Got dumped recently. GIGS perhaps?

[Hokke]

Hello, my name is Hokke and I´ve recently registred to this forum, I have lurked for a couple of months but I now felt like getting my story out there. Iam already sorry if my english is bad. Its my second language. So bare with me!

 

So I´m a young guy from sweden. Have a decent life, a decent job. Well, almost 2 and a half years ago I met this girl online, and we instantly clicked. We talked for hours over skype while playing our favourite game at that time. She was already in a relationship back then, and one day she confessed to me that she had feelings for me. I got shaked by this since I knew she was with another guy. But after a long story, hearing how bad that relationship and how bad her other ones had been I figured that was the reason she started to feel for someone else.

 

This time was a real struggle, she had a hard time deciding what she wanted in life and so did i. There was a couple of times where I felt used, as a bandaid to help her get over this hard period. We went back and forth with alot of NC but eventually we met in person. (She lives around 10-15 km from me. And her at that time current boyfriend lived around 150km´s away. And well, she then had a very easy time to decide, she dumped her boyfriend and went for me.

 

We met again at my brothers place. I was baby sitting his cats for about 2 weeks and we had a great time. After that we became inseperable. We lived with eachother for a long time, where she mostly came to my place. (Since I live alone.) It was a great time.

 

I always tried to make sure to put her first. She had no real education and she had some real problems with her real-life situation. But I figured I would help her out by letting her live with me. I worked and she stayed home searching for a job/education. I have never been so motivated to work. It was great. I always stayed positive around her and perhaps was abit to selfless.

 

I treated her perhaps abit to nice, since i feel like me working and she just sitting home, playing games held her back. But nevertheless I focused heavily on having her feel comfortable. I knew how horrible her other relationships had been, and I didint want this one to be like one of those. I never "forced" her to sex, never said no when she wanted to, always made sure that we had our "sushi" friday even if I hate sushi. Her computer equipment wasen´t always up to par so I got her new ones when she needed. I got her games, clothes. I really loved being generous especially when it was to someone that you have so much feelings to.

 

We talked about everything, had a really open and good relationship when it came to that. We didint "fight" more then any other couple and everything was going great. She kept telling me how she looked forward to getting a job so we could get two cats, really settle down together. It was great, this was about 1 and a half years into the relationship. I´m not a jealous guy, never have been. And she loved that. Most of her EX´es had been real *******s, not letting her wear makeup in public/jeans etc.

 

Then something happened. One and a half years into our relation. She was still living at home, so some weekends we would be away from each-other and it was great aswell, some self time is always good. Well I one time when I went over to her place we we´re laying in bed and everything was well. Suddenly her facial expression changed and I asked "whats wrong honey?" and she bursted out crying. I instantly went up to hug her and give her comfort. She had started crying alot by this point as she said. "I made a horrible mistake.".

 

I asked her what she had done. She just shaked her head and looked at me. "I love you alot you know that right?" I knew something was horribly wrong since she had been on a party the weekend before and clearly she had gotten quite drunk. I already realized what kind of mistake she was hinting at. I could see the regret in her eyes and she looked crushed, as if I was about to leave her at that place and time. "Are you going to break up with me?" she managed to whimper out between her tears. I asked her again what kind of mistake, did you cheat? She just nodded and started crying even more.

 

I felt crushed at that time. I didint know what to do. I asked her if there was something wrong with me. She shaked her head violently and said. "No, i made a horrible mistake and you should break up with me, i dont deserve you." I sighed and realized exactly what she had done. She had cheated on me, perhaps not on purpose but it still hurted. She then asked me with a sad voice again if I was going to break up with her. I decided not to. I realize what she did was horrible, but people make mistakes, and mistakes never occur twice.

 

She hugged me and she seemed to so happy. As if her whole world was saved by me once again. This ****ed me up quite badly internaly even if I never did show that to her.

 

Fast forward half a year and were still in a happy stable relationship. Everythings going great, still same plans, same goals. She still has no job, but she´s working on a drivers license. I never nagged, i just encouraged her. But I realize now that our situation left me scared. I quit my job, i hated it. There was a time where I struggled to pay the rent and make sure she had a good comfy life with me, since I payed for two with the income of one it was hard but manageable.

 

Like all relationships I perhaps got abit lazy. I didint always fix my hair. I didint always clean my appartment to excellence when she was coming over. She started nagging on me about small things like that.

 

Suddenly when I was going home, after a really lovley weekend with her. We were celebrating her birthday and we had a lovley time with her family. Suddenly I got a call from her, and she wanted a break. It felt like she pulled out reasons of her ass at that point. A couple of days earlier her best friend told me in private that I was the best thing that could have come to her life. I was so confused.

 

So I did what everyone does when their sad and confused. I begged, I did stupid things when we were at that point.

 

Her lifestyle changed completly, she went partying and after perhaps 2-3 weeks of our breakup she found a new guy that she met just recently. He had a apartment close to her but no job.

 

Now she keeps posting pictures of her new relationship and she seems so happy. I´m keep asking my self, is he that much better then I was? I know the rule, remove and forget. But I cant help to feel like there was something special here. I´ve had long time relations before, but nothing like this. I´ve been wondering if I stopped being attractive or perhaps was a bad partner after all. I´m really feeling down at the moment.

 

I did so much for this person, and now she´s treating me like dirt under a boot. I´ve been in NC for perhaps 1 month now. It´s been 4 months since the break up, and I´m still feeling horrible. I´ve started to go to the gym more and I have a job that I love. But I cant seem to enjoy things anymore. Whenever I get home for a weekend I just feel empty. Before weekends with a good game or with friends was the best thing ever. Now their just time where I feel horrible.

 

I know this was long, but I had to get this out of my chest.

I suffer from panic-anxiety my relationship with her almost removed it completly, another reason for me feeling so great when around her. Now its worse then ever and I dont know what to do. People keep telling me its her loss, but that does not help me now.

 

Thanks for reading, any advice is gladly listened to!

Edited June 25, 2016 by Hokke

[juniorrocha]

So basically, she did to you the same thing she did to her ex. And she will most likely do the same with this dude now.

 

My ex cheated, lied, flirted with others, often had shady behaviors, and I put up with everything for 2 years. Then she broke up with me, because she thought we would never work. Live and learn. Never accepting any of that again from anyone.

 

Stay NC, that girl is apparently not good for you. You seem to be a great guy, eventually you'll meet someone nicer.

[LD1990]

I know the rule, remove and forget. But I cant help to feel like there was something special here. I´ve had long time relations before, but nothing like this. I´ve been wondering if I stopped being attractive or perhaps was a bad partner after all. I´m really feeling down at the moment.

 

Alright Hokke, it's time for a reality check. I'm sure you two had some fun times, but this was not "something special," and you can do a lot better than this girl. Hell, no girl is a lot better than this girl.

 

This is a girl that stayed at your place whenever, where you paid all the bills, and she sat on her lazy ass the whole time playing video games. She was looking for a job, huh? Yet you two were together what, about 2 years, and she never found a job. Sounds like she was really putting a lot of effort into that job hunt. And then she decided to start "working on a driver's license." Isn't that swell? And to put the cherry on top of the **** sundae, while she was busy doing absolutely nothing of value, she still found time to cheat on you.

 

You're not a bad partner or a bad guy. This was your first big relationship, so you glossed over all this girl's red flags. And you were far too eager to please. Relationships have to have balance. You both treat each other well and do things for each other. You gave this girl everything you could, and she took full advantage.

 

Go NC. Real NC, where you block her on everything. You're going to be fine, these lousy feelings will pass, and you'll see her for the parasite she really was.