WillowAlbero Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years after meeting a guy with whom I had an instant connection and attraction, things I realized I didn't have in my relationship. He knew before we broke up that I was friends with this guy (and I never cheated, but also never told him that this guy was the reason I realized our relationship was over). He asked if I had cheated on him or planned to date this guy which I both said no to, because I never imagined I would really end up dating this guy. But within 2 weeks of the break up he and I were exclusive and now I have no idea how to tell my ex, who I am trying to be friends with, that I have started seeing this guy without hurting him (he did not want the relationship to end.) any advice on how to spare his feelings? I have him on facebook and everything so eventually I'm sure he'll see whether I tell him or not and I would imagine its better to explain that it happened after us, at least albeit quickly after. 1
central Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 If you still see your ex and are friendly, then sure, explain things. Otherwise, who cares? 1
Satu Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 There's no way you can tell him about that without him being hurt. The kindest thing would be to forget about being friends. That only makes it harder for him. If he was on here asking how to get over the breakup, I'd tell him to go no contact with you. You're trying to be kind, but you're unintentionally being cruel. Take care. 5
LD1990 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Spare his feelings by dropping the "let's be friends" idea and going NC with your ex. No good can come from trying to stay friends with him, it's just going to make it more difficult for him to move on, hurt him when he finds out you're dating this new guy, and possibly strain your new relationship. It'd be wise not to rush into anything with this new guy given that you just went through a breakup after a long-term relationship. Your ex may find out anyway, but there's no need for you to bring it up. You already dumped him, cut ties with him so you two can both go your separate ways. 4
whatnot Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 The kindest thing would be to forget about being friends.. 100% There's no pretty ending here. 2
Blanco Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Don't be friends. You mean well, but it's selfish given the circumstances. By trying to "be friends," you're asking him to watch his very recent ex-girlfriend build a new relationship with the person who was essentially the reason for the old relationship ending. 3
kgcolonel Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 The kindest thing you could do is to tell him that you want to go NC to allow both of you to move on. You feel that it is best for both to allow the potential for misunderstandings and hurt to tarnish the great memories you have. Ask him to know that no matter what, you have always been honest and truthful with him and truly want the best for him. Leave it at that and say good bye. 3
angel.eyes Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Be honest. Being friends is simply assuaging your guilt that you hurt your boyfriend by breaking up with him. Unfortunately, he probably sees this whole "friends" nonsense as a stepping stone back to resuming your relationship. There's nothing more cruel than letting a hurting someone sit hopefully in limbo when you know they have zero chance. Cut the cord, and tell him you can't be friends. Only then will he start the process of accepting the breakup as definitive. Then he can start to move on and recover. 4
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