Zapbasket Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 So basically I was talking with my friend who said that he's going to help me cold approach women on the street. How successful is it? He says that there's about a 50% chance you can get her number and if you get her number there's a 50% chance she will respond and a 50% chance you will get a date with her. He also says that women appreciate it when they are approached. What do you think? Is cold approaching women on the street and talking to them and eventually asking for their number a good idea? It's only a good idea if the whole encounter feels natural and spontaneous, which is hard to *make* happen, since the fact of "making" it happen directly contradicts the spontaneity. I can totally tell when a guy is just after my number. It's not really about ME at all, or anything even externally about me except that maybe I'm pretty, or friendly and open, or both. I've bought into the flattery of such encounters and given my number, only to have the person never call. Which suggests that it was a game to the guy, to see if he could get my number. Once he has it, his game is "won." Because getting a number and actually then having the courage to call, set up a date, go through with the date, etc. is a whole other ballgame and THERE lies the biggest chance of rejection. It seems pretty contrived, to be honest. Talk to people--men and women--when there's opportunity and they seem like they might be interesting to talk to, or there's something interesting or humorous to say about a moment you're sharing--for instance, both of you smiling at a toddler in the check-out line who is dancing or saying or singing something funny. When you put so much thought into simple encounters, or make it all about you and whether or not you will be rejected, it can be annoying because such motivations are really transparent. If you try this experiment, be easy about it. Don't have any expectations, and don't view any part of the interaction as a "rejection." Sometimes people are just busy, and need to get X thing at the store quickly because they're on their way to an important meeting, or a trip, or are just tired and want to get in and out with no hassle so they can go home and chill. It's not about you, really, at all, in the end. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 I had a female friend tell me that a lot of women aren't keen on the public approach because they KNOW for a fact that the reason you approached was due to ONLY the physical. Nothing more. I'm like "no ****, Sherlock" lol. That's how it works" but apparently, they just see it as superficial that you were checkin' out their bod, butt, whatever, and then approached based on that alone.
normal person Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 He says that there's about a 50% chance you can get her number and if you get her number there's a 50% chance she will respond and a 50% chance you will get a date with her. By that logic, if you only ask a small handful of women, one of them will eventually agree to go out with you, just because those numbers don't lie and aren't totally contrived. Your friend is a obviously genius and I can't fathom why, with such amazingly successful results cold approaching, he for some reason doesn't have a girlfriend and needs to keep cold approaching. Sounds like a recipe for success. But it's the only way if I want a girlfriend or a *** buddy. You really think every relationship starts with a guy approaching a stranger on the street and secretly hoping she'll sleep with him without any strings attached? Talking to women is friggin hard! If you make yourself out to seem like a desperate con artist, then yeah, I imagine it might be quite hard. Yes, but if he's cute enough, he's probably not cold approaching women on the street... Good post. Any guy who has to approach women like this and perform some shtick to try and dupe them into dating is just broadcasting the fact that he's failed at every other method and probably isn't worth a woman's time to begin with. if a strange Man approaches me on the street i would feel offended and makes him seem desperate .... doesn't matter good looking or not ... complete No Go for me ... Yup. It seems pretty contrived, to be honest. Talk to people--men and women--when there's opportunity and they seem like they might be interesting to talk to, or there's something interesting or humorous to say about a moment you're sharing--for instance, both of you smiling at a toddler in the check-out line who is dancing or saying or singing something funny. Yup. Circumstantial encounters are way more conducive to actually connecting with someone than this gimmicky garbage. OP, I don't see why you feel you have to do this. You're going to make yourself look like some pathetic con artist who advertises his inability to appeal to a woman in any normal way. What's your opposition to just meeting someone organically?
Author Dark Horse Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 I just want a girlfriend or have some success with women. I honestly doubt the first girl I ever date or have sex with will be my wife anyways or even a long term partner. I think now is the time to just put my foot in the water and find out what I like and don't like. If it turns into something that will last a long time, then great! And at 21 years old and still a virgin, i'm at a late start. I want to have experience with women because I never had that growing up. I definitely do not want to be 25 years old and still have zero experience with women.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Where and how have you tried meeting women before, OP? I ask because you say you haven't had success so I am curious which avenues you've already explored. We might be able to give you some better suggestions if you paint a bigger picture of your experiences thus far. Also, I would venture to guess you're not very secure in yourself. Your posts indicate you are very anxious and fearful, which often stems from insecurity. This usually comes across in social interactions with women, which can be off-putting or awkward. How do you feel about yourself, in general? Confidence is always an attractive quality.
joseb Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Personally I let the woman to approach me first or show me signs of high attraction, if I like her then I'll take lead in flirting with her. In public places this is rare; with the exception of walking down on Chapel st. (Melbourne) on a Saturday night where women are very keen to harass you; but it's common in parties that I go to, gatherings with friends, art galleries that I frequent etc. Such places are way better to meet someone and have a proper discussion, flirt, have fun. Hahaha - I was thinking what is he on about, wait for women to approach? Never happens. But yeah I remember the last time I was on Chapel street walking along I did get approached. Maybe I should try hanging out in the NGV and see what happens?!
joseb Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 There is a lot of negativity on this thread from women directed towards guys for just trying to talk to them. I'd love for these people to walk in our shoes for a while and see what it's like to try to build up the mental fortitude to go up to a stranger, especially in a public place with people looking, and try to talk to them knowing full well your chances of them liking you or being available are low. And this idea that it's somehow shallow, because it means that the guy is only into them for their looks? Well, every guy on the planet is only interested in you for your looks initially. Not that that is the most important thing, or what makes him want to date you, but 100% it is what will make him interested in the first place. Pretending it is otherwise is silly. OP, cold approaches are hard, but if you think you can handle a lot of rejection (those 50% numbers are wildly optimistic) then I say go for it. One thing I'll say is don't go in just hoping to "get a number". Go in to see if she seems nice, and you can have a genuine conversation. If during that you two seem to have a bit of a connection, then you can ask for her number. But don't make that the prime reason for approaching. Numbers without a connection are pretty useless anyway. 3
katiegrl Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 There is a lot of negativity on this thread from women directed towards guys for just trying to talk to them. . Guess you missed my post (no. 2) huh.... Please don't generalize, you know better than that joseb.
katiegrl Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 One thing I'll say is don't go in just hoping to "get a number". Go in to see if she seems nice, and you can have a genuine conversation. If during that you two seem to have a bit of a connection, then you can ask for her number. But don't make that the prime reason for approaching. Numbers without a connection are pretty useless anyway. Now I KNOW you definitely missed my post. That is precisely what I said. Try to not make it sound like you are intentionally trying to pick her up.... Be casual, spontaneous. 1
ChocolateRain Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) There is a lot of negativity on this thread from women directed towards guys for just trying to talk to them. I'd love for these people to walk in our shoes for a while and see what it's like to try to build up the mental fortitude to go up to a stranger, especially in a public place with people looking, and try to talk to them knowing full well your chances of them liking you or being available are low. i totally agree with this statement and i do acknowledge that men have it harder in approaching women and having to deal with rejection . i can only speak for myself and where i grew up in and the time i grew up in . Back then it was bad if a woman was approached on the street and if she would give her phone Nr. out to a stranger , she would have been considered a whore . These days that may have changed but then we face the issue of brutal attacks against women . So normally and rightfully so , when a girl /woman gets approached on the street she should be careful in dealing with strangers . People do all kind of crazy things these days ... we all teach our children to be cautious of strangers so we need to follow our own advice So ,is it difficult for genuine men in approaching women ??? Yes of course ... i , myself could never imagine to approach a guy first so i can give credit to many men here ... it may depend on how a man approach a woman ... when a man comes on to me and tells me he likes the junk in my trunk or he makes remarks like that, he may run the risk of me putting my Foot up his trunk . imho men need to learn again how to be sweet with women ... be unique !!! Edited June 24, 2016 by ChocolateRain correction 1
Jabron1 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 The best piece of advice that I can give you, based on the responses, is to ignore the haters - especially the male haters, some of which are trying to c*ckblock you because of jealousy. I'm not going to tell you anything else. Go out with your friend, and have fun. Update here when you do, because I want to hear it.
Jabron1 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 if you're good looking and smooth it's possible. average looking without game and you'll be laughed at or at least rejected. I'm going to change your quote. Because I feel like it right now. "If you're good looking and smooth it's a piece of p*ss. Average loooking and with game you'll have more success than most men dream of. 1
Shanex Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 Hahaha - I was thinking what is he on about, wait for women to approach? Never happens. It does happen, very rarely I'll concede, but some women are able to approach men. In certain context and obviously won't outright ask for your number but will subtedly show interest. Entirely agree with your second posts in this page by the way, even though I'm personally almost incapable of the PUA cold approach, tried and failed, it's a landmine.
Hermus Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 You see...I think this is why dating has become a problem these days as women tend to fault guys for approaching them. They find them more of a nuisance than a friendly face. The attitude of, "Yeah, I saw it comin' a mile away, he asked me to coffee" To be honest, you really can't fault a guy for doing this, but...sadly, women do, and judge men as "creepy" for doing it. Gone are the days how our parents did it. My dad cold approached my mom on the beach, and the rest was history. lol. Now, it seems the internet is more desirable for women as some have come to use it as a social crutch dating-wise and find cold approaches annoying. No offense, but when women, esp. in their 30s and 40s get asked "How come you're still single?" Well, this is one of those examples...she passed up or found a guy for at least making an attempt. I definitely don't agree with you on this one. The male staff member was totally in his right to offer his help with the suitcase if he wanted to try to make a connection. However, she declined and he ignored that. Afterwards he demanded for her to go on a coffee with him for helping her out, while she didn't want his help in the first place. The guy should have been able to offer his help, but respectfully let it go after she rejected it. He has no claim to her. I just want a girlfriend or have some success with women. I honestly doubt the first girl I ever date or have sex with will be my wife anyways or even a long term partner. I think now is the time to just put my foot in the water and find out what I like and don't like. If it turns into something that will last a long time, then great! And at 21 years old and still a virgin, i'm at a late start. I want to have experience with women because I never had that growing up. I definitely do not want to be 25 years old and still have zero experience with women. Well, I have good news for you. I was 21 when I had sex for the first time. After I broke up with that girl I wasn't really sexually active for 8 years, besides kissing and occasionally giving some handjobs to women. Emotionally I wasn't ready, since I had a lot of issues. Being invited over by a girl I met through the internet and having casual sex really reignited things. During the past half year I have slept with three girls, one of whom is now an ex and another one is my current girlfriend. With the ex and my current girlfriend I've been having sex in ways most guys can only dream of. Same goes for some other guys I know who became sexually active relatively late. The point I'm making is that you really shouldn't bother about the age you become sexually active. You can have a late start and still enjoy a great sex life later on. In fact because you have a little longer to fantasize about the things you could do, it might make it all the better. I bet that a lot of the jocks in high school who were having sex early never get past the point of the boring missionary position. In fact my current girlfriend became sexually active quite early, slept with quite some men and I'm actually the first guy that got her into some more experimental fun stuff. Just take it easy and don't push it too much. Your time will come. Taking it easy doesn't mean you shouldn't learn how to approach. However, remember it's about the fun. Just try to enjoy approaching girls and do it in a way you feel comfortable with. Approaching in the street can be one way, but remember that not every girl is open to it. The tips that have been given about eye contact etc. seem to be quite important. Also if you do always take care that you physically keep the exit option open. Don't block her path, since that might really creep her out. If she removes herself from the situation, don't walk or call after her. In general try to be as non-threatening as possible. What I am wondering about is why you even want to learn to cold approach in the street. There are other places you could go. For example a bar, a store etc. Seems easier to me than the street and even then it can be quite hard in the beginning.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 A lot of times it can seem the only way of meeting them
Haydn Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 I have always been hit on by women. (Not always but usually) I don`t ascribe this to me being utterly gorgeous. I miss signs. Always have. I used to look at a girl in pub, put on my best smile, etc... She smiled back and i saunter back to my mates.... Wave a few times but generally have no clue. 11 am. We meet at the bar once more. She buys me a drink. We exchange numbers, a peck on the cheek... and she is off. 2 minutes later i call her... Mind you, i have not been out on the pull for close to 3 years now, so maybe it is all different these days.
HillValley Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 Hahaha - I was thinking what is he on about, wait for women to approach? Never happens. But yeah I remember the last time I was on Chapel street walking along I did get approached. Maybe I should try hanging out in the NGV and see what happens?! These days that may have changed but then we face the issue of brutal attacks against women . So normally and rightfully so , when a girl /woman gets approached on the street she should be careful in dealing with strangers . imho men need to learn again how to be sweet with women ... be unique !!! This is something I've wondered about. I think that's the crux of the problem why women approaching men is rare. Most women will have some guys sniffing around or could put out signals for approach easily, so in a situation where she takes charge enough to risk the danger comes across as desperate to some guys. At least if she's looking for a relationship and not just sex. It's like what kind of dude's are you attracting that you would put yourself at risk like this?
joseb Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 (edited) Guess you missed my post (no. 2) huh.... Please don't generalize, you know better than that joseb. I still think there is a lot. Didn't mean all posts were like that. But that was the gist - your post was early and I kind of forgot it after all the resulting responses. Apologies if I offended! And I probably should have said from people, not women. Edited June 25, 2016 by joseb 1
Sunlight72 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 So basically I was talking with my friend who said that he's going to help me cold approach women on the street. How successful is it? He says that there's about a 50% chance you can get her number and if you get her number there's a 50% chance she will respond and a 50% chance you will get a date with her. He also says that women appreciate it when they are approached. What do you think? Is cold approaching women on the street and talking to them and eventually asking for their number a good idea? So here's your problem already. You're thinking, and planning, and imagining scenarios, and calculating your odds. Part of what works is to practice without putting much dreaming into it ahead of time. I learned this myself through practice. I thought there was some formula, some magic words a woman needs to hear. Not true. Being charming does not come from studied research. Just be causal, playful, respectful, fun. Take it lightly - you're meeting someone new, that's all.
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