Really attracted to this older man..

[LTran]

I just joined a fitness class at a local college for the summer and lately I've been crushing on one of the coaches. Im signed up for the morning class but sometimes I come in later in the day, which was when I first him (so he's not actually my instructor).

 

I'm in my mid 20's and he looks like he's in his late 40's or early 50's. I've never been attracted to older men but he's one of the rare, good looking ones. At first I didn't really care for him, just noticed that he's really good looking for his age. Then come the times where I'd have trouble with my workouts (I'm new to strength training) and he'd help me out and that's when I start noticing him more. There are at least 2 times when my friend caught him checking me out as I walk past him. Sometimes Im working out in that fitness center before he comes in, and I noticed that when he does comes in, he stares at me as he's walking towards another coach behind me.

 

I'm starting to develop an unhealthy crush on him and I'm not sure what to do. I'm afraid that it's just all in my head and that he's not actually checking me out. Even if he is, how would I approach this when he's at least 20 years older than I am? Is there any way to know for sure if he's interested without outright asking him or flirting with him?

[sf_loft]

He's interested, but not sure if he should pursue because he knows the age difference.

 

I'm 41 and dated a 21 year old for 8 months, not because I was looking for younger girls, but it just kinda happened. Met her at a restaurant where she and her friend were seated at my communal table. My friend started the conversation and found out that she is an exchange student. Knowing she was really young, I talked to her just for conversation with no intention of pursuing. My friend was the one who actually pushed me to get her # because she seemed really interested. Exchanged numbers and later that night she was the one who texted me that she had a great time chatting. We kept texting for about a week and met up for lunch. I had no expectations and thought that we wouldn't have much in common due to our age difference. To my surprise, we had a connection, found each other attractive, and conversations were never awkward. We went out for about 5 times over 1.5 months before we actually had sex.

 

Initially I was concerned that she was into me just to have a sugar daddy while she's in school, but found out that her parents are really wealthy. She paid for some of our dates and was very down to earth. Despite our compatibility we knew that in the long run, it wouldn't work out. She had done the math in her head about our age difference and thought about our future scenario. I was ready to start a family and wanted to settle, but I didn't want to take away anyone's 20's. I had a heart to heart conversation with her on how she needs to experience life in her 20's before thinking about marriage and kids. Since that conversation, we simply enjoyed each others company and lived in the moment.

 

We were both sad when she finished school and had to go back to her home country but we knew that this day would come. It was a good 8 months, but now it has ruined me when dating someone closer to my age. Intellectually I am happier but physically I wished I was dating a 21year old.

[Buddhist]

I'm in my mid 20's and he looks like he's in his late 40's or early 50's.

 

I'm starting to develop an unhealthy crush on him and I'm not sure what to do. Even if he is, how would I approach this when he's at least 20 years older than I am? Is there any way to know for sure if he's interested without outright asking him or flirting with him?

 

Why is it an unhealthy crush? And not a crush? You're not a teenager, you're a grown adult who can make choices like that if you wish. You approach it the same way you approach it if he was your age. There are no changes because of an age difference. What's wrong with flirting with him? That's the way it's done....no?

 

For God sakes girl, get your bitch on! Purposefully have some trouble with your strength exercises when he's around. You know he'll come running....

[scooby-philly]

It's cliche - but I've seen it - age is just a #. Is it a "sign post" to use - of course. But I've dated women close to 40 who are less responsible, less mature, and less caring than women I've dated who are singe mom's at 22.

 

Listen - that sort of age difference - I don't know how it plays out long-term. But you don't have to skip the potential of the short-term fun if you feel attracted.

 

I mean, for god's sake if you're not dating anyone right now why not? He could be the nicest guy you've met. He could be wealthy. He could be the most awesome sex partner you've had to date - but you won't know if you get hung up on the age thing.

[smackie9]

scooby I just have to say "he could be wealthy" is offensive.