Sora Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) I dated this girl for 3 years and she was my first love. She decided to break it off 7 or so months ago, the first month of the break up I was messaging her telling her how sorry I am, how much I want to reconcile, how I wanted to make things work, she was always on my mind and I was very vulnerable. If you're wondering what I did wrong that lead her to break up with me is basically about one thing and that was trust. Yes, I had to learn this **** the hard way, I never cheated or anything I was loyal to her, I loved her with everything that I am, I gave her everything, my world revolved around her, I told her everyday that I love her. I love her so much I was trying my best to be the best boyfriend she ever had, whenever it's her time of the month I would buy her chocolates, I would always buy her food when she's hungry, I was trying to fill up our photo album with memories of us together, I made sure that she is cherished, for her birthday last year October, I worked so hard doing overtime and stuff just to buy her tablet and made her this as well only with our pictures and everything [redacted jpg] I was making so much effort to show her how much she means to me. I bought her a jar and I would fill it with origami stars and within those stars I write how much I love her. I was really making an effort... I really was, but I ****ed up on one thing and that was I couldn't give her enough trust. Yes, I was a jealous guy whenever she's with some other dude I would get jealous and ask her if she's cheating on me. This has happened way too many times I'll admit, but believe me when I say that the only reason why I was insecure/jealous was because of fear... fear of losing her, I love her so much that I was really just that afraid to lose her. I never wanted to lose her. It was my insecurity that became the cause of most of our arguments. People I'm not a bad person please believe me I just really loved this girl with all of my heart. I meant every I love yous that I told her. I knew the risks but I loved the girl so I gave her everything there was none left for myself but her happiness... as long as she's happy I was happy and I was content with that. Despite everything I have done she decided to shatter me because she's had enough of my insecurities. She said each time I get jealous and each time I ask her if she's cheating on me she got hurt, she said she gave me way too many chances and that everything was too late. I was devastated and I hated myself for ****ing up that one thing that could've saved our relationship, goddamn it she was so much a part of me that when she left I didn't know what to do, my world came crashing down, my college grades were affected, I was in such distress. How I understood that I'm just human and I make mistakes, but making the same mistake over and over is different and that made me self hate even more. Now it's been 7 months and it's been forever since the last time I talked to her (I went dark in communication since the 4th month of the break up until now) last week she messaged me that she found someone she likes. What was I suppose to do? Yes, I still love her and I was still hoping she'd give me another chance, but I told myself what's the point? The reason why I was still holding on to something/why I haven't given up on her was because we both made a promise to each other before that no matter how hopeless the situation was we wouldn't give up. She has given up on me, but I tried my very best to hold on and keep that promise to her. When she messaged me last week she told me to give up on her and it was out of the blue... that made me think that she must've found someone else and knowing her she must've had a lingering guilt and couldn't be with him because she knows that I was still hoping. So what I did was steel myself up and told her the hardest thing I could've mustered myself to tell her with a still broken heart (I was still trying to pick up the pieces). I told her that I was letting her go. That I was cutting the last thread, that I wish her all the happiness in the world. I was thanking her for being a big part of my life, for being my first love, for loving me and that she shouldn't feel any guilt anymore because I was letting her go. It was the hardest thing I've done. I still love her so much but what's the point if she wants to be happy with someone else? I had no other choice but to let her go. I wanted her to be happy. I told her my last "I love you" followed by goodbye. I still feel shattered. People I really loved this girl. She's currently 19 and I'm 21 we were together for 3 years and I have loved her with all my heart in those 3 years. She thinks I didn't, she said maybe the first year but the 2 years it was all just doubts and insecurities but that's not true and I know that it's really hard to prove when I was always jealous and insecure but believe me I loved her with all my heart. Today when I saw her picture after what seemed like eternity, it still ****ing hurts. It really hurts... Edited June 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
MIK3 WB Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 What kind of situations would you get jealous about?
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