JuneJulySeptember Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) I bolded what I saw was the theme of this. Being "average" is kind of the kiss of death for men who use OLD. Women don't get excited about "average." Imagine women describing you to her friends: "Yeah, he's great. He's just so standard issue, run of the mill, middling, commonplace, and vanilla. He's not good or bad. He's just such a passable guy with nothing of note about him. He's just another dime-a-dozen guy without anything interesting going on. It gets me so hot." You get the point. The catalog nature of it favors the exceptional and discards mostly everyone else. Everyone wants the best for themselves, they aren't going to settle for less unless they're thoroughly humbled or smart enough to realize what they can realistically get for a partner with the complex context of the marketplace. If you have to message women, you're probably doing it wrong. The fix isn't an easy one to implement, but it's at least simple to understand: don't be average. Focus ways to differentiate yourself and your profile. Highlight your defining characteristics and hang your hat on the things that make you different from everyone else and all the hundred other profiles she's seen that day. Highlight the things a woman wants to see in a partner, not more the stuff she's read in everyone else's profile. If you can't figure out a way to do this, maybe OLD isn't the best avenue for you. If your great attributes don't translate well to paper, you'll probably find better success in person than online. Best of luck. Meh. You get what you put out. If he had the personality of Mr. Cool/Confident/Witty/Nerdy yet Hip, trying to impress the pants off women/people, then he'd have posted something that showed that's the kind of guy he is. Something like this... Top 10 Online Dating Profile Examples & Why They?re Successful To be honest, those profiles make me wanna They're trying soooo hard to impress and stand out. If you put out something that is not you, then you will get something that does not match you. And that is bad for the long run. Even if you get more dates in the short run. As a general rule of thumb, the more you try and impress people and climb the social ladder, the less down to Earth you are. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but some people are looking for just a down to Earth person. I think OP actually mentioned that in his profile. Then again, I can't speak for him. Edited June 22, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember
normal person Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Meh. You get what you put out. If he had the personality of Mr. Cool/Confident/Witty/Nerdy yet Hip, trying to impress the pants off women/people, then he'd have posted something that showed that's the kind of guy he is. Yeah, that's fine except what he's doing instead isn't working and dating is very much a meritocracy that favors the exceptional at the expense of the average. I think it's kind of odd how you see profiles that are unique as pretentious and "trying to impress the pants off people," when that's pretty much the point of writing a profile and the whole objective of online dating -- to win over and impress. This is like you're playing in a football game and you're complaining that the other team was trying to win. They want to win. That's the point. You're saying "I want the trophy so I put the pads on and stepped out on the field, but I don't want to actually have to run or get tackled or anything." Something like this... Top 10 Online Dating Profile Examples & Why They?re Successful To be honest, those profiles make me wanna They're trying soooo hard to impress and stand out. I agree that some lay it on pretty thick and it has the opposite desired affect, to me at least. But at the end of the day, people are reading the, forming strong opinions and thoughts about them, and having feelings about them, and that's what you need to do to engage a person. It's near impossible to do that with "I work as an accountant. I like fishing and I'm adventurous. My friends say I'm nice and cool." If you put out something that is not you, then you will get something that does not match you. And that is bad for the long run. Even if you get more dates in the short run. I don't think anyone's suggesting "put out something that isn't an accurate description of yourself," merely suggesting people refine their descriptions adequately or, if that's not possible, accept the fact that a mediocre life/profile is much less likely to yield any desirable result. If who you are is inherently uninteresting and/or poorly represented via a profile, then OLD probably isn't for you. The mistake so many guys make is thinking that just because they make a profile -- regardless of what's in it -- that women should be receptive to it. That's just silly. It's like saying "I made this crayon sketch of my cat. Please hang it up in the Louvre." Extreme example, but you get the point. As a general rule of thumb, the more you try and impress people and climb the social ladder, the less down to Earth you are. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but some people are looking for just a down to Earth person. I think OP actually mentioned that in his profile. Then again, I can't speak for him. You're conflating "unique" and "interesting to read" and "not like all the other mindless garbage" with "not down to Earth." The people who realize that the best way to get results is to be different and have great, attractive qualities, get the best results. I don't see what being down to Earth or not has anything to do with this. Some people are just inherently impressive, and a lot just aren't. Would you call a doctor a social climber? Should he not mention that he's a doctor for fear of women thinking he's not "down to Earth?" This is ludicrous. People want the best, most interesting, well established, attractive, successful person they can get. Not the most average. The prize is given to the winner; the one who had the acuity to figure it all out and the ability to execute, not the most average who figured out the easiest way to phone it in.
five2nine Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I never liked match. Eharmony had better communication in my experience but i'm female. I can say the fact that you have a child will lessen the number of girls interested. I wouldn't date someone with a child just because I feel they wouldn't have time for me and it is more drama than I want to deal with. Plus I don't particularly want children. But that is just me. What age range are you looking for? Girls in their twenties are much more choosey and less serious about finding someone to settle down with. Pictures are everything.
SwordofFlame Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I'm really not a big believer in the content of your profile making a big difference in whether you have success in OLD or not. Let's be honest, the pictures determine whether you'll have success or not. You can be as average as an average guy can be, but hire a professional to write your profile. Will it make a significant difference? I really don't think so.
Dark Horse Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) Hate to say this, but I would say about over 90% of women's profiles have descriptors and cliche's and yet, men still email themm lol A hot girl on Tinder could write on her bio, I like eating bagels! And still get messages... After message... After message... Edited June 22, 2016 by Dark Horse
normal person Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 A hot girl on Tinder could write on her bio, I like eating bagels! And still get messages... After message... After message... That's because a women's sexual currency is usually tied to her looks, not necessarily her personality. Men are very easy to please. Women, not as much. The market determines your value, be it via beauty, success, intrigue, etc.
Toodaloo Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 It does go hot and cold. Its the bus analogy in practice... Don't worry about it just go and live inbetween
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Out of curiosity: do guys care at all if a woman has a good job and career and makes decent money? For me that's a huge plus in a guy but I know that guys see things differently. Is it even a plus to you?
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 You're conflating "unique" and "interesting to read" and "not like all the other mindless garbage" with "not down to Earth." The people who realize that the best way to get results is to be different and have great, attractive qualities, get the best results. I don't see what being down to Earth or not has anything to do with this. Some people are just inherently impressive, and a lot just aren't. Would you call a doctor a social climber? Should he not mention that he's a doctor for fear of women thinking he's not "down to Earth?" This is ludicrous. People want the best, most interesting, well established, attractive, successful person they can get. Not the most average. The prize is given to the winner; the one who had the acuity to figure it all out and the ability to execute, not the most average who figured out the easiest way to phone it in. If you became a doctor to get the salary and status, then yes, you probably are, not necessarily so ... a social climber. If you became a doctor to help people, you probably are not. And I know a doctor who did exactly that, who married a man who doesn't even have a college degree and makes no money.
SwordofFlame Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Out of curiosity: do guys care at all if a woman has a good job and career and makes decent money? For me that's a huge plus in a guy but I know that guys see things differently. Is it even a plus to you? It's nice to have, but absolutely not necessary. There are other more obvious things that are more important that men look for.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Out of curiosity: do guys care at all if a woman has a good job and career and makes decent money? For me that's a huge plus in a guy but I know that guys see things differently. Is it even a plus to you? It's actually generally a minus, but not necessarily so. I have heard people say that money does not change you, but ... oh it does. Believe me, I'm in my 40s now and some of my friends have become wealthy and it does change you. I would prefer a woman who loves/believes in what she does. If she loves taking photos and make 30K a year, I would prefer that to a woman who is an optometrist, can't wait to leave work, and makes 110K a year.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 Out of curiosity: do guys care at all if a woman has a good job and career and makes decent money? For me that's a huge plus in a guy but I know that guys see things differently. Is it even a plus to you? For me, it is a nice to have...definitely not a necesity. I wouldnt want to date someone that was looking for a sugar daddy, or who was lazy...but if you are working your tail off, but only making 30K a year...I am perfectly OK with that. Hard workers are going to end up well, regardless of where they are now.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) I never liked match. Eharmony had better communication in my experience but i'm female. I can say the fact that you have a child will lessen the number of girls interested. I wouldn't date someone with a child just because I feel they wouldn't have time for me and it is more drama than I want to deal with. Plus I don't particularly want children. But that is just me. What age range are you looking for? Girls in their twenties are much more choosey and less serious about finding someone to settle down with. Pictures are everything. My search range is 28 - 40. I typically get responses from girls in their early to mid 30s. Just for clarity, i am a 38 year old male. Edited June 22, 2016 by WhirlwindGuy
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 Would you think having some professional photos would be beneficial? I work with photographers every day, i just really have next to no "non cell phone" pictures of myself. I feel kind of awkard going out and asking, "hey here is my phone, take a cool picture of me for my dating profile!" lol...feels cheeky... Maybe i should.
normal person Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 If you became a doctor to get the salary and status, then yes, you probably are, not necessarily so ... a social climber. If you became a doctor to help people, you probably are not. And I know a doctor who did exactly that, who married a man who doesn't even have a college degree and makes no money. And what about a doctor who legitimately got into medicine to help people, but is also very aware that his status as a doctor can be leveraged to quite well to make himself stand out? There is no strict dichotomy of totally altruistic, well meaning servants of humanity and cash grabbing social climbers. The point being, you can be a helpful, great, person who is successful, and using success or talents as a platform to get other things doesn't necessarily tarnish the good that you do.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) And what about a doctor who legitimately got into medicine to help people, but is also very aware that his status as a doctor can be leveraged to quite well to make himself stand out? There is no strict dichotomy of totally altruistic, well meaning servants of humanity and cash grabbing social climbers. The point being, you can be a helpful, great, person who is successful, and using success or talents as a platform to get other things doesn't necessarily tarnish the good that you do. It's hard for me to explain it to you, because you have a completely different perspective on life, but sufficient to say if a woman called herself 'average' I would think it was quite attractive. More attractive than a woman who had a profile saying and showing how much she stands out. Edited June 22, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Would you think having some professional photos would be beneficial? I work with photographers every day, i just really have next to no "non cell phone" pictures of myself. I feel kind of awkard going out and asking, "hey here is my phone, take a cool picture of me for my dating profile!" lol...feels cheeky... Maybe i should. I thought of doing that as well, and ultimately decided against it, because a woman might see your photo, think you look great and decide you look much worse in real life. 1
BikerAccnt Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Out of curiosity: do guys care at all if a woman has a good job and career and makes decent money? For me that's a huge plus in a guy but I know that guys see things differently. Is it even a plus to you? It's actually a must for me. At this stage in life, I not only want someone who's attractive and takes care of themselves, but also has a decent job and can contribute to a possible future. It doesn't have to be a high-powered career type of job, but, it needs to be a step above retail clerk. I enjoy a woman as much for her conversation and intellect as for her physical presence, and the ability to have and hold a good job, is a fair indicator of that. In most cases.
normal person Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 It's hard for me to explain it to you, because you have a completely different perspective on life, but sufficient to say if a woman called herself 'average' I would think it was quite attractive. More attractive than a woman who had a profile saying and showing how much she stands out. There are ways to stand out without it being so heavy handed, but to each their own. Most people are average by definition. If those are your tastes, great. Your cup runneth over. But you've got to realize that most people (including, it would seem, the women in OP is describing) don't have the same affinity for it, and that's the problem OP appears to be having. Most people strive for the "best" for themselves, not settle. And I don't mean "best" in relation to a person's personal taste, I mean "best" in regards to what's conventionally seen as desirable.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 It's actually generally a minus, but not necessarily so. I have heard people say that money does not change you, but ... oh it does. Believe me, I'm in my 40s now and some of my friends have become wealthy and it does change you. I would prefer a woman who loves/believes in what she does. If she loves taking photos and make 30K a year, I would prefer that to a woman who is an optometrist, can't wait to leave work, and makes 110K a year. Making enough to get by is enough for me. 1
scorpiogirl Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Making enough to get by is enough for me. That sounds like laziness to me. What a miserable existence. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 It's actually a must for me. At this stage in life, I not only want someone who's attractive and takes care of themselves, but also has a decent job and can contribute to a possible future. It doesn't have to be a high-powered career type of job, but, it needs to be a step above retail clerk. I enjoy a woman as much for her conversation and intellect as for her physical presence, and the ability to have and hold a good job, is a fair indicator of that. In most cases. I think we would need to define decent job and pay, because when ES mentioned it, I was thinking white collar, Masters degree, six figures. Obviously, I'll take a lot less than that. There are ways to stand out without it being so heavy handed, but to each their own. Most people are average by definition. If those are your tastes, great. Your cup runneth over. But you've got to realize that most people (including, it would seem, the women in OP is describing) don't have the same affinity for it, and that's the problem OP appears to be having. Most people strive for the "best" for themselves, not settle. And I don't mean "best" in relation to a person's personal taste, I mean "best" in regards to what's conventionally seen as desirable. I was really only trying to say I like his profile. So, at least one person does. As far as 'settling', you or I should not care about what other people do. If I marry a high school dropout who makes $10/hr and is cross-eyed and overweight, that's my bees-wax. Saying another person 'settled' and I didn't is just a way of saying "I won at life and you lost." If you're happy, you're happy, if you're not, then break up and find somebody else. 2
MGX Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Out of curiosity: do guys care at all if a woman has a good job and career and makes decent money? For me that's a huge plus in a guy but I know that guys see things differently. Is it even a plus to you? I didn't care. The wealth of my ex-GF really wasn't a concern for me.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) That sounds like laziness to me. What a miserable existence. You're entitled to your opinion. I'm happy with what I got going on career-wise. Edited June 23, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 As far as 'settling', you or I should not care about what other people do. If I marry a high school dropout who makes $10/hr and is cross-eyed and overweight, that's my bees-wax. Saying another person 'settled' and I didn't is just a way of saying "I won at life and you lost." Right, where I live I know of some married couples that are BOTH in non-lucrative, but with moderate pay. One an accountant and anther a school teacher. Nothing extravagant, their combined income does them well. I am starting to think the word "settle" is a bit overused these days. It's as if people are starting to think of each other as commodities than a loving partner. On some dates, I felt like I was being sized-up as opposed to the person actually LIKING me. It's like she was willing to marry me if I met certain material criteria like if I "rented" or "owned" and other such situations. She mentioned her home was getting to much for her work-wise and was looking for someone that could help her around the house. I was thinking? "What do you want free labor and exchange for that, sex and companionship for me as a married couple?" I've known people who demanded to date blondes for example, but wound up with a handsome bald guy. Some threw out their laundry lists and went with the flow and found happiness.
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