guest569 Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Is it normal to still hurt? The pain is still there and although I thought I was over it and have had relationships since, I still miss this one a lot and had hope that he would come back some day. I haven't been dwelling for the whole time but it comes and goes. In other relationships since then, completely forgot about my ex and felt 100% over him. I was just with someone i am madly in love with and thought was the one. This recent breakup has hurt me really deeply. The relationship itself turned toxic and I was unhappy for the last couple of months of it, whereas my previous relationship was a very happy one, we never fought or had any issues. I think this recent breakup has set off all the emotions from past breakups and longing for my other ex. Hearing that my ex from 2.5 yrs ago has been in a new, happy relationship for a year.. I am happy for him but it hurts. I still feel regret and like i wasn't good enough. He broke our relationship off cause he didn't fall in love with me. How can i not blame myself for that? I can be going along completely fine and then occasionally i just break down and cry like crazy over something that ended years ago. Certain songs, memories, places.. He was very special to me and was my first love. 1
whatnot Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) I don't think it's so unusual. Heartbreak can do many things. Brings back longings. Longing for the safety and security of times past and loves lost. During the most trying times of my most recent 6 year relationship, i could find myself thinking of my ex wife. (But i would never want her back under any circumstances). Really bothersome. Makes one wonder if they're truly in love with the person you're with when one dreams of a prior relationship. Since my most recent breakup I've also been missing my old dog so badly! (Ol Ben. Put down at 14 years old 3 years ago. Miss that old dog). It's the connection. The connection that is in such sharp contrast to the lack of connection felt during a breakup. A real "juxtaposition". When we break up that lack of connection is intensified. Yearning for the best of times is normal during such times.. Alot of water's been under your bridge since "Mr. Love of my life" was around. I can still think back to my first love in college. 7 years that lasted untill I ran off to own the world. She was a beautiful person with a scared kid who just didn't know..... The memories of our lives... Things will improve with time, as you reconnect...with smiley. Take care Edited June 26, 2016 by whatnot Spelling 2
KatZee Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 First loves hit you the hardest. It took me.... 8 years to fully move past my first love. Yes, I dated after him, had boyfriends, but I always looked back on him wishing for what could have been, should have been. There was always something drawing me back to him, we'd go in and out of contact that entire time and there was always something there. I finally met someone who I connected with and "fell in love with" again, and moved past him at last after 8 years. The second guy I "was in love with" I moved on from after 6 months, and we dated for 3 years. Me and my first love were only together officially for 9 months! LOL. 2
Author guest569 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Posted June 26, 2016 Me and my first love were only together officially for 9 months! LOL. Mine too! Any reason you are using quotation marks for "in love with"? Was that not really the case? 1
DJOkawari Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) . Just like everyone else has said: occasionally it will get to you. I'm 1.5 years out and feel great most days but some times it'll hit me pretty hard. I imagine 1 year from now I'll feel similarly, so I don't think it's that abnormal. Just a part of life I ask about solutions and people have ideas but nothing seems to work. A lot of times for me it is expressed in times of great stress (for example your break up). Just something I noticed. When the stress goes away so does this pain...of course this pain stresses you out so it is a little complicated, haha. . Edited June 26, 2016 by DJOkawari 2
Satu Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 The deepest cuts take the longest to heal. Just accept yourself and your feelings, and things will eventually come to a point of peace. Take care. 1
KatZee Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Mine too! Any reason you are using quotation marks for "in love with"? Was that not really the case? It's a long story. I thought I loved him. He betrayed me so badly, and turned out to be not who I thought he was. I don't think you can truly be in love with someone you clearly never knew. That's why I'll always say I "loved" him. 1
Satu Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 It's a long story. I thought I loved him. He betrayed me so badly, and turned out to be not who I thought he was. I don't think you can truly be in love with someone you clearly never knew. That's why I'll always say I "loved" him. Real love is a 'truest self' to 'truest self' experience. When either party is not being their truest self, the love dies and becomes mere attachment. But I think there probably were times when you experienced real love together, before he began to be dishonest in the way he presented himself to you. You will find real love again. Take care.
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