shanniaiysha Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 im so scared of being alone, since ive been 14 i have alway been in relashionships, im 23 now and i was with my recent bf for 5 months but it just wouldnt work, before that i was with someone for 6 months that didnt work out, funny story that.. we moved out together and one night i stayed at my mums and i got a message of him saying he dont want to be with me anymore, and i found out he wanted his ex to move in with him into our flat i went back to get my belongings and half my underwear was missing and a few pairs of shoes and bags obv his ex took them oh and a love poster... lol. but he left me because i put my family first thats the reason then he tried begging for me back so i blocked his number and he ended up changing his number just so he could get hold of me! so i blocked that number to.... just waiting for him to change his number again, the one before that lasted a few months i think this one was messaging other girls while i was asleep.. the one before that was 4 years and he was awful he punched me 7 times in the head, he cheated on me, he chatted up underaged girls, he trod on my head, he got a knife up to much, he would take my things so i wouldnt leave him, he would smash my phone, he would ignore me for months then come back like nothing happend, he would try get on my friends, he would say if i ever lefy him and get pregnant by someone else he would stab me in the belly, he pushed me down metal steps, he was some jeremy kyle sort of **** !!! mind u i would never go on there... the one before that was about 3 years he was on drugs he smashed my face off a brick wall, he punched me to. you woule think with what ive been though i wouldnt want a boyfriend but i do. i love the feeling of having someone there, i havent got any friends as i got bullied at school to, the last day i was in school this girl wacked my head of a brick wall and dragged me down steps and kicked my stomach... ive been bullied most my life and it hasnt made me stronger it makes me depressed, ive had panic attacks since i was 14, ive had depresssion since then to maybe even before that. i just need advice on things, oh i do work i work in a cafe doing all sorts. please someone help !!! :lmao::lmao:
Marine1991 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 This pain that I am feeling is so incredibly intense that it’s actually quite beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alive, except of course for 1996. I think it’s safe to say that life reaches its peak when we are close to feeling the eternal. I don’t question things like before. I’ve reached a place where I have made my choices and I know now that the mystery is not a mystery at all, rather a coming of age to understand that we are meant to suffer. Within this element we find our reasons. Mine is that I was born to love something that I will never touch, and within that suffering I have learned to express to the world my humanity. And maybe the world can pick through my words for something that resonates with them, something that pushes them forward with the idea that they are not alone. I’m quite humbled to admit that I had been so consumed with the idea of being different that I found myself acting all too human. I wanted to find some sense of divinity. I wanted to exalt myself for her to see. I think I exhausted each possibility for why she extended her hand to me. I was so hopeful for a while that maybe she could accept what I have become. But it is starting to show that someone suggested stringing me along until I gave up and let go was a good path to take, since ignoring my efforts has just led me into an endless loop. It’s not her fault. She trusted the experts. But I feel confident that the so called experts never came up against my love before. All that haunts me is not the idea that I may never see her again, but the why. How does she see me? Am I just too incredibly emotional, or is it something even more sobering?
ChocolateRain Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 im so scared of being alone, since ive been 14 i have alway been in relashionships, im 23 now and i was with my recent bf for 5 months but it just wouldnt work, before that i was with someone for 6 months that didnt work out, funny story that.. we moved out together and one night i stayed at my mums and i got a message of him saying he dont want to be with me anymore, and i found out he wanted his ex to move in with him into our flat i went back to get my belongings and half my underwear was missing and a few pairs of shoes and bags obv his ex took them oh and a love poster... lol. but he left me because i put my family first thats the reason then he tried begging for me back so i blocked his number and he ended up changing his number just so he could get hold of me! so i blocked that number to.... just waiting for him to change his number again, the one before that lasted a few months i think this one was messaging other girls while i was asleep.. the one before that was 4 years and he was awful he punched me 7 times in the head, he cheated on me, he chatted up underaged girls, he trod on my head, he got a knife up to much, he would take my things so i wouldnt leave him, he would smash my phone, he would ignore me for months then come back like nothing happend, he would try get on my friends, he would say if i ever lefy him and get pregnant by someone else he would stab me in the belly, he pushed me down metal steps, he was some jeremy kyle sort of **** !!! mind u i would never go on there... the one before that was about 3 years he was on drugs he smashed my face off a brick wall, he punched me to. you woule think with what ive been though i wouldnt want a boyfriend but i do. i love the feeling of having someone there, i havent got any friends as i got bullied at school to, the last day i was in school this girl wacked my head of a brick wall and dragged me down steps and kicked my stomach... ive been bullied most my life and it hasnt made me stronger it makes me depressed, ive had panic attacks since i was 14, ive had depresssion since then to maybe even before that. i just need advice on things, oh i do work i work in a cafe doing all sorts. please someone help !!! :lmao::lmao: i am very sorry to hear about your past ... you need healing ...FiRST !!!!! You went through a whole lot in your young life ... are you able to do some kind of Therapy ?
Mr Scorpio Posted June 26, 2016 Posted June 26, 2016 1. Ask yourself what it is about being alone that scares you. 2. Please kindly consider breaking your posts into paragraphs. You're more likely to get responses.
SixxChick Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Please kindly consider breaking your posts into paragraphs. You're more likely to get responses. No offense. But, yes. It was hard to get through.
DevotedBaker54 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 I'm so sorry you've had so many bad relationships in the past. It must be scary thinking of being alone when you've always had relationships. It is hard not having someone around all the time. But you need someone who COMPLIMENTS you, not COMPLETES you. You need to be a whole person on your own. We use guys like mirrors to see if we're valuable, but you need to see yourself as valuable. I hope you can spend some time alone and really work on loving yourself Take all that love your boyfriend doesn't want and give it to yourself!!
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