letmein Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 A year after we graduated from college (where we spent two years together), my gf of three years says she wants to talk. So we meet in person and talked a bit and she said her feelings she once had weren't there, she was confused. She felt the spark was gone, and she didn't want to hurt me. She said two weeks ago she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, but now she wasn't sure. However we came to the decision that we would try to make this work until next month, when we planned to move into an apartment together (we'd been living the last year at our parents' houses). Three days later she comes over to my house. We watch a movie, we have sex, we make out like never before, we have sex again. We talked about stuff we wanted to do over the summer. Then she left and said she had a great time. Fast forward to the next night, she texts me that her feelings weren't there the previous day. She said physically everything was great, but emotionally she tried so hard to feel something- but it wasn't there. She didn't want me to be put through any pain when she was confused so she texted me she wanted to break up. She also said she couldn't believe how perfect I was, I was her first true love, she would always love me, and that she'd never forgive herself for this. I wanted her to call me that night so we could talk about it, she said no. She said she needed time and space. So I gave her two weeks, then she Facebook messages me and says her feelings didn't come back, she was unhappy and she can't fake feelings anymore. I wanted to meet with her one more time to get some closure because this happened to quickly. She said this relationship affected her mood, and she wasn't ready to meet in person. She said recently it didn't even feel like we were in a relationship (news to me). She said it had been going downhill for awhile (but she hadn't brought that up before). She didn't think meeting in person would accomplish anything. This was her first relationship and my second one (but first serious one) and we didn't always have the best communication. She struggled telling me her feelings in person in the past. However, I've told her before about my previous relationship and how I almost got dumped over text- and how cowardly I thought that was. She did however tell me in person earlier in the relationship that she wanted me to be her first and last boyfriend. She wanted to grow old with me. This year has been hard for me because she got a good job out of college and I've been unemployed. I haven't been able to buy a car because of my situation so she's been doing the driving. I always thought she would stick with me during this difficult time though. I don't know if her confidence grew (she started going to bars more with her co-workers, getting her hair done more frequently) and she thought she could do better or she just plain gave up on me. I just feel betrayed and disappointed with her, I thought we were going to spend the rest of lives together. She didn't even respect me enough to tell me to my face or even a phone call that it was over. She didn't even ask if I was doing okay. I poured my trust and heart into her for three years and just don't know if I could trust anyone again. I cant' stop thinking of her. Every time a car goes by my house I look to see if it's her. I check my phone all the time hoping she'll change her mind. It's the hope that's killing me- even though in every way she's told me it's over for good. I still have those memories of when she really loved me. If anyone out there has been through a similar situation, I'd like to know how you rationalized it and got through it.
bummer Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) So we meet in person and talked a bit and she said her feelings she once had weren't there, she was confused. She felt the spark was gone, and she didn't want to hurt me. She said two weeks ago she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, but now she wasn't sure. She actually did dump you in person. Right here. You could cut and paste her conversation to you from several threads on LS. She didn't want to hurt you and this was her attempt at a soft breakup. Read it. Three days later she comes over to my house. We watch a movie, we have sex, we make out like never before, we have sex again. We talked about stuff we wanted to do over the summer. Then she left and said she had a great time. You should be glad She tried so hard. It was a tough decision for her and she wanted it to work. But her feelings are out the door. She said it had been going downhill for awhile (but she hadn't brought that up before). She didn't think meeting in person would accomplish anything. She was honest with you she lost the spark awhile ago. That took courage and you should be thankful. Meeting again after so many years and after the finality in her mind, will change nothing. You did nothing wrong. You can do nothing right to win her back now. It's run its course for now. You can do wrong by begging or pleading or dragging this out. CLEAN BREAK! This was her first relationship and my second one (but first serious one) and we didn't always have the best communication. Some call it GIGS, most would say its just youth. She needs to find herself. Ignore the first and last boyfriend comment. That was sweet but unrealistic. Life is no disney movie. This year has been hard for me because she got a good job out of college and I've been unemployed. I haven't been able to buy a car because of my situation so she's been doing the driving. I always thought she would stick with me during this difficult time though. Get a job and car. This didn't help the relationship. She saw you stalling. Don't feel guilty or dwell, just get a job. I don't know if her confidence grew (she started going to bars more with her co-workers, getting her hair done more frequently) and she thought she could do better or she just plain gave up on me. Take this lightly, but you could copy paste this part also. You are unique and a good guy, your story is not. Please don't be surprised if she is with someone new soon. This part will be hard. I'm.there right now. If anyone out there has been through a similar situation, I'd like to know how you rationalized it and got through it. Grieve. Go NC. workout. Eat. Distract, build yourself. Get a job. Delete or unfollow and don't peek at her social media. No texting no breadcrumbs no answers .nothing. Get all your stuff back and give hers. Do not worry too much about rationalizing. You did nothing wrong. She lost her emotional bond to you and you cannot change that nor could you have done something different in the past. All those thoughts are okay to think about but don't dwell and stay there. Spend time here on LS and read and respond where you can. Talk to us instead if you want to talk to her. Edited June 27, 2016 by bummer
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