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Posted

Last week, I was visiting my mom when i passed by the house where my ex once lived in. I just started palpitating and shaking. I thought i was having a nervous breakdown.

We shared a lot of memories in that house.

 

And just today on my ride home, the bus played some of her favorite songs.

 

i feel really awful now.

 

I dont think i have improved a bit after 2 years. Im not really sure i'll get over her. I dont know how to respond whenever these 'triggers' occur.

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Posted

Hey man. It really sucks when you start driving around the places you used to go together and all those memories come through your head. But let me tell you this: it gets a lot better the more you do it. It's really all about desensitizing yourself to these stimulus.

Emotional triggers are nothing more than things that keep "touching" these yet-to-heal wounds. But just as any other wound, eventually you stop feeling pain. Of course, the normal and medical recommendation is: stop f'ing scratching it or it will never heal. But the more you do, it become callous and it only leaves a scar, and eventually your forget about it.

 

Do it. The more you can, the faster you'll stop feeling. Just don't feed the memories of you together. Make it sort of a shock treatment.

Posted
Last week, I was visiting my mom when i passed by the house where my ex once lived in. I just started palpitating and shaking. I thought i was having a nervous breakdown.

We shared a lot of memories in that house.

 

And just today on my ride home, the bus played some of her favorite songs.

 

i feel really awful now.

 

I dont think i have improved a bit after 2 years. Im not really sure i'll get over her. I dont know how to respond whenever these 'triggers' occur.

 

It's okay. That's normal. I experience the same emotions and it has been over 2 years for me too.

 

I'm not really sure if I'll ever get over her either, but it's not getting over that you need. She will always be with you, you'll never forget her. But, you somehow have to accept and let go of the past so that you can move on with your life.

 

You are the most important person, try to let her go for yourself. You deserve it. Because you're a bada$$.

 

You don't respond to these triggers, you just accept that they are a part of you and cry em out. Then you keep on keeping on.

 

You got this, I'm here with you and so are many others on this forum.

Posted

Fight through them. Believe me, eventually they become nothing more than songs or buildings and you feel okay around them. I got a new job directly opposite my ex's home... talk about being kicked whilst still down. Nothing I could do about it (did consider explosives) and used to spend days just staring at this building. It did fade eventually and now it means nothing, just the past. You'll get there, but you got to suck it up when these things happen.

Posted

That sort of stuff is one big reason why I moved. After a close friend died in my hometown, I couldn't stand the sight of those familiar places. After my divorce when I lived in another state, I moved 500 miles away so I'd never have to see the place where we lived or talk to our mutual acquaintances again. I put away all the past photos and objects related to those losses, although I'll never get rid of them.

 

I've tried for years now to forget the hurts, but some things still catch me by surprise and bring the memories back. :(

Posted

It all passes. Grieve, do your crying, feel sad, let it out even if its been 2 years. It will all go away. Trust me. They will only be memories.

 

Two nights ago I had a dream about my ex. The first time it happened, I was devastated. It took me right back to square one. This time? Not a flying F was given. Nada. last night I went to my brothers apartment. I saw the gift my ex gave to him and his wife for there engagement party. Me personally I would throw it in the garbage but they still have it. I said to myself, oh look at this ****. I started laughing. I picked it up and not one tear. Nothing.

 

I said to myself, she was fake. so whatever she did was fake. Thus, I don't care. Let it out and you will heal. Time

Posted
That sort of stuff is one big reason why I moved. After a close friend died in my hometown, I couldn't stand the sight of those familiar places. After my divorce when I lived in another state, I moved 500 miles away so I'd never have to see the place where we lived or talk to our mutual acquaintances again. I put away all the past photos and objects related to those losses, although I'll never get rid of them.

 

I've tried for years now to forget the hurts, but some things still catch me by surprise and bring the memories back. :(

 

 

I am actually the same. I moved around a lot when growing up (army kid) so it's not that hard for me to pick up my bags and take off when I feel I have to.

 

I broke up with my last ex and moved to a different country!! Not only does it make it easier cause I know I never have to run into them, but it also distracts me (the logistics of moving and everything that relates to change).

 

I don't think this approach is for everyone, but for me it works really well. Maybe one day I'll find enough strength and courage to NOT want to move for a break up, but I just really enjoying moving around anyway so it doesn't worry me :)

Posted

Cognitive Behavioral techniques may help with that. Write down the things that trigger you and add to it as they come. Then next to them write down a new unrelated thought you can have when those triggers come up. As soon as you're triggered switch to your go-to new thought.

 

It's training your brain to make new associations which in turn alters the emotional response. It takes dedication and time but it can help if you stick to it.

Posted

Same situation for me.

 

I feel there is no solution.

 

Its either on or off. Sometimes you feel better, sometimes you feel down.

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