over the same fact, over and over again. I understand things are so difficult for you, and I know it's almost impossible to find a shred of happiness when everything you think of only makes you unhappy. I have been through this stage, and my feelings were just as intense as yours - so please don't get me wrong here. But one day I realized that I as a person did not deserve all this, I deserved better. And although I still hurt, I'm not hoping and wishing that we'll get back together. I've just left it as a mystery that hasn't been solved. So just ask yourself - do you deserve this?? You are a nice, educated, attractive, personable individual - do you deserve to be this way?? Aren't you wasting away a chance of what you could have been because of the way you are right now?? You were all this before you met her. So even if she goes away, all your good qualities won't. And no one person is the "only one" - if they are, they have to prove it with their actions. What has she proven to you? Has she acted in a way that would make you feel that she was always there for you? You got to ask yourself that. Believe me, once you fall in love again (England has lots of nice girls ) you will be ok. Till then, think about yourself for a change! Anyway, that was my 2 cents on it....hopefully it might provide you a different perspective.
miss-gonewest Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 I agree TTSP - its not going to matter what any of us say... I don't think we're getting through. I've spent so much time on this thread, and the same questions keep getting asked. Personally I think a professional counsellor is needed here. And a good attitude from Brokenguy. We all hurt but its what we choose to do with hurt that separates us. In this case I think he quite enjoys feeling sorry for himself.
greenhorn Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest I agree TTSP - its not going to matter what any of us say... I don't think we're getting through. I've spent so much time on this thread, and the same questions keep getting asked. Personally I think a professional counsellor is needed here. And a good attitude from Brokenguy. We all hurt but its what we choose to do with hurt that separates us. In this case I think he quite enjoys feeling sorry for himself. No one enjoys being Sorry MGW, it is just that one can't imagine that one can live without their ex, but when it comes people generally sail through. So what is required from broken guy is not to think much how life will be without his ex but just to live through the days. Just think that there is no option and you have to live through the pain. Everything in coming days will look bad, the office work will suck, the lonely life will suck, but what to do ? Broken guy if you have any other option then do it , but sadly you don't have ? One thing I must say that all human beings are adaptable, put a person on North pole and after 3 months he will acclimatize and start living comfortably there, so you can also do it, just try doing it. You will cry, not get sleep, you will feel not working, but ultimately you will reconcile to the situation. The only way to get out of pain is to go through it, and always remember in your mind, when you are at the bottom it only means that you will go up from there. Life sucks, but no one said that life is bed of roses and to make things worse there are more sadist people in this world (like your ex) than good people.
Author broken guy Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 Sorry for making people a bit angry with me. I admit I am obsessing now. In the 4 years, things went a bit weird only in the past 6 months. BOTH of us could have done a lot more to prevent this from happening, I was the 1st to try and settle things and then I tried again, she didn't try talking to me ONCE about how she felt except when she came back from her holiday at home in September when she said that I was all she had in the world as her family had been bad to her. I panicked and told her she needed to get a life and not rely on me for her happiness, she held onto this comment and used it against me post-breakup. It's ironic that I am now in the same, yet FAR WORSE, position as she was. So, I won't be asking her to watch a film, I will just send her the bye message. I will throw in the odd thing extra and then that will be it....except that, IF I leave, I will go to her place and put a few items in her postbox with a little note that will include a few final feelings - yet she always said she wanted to know how I feel, so I will tell her. I will simply leave the ball in her court and not expect anything in return, but I will have the knowledge that I did all I could do. Traveled half the planet and wiped myself out of all my cash....THATS trying for you!
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by broken guy Sorry for making people a bit angry with me. Not angry. Just a little frustrated. I admit I am obsessing now. Good start. Traveled half the planet and wiped myself out of all my cash....THATS trying for you! Sometimes one can try too hard Miss GW's suggestion of therapy is excellent - I think you have a lot of issues which could usefully be worked on to prevent similar problems repeating in future relationships.
greenhorn Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Miss GW's suggestion of therapy is excellent - I think you have a lot of issues which could usefully be worked on to prevent similar problems repeating in future relationships. But take care , if the therapist is young and in her twenties then you might have a crush on her
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn But take care , if the therapist is young and in her twenties then you might have a crush on her
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