chatter Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 My X and I have been broken up for five months. The relationship for the last three years has been very one sided and now that we are broken up hes changing. We broke up because he decided to choose me over his family. Just to clarify his family forced the choice not me and he choose me. He quits his job and moves back with me and after not having much luck finding a job he starts to lose faith. He tries to leave by lying to me saying that he wants to go back home to take care of his sick grandfather and I saw right through it and made him tell why he wanted to leave. His old boss kept calling him offering his job back and with bills due he took the option to go back it had nothing to do with his grandfather. Now him going back to his home state wouldn't be an issue if his family hadn't completely lost their damn mind. When I say these people are crazy I can assure you this is not a case of the girlfriend doctoring the story to make his family look bad. No they are toxic emotional abusers who have used my X as a their own personal punching while manipulating him and using his emotions against him. He left his family in tears as his 6'5 brother cornered me against a wall pretending like he was going to punch me in the face calling me a whore while their father had my X in a choke hold. Someone called the cops and then it was all smiles as I'm begging the cops to stay but their non nonchalant attitudes didn't warrant them to stay until we left. What caused their fit of rage? I posted a picture of a gopher tortoise to my facebook and his dad demanded that I take it down because it might attract game wardens and have them kicked off their property. Yea did I mention they were crazy? The pic I took wasn't on their property and it was all to get his son to try and control me. Because apparently I should bow down to them because they're men. I feel guilty that he lost his family because of me. I know they're bad people but it still hearts my heart because my X is so sensitive and despite the absolute **** his family put me through and him lying and moving back home with a friend I still care. I feel like I'm settling though because the relationship has been very one sided he now wants me to move there but I see it as just another sacrifice for him and I'm sick of being the one to sacrifice my feelings. The beginning of the relationship was purely physical and I feel like he took advantage of that so now I have resentment and refuse to let him touch or kiss me and it makes me angry even thinking about any kind of physical intimacy with him plus to be honest the sex sucks. I picked a rebound and was with him for five months and during that time my X never stopped being there he even went as far as to go behind my back and pay my rent which I think he did just to get attention from me because I would always call him and demand that he stop. Hes good friends with the landlord so they don't care that I don't want him to pay my rent bc hes still on the lease. He would send me flowers and other gifts and eventually the guy I was rebounding with left because who would stick around with their X clinging on like that?? Time has since past but the wounds haven't healed but my heart has grown softer to him and now I feel like I'm just settling but its hard for me to ignore how much hes changing. He refuses to have any contact with his family, he sees a therapist, hes going to be promoted at work- but oh did I mention that his dad runs the business he works in? Granted at least a hundred people work there but after the way they treated me and him his entire life to me it makes sense that you would have more pride then to go back and work under your dad granted my X has a boss that's not him but his dad runs the show. I'm not interested in other men but maybe I just feel like no one is going to care about me like this again and I'm just going to settle for someone even lower on the totem pole? How much is to much to forgive?? If we ever married and had kids I refuse to let his family be involved which he agrees but its sucks to think I would have to protect my kids from these people while my husband doesn't have enough of a back bone to tell his family off until they reach epic crazy levels. This is a circus and for some reason I still want to stay in the ring with him am I just being stupid?
smudge21 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Ex's always change over time, but often it's because they want back what they lost... doesn't mean they've changed for good. I reckon you've put up with much more than most would for the sake of love. You have to sit back and pretend that your story was someone elses - what advice would you be giving them. When we're in love, our hearts and minds are all over the place and we do the most stupid things, even when we can clearly see how stupid they are before we do them. This notion that you won't feel love or be loved again is rubbish and that is the voice of someone who is simply afraid of change. I won't tell you exactly what you should do, as I think you need to come to that decision on your own. I do understand how difficult it is though. 2
kztar Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Ex's always change over time, but often it's because they want back what they lost... doesn't mean they've changed for good. I reckon you've put up with much more than most would for the sake of love. You have to sit back and pretend that your story was someone elses - what advice would you be giving them. When we're in love, our hearts and minds are all over the place and we do the most stupid things, even when we can clearly see how stupid they are before we do them. This notion that you won't feel love or be loved again is rubbish and that is the voice of someone who is simply afraid of change. I won't tell you exactly what you should do, as I think you need to come to that decision on your own. I do understand how difficult it is though. I think that this is one of the best ways to say it. Look at it from this point of view....What would you tell your daughter if she was in your shoes?. What type of advice would you give her?
Author chatter Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 Well my mother threatened to put a restraining order on his family and call the brothers college coach, so I guess that's enough about that. I don't want him to pay for the sins of his family but I don't want to live with their dark cloud over my life I hate them so much. I have put up with so much but I'm so confused I can't sort out my own truth from excuses and can't seem to let go hes my bestfriend. I guess I just need a pep talk about letting go it just destroys me when he comes to the apartment crying and begging and saying I'm all he has left but he refuses to accept that I'm moving on. All I ever want to do is protect him from the pain but that's unavoidable. In these three years he had a choice to do what was right because I did everything for him and his family. Enough is enough, I just don't want to accept another failed relationship but the damage cannot be repaired so its broken and needs to go.
angel.eyes Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Why do you want to be part of all this drama? You broke up. It was over. Let it go already.
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