Xidion Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Recently had a relationship end where her and I would text a lot when we were away from each other (mostly her initiating). Along with being a couple, we were really close friends as well. It's like I've lost my lover and best friend. I was offered friendship, but I declined as that's not what I want. How do you get over that lonely feeling when your phone isn't making notification noise throughout the day knowing it's them? How do you get over the loneliness of not having that person you care about to talk to, share things with, how your day is going, and hearing the same in return? I'd love some input here.
Cinnimon Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 I have not heard a word from my ex in 20 days, since he left our home. I feel the same as you, we talked everyday, texted everyday, slept next to each other every night, ate dinner together every night. It has been pure torture the last 20 days with all that gone. I really don't have any advice for you. I just know how it feels and it really hurts. My heart still drops whenever my phone makes the text tone but I am now starting to not to expect it to be him. I'm sorry.
oasis Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Not hearing my phone making those notifications was one of the hardest things post-breakup. The way I coped with that, was to change the notification sound to something different, so that familiar sound would not trigger a painful memory of my ex when I hear it. 1
Kwacker39 Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 I am 3 months in from d day and all I can say is it is getting easier - we were together for 21 years and have 2 great kids together - we are actually still living in the same house but all communication has stopped except for tha absolutely necessary ( kids etc) - I think nc is the best way to get over someone and when I can finally move out so I don't have to be under the same roof as her cheating , lying ass I'll be better still . Try to stay strong and realise nc is the way forward for you - 1 day at a time .
tomatome Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 I don't really know. But I know that you don't want to hear the alert for their message and actually have it be them. You'll feel euphoric for awhile that they paid attention to you and then you will feel the pains of withdrawal all over again as it is not what you wanted or needed to hear. I went from texting morning, noon and night to silence so profound you can hear crickets chirping. It's deafeningly lonely. Right now I have asked my friends to text me as much as possible to fill the void. We don't even need to have a conversation, just let me know what is going on in their lives. 2
Nowty V Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Maybe it's a business idea for someone. A company that continues to text you after a break-up, positive affirmation texts and reassurance 4
Rainah Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 It gets better, I always would check the phone in hope and in fear, time really does heal and it really does get better
MissBee Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) Recently had a relationship end where her and I would text a lot when we were away from each other (mostly her initiating). Along with being a couple, we were really close friends as well. It's like I've lost my lover and best friend. I was offered friendship, but I declined as that's not what I want. How do you get over that lonely feeling when your phone isn't making notification noise throughout the day knowing it's them? How do you get over the loneliness of not having that person you care about to talk to, share things with, how your day is going, and hearing the same in return? I'd love some input here. It takes time and building new habits. You got into the routine of that with your ex and break-ups are a loss. You lose the person and the routine that goes along with them and it is painfully obvious, esp early on, that there is a big gap. I think that's why so many people rebound, and in this day, sometimes it's just a "texting-buddy" because they are trying to close the gap and mimic the old routine with the text communication. I've been there. For me, one thing I did was to turn off notifications on my phone. This lessened the anxious feeling of reacting to every noise and made me check less. It's like you have to retrain your brain to associate different things with your phone other than communicating with your ex. Sometimes I would even choose to turn my phone off, or leave it at home and go for a walk or go to the gym, or go by a friend's place, or if I was going on a short errand, just leaving it at home so I wouldn't have the constant worry or compulsion to check. It felt freeing to know I had no phone to check even if I wanted to. In the past, not that breakups weren't hard, but when you only had land lines or regular old letters, I think NC was easier as it was a lot more difficult to stalk one's ex unless you physically did it, and you really had to go out of your way to keep in contact. With smartphones, we're literally CONSTANTLY in contact, morning, noon, and night on various apps. I would be messaging, sending pics, voice notes, etc ALL DAY, more or less, and so do many people, so it's no wonder when it all gets cut off it's even more jarring than say back in the day where you'd need to check your physical mail or wait for your landline to ring when at home, you just had A LOT more head space and actual space away from checking. Now you have this device in your pocket or glued to your hand to constantly obsess over and check up on your ex instantly. You have to really cultivate new habits with your phone and cut down on your time with it sometimes to ease the pain of a breakup in the 21st century, as the phone and internet change so much of how we relate and process things. You also have to build other new routines: communicating more with friends, going to the gym, immersing yourself into a current hobby or finding a new one. When I wanted to talk to my ex I would just call my sister or text her instead, or one of my friends, or even get on LS, or read a book, or occupy my mind with doing something on apps I like on my phone, watching a movie or tv show, engaging in some other work I needed to do... Point is: it takes time and also trying to retrain your brain by building a new routine, new habits and new associations. It's hard for a while, I won't lie, and the missing gap will feel excruciating sometimes, but with each day it improves and NC is really like being in the gym. The first day and several days or weeks may be BRUTAL if you're out of shape and you'll wanna cave, but day by day, without realizing it you do get stronger until you realize you can go longer on the elliptical, lift more, aren't as out of breath or in this case, an hour passed and you didn't think of your ex or check your phone, days pass and it doesn't sting as much, you have a new routine etc until one day you wake up and realize you feel completely normal and your life isn't built around counting NC or them and you're just living. Edited June 26, 2016 by MissBee 3
bummer Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 You also have to build other new routines: communicating more with friends, going to the gym, immersing yourself into a current hobby or finding a new one. When I wanted to talk to my ex I would just call my sister or text her instead, or one of my friends, or even get on LS, or read a book, or occupy my mind with doing something on apps I like on my phone, watching a movie or tv show, engaging in some other work I needed to do... the above is perfect. I reconnected more deeply with close friends I've drifted away from to fill the gap. I call one buddy whenever I dare break NC. I also lurk here on LS.
Penguin_hugs Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I'll agree with what the other posters have said. I found that I had to get new routines- like we always used to message at certain times- like before work, on lunch break, after work etc. I ended up sticking my phone in my handbag and just ignoring it for a few weeks. I mean I wasn't really getting any messages at all from anyone. I realised that I primarily text my ex and that probably wasn't that healthy. I had to find a new focus. Which for me has been my studying. Now I find it hard as my ex always used to spur me on during revision with motivational messages and I'm 3 days away from my final qualifying exams and I've barely spoken to another person in a week. Find new interests and new reasons to use your phone- eg you play a certain game everytime you have a work break instead of messaging your ex. For me I recently made a friend at a study weekend and she lives a few hours away. But we keep whatsapping study tips, useful info and motivation and that has really helped. Good luck- it does get easier. I never believed anyone who told me that- but I've just made it to 6 months post break up
Trinity7 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 That's been the hardest part for me.. So many empty hours to fill, my ex and I texted constantly if we weren't together. I had to change my text ringtone because it gave me a mini heart attack every time it went off after the breakup. I've given up hoping it's him. I've been reaching out to old friends that I kind of neglected and am just trying to keep busy and distracted. It gets a tiny bit easier each day. Eventually all those tiny bits will add up to something more significant. Hang in there x
Shiggs Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 It's been about 6 months since I went complete NC the day after the break up. I was crushed, and had no idea how to overcome the sadness. I decided later that week that I would not want to be defined by the break up so I didn't let it control my life. I sought out friends and hung out with them more. I picked up new hobbies, started working out (getting fit does wonders to your self esteem), and just trying to stay as busy as possible. Too often I read here about people not knowing what to do and how to cope. The best advice I have gotten is to be selfish. Worry about yourself. You are #1 right now, and it's the best time to think about yourself. Stop caring about not having them to talk to. It'll be hard but in time, you'll make new friends, have new hobbies and be over them. Just stay busy. 1
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