Iceshowers Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. At the beginning, it was hard adjusting and accepting alot of things I wasn't ok with, which has been worked out since then (for the good, not saying I gave in. Things have changed from when we started) He is a great boyfriend and I have no complaints (that I can't fix with him) so far. I love him dearly and he honestly goes over and beyond to make me happy. The only thing that my mind starts over thinking, is that in the long run and if he's the one, I want to get married. He gave a disgust feeling of marriage, because he doesn't ever want to get divorced, and divorce is at an all time high and he just wants to avoid it all together since more people get divorced than stay married. And he has said if he ever does get married, it will just be one time and that's it. We both never had previous marriages. On one of his old (about less than a year ago) email to someone, I read him saying that he won't ever get married. So since then, I've had this uneasy feeling because I don't want to stay in a relationship that won't have marriage in the future. So I asked him that if we aren't in the same page in the long run (and I told him exactly.. that I wanted marriage and atleast one more child, as we have one each already), that we should reconsider being together because we won't be happy when the time comes. He did say that marriage isn't crossed out on his end, but he wants to be 100% sure as he doesn't want to get divorced, it's a fear of his in a way. I had confronted him about this maybe 2 months ago. (I just had been in a 5 yr relationship that was going nowhere.. no marriage or talks of. So it's why I don't want to stay in another relationship like that, and not grow in the relationship). But, about 2 weeks ago, we were laying down and talking about something else, and after a pause, he asks my ring size. I told him that I wasn't really sure, it's been a while since I gotten a ring. Then he says he wants us to get sized "incase" he wants to buy me a ring. He jokingly mentioned marriage and tried to play it off with coughs. I did not bring any more light nor joked about it with him, just casually said sure, as I didn't want to discourage him or scare him. I want to say that in no way are we ready for marriage.. but wanted to ask if/when a guy, who originally didn't want marriage, talks about ring and possible marriage, is this a good sign? I just don't want to waste my time. And I know you can't speak for him, but just want people's personal advice whether you or your partner was like this. I just read stories (here and elsewhere) of a partner saying yes they want marriage, just to quiet down the other partner, but never really wanting it when it's brought up years later.
bummer Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. At the beginning, it was hard adjusting and accepting alot of things I wasn't ok with, which has been worked out since then (for the good, not saying I gave in. Things have changed from when we started) He is a great boyfriend and I have no complaints (that I can't fix with him) so far. This smells fishy. I would pump the brakes for both of you if I were in your shoes. Try dating a few more months without so much future ambition and be patient. I guess I feel relationships should be more natural in their progression and any undue pressure is likely to strain what "may" be a healthy relationship. That said, your words on fixing things sounds a touch controlling?
Author Iceshowers Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) This smells fishy. I would pump the brakes for both of you if I were in your shoes. Try dating a few more months without so much future ambition and be patient. I guess I feel relationships should be more natural in their progression and any undue pressure is likely to strain what "may" be a healthy relationship. That said, your words on fixing things sounds a touch controlling? Not sure how that would sound controlling when I said "with him". As any other relationship, we would butt heads on some things that we don't agree on, and we talk about it and go back to normal. So it's what I meant by fixing it. Maybe it wasn't the best choice of words, but no control here. And as I mentioned in my first post, we aren't ready for marriage. We aren't actually planning any future together. We had mentioned during some talks about what we want, and I mentioned to him that I do want marriage and don't want to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't want it. We aren't planning kids, moving in together, not because we don't want it, but because we both know we are still getting to know each other. But also, the point in dating someone and getting to know them is to make sure they are a FUTURE candidate and someone you want to be with, so talks about the future is something that needs to be mentioned. Edited June 22, 2016 by Iceshowers
gorf Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Here are the facts as you stated: we aren't ready for marriage. We aren't actually planning any future together. I do want marriage We aren't planning kids, moving in together I read him saying that he won't ever get married but he wants to be 100% sure as he doesn't want to get divorced, we were laying down and talking about something else, and after a pause, he asks my ring size. He jokingly mentioned marriage Ok, so at this point.. there is no planning for marrage. He said, to you or another, doesnt matter, that he does not want to get married. You know you are not ready for marrage. Hes joking about it, but not planning in any way or really interested. Honestly, sounds more like he wants a fwb or just sex. Just based on what Im reading here, but Im only going by what you have written and not knowing the guy personally
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