Why do women keep backing out of dates?

June 23, 2016

This quote is significantly important. Should be able to put this in neon letter and be at the top of every single thread where guys wonder why OLD is so difficult and in most cases a massive scam.
I believe a significant number of women who have profiles online are NOT actually looking for someone. It is nothing more than a live interactive participatory video/computer game.

Many women get addicted to the attention which results in online attention whoring. Women thrive on attention and getting it online is quite enough for some flakey women. Of course, they have no intention of actually meeting you because once they get their attention fix online, they can happily move on to the next guy should their always fragile egos need another pick-me-up. She will still be logging in, maybe even changing her profile and in many cases she’s married or in a serious relationship.

You are SO right, not saying ALL are like this...but...I believe it's catching on, trending rather.

I know this one woman I saw on a dating site, she actually used her first name as her screen name. It sounded familiar, then a light bulb went off in my head as she was friend with a few of my friends on Facebook.

She must have over a 1,000 friends.

ALL her pictures in her dating profile were selfies, go to FB. EVERY single one of her pictures were selfies...she had low-cut blouses on, so she had this ear-to-ear smile with her cleavage the size of the San Andreas Fault. lol

She probably takes a picture EVERY day, like on her way to work or wherever...and she captions, "Have a good morning everybody, heading to work!"

With that, she probably gets up to 20 inane comments from men, telling her how beautiful she is. And, believe it or not, women, too...which I think they feed off each other when it comes to stroked ego.

You know how some female friends compliment each other on how they look. Some kind of affirmation there.

It's unending on her FB page. So it bleeds from the OLD to Facebook. It's never ending. A beast that cannot be fed.

A perpetual ego stroking machine. Why meet a man face-to-face, when there's thousands stroking her ego as she sits home on a Saturday night?

June 23, 2016

I know this one woman I saw on a dating site, she actually used her first name as her screen name. It sounded familiar, then a light bulb went off in my head as she was friend with a few of my friends on Facebook.

She must have over a 1,000 friends.

Huge red flag BTW...

It's unending on her FB page. So it bleeds from the OLD to Facebook. It's never ending. A beast that cannot be fed.
A perpetual ego stroking machine.

Absolutely! You can absolutely tell where a women is in her life by her Facebook posts.

I have 67 friends ALL consist of only close friends and family. Most of my old friends who are women are either divorced or single.

There is a pattern, when things in their lives are “stressful” or some sort of negative event, you see “Christian” references, poems, various quotes

followed by selfies… lots of selfies.

When things are cool they are not on as much. When posting selfies will ask some sort of question or make some statement prompting a response by followers or maybe they got a new dress or shoes and will post a pic asking “how do I look” or something inane and will subsequently get lots of “likes.”

OLD sites are as you said the same thing, but just seeking validation from strangers.

Remember several years ago there was this trend on You Tube, young girls posting video asking strangers to rate them. That is screaming serious lack of self-esteem.

This validation behavior is insidious and exactly what screws well-meaning guys over. I’m not saying all women are like this and not implying that the women I met were like this but this is just today’s technological reality.

Goes back to what someone said, if you are doing to do OLD, DON'T EVER EXPECT ANYTHING. Like when I play the lottery, I never actually entertain the notion of winning the freaking thing

Edited June 23, 2016 by Larryville
quotes

June 23, 2016

A lot of women will give you her number agree to the date, but when the day actually comes it's like

"Damn, do I really wanna get dressed up and go out with this guy who I barely know?

Nah I'm good"

June 23, 2016

Texting isn't the goal. Meeting is the end goal. These girls are going up to that point, but backing out.

Of course, texting isn't the point. Quite frankly, neither is a first date which seems to be your end goal. I'm looking for a relationship. But you can learn enough to realize that you aren't compatible with someone at any point in process. Or he may make you uncomfortable enough that you would be foolish to actually go on a date with the guy. Must a woman go out with Ted Bundy just because they exchanged texts? Does she really need to learn he walks his grandmother's puppy, makes a great barbecue, and is handy with blunt objects, if it's clear the guy is a nut job or otherwise just not what she wants in a partner?

Right now, you're being no different than the guy who's upset after a first date that the person didn't really get to "know" all of him...It takes X number of dates to see his funny side, etc. Perhaps. But the date learned enough to know that there was no future there. Are you advocating that people string you along and waste your time after it becomes clear they would never in a million years be interested in dating you?

I gave you a list of four common ways most guys shoot themselves in the foot at the stage where you're losing EVERYONE. Up to you whether you give it any thought.

You can sit and complain about how everyone flakes on you. Then what? Or you can take a hard look at how you may be contributing to the outcomes you uniformly experience. Your choice!

June 23, 2016

Maybe that's why the percent of couples who met online is so low statistically. No one's actually dating, they're just chatting and flaking. It sounds so negative, but I feel like that's what's happening.

The official number are 25% of couples have met online.

Online dating is a science. You have to act fast. You chat 1 or 2 times, you establish an interest then you set up a date. Boom done! no chatting for days, no emailing, no texting. You meet.

I have met over 200 men over 3,5 years of online and I have never cancelled or stood up someone. I was determined, I had a goal and it was to 'meet' therefore it showed in my speech and my actions. I was quick to give my number and quick to meet.

ANY woman that wants to chat before meeting you say no thanks and move to next. You're in the business of meeting, not chatting.

June 23, 2016

I often scoff at Grass Is Greener Syndrome, but THIS is the true example of it happening. 'Oh, that person looks good.....oh wait! What about this one.....hang on, a new one just messaged, I should try that'.

I guess it comes down to having too much choice.

I guess be happy this happens that early, and doesn't happen months in. Last girl I dated, everything was going great for over a month, we seriously had a great time all the time...even went out of town together one weekend. Out of the blue one day, she said "no thanks, sorry to disappoint you" and was gone...She is now dating someone else, until the next one comes along I guess.

June 23, 2016

Of course, texting isn't the point. Quite frankly, neither is a first date which seems to be your end goal. I'm looking for a relationship. But you can learn enough to realize that you aren't compatible with someone at any point in process. Or he may make you uncomfortable enough that you would be foolish to actually go on a date with the guy. Must a woman go out with Ted Bundy just because they exchanged texts? Does she really need to learn he walks his grandmother's puppy, makes a great barbecue, and is handy with blunt objects, if it's clear the guy is a nut job or otherwise just not what she wants in a partner?

What makes you think I'm coming across as a nut job? My texts are pretty vanilla.

Right now, you're being no different than the guy who's upset after a first date that the person didn't really get to "know" all of him...It takes X number of dates to see his funny side, etc. Perhaps. But the date learned enough to know that there was no future there. Are you advocating that people string you along and waste your time after it becomes clear they would never in a million years be interested in dating you?

I wouldn't say I favor forcing someone to date me if she isn't interested, but I do value consistency and I try to be that. If I'm not interested in woman, I don't agree to a date with her. When I agree to a date, I don't break it, no show with no with no explanation, ghost or change my mind like my 2 year old niece who can't decide what flavor snow cone she wants. I don't see what's controversial about that. I've actually got another date set up for tonight at a specific place and time, and I don't yet see any indication that's this one's going to no-show. So, the flaking doesn't happen with every girl I communicate with online, but certainly the majority.

Edited June 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quotes

June 23, 2016

Getting a number is far from a guarantee of a date. It simply means the person is open to learning more about you to determine IF there's any potential for compatibility there. It's no different than going on a first date, then learning enough to know that you aren't compatible with the person. When that's the case, there's no point continuing. That's the whole purpose of talking to people and dating--finding someone who is compatible and a good fit.

!00% agree with this.

Between initial OLD mails and then moving to text & phone calls are significant for me in becoming aware that this guy is not someone I would not want to date and therefore - no point in meeting them.

So far for me I have only ever backed out of first meets if I already know it won't go anywhere - simply from texts and or calls.

Why waste his or my time? It wouldn't be fair to the guy.

Edited June 23, 2016 by GemmaUK

June 28, 2016

Usually I suggest just meeting for a drink, something low pressure to see how we interact. Other ideas were bowling, or laser tag, or a stroll at the museum. Hard to see a correlation between my date ideas and the no shows, because a lot of times I'll actually ask the girl what she prefers to do. I'll say something like, "How about we meet for drinks at the bar? If you prefer something else, I'm open to suggestions."

Thanks for answering.

Your ideas seem standard and even fun. There doesn't seem to be anything that would turn a person off.

I get a lot of "come over and we'll watch netflix and chill or watch a movie" as second date suggestions - and those turn me off (because they are so transparent and lazy). But you are actually making an effort to get to know these girls in a fun context and you leave it up to them to choose something if what you're suggesting isn't their cuppa tea. So it's not your date suggestion that are the issue - these flaky girls are just lame.

Hope you find a good one in the midst of all the crap.

June 28, 2016

I've done some experimenting because I was in the EXACT same boat as you before with the whole online dating thing.

First of all, if a woman is average/above average, she has a TON of options on and off the site. She could easily be on there just for an ego boost or to "see what she can get"...actually, a lot of people fall in that category in general.

Anyways, before, I was like you...I would talk to a girl for a week or two, get her phone number then chat her up until the date. Bad idea. Most of the time, the girl would flake. I was completely dumbfounded until I finally said to myself "f&% this" and displayed less effort since it was naturally burning me out. All of a sudden, zero flaked on me...10/10 girls.

Here's what you do. Small talk with a girl you meet online 5-10 messages back and forth MAX then straight up ask her to hang out the following week. Most likely she will supply her phone number-DO NOT TEXT her and if you do, text her very little until the date. Display to her that you have a life basically and don't act over eager to talk...if I did text a girl, I'd spend less than 5 min a day texting her. Set a date, and tell her "see you then"....they wont flake, trust me.

Realize, if she is even remotely attractive, she has 100 horny guys texting her 24/7, chasing her, trying to get in her pants...so you need to act indifferent-it will let her know you have options, and you aren't putting her on a pedal stool like the rest of the guys..she will think you're different.

Good luck man, don't give up. hope this makes sense I had a few beers but this is the best advice I can give...at least try it on one girl...you wont be disappointed...lol

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