Bigmess2 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Pretty much a year ago i started talking to a man I worked with. He's 2 years younger than me. We kept things hush hush to keep things professional. In the beginning he told me he wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time but then we started hanging out every week, having sex regularly, hung out with each other's friends, went on 2 vacations together, very relationship-like things but not. When month 8 came he ghosted me. We had a great day and then just like that he was gone. A month after that he contacted me telling me he was so sorry he took me for granted, I was the best thing he could've ever wished for, that he thinks I'm the one and doesn't know why he's running... Weeks passed and he was gone again (mind you we still had to run into each other at work) so then again he'd come back, apologize for his behavior and, like an idiot, I'd take him back. As time passed it turned more into just sex and small talk and less hanging out. For the passed 2 months we've had sex every week but then he would just not talk to me. Tonight i called him out on it and asked why. He told me that he doesn't want this to be a relationship. That he finds me beautiful and that I have all these great qualities and the sex is great but he feels no spark. I told him I knew a year ago he didn't want a relationship but that when things became more serious and he told me I was the one that I held onto that and thought he changed his mind. He said he doesn't know why he doesn't feel a spark like he has with other people and that he feels bad stringing me along but part of him wanted to hold onto me and that he may kick himself for doing this eventually but right now he doesn't feel it. I told him that if I don't feel a spark with someone that I wouldn't be able to continue something with them for a week, let alone a whole year. He told me that's why he's been so confused because usually if he doesn't feel that spark he just would get rid of them and it's been so confusing. Then at the end of the convo he goes... So does this mean we can't have sex anymore?.... I'm just in such complete heartache. Our whatever you want to call it that's been happening for over this passed year is officially over. I saw so much potential in him. I wish that I wouldn't have let him come back all those times. I've fallen for someone who has not fallen for me... And to top it off I was excessed from my job this week due to budget cuts. It's been a really hard week.
VeveCakes Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like he was keeping you around for sex. He did say at the beginning he didn't want a relationship, and unfortunately we have a tendency to ignore people's words when they tell us who they really are. It's not easy losing a job either, but it will help you move on and start the healing process, making nc easier. Try to spend some time with friends and family, get out and get active. It helps. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Sorry you're having such a bad time right now, OP. Essentially, you were his FWB. Yes, he came back and said he thought you were the one but his actions proved otherwise. It will hurt for a while but you will be okay in the end. Keep No Contact, apart from any professional requirements.
smudge21 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I never know who's truly in the wrong when this happens - the person who says they don't want a relationship but then do everything that a relationship entails; or the other on the receiving end who wants a relationship and believes if they continue then it will happen. I've been on both sides and it ends badly both ways (well, it does if you care about the other person). Not an easy situation you got into and there's no quick fix to get out of it. Only recently I fell badly for someone who was never truly into me, yet I lived a lie believing/hoping it would become something more. Took a long time to get over that, even though it was never a true relationship. All I can say is total no contact and remove any reminders of him. I know I felt annoyed with myself over that period for the amount of times I still kept running back, but sadly when we love someone, we all do things that seem crazy on the outside.
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