NBD89 Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Just recently me and my boyfriend, if that's what you want to call him, got into a huge fight. And the fight started between me and his mom, that escalated to me and his sister to me and him. And it ended up with me leaving. I left him alone for a couple days and he messaged me on facebook. He told me that he missed me and that he was upset that he was sleeping alone. I also took the time to apologize to his sister and his mom and even his best friend. Well today, (6/25/16) I had to take our son over there because I said I would and while there I asked if we could talk. And at first he said no and then we did. I explained to him how I felt about what happened between me and his mom and sister. And how I was sorry for fighting with him. I did tell him that I missed him, and I cared and loved him and that I did feel we needed space. He explained that I shouldn't have let his sister get under my skin and that before I had even left I should have confirmed it with his mom since that was where we were staying. And I was honest and told him I was being stubborn. He then said he had to sleep alone and I told him no, that he didn't have too and explained that I could always stay the night there and he could with me. And he seemed to be OK with that...and he asked when I had left if I was not wanting to be with him. And I explained that I did I just didn't think things were going to be OK with us continuing to live where we were at. But his actions didn't follow...and he gave me a couple hugs...but he didn't sit next to me at all while there...and he called me by my name...and when I decided it was time for me to leave, he said, "where are you going 'NBD'?" And I explained that I was going to go home. And all he said was stay safe and to let them all know when I'm home. And that was it... I got home and we talked a little bit and told him I did have a question to ask him that I didn't ask because I was scared to ask him. So I asked him if we were together because I was confused by how he was talking to me and how his actions were and he messaged back saying..."Your confused!?" "Go to bed" And I'm sitting here sad. And hurt. And confused and I have no idea what is going on...and I don't want to bombard him...and we have a strong relationship...and a stupid fight has pushed us away...and im just so lost...please someone help me??????
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Just recently me and my boyfriend, if that's what you want to call him, got into a huge fight. And the fight started between me and his mom, that escalated to me and his sister to me and him. And it ended up with me leaving. I left him alone for a couple days and he messaged me on facebook. He told me that he missed me and that he was upset that he was sleeping alone. I also took the time to apologize to his sister and his mom and even his best friend. Well today, (6/25/16) I had to take our son over there because I said I would and while there I asked if we could talk. And at first he said no and then we did. I explained to him how I felt about what happened between me and his mom and sister. And how I was sorry for fighting with him. I did tell him that I missed him, and I cared and loved him and that I did feel we needed space. He explained that I shouldn't have let his sister get under my skin and that before I had even left I should have confirmed it with his mom since that was where we were staying. And I was honest and told him I was being stubborn. He then said he had to sleep alone and I told him no, that he didn't have too and explained that I could always stay the night there and he could with me. And he seemed to be OK with that...and he asked when I had left if I was not wanting to be with him. And I explained that I did I just didn't think things were going to be OK with us continuing to live where we were at. But his actions didn't follow...and he gave me a couple hugs...but he didn't sit next to me at all while there...and he called me by my name...and when I decided it was time for me to leave, he said, "where are you going 'NBD'?" And I explained that I was going to go home. And all he said was stay safe and to let them all know when I'm home. And that was it... I got home and we talked a little bit and told him I did have a question to ask him that I didn't ask because I was scared to ask him. So I asked him if we were together because I was confused by how he was talking to me and how his actions were and he messaged back saying..."Your confused!?" "Go to bed" And I'm sitting here sad. And hurt. And confused and I have no idea what is going on...and I don't want to bombard him...and we have a strong relationship...and a stupid fight has pushed us away...and im just so lost...please someone help me?????? I'm confused about this part. You said you'd stay the night with him, and then left? What is your current living situation? It's not clear from your post. Another couple of questions: how long have you been together, and what was this fight with mom and sister about? Does that happen often? I think you two need to sit down alone, face-to-face, and address what seems to be a lot of underlying issues. He is obviously upset about what happened and the way it was handled, as are you. Call him and open a dialogue. Staying in this current stalemate isn't going to achieve anything. Relationships require communication. Not through texts. Real, in person communication.
Author NBD89 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Posted June 26, 2016 Me and his mom got into a fight about her asking too many questions. And then me and his sister got into fights just over useless crap. Which resulted in me leaving because I was letting her get under my skin. Currently I am at my moms. And he is at his moms And we were together in high school and had a baby and then 7 years later we got back together. And we were together for 8 months. The staying the night thing was from me trying to explain to him that he didn't have to sleep alone because I can stay the night there just like he could with me. And he seemed OK with that. I had left because his actions weren't matching what he told me. And I presumed that I needed to leave and that he didn't want me to stay. As far as talking to him...that's going to be hard. He can be very stubborn and I don't want to bombard him. I already feel like I did just asking him if we were together. And it was too much he couldn't even reply with a yes or no. And I did tell him how I felt today when we did talk.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Me and his mom got into a fight about her asking too many questions. And then me and his sister got into fights just over useless crap. Which resulted in me leaving because I was letting her get under my skin. Currently I am at my moms. And he is at his moms And we were together in high school and had a baby and then 7 years later we got back together. And we were together for 8 months. The staying the night thing was from me trying to explain to him that he didn't have to sleep alone because I can stay the night there just like he could with me. And he seemed OK with that. I had left because his actions weren't matching what he told me. And I presumed that I needed to leave and that he didn't want me to stay. As far as talking to him...that's going to be hard. He can be very stubborn and I don't want to bombard him. I already feel like I did just asking him if we were together. And it was too much he couldn't even reply with a yes or no. And I did tell him how I felt today when we did talk. He is confused because you said you'd stay and then you didn't. It doesn't sound like there was much discussion as to why you were leaving; you made an assumption. I get you didn't feel he was being very welcoming, but again, there seems to be a communication issue here. Asking him if you are together is not the same as having an honest discussion about the state of the relationship. What are the bigger problems between you two? I'm still not clear as to what these fights are about. What type of questions does his mom ask? And the useless crap you fight with his sister about - for example? The dynamic here sounds very unhealthy; if you can provide more context I could give better feedback about where to go from here. Keep in mind you're participating in these fights, too. Where is your son in the midst of these arguments? As for your boyfriend, if he won't talk about it, there's not much you can do. You have to decide if you want this, or it's better to move on and keep your relationship strictly as co-parents.
Author NBD89 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Posted June 26, 2016 I asked him before I brought our son over if I should bring anything and he said no. So again I assumed I wasn't going to be staying. And your right we didn't discuss it. And his mom has a bad memory but, she sometimes asks the same question over and over again. With out a pause for answer and that is what happened and then we got into an argument about it. His sister and me got into it because she contacted me and began bombarding me. She was talking about me as a parent to my son. And I let her get under my skin because she kept asking me if I was unhappy why was I there. And I wasn't unhappy it was just a small fight and I went into another room to avoid more conflict and she said that I was making it worse doing that. And then later in the day me and him were fighting because I felt he didn't care and because I had let his sister get to me I started packing my stuff. I know I play apart. And I've apologized to everyone about myself and my actions. And my son isn't in the same room or place when we have them. All I'm trying to do is interpret what he sent me by saying, "your confused!?" After I asked him if we were together. And I don't even know how to approach him now because I have talked to him since the fight. But we didn't discuss anything about how to move forward from this as a couple or not...and that's what I'm scared to ask him about because I don't want him upset with me because I am asking him all these questions. I love him very much. And I want to be with him. I know I can't force him. But I know he loves me and cares for me. He told me he missed me. I just don't know what to do and I'm not supposed to be back over there until Weds.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) You need to stop being afraid to talk to your boyfriend, girl. He is your partner and the father of your child. Relationships that lack communication aren't healthy ones, so be the bigger woman and invite him to talk to you. Non-confrontational. That doesn't mean you need to bombard him; simply suggest you meet to talk and clear the air. Stop trying to interpret one little message - you'll drive yourself nuts and this is where part of the problem is. You're both making assumptions about what the other person means. Is there a neutral place you can meet to chat? I don't think talking about this in his mom's house is wise. There are too many external influences at work there. If he won't talk even after a little cooling off time, it won't work out. It sounds that there aren't many boundaries here. Next time if you feel his sister or mother are being intrusive, politely but firmly tell them you don't wish to talk about XYZ. If they get upset, let them. Respect them when you're under their roof, but don't feel as though you need to engage them if you sense an argument brewing. May I ask, why is he still living with his mom? I assume he's in his 20s now - does he work? And the same question for you, though I gather you are the primary caregiver for your son and perhaps your mom helps out - is that correct? I ask because it very much appears you're both frustrated with the living situation and this is causing a lot of tension. Edited June 26, 2016 by ExpatInItaly
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