yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Hello, this is my first post here and would like to seek some opinions on how to court this girl im interested in. Heres a summary of the current situation: Last week, I went on a field trip and got to know this particular girl from my group. She displayed much resilience, initiative and care for her peers which made me really admire her a lot throughout this trip. In addition, I also found out that we shared some common interests in certain cultures and activities. So in the end, even till now, I feel I have a crush on her and may even like her. As a person who's not so smart and slow in love and such things, how should i proceed from here? I know I should probably start messaging her to bring us closer together before initiating an outing with her but I just cant seem to think of what to message her without it being awkward and weird. Would appreciate any kind advice especially since she is going to fly overseas for studies in 3-4 months time! P.S we have exchanged facebook and numbers after the field trip ended already.
Vado Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Just invite her for a drink, it's always better to see each other a.s.a.p, don't wait to long. You show confidence that way.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Just invite her for a drink, it's always better to see each other a.s.a.p, don't wait to long. You show confidence that way. haha both of us dont drink though! Yup i know its not good to wait too long too, thats y im thinking of at least messaging her frequently but dk what to start with.
Emilia Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Could you invite her to some kind of event that's along your shared cultural interests?
Vado Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 haha both of us dont drink though! Yup i know its not good to wait too long too, thats y im thinking of at least messaging her frequently but dk what to start with. You wrote you have common interests, so invite her to join you at one of those. And afterwards you can always drink something without alcohol.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 You wrote you have common interests, so invite her to join you at one of those. And afterwards you can always drink something without alcohol. hmm isnt it abit too fast to ask her out when i only know her for a week or so and when we are not exactly close frens yet? haha
Emilia Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Don't ask her OUT. Just say 'there is this event X, I know this is something you are into, fancy checking it out'? No pressure, just get to know her. Don't get bogged down with back and forth messages.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Don't ask her OUT. Just say 'there is this event X, I know this is something you are into, fancy checking it out'? No pressure, just get to know her. Don't get bogged down with back and forth messages. Oh so its kinda just asking her to check out the event on her own and if she does, we can start a discussion/talk on that? Well if she isnt able to check it out, it will kinda stay stagnant tho and events dont really pop out very frequently. Just to let u know, both of us are kinda interested in Japanese anime and culture haha.
Vado Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Maybe a big event is not the best place for a first date, save it for a 3th. You want to know each other a bit more, so go to a place where you guys can talk. You ask her out without saying the word out. 'There's a great Apple Pie Bar downtown, want to join me for a drink and a pie? (cola or orange juice, cause you both don't drink alcohol)' Sushi is a bit to much for a first date.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Maybe a big event is not the best place for a first date, save it for a 3th. You want to know each other a bit more, so go to a place where you guys can talk. You ask her out without saying the word out. 'There's a great Apple Pie Bar downtown, want to join me for a drink and a pie? (cola or orange juice, cause you both don't drink alcohol)' Sushi is a bit to much for a first date. Oh haha but doesnt it still sound too fast since like after the field trip i have not talked to her yet and doing that seems kinda taking things too fast? Like idk if i were her and the first msg i receive is inviting just me for some food, i will be like woaaahh...and abit awkward and weird? haha
Vado Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Offcourse she knows you don't invite her because she's hungry. Could be nice though, sending a message with the text 'Are you hungry? I'll give you some apple pie!' Seriously, don't wait to long. If you wait to much, she might think your not interested or not confident. It's not always the case, but it might be. Maybe she's waiting for you and thinks: i hope he invites me one of these days. You'll never find out, unless you go for it.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Offcourse she knows you don't invite her because she's hungry. Could be nice though, sending a message with the text 'Are you hungry? I'll give you some apple pie!' Seriously, don't wait to long. If you wait to much, she might think your not interested or not confident. It's not always the case, but it might be. Maybe she's waiting for you and thinks: i hope he invites me one of these days. You'll never find out, unless you go for it. haha yeap i agree but thing is our current level is probably like just normal friends who just got to know each other not at the close fren level yet. I mean if we were at the close fren level already, i definitely would initiate a first date like you suggested haha. Currently now, Im thinking of how to bridge that gap from normal fren to close fren haha.
Vado Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Ever heart about 'friendzoned'? If you first go to the 'close fren zone' it's very difficult to make her interested in a romantic way. Dunno abou your age, but it's a mistake many young guys make.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Ever heart about 'friendzoned'? If you first go to the 'close fren zone' it's very difficult to make her interested in a romantic way. Dunno abou your age, but it's a mistake many young guys make. Hmm, so ur saying i should make my first msg to her for perhaps a simple meetup or sort over some food perhaps jap food and tea or smth since she likes tea and jap culture? 1
Emilia Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Oh so its kinda just asking her to check out the event on her own and if she does, we can start a discussion/talk on that? Well if she isnt able to check it out, it will kinda stay stagnant tho and events dont really pop out very frequently. Just to let u know, both of us are kinda interested in Japanese anime and culture haha. No. 'checking it out' means the two of you GO and take a look together. Don't you have anything else in common? Or isn't there anything else you could invite her to?
Emilia Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Hmm, so ur saying i should make my first msg to her for perhaps a simple meetup or sort over some food perhaps jap food and tea or smth since she likes tea and jap culture? Yes. Otherwise you will lose the momentum.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 No. 'checking it out' means the two of you GO and take a look together. Don't you have anything else in common? Or isn't there anything else you could invite her to? Well our common interests mainly lies in Japanese anime and culture where hers are more strong in japanese food/tea and art and these things only have events once in awhile though. Unless i ask her if she wants to do some recreational activities like cycling or something or visit some places of attractions tho i feel sounds abit weird and sudden. Yes. Otherwise you will lose the momentum. Haha but what im afraid of is because we have a group chat as well created after the field trip and she may feel kinda weird i never invite others to join in or stuff?
Emilia Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Well if she is like that then she isn't interested in you so it saves you a lot of time. No? If she isn't interested in you that way, you have to move on to another girl.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Well if she is like that then she isn't interested in you so it saves you a lot of time. No? If she isn't interested in you that way, you have to move on to another girl. Well guess I have to try to find out then. Though inviting her out kinda seems like an indirect confession which is kinda fast for her when we know each other for 1 week only LOL. Well I need a good activity or basis to invite her out tho since currently thrs no japanese events going on.
deadparrot Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Asking her out isn't committing you to a relationship or anything more than an evening out. A first date isn't anything more than "Hey, I enjoy your company and would like a get a chance to know you better." By going out one-on-one you can learn more about her and see if she's someone you could see yourself having a relationship (and vice-versa). If you both feel the same way, then keep seeing each other and see where it leads. 1
Emilia Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Well guess I have to try to find out then. Though inviting her out kinda seems like an indirect confession which is kinda fast for her when we know each other for 1 week only LOL. Well I need a good activity or basis to invite her out tho since currently thrs no japanese events going on. It's not a confession of anything. It's wanting to get to know her and see if you like her and she likes you back. This is what people do before they start dating. They check each other out. messaging back and forth is not the way to get to know someone. Besides, even if it was a confession of a kind, so what? You want to play a big boy game? Then act like one.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 It's not a confession of anything. It's wanting to get to know her and see if you like her and she likes you back. This is what people do before they start dating. They check each other out. messaging back and forth is not the way to get to know someone. Besides, even if it was a confession of a kind, so what? You want to play a big boy game? Then act like one. Ok so for starters, my very first msg to her could be to ask her if she wanna head out for a simple meal/tea and from there we see how it goes?
Emilia Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Ok so for starters, my very first msg to her could be to ask her if she wanna head out for a simple meal/tea and from there we see how it goes? Your very first message should be a short one asking her how she is. Then see how long it takes her to respond. Speed isn't ALWAYS an indication of interest but very often it is. If she is keen, you can ask her.
Author yooncrusade Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 Your very first message should be a short one asking her how she is. Then see how long it takes her to respond. Speed isn't ALWAYS an indication of interest but very often it is. If she is keen, you can ask her. Haha feels quite weird for her tho like sending:"How have you been doing?" to her alone instead of everyone else from the field trip in the group chat. Then again, think i forgot to mention but in about 3 wks time, the entire group which includes me and her are meeting up for 3 days for a indoor academic seminar programme tho. That is the last time we'll see each other if only meetups by our academic organizations are taken into account tho haha.
Vado Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Just invite her. And no, it's not strange your more interested in her than the others, unless you want to date the entire group. 1
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