suddenly boy crazy and don't know how to proceed

[ajaxlemon]

I'm a late bloomer, was never particularly interested in guys. I had crushes, but they were more on specific people I knew for a while than on guys in general. Never had a boyfriend, didn't really date, etc., was pretty content with being single.

 

Over the past few years I've gotten more interested in the idea of dating, and in the past year I've met guys who are possibly interested in me. So many, in fact, I didn't even know I was that desirable. I'm 30 now, and my face can't pass for 18 anymore. In terms of weight, I've steadily gotten fatter and am officially overweight. But these guys are looking, flirting, asking me for my number, and some of them are cute enough that I've imagined having sex with them.

 

One problem: For the first time in my life, I worry about being seen as a slut and the consequences that come with it. In theory it shouldn't matter what people think, but in practice words get around, and I worry I'll develop a reputation as a plaything who'll have sex anytime anyplace with anyone, when in reality I have my own preferences and will want a long-term relationship with the right person.

 

How does dating around work anyway? How do I express interest to a guy without implying that I want him to be my boyfriend? How do I not come across as as treating guys as playthings, because I honestly won't have sex with someone unless I respect them as a person?

[anika99]

I'm a late bloomer, was never particularly interested in guys. I had crushes, but they were more on specific people I knew for a while than on guys in general. Never had a boyfriend, didn't really date, etc., was pretty content with being single.

 

Over the past few years I've gotten more interested in the idea of dating, and in the past year I've met guys who are possibly interested in me. So many, in fact, I didn't even know I was that desirable. I'm 30 now, and my face can't pass for 18 anymore. In terms of weight, I've steadily gotten fatter and am officially overweight. But these guys are looking, flirting, asking me for my number, and some of them are cute enough that I've imagined having sex with them.

 

One problem: For the first time in my life, I worry about being seen as a slut and the consequences that come with it. In theory it shouldn't matter what people think, but in practice words get around, and I worry I'll develop a reputation as a plaything who'll have sex anytime anyplace with anyone, when in reality I have my own preferences and will want a long-term relationship with the right person.

 

How does dating around work anyway? How do I express interest to a guy without implying that I want him to be my boyfriend? How do I not come across as as treating guys as playthings, because I honestly won't have sex with someone unless I respect them as a person?

 

 

What is it that you are looking for? No strings attached sex or a relationship. If you are looking for casual sex and you don't want to be judged for it then just don't hook up with anyone who is part of your circle. Go on the dating sites and find your FWB's there. Keep that part of your life private and nobody will judge you.

 

 

If on the other hand you are looking for a long term serious relationship you may want to refrain from having sex with every Tom, Dick, and Harry because you will get hurt. Many men will act like you are the most desirable woman in the world until they get into your pants and then they are done with you. You will want to weed those guys out and really get to know the person before you let yourself become attached through sexual intimacy.

[preraph]

You're operating on teenage rules. You're 30. You don't have to worry about your reputation anymore and no one would think you're a slut no matter what you do short of cheating on someone you have a commitment with. Please, it's time. Go explore. Have fun. Who cares what anyone thinks?

[Dark Horse]

Maybe your 30s will be like your 20s.

 

When most people are dating and hooking up and experimenting around in their 20s, you'll be doing it in your 30s.

 

 

 

I'd say go for it, find out what you like and don't like. 30s is still young relatively so it isn't too late to start dating and having sex.

Edited June 24, 2016 by Dark Horse

[JustGettingBy]

You can date around as long as you aren't "official" with someone, according to most people.

[basil67]

I think you could be over estimating how much people will comment if you do date a few guys. As preraph said, this is the stuff of insecure teens. And even then, teens don't say this stuff if they've been raised right.

 

I also echo Anika99's question: What is it you're looking for? Is it casual sex or do you perhaps want a boyfriend?

[ajaxlemon]

I think you could be over estimating how much people will comment if you do date a few guys. As preraph said, this is the stuff of insecure teens. And even then, teens don't say this stuff if they've been raised right.

 

I don't want to date a few guys, I want to have sex with dozens of guys.

 

And btw, not only was the comparison to "insecure teens" unnecessary and condescending, but it only goes to show how out of touch you are with the mindset of young people today. And here I thought people who've been raised right don't talk at all unless they can say something nice.

[ajaxlemon]

Maybe your 30s will be like your 20s.

 

When most people are dating and hooking up and experimenting around in their 20s, you'll be doing it in your 30s.

 

I'd say go for it, find out what you like and don't like. 30s is still young relatively so it isn't too late to start dating and having sex.

 

I'd say this is the most helpful reply in this thread, I'm still not sure how to agree to sex without someone without their assuming I want to be in a relationship with them though. People are always saying about how guys only want sex, etc., but the impression I have is that most of the guys who seem interested in me are looking for a girlfriend. There's even a couple who seem seriously in like with me and I feel bad because I don't feel that I was talking to them any differently than I talked to any other person.

[basil67]

I don't want to date a few guys, I want to have sex with dozens of guys.

 

And btw, not only was the comparison to "insecure teens" unnecessary and condescending, but it only goes to show how out of touch you are with the mindset of young people today. And here I thought people who've been raised right don't talk at all unless they can say something nice.

 

I didn't intend to offend you.

 

I am in touch with teens. I have a delightful teen daughter and her friends are lovely too. They are polite and respectful and stay out of trouble. They respect each other's life choices. However, it would be erroneous to say that ALL teens are the same. Some are great but there are some others who can be really mean to others and disrespectful to adults. And this meanness is generally associated with insecurity.

 

Anyway, if you want to sleep with lots of guys, go for it. Be safe. And if anyone says anything about you, then chalk it up to their insecurities and judgmental attitudes. Be bigger than them.

[DJOkawari]

And btw, not only was the comparison to "insecure teens" unnecessary and condescending, but it only goes to show how out of touch you are with the mindset of young people today. And here I thought people who've been raised right don't talk at all unless they can say something nice.

 

I'm a considerable amount younger than you and I agree with basil67...if they care about you being a "slut" they aren't very mature. It wasn't awfully nice of you to respond to her like this, either, wouldn't you say?

 

As far as the rest of your concerns go: tell people what you want and be honest. If you're concerned about people wanting to be too serious with you, the line I use is: "I'm only looking for something casual right now"

 

I tell people early and I tell them whenever it seems to be in question. That's how I sleep with a clear conscience.

 

As for:

How do I not come across as as treating guys as playthings, because I honestly won't have sex with someone unless I respect them as a person?

 

Come across to whom? The guys in question? If you respect a person and would like to have sex with them, you could express that fact. Otherwise, dont! In fact your whole narrative makes sense. Tell them you're a late bloomer who wants some experience. It is just so reasonable to be you. There is no reason to make any plans.