It's officially over

[Hopefulstill]

Just ended what I believe was the greatest relationship I ever had the chance of being a part of. I'm a never married and childless 25 y.o male, I have a great job and dreams she's 41 y.o divorced 3 kids and works constantly at the kids school. A little background to the situation is she was a neighbor for years and years of which I had always fantasized about then close to four years ago she ended up in a bad situation involving her ex marriage. Ended up she was always leaving for concerns of her safety and so on (of which I knew about threw my mom who is her close friend). I kept my distance and never let on anything occasionally seeing her from time to time in passing. Almost three years ago my sister got married and it just so happened that she was at my table for the dinner during the wedding (coincidentally this same venue was where she once got married over ten years prior) we spoke mainly small talk but I did have an interest in her as she looked stunning and I knew that she had filed for divorce so I didn't hold back and flirted with her not thinking anything would come from it... Days pass by and my mother calls me to ask if I had spoke to her, I tell her yes and she informs me that she had called her to let her know that she felt bad for enjoying our conversation and wanted to get forgiveness or approval from my mom. Although my mom may have been sworn to secrecy I did hear about this and started messaging her that day. Met with little resistance we decided we woul meet. It wasn't long until we were hanging out and sharing each others company, mainly hiking and I would help her around the house as she was in separation and had a house to maintain and improve... Things progress over a year and eventually we are extremely close having sex regularly, dreaming of a future, the works. I have a few concerns involving her past and start to seek advice from others. As time had gone on I had found out that before she had children with her ex they were both very successful and had quite literally explored the world together from. Quite literally, from antiqua to Fiji to Australia to New Zealand and all of Europe, it started to hurt being with her, I was jealous of her past and the experiences I have always dreamt of doing with my future significant other, I started to measure up the what ifs and how could I do better than they had but can't seem to get past that. On top of all of this she had known before we got serious that I have a huge desire for a child, of which she said she would be willing to give me, however after having just become an uncle and realizing that everyone I know that has 1 always wants another I let her know I would probably want to have two... She was heartbroken, so was I. I didn't know what to do but I knew I couldn't let on that all of these weren't affecting me so I let her know everything and told her I couldn't stay with her and just asked for her to forgive me... She did, I asked to stay the night and she didn't want me to but let me anyway, I told her I loved her which I truly believe I do I just can't deny myself to the point where I'm buying something that's constantly resurfacing on the inside. I just left her house this morning... I am broken and hurt I don't know what to do except for work and work remains to be the only thing that keeps my kind off things. Any feed back will help. Advice would also be nice. Thanks

[DKT3]

I had a relationship very similar in the sense that I had been married with kids. After my divorce I was with a much younger woman who was just entering that stage of life. I knew it wasn't what I wanted so I backed away.

 

Even if there is a ton of love and compassion two people heading in different directions is almost impossible to maintain. In time resentment would turn to anger then to hatred. Ending it now was the best thing you two could have done.

 

It's best to avoid contact with her, it will be difficult because there is no ill will or anger between you two.

[bummer]

You're thread explains why this failed and why this will never work. You're jealous your 41 yr old infatuation already had a life. Do yourself the favor and grieve the relationship, be thankful, and start your own life to share with someone new and closer to your generation.

[LD1990]

Wake up and smell the coffee, ending this relationship was the smartest thing you could've done. Don't waste your 20s helping a woman in her 40s raise her three kids. You know why it bothered you so much that she had already had all these great adventures? Because that's all stuff you wouldn't have with her, things you'd never get to do if you kept playing house. You two had fun, but trust me, there are plenty of women out there much more compatible with you.