Have I made a mistake? I love him

[Lovesfool92]

So a brief overview, I online dated and found Mr perfect. We talked on the phone and texted for weeks and it felt like I'd known him my whole life. We met and it was exactly how we imagined. It was perfect.. We dated several times and then we were in a relationship (he instigated). We used to talk every lunch time and on his commute home from work and text all day long (as and when we could between work) and it felt like he was so into me.

 

And then one day it stopped. He said his parents are going through a divorce and he's struggling to cope with everything that's going on in his life at the moment and doesn't want me to get caught in the crossfire and her hurt because he's not attentive or his mood is off. He told me he's crazy about me that he was truely falling in love with me and then we broke up. I was heart broken and left it a few days and then chased him I texted him and said meet me and let's talk, so we did and he said he'd made a mistake to throw it away and that I just had to be patient with him as his feelings are locked off at the moment as he's dealing with his life and that he'd try too to ensure I never feel like that so he'll try harder to talk to me about his feelings.

 

We met last Saturday and had an amazing day together, and when he's with

Me everything is perfect.

 

Since then we've hardly spoken, he's distant and cold and when I try I hardly get anything back. I text first all the time. Sometimes I wake up and wonder if I'm even going to hear from my boyfriend that day at all. I understand he's having a tough time and I'm trying really hard to be patient but I feel so sad all the time

 

In the beginning it felt like we were so close and in sync. I could tell when something was bothering him and vice versa because we communicated all day. And now, now I get a couple texts a day asking how I am and if I'm lucky a 5 minute phone call. He says he's crazy about me every time but why don't I feel what he's saying anymore? Before I could feel his love surround me, I could hear sincerity in his voice and see it in his eyes and now.. I don't feel anything from him and it breaks my heart.

 

I've tried talking to him about it several times and he gets annoyed saying 'this again, I said be patient' or something along those lines.

 

It was my birthday last Sunday and texted me at midnight and then I heard nothing from him all day. On Monday I told him how I felt about not being contacted all day and he apologised and realised in hindsight but I said I'm unhappy and I deserve more and he agreed so I said its over. He said he loved me but understand and said this was what he was trying to protect me from all along.

 

Some days he's great and I gave the guy I fell in love with and others I don't even know who I'm talking to. He means more to me than anyone I've ever loved before I just don't know who he is sometimes or where the man I do love is.

I'm so tired of waiting around for him, but I want him so much I can't let him go. I hope he'll come round and I guess I'm just waiting but how long do I wait? I can't just completely delete him from my life, I love him. But he makes me unhappy. What do you think of it all?

Edited June 22, 2016 by Lovesfool92

[kendahke]

What do you think of it all?

 

Bad timing.

 

I think you need to let this go--the sooner the better. Some things just don't work out and this appears to be one of them.

 

He's not in a head space to be who you need. He's told you as much. Why won't you believe him?

 

The proof isn't in a sporadic day here and there--the proof is in the day-in, day-out over the course of months.

 

His folks are divorcing, so his head and focus are wrapped around that.

[stillafool]

Usually when people are going through something traumatic they want and need their loved one by their side for support. The fact that he's pushing you away is strange.

[joeLove]

Keep your options open and be prepared to move on. This is simply too odd.

[Dis]

I'm sorry hun...sounds like you're in alot of pain

 

I really think you need to let him go

 

You're desperately trying to hold onto something that wasnt meant to be yours

 

I've heard, letting go is harder than holding on

 

I've found this to be true

 

For your own well being I think you need to start the process

 

He had shown you and told you he's not in the right place for a relationship

 

You need to believe him

 

I know it hurts now hun but pls believe that it will stop hurting with time...you'll move on to find someone who is more than willing to give you everything you give them

 

Keep your chin up hun

[Buddhist]

So a brief overview, I online dated and found Mr perfect. We talked on the phone and texted for weeks and it felt like I'd known him my whole life. We met and it was exactly how we imagined. It was perfect.. We dated several times and then we were in a relationship (he instigated). We used to talk every lunch time and on his commute home from work and text all day long (as and when we could between work) and it felt like he was so into me.

 

Okay here's a life lesson for you Mr Perfect does not exist. If you are dating him then you aren't dating the real guy pretending to be Mr Perfect. Men are as easily addicted to love as women. They get off on courting a woman and then quickly lose interest. They are typically Mr Perfect, because Mr Perfect is a game they play to quickly get a woman interested in them, and they typically get bored of her too.

 

And then one day it stopped.

 

Yes that happens. They either get bored or they are being someone else's Mr Perfect.

 

He told me he's crazy about me that he was truely falling in love with me and then we broke up.

 

Guys who are cray about you and falling in love with you don't then break up with you in the same sentence. Nor even the same year typically. Mr Perfect knows the love language of women, he knows what makes their eye's resemble that of a deer and in all honesty they probably don't really mean to hurt you either. But he has to get rid of you and this is his nice way of doing it. He wants you to now bugger off with fond memories and wistful nostalgia remembering him as Mr Perfect.

 

We met last Saturday and had an amazing day together. Since then we've hardly spoken, he's distant and cold and when I try I hardly get anything back.

 

Well why not have one last roll in the hay? Since you're offering but now he's pissed off because you're not getting the message and playing the game he wants you to play. Which is tearfully wave him off and never contact him again. So he has to become who he really is. Mr Douche.

 

He says he's crazy about me every time but why don't I feel what he's saying anymore? Before I could feel his love surround me, I could hear sincerity in his voice and see it in his eyes and now.. I don't feel anything from him and it breaks my heart.

 

That's because before his actions matched what he was saying. But now he just doesn't care about playing that game with you. He'll keep telling you what you want to hear while treating you with disregard until you get it, that you need to give up on him and leave.

 

I just don't know who he is sometimes or where the man I do love is.

I'm so tired of waiting around for him, but I want him so much I can't let him go.

 

The man you started dating is an act. You can hang around all you like but I'll bet money you will never see him again. I'll also bet money he's dating someone else by this stage.

[RoseHeart]

I'll never get people's logic who go distant and use a situation in their life as a excuse to suddenly go on a break with someone. Like do they not think that in life when they are married someday they'll also endure obstacles? Or when they are in a long term relationship? Since when do traumatic circumstances stop so a relationship can continue and never be endured again. That logic to me is flawed. And in my opinion is a huge red flag. If you truly like and love someone; then you'll actually want them there in your life even during the hard times. When I'm struggling the first person I want is my boyfriend; even if we just talk. The fact that he was very willing to push you aside and let you go tells me his heart wasn't in it 100%. You did the right thing for sure.

[Yookie]

Buddhist, I agree with everything you said except for the part where she will never see him again. He may Circle back around when he gets bored for a guarantee romp, then he will ghost again.

[elaine567]

If you truly like and love someone; then you'll actually want them there in your life even during the hard times. When I'm struggling the first person I want is my boyfriend; even if we just talk.

 

⇧⇧⇧ Correct.

[Gaeta]

His parents are divorcing, they're not dying. Yes it's difficult but it's not like those tragic life events that completely cuts you in half like someone died.

 

He does not want to date you anymore.

 

It's over.

 

Block him.

 

And before you come back saying but he loved you so much, and etc etc. Feelings changes. It sucks but they do. He is not in love with you anymore.

[Lovesfool92]

Buddhist, I agree with everything you said except for the part where she will never see him again. He may Circle back around when he gets bored for a guarantee romp, then he will ghost again.

 

We've never had sex

[Lovesfool92]

I'll never get people's logic who go distant and use a situation in their life as a excuse to suddenly go on a break with someone. Like do they not think that in life when they are married someday they'll also endure obstacles? Or when they are in a long term relationship? Since when do traumatic circumstances stop so a relationship can continue and never be endured again. That logic to me is flawed. And in my opinion is a huge red flag. If you truly like and love someone; then you'll actually want them there in your life even during the hard times. When I'm struggling the first person I want is my boyfriend; even if we just talk. The fact that he was very willing to push you aside and let you go tells me his heart wasn't in it 100%. You did the right thing for sure.

 

Yes I am definetly nodding along to that I do that same. I guess it's just

Time to move on. I haven't texted him since.

[Gaeta]

How long did you date? from the first day you met

[Satu]

'Perfect' never lasts.

 

 

Take care.

[Lovesfool92]

How long did you date? from the first day you met

 

It's been 3 months since we first met

[Lovesfool92]

'Perfect' never lasts.

 

 

Take care.

 

 

Lessons learnt.

[MrBump]

Sounds like hot/cold commitment issues and the three month mark is when this behaviour typically shows up in my experience. I'll echo other comments and say that the divorce thing is just an excuse. Nobody gives up a 'perfect' relationship because their parents are getting divorced.

[CarrieT]

I online dated and found Mr perfect.

With everything else he has done - and not done - he is far from "Mr. Perfect."

 

When you stop idolizing him as such, you will see that no one is perfect. You had rose-coloured glasses on when you met him and because you wanted Prince Charming, you started to mold him into that and were ultimately disappointed when he was anything but.

 

In this case, the honeymoon wore off very quickly and looks as though he isn't the right guy for you.

[Lovesfool92]

Sounds like hot/cold commitment issues and the three month mark is when this behaviour typically shows up in my experience. I'll echo other comments and say that the divorce thing is just an excuse. Nobody gives up a 'perfect' relationship because their parents are getting divorced.

 

Just to dwell into that deeper. His parents are getting a divorce but he's finding it hard to deal with as his mother has been taking it all particularly bad. She's severely depressed and getting help but very fragile and he's concerned for her everyday and her being. He's very much a mothers boy and I feel the distress has caused him to find it difficult I deal with his emotions.

[Lovesfool92]

With everything else he has done - and not done - he is far from "Mr. Perfect."

 

When you stop idolizing him as such, you will see that no one is perfect. You had rose-coloured glasses on when you met him and because you wanted Prince Charming, you started to mold him into that and were ultimately disappointed when he was anything but.

 

In this case, the honeymoon wore off very quickly and looks as though he isn't the right guy for you.

 

When I say mr perfect I mean he seemed like everything I wanted at the time.

[Gaeta]

Just to dwell into that deeper. His parents are getting a divorce but he's finding it hard to deal with as his mother has been taking it all particularly bad. She's severely depressed and getting help but very fragile and he's concerned for her everyday and her being. He's very much a mothers boy and I feel the distress has caused him to find it difficult I deal with his emotions.

 

He stays home with her? he keeps her company each night?

 

Is he still browsing online, present on FB and other media?

[Lovesfool92]

He stays home with her? he keeps her company each night?

 

Is he still browsing online, present on FB and other media?

 

Yes he lives with her and takes her out a lot and often used to get annoyed with his siblings would let her down and not take her out.

 

He has not logged into online dating.

 

He also doesn't use his whatsapp much in the day as he's working which is what he normally uses to text. But hell not log in for hours at a time. He doesn't use Facebook or Twitter x

[Gaeta]

Yes he lives with her and takes her out a lot and often used to get annoyed with his siblings would let her down and not take her out.

 

He has not logged into online dating.

 

He also doesn't use his whatsapp much in the day as he's working which is what he normally uses to text. But hell not log in for hours at a time. He doesn't use Facebook or Twitter x

 

Why does he have a dating profile if you are in a relationship?

[Lovesfool92]

Why does he have a dating profile if you are in a relationship?

 

So do I to be fair it's just not active I can just see him and he said his isn't active and he hadn't logged in either.

[Gaeta]

In most cases when people are faced with a life tragedy they seek the presence and comfort of those they love, they don't run away from them.

 

I also think your boyfriend is slowly fading away from you. I don't believe this is related to his parents divorce.

 

You posted the same question on June 10th, we are now 23rd and nothing is changing.

 

He is not the one making decision on your relationship, you make the decision. If you are not happy with what your relationship has become then you make the decision to end it.