Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 So my boyfriend of 7 months (who is also my housemate as that's how we met) who has a full time job and good wages, never buys me anything, which I never thought about until today , when I , who does not have a job atm, brought him a pair of shoes worth 70€ from my birthday money from my mother which is next week as I just wanted to surprise him. He said thanks etc, then we went to subway for food and I was expecting him to pay for mine at least, but when the time came to pay he got his own and looked at me as I paid for mine which did annoy me as I spent most of my money on him just hours before , and he got paid today so had 400+ on his account. Now I'm thinking he has never once got me a gift , not even Valentine's Day where he said he couldn't get the time to buy me anything , even though I brought him stuff, and this led to our first fight. Now he knows I'm angry at him and I told him why and he just stormed off upstairs. Do I have a right to be mad? I'm not superficial just would be nice to be surprised sometimes, and seeing my friends boyfriends buy them little cute gifts all the time just makes me wonder why he doesn't get me anything. 1
hippychick3 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 He sounds very stingy. Hopefully he is a good boyfriend in other ways that would make up for his stinginess. Otherwise, why stay with him? You do need to stop buying him gifts and not give more than you receive. 1
CarrieT Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Were you housemates before Bf/Gf? Or did you move in with him before you really knew him? Seems like the honeymoon phase is over and I doubt the relationship will last now that you are seeing the true colors.
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 We were housemates first, then ended up going out. He is very lovely to me and I do genuinely love him, but stuff like this just annoys me, he seems to be very clueless as to how boyfriends should act I think, as I am his first girlfriend. He said I am being ridiculous for being mad at him for not paying, and to talk to him when I realise how ridiculous I am being, but I think it's the principle of he whole thing that I spent most of my money on him and he didn't even buy me a five euro meal.. It's been 4 hours now and there's no sign of him trying to talk to me, I don't know what to do I don't want to just give in and tell him I'm being ridiculous because I don't feel I am..
VeveCakes Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 You bought him those shoes on your accord. He didn't ask you too. That doesn't mean he has to buy you dinner. Boyfriends are not atms. So I don't really think you have a right to be mad about that. That being said, if he's super cheap and stingy, kinda makes for a one sided relationship. 3
bummer Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 If he's that clueless give him some clues. This whole unspoken rules stuff only works on a dude who's initiated! Looks like that's you, first gf! Fill in the blanks for your little budding Casanova and treat what's left of your relationship as a training tool and an exercise in communication for you. Your last gift! Go get em, coach! If he's smart... maybe he's just using you as a fwb. That would mean you're not initiated yet... figure it out but aim towards ending it if it's not a two way street.
Gaeta Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 So my boyfriend of 7 months (who is also my housemate as that's how we met) who has a full time job and good wages, never buys me anything, which I never thought about until today , when I , who does not have a job atm, brought him a pair of shoes worth 70€ from my birthday money from my mother which is next week as I just wanted to surprise him. He said thanks etc, First your mom's birthday money was for you, not to buy gift to your boyfriend. I'd be pretty pissed if my daughter used her birthday money on someone else than herself. Especially if she was jobless@!! Second why did you buy him such a big gift?? was it his birthday? Why did you spend 70$ while you are jobless and you'll need this money to pay bills? then we went to subway for food and I was expecting him to pay for mine at least, but when the time came to pay he got his own and looked at me as I paid for mine In 7 months dating when you go out on dates does he pay? It sounds to me that even though you are bf-gf you still have a room-mate dynamic. Now I'm thinking he has never once got me a gift , not even Valentine's Day where he said he couldn't get the time to buy me anything , even though I brought him stuff, and this led to our first fight. Now he knows I'm angry at him and I told him why and he just stormed off upstairs. Do I have a right to be mad? I'm not superficial just would be nice to be surprised sometimes, and seeing my friends boyfriends buy them little cute gifts all the time just makes me wonder why he doesn't get me anything. I think it's time to reassess this relationship. Sounds like you both have a different opinion on what this relationship is. 7
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Yeah that's another thing, we rarely go on dates or anything just stay in the house all day , he never offers to bring me anywhere or anything we went to the cinema twice in 7 months and that's about it apart from going to eachothers old homes etc, he also works evenings Monday's to Thursday so after 4pm to 12pm I don't see him which means he's in bed til about 2pm then heads to work, the 3 days we have fully together then he never tries to make plans or dates
katiegrl Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Yeah that's another thing, we rarely go on dates or anything just stay in the house all day , he never offers to bring me anywhere or anything we went to the cinema twice in 7 months and that's about it apart from going to eachothers old homes etc, he also works evenings Monday's to Thursday so after 4pm to 12pm I don't see him which means he's in bed til about 2pm then heads to work, the 3 days we have fully together then he never tries to make plans or dates He is very lovely to me and I do genuinely love him, but stuff like this just annoys me How? When? Where? From what you've posted, he sounds selfish and lazy. Not to mention not all that motivated to put forth any effort into this "relationship" at all. If you could even call it that. Sounds more like FWB, and a roommate situation. What am I missing? 1
Gaeta Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Yeah that's another thing, we rarely go on dates or anything just stay in the house all day , he never offers to bring me anywhere or anything we went to the cinema twice in 7 months and that's about it apart from going to eachothers old homes etc, he also works evenings Monday's to Thursday so after 4pm to 12pm I don't see him which means he's in bed til about 2pm then heads to work, the 3 days we have fully together then he never tries to make plans or dates Does he go to family gathering with you? Does he enjoy your family? Does he take you in his family? How old are you 2?
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Does he go to family gathering with you? Does he enjoy your family? Does he take you in his family? How old are you 2? What? Can't understand any of this.
enddeck Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 This guy sounds typical of young men today.From your original thread you used the euro as the currency you spent so I'm assuming you live in Mainland Europe or Ireland.I am a foreman with a large building firm and we have a number of young male apprentices and it never ceases to amaze me how selfish they are.Most of them still live at home(far more common than in the USA)and they never contribute a cent to their parents,they will not collect their girlfriends for a date,just arranging to meet at a nightclub or maybe a bar but very rarely buy them a drink and certainly would not pay for them to get into the nightclub.They will spend plenty on clothes or on their car but not their girlfriends and I think your boyfriend needs a rude awakening from you.Tell him to grow up or else move on.
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 How? When? Where? From what you've posted, he sounds selfish and lazy. Not to mention not all that motivated to put forth any effort into this "relationship" at all. If you could even call it that. Sounds more like FWB, and a roommate situation. What am I missing? He's such a lovely person to me and we do get along great, it's just the lack of little gifts, dates etc
Gaeta Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 He's such a lovely person to me and we do get along great, it's just the lack of little gifts, dates etc Tell us why he is a lovely person to you.
VeveCakes Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 What do you do together then? Netflix and chill? Sounds like fwb... 1
Gaeta Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Does he go to family gathering with you? Does he enjoy your family? Does he take you in his family? How old are you 2? Seriously!! you don't understand this. Does your boyfriend enjoy visiting your family with you? Does your boyfriend bring you to his family's house? How old is your boyfriend and how old are you? 5
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Tell us why he is a lovely person to you. We just get along great, he makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel very special with his words and cuddles and he is a genuinely lovely person inside etc, it's just the lack of doing things like spontaneous days out and things that i wish he would do
katiegrl Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 What? Can't understand any of this. Does he go to family gathering with you? Does he spend time with your family? Holidays, etc? Does he enjoy your family? Does he like your family? Does he take you in his family? Do you spend time with HIS family? How old are you 2? How old are both of you? 2
katiegrl Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 We just get along great, he makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel very special with his words and cuddles and he is a genuinely lovely person inside etc, it's just the lack of doing things like spontaneous days out and things that i wish he would do Tell HIM this. All of it .... just what you said here.^^ NOT in an accusatory way.... but let him know in a RL, that's what two people do.... it's called communicating and sharing feelings. Tell him it would mean a lot to you if you could go out once in awhile and do fun stuff, instead of just staying home. Again, don't accuse him of NOT doing it.... don't shame him. Just let him know it would mean a lot to you... and then ask him what YOU could do for him too, that you're not doing. That would make HIM happy or happier. This will never work unless you can both learn how to COMMUNICATE with each other and share thoughts and feelings. 2
VeveCakes Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 We just get along great, he makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel very special with his words and cuddles and he is a genuinely lovely person inside etc, it's just the lack of doing things like spontaneous days out and things that i wish he would do What exactly do you do together then??
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 What exactly do you do together then?? Just watch TV and chill out mostly 1
VeveCakes Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Sounds like you are friends with benefits and not boyfriend girlfriend. 2
Gaeta Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Does he go to family gathering with you? Does he spend time with your family? Holidays, etc? Does he enjoy your family? Does he like your family? Does he take you in his family? Do you spend time with HIS family? How old are you 2? How old are both of you? Can you answer the questions in bold please
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Sounds like you are friends with benefits and not boyfriend girlfriend. How can I describe to him how boyfriend and girlfriend should act?
Author Amy77 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Does he go to family gathering with you? Does he spend time with your family? Holidays, etc? Does he enjoy your family? Does he like your family? Does he take you in his family? Do you spend time with HIS family? How old are you 2? How old are both of you? I am 20 and he is 22, I have met his family and he has met mine, I like his family and he likes mine
Recommended Posts