Jamesdean91 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 First sorry if this is the wrong section.. Okay I posted a few months back about what I should do to fix my relationship yadda yadda.. Well she left and has been gone for a few months. Enough for me to see what I was doing wrong in the relationship and work on me. In doing that the ex instantly hooked up with another guy. Yes it hurt and she knows it. We have been slowly talking about working on things and still loving eachother but it has got to a point that I no longer know what I should do. I know what I feel and what I think will be best for myself and my son but her emotions and thinking is completely different. We have a very bumpy 8 year relationship also. So our lease is up soon she's 23 and moved back to her parents. They guy she's seeing is 19 and also lives with his parents. She has talked to me about loving me but doesn't know if she can get those feelings back and that the 19yr old makes her happy now. I've been trying to play the child card and truly wanting to work on things because I do love her and want our son so be raised in a stable home. She has told me she wants to sign the lease with me again so I have somewhere stable to live and I can see my son easier. However I feel like she's making me plan B for when or if this new relationship fails. Is there any advice on what would be the right things to say or do? I've asked her to just tell me bye if she doesn't want to work on things and she won't. I've done the NC as best as I can with a child involved and she always ends up bringing stuff up. She's worried I can't or won't change and that if she does come back the feelings won't ever come back. I feel she is wrong but there is nothing I can say to show her I mean well this time. And I can't show her with actions without her being with me. Sorry for the run on I'm just typing from what's on my mind. Any help is appreciated..
Poutrew Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 First off, whatever your shortcomings, they did not make her want to f*ck another man. She did that because she wanted to. It was a decision she made knowing full well the consequences. I'd say go with your gut on this one... she has already told you that her boy toy makes her happy. She isn't going to change her side of the equation. If you are already thinking that she is keeping you around as a safety valve in case her lover dumps her, then you are probably right. Her other justifications are, in that case, to alleviate her own guilt, and to make herself look good. Even though you posted this, I think you already know what you need to do. Good luck...
runup Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Listen, you are still caught up on her in the sense that you rely on her for your own happiness. You said you want her to say "bye" in order for you to move on. You NEED TO MOVE ON. I know I know, that's the last thing you want to hear, I am in the same position right now; I don't want to move on, but I know it is best. Your ex will respect you more for it and if at the end of the day she comes back to you, you can decide whether or not she is worthy of a chance. Logic can be a killer sometimes, and sometimes going with your gut is the best thing to do. The only way you will be happy is if you are happy with yourself. Once you are happy with yourself you will realize what you truly want, but you're not at that stage yet, and that's okay. What I would suggest is that you take time to yourself. Don't necessarily go full NC. If she texts or calls you, respond. Take a day or several hours at least to respond; you need to have a busy life focusing on yourself. Don't admit to your feelings anymore, give short responses...example: She texts you saying "hey, how are you? I really miss you" You could reply saying... "I miss you too, I want things to work out" or anything along those lines...However, what would be best is if you say something like..."Thank you for letting me know, I'm doing well! Best of wishes" It shows you are moving on and accepting the situation for what it is. She's feeding you uncommitted phrases that keep you in the loop. Take them for that they are and move on. If things are meant to work out, they will but for now work on yourself and don't fall for things in a love triangle, you'll only get hurt.
Recommended Posts